Alexanderle

Hey @RB1. Good to see you. Sorry to hear that you feel even worse now. due to gaming and wasting time. I know that the quarantine can be quite annoying. But it is a good thing to say that you say that you are still responsible for your decisions. You are saying that you are low in motivation to do stuff. What are you doing? How is the rest of your life going on right now? So what are you up to?

what makes you think that it is partly sexual?

What about laughter, feeling good and having fun? I think once you also consider those, I thing that you are right. It is ok imo to sometimes watch a fun video on youtube, without being purely objectively useful. The only thing that I think is quite annoying is this stupid youtube algorithm that is presenting me videos, I never had any intention to watch and it basically is trying to force me watch it. seems valid to be. I mean, it depends. sometimes I still learn a new perspective about something. Especially in psychology, there are always different opinions. There is always something to learn. However I agree that it is also important to sometimes act on it. Many people spend to much time watching, how to improve their life without actually doing anything.

What do you mean by useless videos?

FUCK YOU PORN! So lets do a little meditation or whatever. I relapsed on pornography. Which is super annoying. Whatever I tried, did not work out. I absolutely have the negative consequences written down. I also have the reasons written down, how I could benefit from not doing it. I also have things to do in the meantime. This whole concept worked wonders with gaming. Gaming is not part of my identity, it is not who I am. I have bigger goals than games. It made me feel bad and I don't want to deal with it anymore. Same with food and procrastination. So what makes pornography so difficult? Obviously, there are no "replacement" behaviors other than sex. I cannot switch to vegetables, when I what some mouth pleasure. What helped me for quite a while was to focus on university, this kind of "push" at the end of last year, when I made all the drastic changes like morning routines, waking up early and super high workload. I think that I am much more balanced now. The high is gone, much like the feelings one has at the beginnings of a relationship. I kinda really don't know, if the hookup just happened, because I was not watching porn for a while or because it was a little conincidence. But the result is the same: Once it was over I kinda fell back into the old trap of porn. So maybe the solution would be, to create another "push". But I don't really know how. Pretty much everything besides my social and love life is straight on. I hardly think, anyone works harder then I do, eats better and takes care of his health. So I can be happy overall. But I need new strategies to deal with pornography. I know that trying to "resist" cravings and trying to fight something usually does not end very well. At first, there is this little voice reminding you of porn. You might be able to ignore it, but after a while, it returns, now screeming at you. Since we fight the thing, we fixate on it and eventually, it has power. I never really fought against my cravings of eating sweets, procrastination or gaming. They just kinda fell apart by themselves. So maybe I need to do the same thing this time. Not trying to fight it. Just accepting it. So maybe saying fuck you porn as the title for this post here is already the wrong thing to begin with. I know that I will inevitably will not watch porn in the future. I also will have a relationship and all that stuff. But the journey to get there is not yet completely visible.

I get that. Sometimes, it is quite helpful to throw in a generalized statement, because it can deliver a new perspective on issues. Sometimes it doesn't. You are not rude. That is the positive thing of the forum. We don't know each other really. It would be a different thing, if a friend would push me away. So I don't consider it rude. I surely understand that it sucks not to get the appreciation you want. I struggle with this sometimes as well.

I think that this can not be generalized. For instance, if I take the example of my mother: She is a doctor and sometimes, her workdays are quite rough. It is not always easy. But occasionally, she gets some nice compliments or the occasional letter from former patients stating, how much she has helped them. I also heard similar things from my old teachers. But when it comes to the relationship between teachers and students, it is often only until the students are finished with school that they appreciate, what the teacher has done for them. And then they become thankful even for stuff, they absolutely hated, when it in fact happenend. So it definitely can happen that we get praised for what we have done. I don't expect to get praised every single day, once I will be a clinical psychologist. Might actually be quite the opposite sometimes. But of course the occasional thank you here and there can be very nice for our ego. But I also think that we should not count on them regularly. I think it is also very important, that we consider ourselves and the value, the work can provide for us as equally important. Which sounds quite egotistic or whatever at first. Yet it could prove to be useful: If we focus on us, try to improve as people and stay as passionate for the things we love, we are not only serving ourselves, but society and other people as well. For instance, the really successful blogs, which have quite a huge impact in peoples lives are not those, which were praised with the most positive reinforcements at the beginning, but only the bloggers, who constantly worked on it, put effort in it and were even posting articles, when no one was reading them. Eventually, once we build up a reputation, things might change. I mean, when people start to lose weight, there is not a lot of positive reinforcement at first. Only at a later time, when people see the difference and when results show, we get some kind of appreciation or compliments. What I want to say is that we should always look at it from the perspective, where we are not doing things, because we get praised for it, but because we do things very well for quite a while. This than might lead to not only personal success, but also to positive feedback from other people as well.

I have more and more the feeling that there will always be some kind of suffering in the world. Also in our personal lives. But I think that we need some reasons or goals to go towards so that we can justify the suffering. Maybe you should try to focus on these things that also your anger might be justified up to the point, where you might be able to not only accept the anger, but also understand that you can overcome it. I think that we can overcome almost everything, which does not mean that certain stretches can be quite annoying and tough to deal with.

Thats a very good point and a great way of thinking. Try to picture it, how your life and you will be, once you have won the "war".

that one made me burst in laughter. ^^

Just tell us, whatever you feel comfortable to. This is just your personal journey, how changed from person a to person be. You are the writer. You decide, how it is done.

Thats the stuff man. Combine this with the tempting sweet honey that you would get, if you get it right and you are successful. Combine the two things and become a powerhouse. Maybe this process will change you that you fall in love with it and eventually start to enjoy it. Not just because of grades or exams. But because the stuff itself is interesting. Might happen. 🙂 This is so funny. It is the exact opposite for me. Nothing gets me more going than a nice and hot shower, which makes me feel like a baby in the womb again. xD

That is what you are telling yourself. And as long as you think it than it might be true. The question is: What do you have under control? And more importantly: What and who do you want to be in the future? I am asking for this reason: You don't tackle an addiction by trying to just get rid of it. That will create a hole, which needs to be filled again. Instead, you focus on something else. You try to find more meaningful things. New hobbies or passions. I promise you this. Without new passions, which I have developed over time, I would still game and eat crap. This is why I am talking about an island, which is somewhere to find, instead of paying attention to the dark ocean underneath you. This thing just looks scary and seemingly wants to pull you down. So relax and take it easy. This journey does not have to begin with quitting games. My journey kinda started at the end of 2018. My first attempt to quit games was roughly one year later. Don't try to get rid of the games. Start to really think, who you want to be! Not just today and tomorrow, but even in five or 10 years. Who is this person and what are the daily habits of this person? Consider this journal to be your personal story, how you managed to become this person. From start to finish. Tell us your story. And be patient. And there is no reason to start writing the book from the beginning. Last friday was day 1 for you. Today is day four. And guess what: Please make tomorrow day 5. If you have nothing to say tomorrow or to write down here, that is perfectly fine: Then maybe tell us about day six. Last but not least, let me tell you something: My journey to get my eating under control started when I was around 15. I am now 28 years old. I think I got it covered by now. Do you know, how often I have failed in between? Probably more often that I succeeded. Still an interesting journey. I have a lot more stuff to tell about these things. But this is your journal. No need to spam in it too much. I want to read your story.

Welcome back man. I think those are the right conclusions. Keep in mind that the corona situation is fucking with many people. Not just from the perspective of health, but also psychologically. I don't like to think about, how many people might need a therapist, once it is all over. How many people mind have to live with seven people in a small room and what kind of horror some wifes have to deal with, who get regularly beaten by their husbands. The whole situation is deeply unhealthy. Like hell, I am even afraid that suicide rates might go up. But this is just a guess. I have no statistics about that.

@Pandaren sure go and play wow, if you enjoy it. The question is: What are you doing here? ^^ In the meantime I work out, get super ripped, read a ton, become a beast and a smart ass 😛

First of: That sounds like you had a good day, which is nice to hear. Seems about right. At least to the degree that we say that happiness is a constant struggle, when we seek to be constantly happy, which is impossible. There are just those days, where someone is annoying. That is part of life. Can you explain this fear? For me, the perspective of a distant island can be something positive. When I showed first changes of behavior and did things, no one had seen me doing before, my parents and family were shocked. It seemed to them that there is a totally different person. So I think that those are promosing signs that you are already having some ideas in mind, what kind of a new person you want to be.

Awesome dude. Keep going with that. And keep experimenting. You seem to be more relaxed the last days.

First of all: Welcome and good that you started your journal. Can't wait to hear more from you. Now to the topic: I want to talk about the survival aspect. Let's use the analogy of the ocean. If we call it surviving, that means that we need energy and effort to not drown. What does it mean to drown? In this case we might die. Therefore, drowning is the enemy, the thing to avoid at all cost. We can relate this to gaming. This is how addiction is often tackled. If you stay afloat, you are good and you are beating it. But once you sink, you lost power, control and basically the battle. Now you have to fight a long battle to go up again. They have tested lonely starving rats in small cages in the lab and behavioral psychologists managed to get rats addicted to heroine, up to the point, where the rats would overconsume so much that they would die. Why am I tellling you this? Because I would to offer a counterproposal: Maybe, there is no virus after all in your body. Maybe there is nothing, you can detox from. Scientists replicated the rats experiements decades later, but with the difference that those rats were living in paradise: Many other companions to have sex with, very good food and toys to play with. Guess what, those rats ignored the drug and did other more meaningful things. Maybe there is no virus inside you. Maybe there is no gigantic black ocean under you. Well in this analogy, there is the ocean under you, but listen: You are not drowning. In the case of addiction, when you sink a bit under the surface, you are still able to breath. The problems only start, once you have sunk so deep into the ocean that there is no light about you anymore. But you are not so deep in the ocean. You broke through the surface and are now afloat, looking around, what else is there besides water. Maybe you see an island somewhere else. Maybe a ship to enter. It is up to you. Maybe you find that people look at you in a different way. Maybe you find a new hobby. Maybe you identity, what you want to do in this life and that gaming is just not so viable anymore to reach your new goals. No reason to count the number of hours of staying afloat (or the number of days of not gaming). No reason to be afraid to sink here and there. Relapse is normal. It is more important to look at yourself and who you want to become. Who do you want to be? Are you just a survivor or an explorer? One thing requires energy and hard work. The other thing might also require those things, but is mixed with curiosity.

I had a dopamine excurse somewhere here on the forum. I don't want to go through the science again, but I have with the dopamine hypothesis. Sure, it is involved in learning and wants to trigger us to do something "good" again. But once we have learned that thing, dopamine levels decline. Now, the biggest problem with this approach, what I see is that people can blame all their problems on dopamine. But it is never that simple. You can't just say: It is just a transmitter in my brain. I know that neuroscience is trying to accomplish that. But every single time, it turns out to be extremely complicated afterall. The brain is complicated. And it is very easy to fall into the trap of fads: Fashionable ideas and trends, which sound promising but have no substance. At the late 1900s, people believed in phrenology, which basically said that brainbumps and brain areas can tell someting about your personality, your soulmate and your dreamjob. Became a big thing and a gigantic industry. But it ultimately turned out to be a gigantic pseudoscience. I see those tendencies today as well. Nofap is a good example: Most certainly a big pseudoscience with a placebo fallacy. Critical thinking is important. I quit sugar stuff and sweets over a year ago. Never ate ice cream or stuff like that ever since. According to the dopamin idea, this is just the result of me getting away of some dopaminergic activity. But then there is a different approach: I hate sugar, I hate the sugar industry. I feel that it is very bad for me. And more importantly, I think that it has to do with the identity, I discovered for myself. I see myself as a very ripped and muscular person in the future. I have this new life approach, which I am not intended to change. I have no desire to ever eat icecream in my life again. So, I doubt that it is all due to dopamin. What about motivation? Identity? Personal meaning of life? You can detox from "dopamin", which is tough to measure, all day long. If you still think that you are a couch potato, like sweets and binge watch netflix, how likely is it that you get rid of these "dopaminergic" activities and instead go to the gym? And what about a bodybuilder? Did he just changed the level of dopamin for working out? Or did he just develop an increased flow of dopamin towards heavy weights? What about me? I can sit all day long and read psychology articles, work on my thesis and watch lectures. Did I just develop some resistency against dopaminergic activities like gaming or watching movies? I still like them. I would also like to watch them while I work. But I want to become an excellent psychologist. I want to have very good grades. And I work my ass of to accomplish that. So certainly, dopamine is involved and might be a factor. As well as acetylcholine, catecholamines, norepinephrine or my motivations and identity. This is why I am also heavily against the idea of gaming detox. It really is not about getting rid of some bad gaming dopominergic toxins, which computer games put into our brain cells. Instead, I believe that it is important, to observe yourself, see what you want in life, who you want to become and how you see your future. It is not that you quit games by not doing it for 90 days and than you become a new person. You actually become a new person, by discovering a new aspect of yourself on the way.

I think regarding the creativity, it is important to allow yourself to be bad at first, be patient and then later work on something really up to the point, where we are finished. That would be, when there is nothing more to add within our capabilities to improve it. But the titan is pretty good @Erik2.0

thats the stuff David! You have a plan. It might not be the perfect plan, but that is fine. Even my plan is far from perfect. That that is all you need for now. And I agree: The internet is a huge distraction. I think it can also be a valuabe source of knowledge and wisdom. But it really is like a dangerous pet, which is tough to control. I don't know a single person, who is able to control it 24/7. ^^

Guilt is my companion. It is always there in the background, ready to remind me of my mistakes and past. The fact that I wasted half a year in sum the last couple of years just with gaming - that is always there. The fact that I was overweight and not very industrious, this will never vanish. And you are right @Adamski the more you change yourself, the more you have to loose. It is different to relapse, when you are a gamer, then if you turned into a gym rat or high achiever. Therefore, it is highly realistic, what you are saying in my opinion. You can use this regret as an engine, but don't forget to also use the engine of your future goals and wishes and the engine that kicks in on the way. After all, it is a never ending process. There is always something to accomplish. Those three things, regret, fun on the way and desirable, realistic goals are the key in my opinion.

That is amazing. good job man 🙂

yeah that voltorb was pretty lit. xD

@Ikar That is true. Everything somehow already exists. But ultimately, we can all have our own interpretation of it. Trends come and go and sometimes, ideas appear a way, they never did before. The only thing that I don't like about online blogs is that there is a chance that the website could shutdown and all my things might be gone. I blog to invest money would solve that. But that is someting, I am hesitant to do. ^^ I am also a bit intrigued by one of the girls from my current project group. But my first impression today, I kinda fucked up, I feel. And overall it really is only about her looks. I don't know anything about her really.