Pochatok

I recommend reading more about this! For me, understanding how my introvertedness works (by reading "quiet the power of introverts") helped me a lot in figuring out what kind of social interactions feel fullfulling and purposeful. Also yes, the need for entertainment is certainly something to work with during the 1st few days/weeks of detox. Nothing really brings the same levels/types of excitement simply because the brain is so addicted. It will get better! After I went through a full 90-day detox, reading became more fun than video games 🙂

Is there a need that's not being met at the moment that is increasing the cravings? Sometimes I struggle to identify it, but every time I have had increased cravings, it would be coming from an area of my life not getting enough time and attention...

Are you able to adjust your environment at all? Even something like moving around furniture/lights/decorations can trick your brain to treating as a "new" environment, and in that window it's possible to create new associations and habits with the place. Good luck! I agree, social activity is amazing- every time I come here, I pick 1-2 random journals to comment on, it feels wonderful!

Have you read "Atomic Habits"? It helps solving this issue of not having motivation at certain times through creation of "habit chains"... For me, the morning starts with watering all of my plants, then immediately going for a 5-min walk, then journaling while the water for my tea is boiling. Afterwards, I allow myself to be grumpy/tired/frustrated at the morning, but the first 20 minutes of my day are "automated".

Arrived to this point recently too, it's so helpful! I think I read it in the "The Obstacle Is the Way" book... Do you think of it as, I'm not doing/being my best just for myself, but for all the people and communities around me? For me, reminding that me living my best life (which means me doing a lot of great but hard things and being happy) is as much an act of service to myself as it is to others helps so much with drive 🙂

What does it mean that you've "lost yourself"- is that you were not yourself for some time, or..? I adopted the radical acceptance mindset (to some things, not all), and it helps me make it through the day without negative self-talk and shame/guilt overpowering my ability to function. Even when I am at my worst, I believe, I am still attempting to do my best under the circumstances. I'm never lazy or wasteful; doesn't mean I don't feel regret, but does mean that I approach all decisions I make (and their consequences) with more empathy and compassion. I'm very glad to see you be back on this journey! It is a difficult one, and I hope you will get as much support and resources as needed. Not sure if you're looking for books, but something that has been helping me with motivation greatly is "The Obstacle Is the Way". Not a great book, but certainly gets me excited.

Thank you for reading my journal entry, I appreciate you being here so much! --- Gaming Nothing different! Haven't played at all this week due to how busy I've been, but hope to get play games with my favourite soundtracks a bit in the coming days. Recap of the week Hehe, had 4 hangouts this week and am feeling much better. There is so much I'm learning about being close friends with others, and while I have to work against some self-shaming whenever I make mistakes, it feels quite rewarding. Effectiveness/Efficiency Still haven't worked as much as I'd like, though I've made a lot, a lot of progress horizontally. I will set this down as my goal for next week. Other than that, I've managed to mess up my sleep schedule the last two days, and it has such a tremendous effect. Simply going to bed 1hr later and/or sleeping for <1hr makes me so exhausted. Feeling sore, out of focus, sluggish. I'm not upset at myself as I both times I stayed up for reasons that felt valid in the moment, but I will keep a "sleep streak" from now on to encourage myself to stick to the schedule. Another area is lacking goals for some of my creative work. At times I can just jump into the midst of it and do great, but often that gets me into very frustrating situations. I will make it a goal to create detailed plans for every worksession. Did not happen due to sleep issues. I will make a goal of reading for 1hr before bedtime. This will be a tough one... Relationships Beginning to feel this, not just believe. My partner does care a lot, even if it doesn't seem so at times. I very much appreciate their efforts, and it brings me hope. Slowed down a bit. I will make this a daily activity (at 9:30PM) from now on. Other than that, I'm so happy to be a bit more social again. Hanging out with people, for some reason, decreases my drive for productivity; not sure how to deal with that, and whether it really bothers me. Next term, I want to try to have a more consistent social life w/out losing my workaholic-ness. Moving Forward ✅ Next week, I want to go beyond the everyday routines, and work on those big, ambitious dreams. I'm doing great work, but if I want to be recognized for it, I need to get louder.

Thank you! I'm glad you've found something helpful in my journal ❤️

Yes! Took me so long to realize this simple concept. So helpful. I like that! When I think of moving to another country, I usually only have the reasons to leave, not to pursue. Thank you for sharing this 🙂

Kind of! Most projects I get to work on end up being outstanding, but I tend to be working on too many projects at the same time, and struggle to have just one main priority in life. Lately though, I've been embracing that more. I am an artist, and if all of my passions improve my craft in direct ways, then it's a win. I've started to look at my passions as enchancing one another, with one being the core, and others at its periphery. Career wise, I plan to shift between passions as well: as soon as I can sustain myself financially with one thing, I will start shifting to another passion until it becomes sustainable too. For example, I've used my research and academic projects to create narratives in my visual arts, and then enchance the visuals with sound design and/or music (which is my core passion). I think that it is okay to have a lot of goals, it's more about laying them in a sequence and letting some catch dust while polishing others. I do need to work on that, stilll. What do you think?

My deepest gratitude to all who take the time to read my journal entries, your presence makes me smile 🙂 -- Gaming Shifted the mindset, yay! Either play games as a way to challenge myself cognitively, or to examine what emotional impact sound can have in a game. It is very inspiring to feel intense emotions from music while playing. I've come to accept that having fun is inherent to most video games, but that does not mean I cannot approach them critically. Recap of the week Both grew over the week. My social anxieties got worse (so I've scheduled hangouts with people, yay), but I'm also very solid on my routines. Had an awesome performance yesterday, a few things "could have gone better" but I am very proud of how much leadership and passion I was able to project. Besides that, this week has been very demanding in a variety of ways, underwhelming and stressful for more prolonged periods of time, but also stabilizing. I feel more in control of my life and future. Effectiveness/Efficiency Need to work more on this! I am starting to branch out, but so far much more horizontally. Look up, look up! Improving slowly. The best way to improve is to learn and then practice. So far, there is not much learning, and so little to practice. I will try to read for longer at the end and beginning of each day! Relationships Nope, they help me visualize problems and paths to solutions, but doing the work is up to me and my partner. So far, they've been hesitant to work on some of the issues, but they're acknowledging that and I am continuing to be hopeful, kind, and encouraging. This has been extremely stressful for me, but I am patient and trust my partner to move forward with me. Things can work out long-term, and I really, really want them to. Haven't done this, but have been texting people more regularly with "gratitute messages". I simply thank them for commiting time to build a relationship with me, and that feels great. I hope to get into habit of acting, not just being more kind in the coming months. Moving Forward Solving that by stretching every time I catch myself having an urge to itch or itching my face. Quite rewarding. I hope to feel more secure about my romantic relationship in the coming way, have my other social needs met, and start moving upwards career-wise. -- Thank you so much for reading my journal! Have a great rest of your day, fellow quitter ❤️ Po

Thank you! I've passed those 90 days nearly a year ago and since have decided to work in video game composition, so playing video games is a part of my career. I don't view it as a relapse anymore, though, since I am no longer experiencing addictive patterns. I have a (what I consider to be) healthy relationship with gaming and am fully in control of how much time and when I allocate to video games. Hope that you'll stay strong on your own path, and thank you for checking out my journal, I appreciate your time and opinion so much ❤️

Second this so much! Completing a full detox once, or even a considerable part of it, helps so much. Pat yourself on the back for every day you pass through 🙂 Happy you're already 28 days in, and acclimating to being in a new country so well @Niko_Buccellati.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with so much pain right now, I cannot imagine how it feels but I understand how it makes your life much more difficult. I hope that surgery will bring desired results quickly. Thinking of you! Po

Hey! Have you tried doing dreaming (as in, imagining a future you really want) and goal setting on a daily basis? Helped me tremendously with figuring out what I want that "something" to be, and how to desire it more than playing video games.

Thank to all who read my writing, I hope you have a brighter day 🙂 -- Gaming Still treat games as a "rest" activity, though at this point they are pretty draining. It's still a fun and exciting activity, but more similar to music or sports rather than watching a movie. Having a truly good time requires some effort, and sometimes that causes frustration. I'm very happy with how I'm feeling about games overall now though- they're not any more rewarding than reading or simply laying down. Something I've been aspiring to for a long time. Recap of the week Getting there! It's all about doing things first, and then having the drive arrive. So, I've been doing a lot! Daily workouts, daily walks outside, daily podcasts, and so much more. But at the same time, laying out my future has been just as important and valuable- it's much easier to wake up feeling excited when I have things to look forward to. Otherwise, it's been a pretty tiring week. I am noticing more how I am academically and motivationally different from nearly all students. Some are chasing "A"s, others have strong passions, but few are pursuing things as vigorously as I am. This weekend hosted a record amount of parties, and I did not attend any. Just felt like doing work in my room instead, not watching a movie or relaxing in other way. I am a bit worried that this will bring social anxiety, but I am happy to be aligning my everyday routines with the people whose passion and efforts I admire. Ye. I'm too obsessed with preventing every little error, and doing everything in the best way possible. But future doesn't work like that. So, I've been focusing more on being in the present, taking time for myself now, rather than planning out things too far out. I want consistency, and so far this has been working better for me. Effectiveness/Efficiency The more I am doing what I love, the more ambitious I get. It's a simple progression, it seems- improve my craft, share it, and get more and more opportunities. Ambition comes from opportunities that are brought to me, then... Though, I do want to make opportunities for myself, too. If I'm building a pyramid, the quality of the stone won't matter (i.e. my obsession with doing everything the best I can) if I am not stacking them properly. Still a problem. I am literally late to something as I am writing this lol. *goes away for an hour* But, I am definitely more self-conscious of the fact that this is an issue, and that already has made it a bit better. Outside of that, I am attempting to get back to being much more focused in the present, but with a fresh new mindset. Before, I would try to achieve that through fairly restless work schedules, but now I simply want to be in the moment and have the ability to deal with things as they come and go. Relationships Couple counselling session do wonders! The issue is still looming, but now both me and my partner acknowledge its importance and will be working towards addressing it. I am contuinuing to be getting more and more excited for this relationship's future as we go on. I have no idea if things will actually work out, but now I actually believe that we're doing something to up those odds. Nah, my family is doing pretty well! They are working a lot, but there is a lot of breaks and downtime that I wasn't seeing before. I am definitely anxious about my family more than optimistic, and tend to look at the difficulties, not the joys they are experiencing. I am not seeing as many friends as I'd like, and that's been bugging me a bit. I think that for now, I'll take out video games of my daily activities, reserve them to 20 minutes over the weekend again. If I need to study from them, I'll do that via Youtube. Every time I'll have an urge to play, I'll text someone I appreciate instead 🙂 Moving Forward It made a difference! I feel much more confident in my choice to pursue composition. In the long run, I still want to explore other mediums, but for starting a career, this is the point I will journey onwards from. I hope to be able to resist my urges and bad habits better in the coming week- my tendency to scatch acne and face in general has been resurfacing, and I've been not following some of my routines due to impulsive behaviours. -- Thank you so much for reading, and have a great rest of your day 🙂 I appreciate you so much, Po

Haha yes, that is valid. Still a win though, I'm glad you'r able to have the desired outcome even if the process went not as expected.

I really love how you're describing being exhausted/tired- without any stigma or negativity, just as a matter of a fact. I tend to self-shame for resting too much, so reading this helps a lot! Thank you 🙂

Time for another recap! Today has been one of the slowest Saturdays in a long time, I think the colder weather and lack of sunlight are starting to take their toll... -- Gaming Haven't been playing since. I think that will change now that I'm oficially committed to becoming a video game composer (hehe), but I still will cap this, along with any other entertainment. I still don't plan on ever playing online multiplayer, ever. It's designed to be addictive, and often toxic + stressful. I like to see games as an art form, and MMOs ain't it. Recap of the week Dropped animation. It is something I will most certainly come back to, but I do need a more secure and reliable way to make a living first. By the time I am 30, I hope to be doing animation, but until then, I will shift my energy elsewhere. Still here; overall, I am not wasting time per se, but I wish I had more drive. Yes, motivation comes from doing things, not vice versa, but I wish that I would have more desire to do things than to rest. Hmmm, this thought illuminates a harmful mindset. I am assuming that I am not doing my best, which is true, but I still believe to be my best self. The circumstances have changed (the weather is really tiring, and I have not gotten good sleep in last two days), but I am still putting in a lot of effort and passion. Some of it comes down to not following routines, which I can do better on by creating a better environment... Overall, I think it has been a very good week, though a tiring one. I'm doing great in classes, and am restarting once again on my career journey. It seems that my desire for a future where I am perfectly happy with what I am doing is causing me to be inconsistent; I'll expand on this thought next week. Effectiveness/Efficiency This is still a mystery to me- I have figured out how to make motivation work in my favour, but ambition is difficult to conceptualize. I want to pin it down, as it does impact motivation. Other than that, I've been more acutely aware of my tendency to be late due to drowning in the process of whatever the task is. Not happy with this, and will work toward kicking this habit out of my life. Relationships This was great, yes ❤️ But, now we're stubmling onto a core difference that has been looming for a very long time, and it's not something that can be resolved with a few good conversations. I'm certainly overthinking the impact it has on the relationship (it doesn't, lol), but it might become a dealbreaker in the future, and that's what has been making me nervous. At this point, though, I've come to accept that. I am extremely grateful for everything my partner has brought to my life, and I won't treat this relationship like it's falling apart unless we're truly hitting rock bottom, which is not the case now nor does it have to be in the future. At this point in our lives, we very much get to shape our future, and I wan't to be hopeful, not nihilistic. Family is doing okay. I am grateful for how hardworking and loving they are, though I also think that they're going to crash and burn sometime within the next year, and am nervous that I won't be able to support them through those times. They've been working too hard, too much, and they're also not getting younger lol. But again, I choose to be hopeful. Moving Forward Still so true! Every day, I am doubting whether I am doing the right thing, because 1) I am not great at it yet and 2) the positive impact on others is literally not there, and I can never truly measure it the same way. But, I persist to work on my passions every day; my work will be purposeful and valuable, and I know that it has the capacity to change the world. And I will get there, step by step, day by day. I also hope to not let my anxieties wallow me over as much- social anxieties have been kicking up, and it takes a lot of effort to put that fire out -_- -- Hope you've found something insightful, helpful, or smile-worthy in this journal entry ❤️ Have a great day! Po

Ehhh, it's far more complicated than that! I think that willpower in general is very, very hard to acquire. Atomic Habits makes a good point in that people who appear to be very strong willed have simply worked towards making difficult things easier through a variety of methods. I have given up on yearning for "willpower" to do difficult things, and instead prioritize breaking everything down to the smallest bits. I was able to quit gaming by months and months of very tiny, incremental mindset alterations. Tbh, I have simply replaced gaming with other hobbies like reading or building legos. Working towards making them feel as rewarding and exciting took me a long time (and I still struggle with that), but to me that's the only thing that has been truly helpful. If you are planning on doing a detox, I would recommend trying this approach too? You mention, no other activity feels as good; perhaps, you haven't been doing them for long enough? Po ❤️

Hope you'll find something useful in this journal ❤️ -- Gaming Nah, doesn't feel rewarding as much. I think that I don't mind gaming occasionally, but it has to be well thought-out and purposeful for me to actually want to come back to the experience. The game I play requires caution, patience, and good planning; if any of those are out of focus, I lose immediately. If I approach this correctly, this game would help me learn to prevent and anticipate mistakes better, but today's 25-min session was mostly frustrating. I am capping my "sessions" to 5 min, and only when I am alone in the room, and only past 8pm. Recap of the week Coming back to this again! Trying to do a bit of animation and composition daily, but in order to succeed at either by the end of 2022, I will need to prioritize them unevenly. Sad, but I do want to see results, and soon. Other than that, I've been noticing that I am not as effective as I can be, and it partially has to do with a rather relaxed approach to personal deadlines (and academic work is light too, I have to acknowledge). I hope to join online communities that will help me get more ambitious and passionate. Also, I am greatly enjoying sports and music. Got a performance this weekend! Effectiveness/Efficiency Takes time to rebuild this, but I'm trying to do a bit more every day. Every night and morning starts with reading. I have very solid routines. The core issue right now is my mindset to approaching certain tasks, as the anxiety of getting a job and building a career is getting more immediate day by day... But I will manage! Ambition is slowly coming back, but now I know that inspiration and motivation come from doing, not dreaming. I will keep doing. Relationships Some unexpected but very welcoming conversations took place with my partner yesterday, and I feel more secure, excited, and optimistic about our relationship than I've had in a few months. That feels great. I am struggling to support financially both myself and my family, and that is saddening a bit, but I know that it is a temporary problem that I will be able to resolve. Most important thing is to be there for my family as a person, and I hope to call them tomorrow night 🙂 Moving Forward Continuing to improve, however slowly. I think that at the core, my motivation is still not as high as it could be, but I also am doing very difficult, challenging work. What makes following my passions difficult, I think, is that I am not obliged to work on them, and neither will I create a visible, immediate positive impact, and those are the things that motivate me to outperform myself otherwise. But, the more I will do what I love, the more passion and motivation will come. It takes time, but I've done it in the past, and will do it again. -- Thank you for reading, fellow Quitter! Stay strong, and have a good rest of your day ❤️ Po

Lmao I feel you, I just did a presentation on why Yebenya Aesthetics at my school! It unfortunately is very difficult, especially right now, to dissociate Russia from politics, but it is a beautiful country with rich and fascinating culture. I am still glad to be Russian, and to share my culture and history with people around me, even though I no longer live there. I see! I'm sorry to hear that you're back into binge gaming, but I'm glad that you're safe. My family had to help evacuate a few of my friends because they did get called into the draft (also no military experience...). Also, I'm super happy to hear that you are able to leave the country easily if needed, that's a privilege not many have. I hope you'll be able to use it when needed.

Hope you find something useful in this journal entry. Thank you so much for reading ❤️ -- Gaming Urges are more insiduous at this point... I've played over 45 minutes on both Fri and Sat, but it was certainly a rewarding experience. I will cap it from now on, as while I'm enjoying actually having a good time while gaming (and am learning a lot about myself, practicing my ability to focus and remain calm, etc.), I don't want it to be bigger than any other activities. At the moment, I game more than I do HW/hobbies. That's not something I like to write about myself. Recap of the week Never happened..? This week started out with a lot of passion for animation, but then I had to subsidize that for homework and jobs as I started to drag behind the schedule... I will prioritize time tomorrow morning to work on this! Other than that, the week has been pretty fine. I'm not making time management mistakes pretty much at all- it feels good to not be forgetting about important meetings. I am late to almost everything though... Mobilization in Russia is horrifying still, and the more I hear from my family and the internet about what is actually going on (rather than what the gov/news is saying), the more directly I feel impacted and connected to this catastrophe. Effectiveness/Efficiency A bit better, but this week overall has been dipping low in self esteem and ability to feel good about myself. Have been practicing self-care and self-love more intentionally, aiming to do things that actually are good for me rather than things that make me feel good. Uninstalling games is an act of self care. Going to bed early is an act of self care. Hope to feel more motivated to do exciting and hard things next week. I am tired of doing small work; I want to feel as ambitious and grand as I did during the summer again. Relationships Shifted around my patterns a bit: lunch/dinner is more so my own time, but I'm seeing lots of people throughout the week! Will hang out with 2 friends tomorrow, have texted my best friend, and hang out with two other friends Thursday dinner. It does feel like a lot, but also feels like a very exciting and unique set of experiences to me. Things with my partner are ok, we both schedule things very differently this year and my partner is frustrated that we don't get to spend much time together. We hope to make some changes in the coming week. I miss them. Moving Forward I did a lot of visioning and journaling, and it sort of helped, but also did not. Something very important is missing, and I've been struggling to determine what it is for almost three weeks. I'm just not as motivated, and still am struggling to pick up those loose ends and get my research started. But, I have to acknowledge that this year is, just like any other, completely different from those before, and I'm dealing with new challenges. I hope to be true to myself and not become frustrated with games again. I want to be an animator, composer, good lover, and many other things, and that requires time. -- Thank you so much for reading, I hope that you will get time to take care of yourself today ❤️ Po

Hey Max, how are you? Did you end up leaving the country? Have you been drafted? If you're still in Russia and haven't been drafted, I hope that you'll be able to cross the borders to somewhere elsewhere soon.

Thank you for stopping by ❤️ I hope that you will find something useful for yourself in the entry below 🙂 I try to organize my journals in a way that encourages skimming and reflections on the past. Gaming That feeling continued to linger, even though changing gaming from a leisure activity to an exercise in focus and charisma (lol) helped quite a bit. I've decided to uninstall the game until the weekend. I plan to play for 20 min on Fri and Sat. If urges are too strong to regulate that, I will uninstall the game again, wipe all progress, and block the download site. Overall, it seems that moderation will come much more easily when making games actually will be my job, as then I'll have a completely different mindset about it. It seems that the way I classify the act of playing affects a lot what chemicals get into my brain 🙂 Recap of the week Still am, but classes are eating up a lot of my time even with a minimum amount of effort (which i hope to minimize further lol). Classes are great and I can feel myself be challenged every day in a multitude of ways. Extracurricular and jobs are currently at the periphery, and I only get to them in the evening. I will try to create a different schedule over the weekend so that my most passionate doings get priority. Other than that, the news in Russia are quite saddening, and my siblings have gotten COVID (fortunately, light). My partner and I are having the usual arguments, which is frustrating, but it will get better soon, as it always does. We have another couple counselling session today! Effectiveness/Efficiency Such a tight balance! Practicing music has been more distracted than usual because of how relaxed I am. Perhaps, besides reading more on this, part of the solution is not getting myself too comfortable, and instead creating an environment where I can upkeep focus while limiting stress. Relaxed =/= empty minded. Definitely want to start reading more again. Every time I sit down to read for 20-30 minutes, I get up with so much new knowledge! Another frustration is having entertainment balance out my hobbies. Right now, entertainment > hobbies, so when I have spare 10-20 minutes, I'll default to the former. I keep meaning to start pouring more time into my hobbies, but those 10-15 minutes I could use are usually spent browsing through internet. Was it different before? Hmm, I guess it was simply different! Distractions were more contained, but it all comes down to taking proper breaks when I am stressed out, and doing entertainment when I'm in a more stable, relaxed space. Relationships So much to improve upon here! Both me and my partner tend to put our frustrations and anger in front of kindness and understanding. I think that it's a very long process of unlearning, but hope that we will start seeing concrete progress soon. Hope to call my family tonight and see more friends in the coming weeks. I've been pretty social, seeing people at lunch/dinner every day and hanging out 1-1 a couple times per week, but there are many friends who I still don't see much 😞 Moving Forward Sike. This weekend is less loaded, but at this point I am still learning to balance and plan my academic life. I very much want to get to publishing my research, applying for grants, scholarships, and catch up with some long-forgotten projects. Perhaps, I can try to desire all these things a bit more, and, perhaps, my priorities will change with that. I hope to balance my time between what I think is important and what I am passionate about better in the coming week, and to feel more secure and happy about my romantic relationship. Thank you for reading! Hope that you've found something inspiring or helpful in this entry. Po ❤️