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Do you have some similar idea that could work for you? Or maybe the same one? just go to take a nap or something? Now it is jsut reading scnetific staff or engaging in the project. This helps

@Yan thanks buddy. I spent some time reading about addiction, just to remind myself where I am in the process. Worked a bit on the project, had some time with family. Told my wife how bad I'm feeling and she's supporting me. Small things but they help. Last night I dreamed about playing BF V. Full multiplayer. Vivid as hell. My brain really doesn't want to let this go. But I'm still here.

Ditto! Do it already. If I had not sold that, I would have played for sure :( as I happen to be going through an extinction burst right now. The best you can do for yourself is to sell it@RealityOptimizer !

Hey @Pulse I am ashamed I did not check your jorunal so often, as to see such consistency - it is incredible.

Hey @RealityOptimizer Welcome! I agree this is not end of the world if you relapse, wwhat matters is to take lessons from each when happens.

Week 22 Developing Projects: I set clear ETAs now. I am going to launch on of the product on beggining of August Gym: Trying to get with good regularity again Summary of Week 22 I am not good, cravings are happening on daily basis now :(. I cannot stop thinking about gaming now. I am so sad that it's 22 weeks and I am now having cravings like never before! I am tired really, ofc I am keeping myself out of gaming but it's so tiresome and really I would like to just sit comfortably and played, altho I know how it will end... I am actually thinking how much time it will have left after I figure out I want to play full term soon. This is terrible thoughts I have. I am actually mad at myself that I have this addictive nature and cannot even enjoy my life. sry guys this entry is all with bad vibes... but I can no longer pretend the things are ok, they are not. I am weak and cannot handle this, even if I'm not playing i feel so overwhelmed by this not-gaming venture that I jsut wnat to give up Dumbscrolling free: 23 weeks

Week 21 Developing Projects: I set clear ETAs now. I am going to launch on of the product on beggining of August Gym: Trying to get with good regularity again Summary of Week 21 Less thought about gaming but they are still there! All good now, I'm keeping myself out of stupid ideas like buying new more powerfull laptop that I need for project ( I don't) so it happens to be also architecturally well suited for gaming ;) Still not feeling ok. Gym helped today... I am slowly returning to my normal operation, like working on project( not crazy time consumed like now lol), but not skipping gym at all in my free days! Do some reading in the evenings as well as now I am just reading some bulshit on chat gpt.... Dumbscrolling free: 22 weeks

Week 20 Developing Projects: I set clear ETAs now. I am going to launch on of the product on beggining of August Gym: Totally lost motivation, trying come back this week(actually I'm at gym right now as writing this post from phone ) Summary of Week 20 This week was terrible . Like bomb suddenly gaming craves got me ! I was missing games so much, like never before since I dropped gaming on 11th January . I was so overwhelmed by this thought . I lost total motivation for gym, trying to build the motivation back again ,but it's really hard. I miss dumbscrolling as well. All of it thst gave me injections of dopamine . Maybe bc Iam under stress again, as my marriage is in bad state again. The project doesn't go well as well , I find myself fixing more and more bugs and time is running out for me with set ETA. Also at work we again are getting as there is uncertainty what happens with my team with this all AI taking our jobs topic... But I hold myself out from gaming. It jsut everything in this week came surprising all at once. And my brain wanted I think to return to activities it knows best to get some dopamine, like gaming ... Tbh if I didn't sell the PS5 I would turn it on and played ... @Yan thanks for checking on me Dumbscrolling free: 21 weeks

Week 19 Developing Projects: I set clear ETAs now. I am going to launch on of the product on beggining of August Gym: I am halting this activity for now Summary of Week 19 Second week in a row where I did not have any gaming thoughts! Dumbscrolling free: 20 weeks

Week 18 Developing Projects: I set clear ETAs now. I am going to launch on of the product on beginnign of August Gym: Lost motivation completely this week again. One run with a friend, that's it. Summary of Week 18 No gaming thoughts almost at all! I decided to set clear milestions for one of my project, as I realized I am trying to make it perfect - and when I do - it still not enough. I guess that's normal. I will go live in more than 2 months. So far so good. Dumbscrolling free: 1 9

Week 17 Developing Projects: Still progressing, but I started feeling the fatigue. Trying to find a better balance. Gym: Lost motivation completely this week again. One run with a friend, that's it. Summary of Week 17 Almost no gaming thoughts this week. The struggle is still there in the background, I won't pretend otherwise. But it's quiet. I'm keeping the momentum. What I'm noticing is project fatigue starting to creep in. I've been pushing hard for weeks and I can feel it. Working on finding a rhythm that includes more breathing room, walks, time with my son and wife. We're also planning a trip to Scotland. Flights are a mess right now because of the Iran/Israel situation, prices spiking and routes getting cancelled. Not sure yet how it plays out but we want to go. So far so good. Dumbscrolling free: 18 weeks

@Yan no offence taken, genuinely! And you're right that moderation doesn't work in gaming, for me or probably for most people here. I agree with that fully, that part isn't changing. On the autism thing though, I think there's a small misunderstanding. I'm not looking for medication, there isn't one for autism anyway. I'm not planning to define myself by it or use it as a permanent excuse. I just want to understand how I'm wired so I can make better decisions going forward. Same reason I read books about habits, dopamine, addiction. Knowledge about myself helps me improve. Also I have a son. If there's a chance he has it too, I want to know early enough to actually help him. That's honestly the bigger reason. Still fully committed to being game free. That hasn't moved. This is just a separate thing running in parallel. PS: I really am actually glad that you cared to post here with so many analogies and reflecting on your own journey! That only proves you care to read my posts which is really amazing. I wish I could tell that about myself! As frankly recently I have little time here in this forum to read ppl posts. ( which is maybe just an excuse :( ) Anyway you made me think about autism a lot actually and I am trying to notice if my approach to life and gaming free changed: but not it did not. Which only proves it is just some discovery ( or not) that happened in my life, but my main purpose is still not changed: to be finally game free, happy man :. Have a good one!

@Yan I get the point but I think bladder and olive oil are a bit different category than what I'm dealing with. Gaming addiction, weed, also poker - never moderating anything in my life, copying people's behaviour for 35 years just to seem normal, always feeling something was off but not knowing what. That's not one symptom I can A/B test. That's a pattern across my whole life I am experiencing. Also, none of this changes my commitment to being game free. I'm not using autism as an explanation that lets me off the hook. Gaming was still destructive. I just now understand why moderation was never possible for me. That's actually useful information.

Week 16 Developing Projects: Main focus is on one project now, pushing toward launch. Progressing. Gym: Lost motivation completely this week. One run with a friend, that's it. What's surprising is I don't feel that bad about it. It just stopped mattering as much. Not sure what to make of that yet. Summary of Week 16 Gaming thoughts, almost none. Today an ad for Farming Simulator popped up and I caught myself thinking about the good times with that game. Then I remembered I didn't even know why I was playing it. I remember the emptiness. Finished it, got 100%, felt nothing. The ad passed. So did the thought. Work surprised me this week. Got a raise I didn't expect. Good timing. On the autism front: I know it might sound like I'm making it a big thing. I'm not. I'm not claiming I have it. I just want a proper scientific answer, official tests, full assessment. And it's not only about me. I have a son. If he has it, I want to know how to spot the signs early and give him the right support. That's the whole reason. Dumbscrolling free: 17 weeks

Hey @Yan I get the scepticism, and in general I agree with you as a lot of things get over-medicalised. But autism is a bit different. It's not a symptom from bad routines more it's neurodevelopmental, meaning it's wired in from birth for a person. There's actual brain imaging research behind it, Also I'm not self-diagnosing here. I'm doing a full assessment psychiatric consult, developmental history interview, personality testing, and ADOS-2 ( standard tool run by two clinicians at the same time). Also it's not about medication most autistic adults never get prescribed anything. For me it's simpler than that. I spent my whole life feeling like something was off but not knowing what. If there's a proper explanation for that, I want it. That's all. But thanks again for insights!