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BeautyInTheStruggle

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  1. Post 6 Between this post and last post, I have sold my console!! A solid step in the right direction as I was able to eliminate the threat and temptation. Even though out of sight doesn't always mean, out of mind, I am making self-correcting strides toward success. I must fill this empty void with a productive and growth-inducing hobby. A new full-time job has taken up a lot of my time, but I will sometimes aimlessly wander on tbe internet. I have cut out social media as well to foster my owm success. My mental health has progressed and is still trending in the right direction. Depressive episodes still occur, but not as frequently and are shorter in total durstion. Time to take my life back and grab the fucking steering wheel. The chains of gaming are still attached, but I feel the shackles loosening and breaking. It's a day at a time, a decision at a time. Good luck all!!
  2. Reza, Keep pushing, try to find substitute activities to supplement the time, emotion and engagement of gaming. Cam has uploaded a lot of useful content to find hobbies. Keying on things such as what type of objective you enjoyed the most in a game, and amalgamating said objective into a healthy hobby. Know you're not the only one feeling such emotions. Talk to friends, family or a counselor if your despair is quite heavy! Sometimes admitting such feelings to loved ones is tough and embarassing. Counselors are trained, experienced and give a subjective, non-judgemental perspective. Stay strong! Keep your eyes transfixed on personal growth, success and wellness!!
  3. LadyRen, STAY STRONG! This is step 1 in an emaculate and courageous journey to end this vice, this behavioral addiction. For me, helping refram gaming from a toxic hobby to a destructive addiction, gives me extra stregnth to push on. A good, supplmental video I discovered is this: I saw the title and the thumbnail and it hit me, as you said, like a truck. Not just a truck, a semi-truck followed by a wide-load safety vehicle. My thoughts as well as eveyone else's are with you. Again, STAY STRONG!!!
  4. Post 5 Hello All, I have had a long, unfortunate, sebatical from posting. I caved in a few weeks ago and binge gamed for several hours for 4-5 days. This fracture in my will to end gaming caused me to feel a lot of shame I internalized. Shoutout my mental for being so destructive that I failed to post anonymously about my slip-up. Now, about a week and a half has past since my last gaming session. I did limit my amount of gaming during this session, but I still felt deep turmoil due to gaming. I now enjoy a few books I intended to digest, my mental health has marginally rose. I feel better but great or good isn't a correct answer as well. I'm quite happy that I have taken strides; I tend to forget this is a marathon, even though I have said it previously. Apologies for the abscence, I really hope I'm here to stay. Peace, Love and Success, A Troubled "ex"-gamer
  5. Post 4 Game withdrawals are tough. With this society and cutlure depleting pandemic, I desire to game away the boredom. I have made attempts to fufill gaming with similar topics, but in different mediums of consumption. Reading Kobe Bryant's book rather than play 2K. Listen to podcasts and audio books that cater to my interests. I created a delectable sweet and spicy pork roast with a myriad of veggies. Trying to pjece together enough activites to supplmement gaming is quite difficult. I wish I could go to the basketball courts or to a park, an art museum or just a resaurant/brewery. Maybe I can brew my own biers at home and replace gaming with in-home alcoholism! Sarcasm aside brewing my own bier could be a worthwile and fun excursion. Gamers unite, untie the ball and chain of a controller and cord/mouse and keyboard from your life. As the fine ass Vanessa Hudgens said, "we're all in this together."
  6. Thank you! Pointed compliments are much appreciated. It signals to me what I am good at that is not a kill ampunt or card to obtain.
  7. Almost 3 week man, keep it up! 3 weeks will be 3 months and 3 months will be a year in no time.
  8. Day 3... kinda **3rd post, but not on a consistent, daily basis** I have arrived to a stark, discernable realization that I self-supressed. I keep lying about my Behavioral Addiction to Video Games. I knew my issue yet never made REAL decisions to change. I'd take my console to my parents' home knowing I'd go back at some point to get it. I'd stowe it in a closet to distract my mind from my console, knowing that it was a front. My addiction was literally and figuratively, behind closed doors. I must do what I thought was irrational. I believed it was irrational because my addiction superceded my rationale. My console MUST be sold or destroyed inmediately. The immense amounts of resources expended toward my console are fruitless. "Friends" I barely know anything about. Money wasted with no real use. Time wasted without real, self-growth; the only growth was a level up, XP, new kill record, new rank and etc. Anyone reading, please make the fucking change now. Don't waste your life on something fruitless. Streaming is an unrealistic career. You have to be in that top 1% (probably even more scarce than that) to make it. You must be a pro. Juxtapose professional gaming to professional sports. Innumerable amounts of people play a sport for enjoyment and/or fitness, but only a miniscule fraction of the population can be professional athletes. The same is seen for professional esport gamers. Find a real passion, a real drive, a legitimate thing you desire. Don't be afraid nor hesitate to ask help from trained professionals such as psychotherapist counselors as welk as career guidance counselors. Eliminate all the excuses that you utilize to rationalize gaming. I possess mental health problems because I voluntarily skipped key developmental stages, to develop in-game stages and levels. Today is the day I, and hopefully we, make identifiable, tangible changes. I hope that anyone reading becones galvanized to change. You have to, or life changes and moves while you stagnate. Apologies for the long post, it's what has organically manifested from my innermost being. It may not be grammatically correct nor elegant, but it is what needs to be said to me and others just like me. Us gamers addicted to the digital XP grind. Good Luck to all!
  9. Thanks for the support!! Luckily there are resources on things to do to replace gaming. Though many are impossible or very difficult to during a pandemic and under lockdown. The issue is, a hanful of these people aren't just "online friends" some expand into real life, tangible relationships. I hope these "tangible relationship" people will support me in my conquest.
  10. Thanks for the support! Life is a series of situations where one must decide how to perceive each situation. Positive or Negative. Good or Bad. I must consistently be transfixed forward, not backward.
  11. Day 2 Damn it. I couldn't resist gaming after a few inquiries from my online friends to hop on, join and play. I'm distraught and at volatile disparage in my mind. I was able to hold out for a bit and limit the total time played, but I still gave in... Ideas of destroying my console with a sledgehammer or sell it seem very desirable. These solutions are overbearing, but may be the watershed moment I need to catalyze for my own good. Even though that the battle was lost, I will inevitably win the war.
  12. Day 1 Greetings all, This is my 2nd, concerted attempt to relinquish gaming. A few months ago, I stopped gaming for a little over a month (maybe 1 1/2 months) and then relapsed. Rationalizing my actions by telling myself, "Oh you can defintely handle it in moderation" and a myriad of other similar phrases/setences. I gamed in moderation for a maybe a week, then poured on into several hours of gaming per day. I ponder here, asking why am I awake at 6:00 am because I gamed through the night. I'm beyond over it. I must stop. I, again, rationalized my gaming with the unfortunate ciecumstances of COVID-19. "I must stay inside so, why not?" I desire to stop for good. This will be new, daily journal entry location. Your support is greatly appreciated. Anyone who also needs support, please do NOT hesitate to reply or create your own!