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fawn_xoxo

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Everything posted by fawn_xoxo

  1. Maybe it would be of help to you to explore your emotions in your journal, it is your place to think out loud in a way and we're all struggling with getting our lives back together in this website. I hope the best for you.
  2. fawn_xoxo

    Journal

    Just a few days ago this happened with another member (and he's not the only one, most of us would have done the same if we allowed ourselves contact with games). You can always try it, but at least be aware that this is a big fat chance. XD
  3. We all feel bad when our most vulnerable moments are out for people to see, but sharing is brave. You did well to let it all out, here and with your friend. I have been in your shoes multiple times and I understand that inner conflict, the despair of some moments. I have felt the same things, why can't I be normal. I'm in a better place now, because I've allowed people from a better place to help me. I've had counseling with a therapist, discussions which helped me see my life objectively and not through my own distorted lens. When we are feeling really down, we warp reality in our minds. Don't hesitate to share your thoughts with your friends and if you haven't started with a counselor, I really urge you to. Getting help for the dangerous games our minds give us is no different than getting meds when we get a virus. It's necessary and it makes you stronger than before. On another note, what do your days look like? What's your routine?
  4. fawn_xoxo

    Hope

    Hello and welcome to the forums. Good job on starting with attending classes and a diet. Would you maybe like to share more about your routines and how you will spend your days now versus how it was when you gamed?
  5. Hey Tzen, good job on not going back to games when you go back home. That seems to be a trigger for you, is there an active but low energy activity you can do instead? It appears that just relaxing doesn't cut it for you so maybe you got to add something in that spare time to replace the gaming slot so to speak?
  6. I'm really glad to read how much better you're doing now that you're independent again. It seems like you're finding your own path and it works for you. Keep on doing what works and just like you already did, stay away from situations that trigger negative feelings in you. Wish you all the best.
  7. fawn_xoxo

    Journal

    For me, this is like a trigger. I studied addiction and how it works, not only in gaming but in all aspects of life, and whatever reminds you of your addiction, it has to be removed. In this case, material that handles gaming, like twitch and youtube etc, it has to be removed too. If you check my journal, you will see that when I started here I thought I could do moderation. If you go to the last pages of my journal (last 30 days) you will see that after 6 months of abstaining, I thought I could do moderation and get over my guilt and other negative feelings. My experience is that moderation does not work for a person who has a passion for gaming. We always end up back in a state of thinking about it a lot even if we're not gaming. It is really not good. I started like this, then I realized it didn't serve me, so I did cold turkey. At first we all hope we can do moderation, we do, really, but it doesn't work when you're addicted. If you could do moderation, it wouldn't be a problem is what I say to everyone here, and you wouldn't be fed up with it as most of us here are. When I went back to gaming for 2 hours per day, I still was unable to function like I did before. When I decided to give it up again, the withdrawal and such were almost identical with the first ones. Go cold turkey and don't look back, is my honest advice from personal experience. I'd also like to share with you the reasons why my own attempts at quitting failed before. It is because when I quit, I would sit in bed all day waiting for things to change somehow magically. But nothing happened. And I was bored. And gaming was a habit, so it came easy back in my mind, and I'd give up and go back to it. Don't do it. Don't allow yourself to be bored. Be busy. Schedule your days, plan your upcoming week, make goals for yourself. Boredom leads to addiction once more. It's going to be hard and maybe nothing will be interesting for a few weeks, but this is proof you're addicted and that you need to keep on doing this.
  8. Well done, you're going well! You're keeping busy and doing things, or at least trying to even though the weather is bad!
  9. Don't worry about long posts, this is YOUR journal first and foremost and you'll stop typing only when you feel like you're done. I write huge posts when I need to. Addictions make us slaves but the good news is we hold the chains. When it comes to porn, there is a physical aspect to it that's part of human nature, and that's the sexual availability that most people sooner or later get in the habit of milking. "I can physically have an orgasm, so I will." You could try masturbation without porn for a few months to disconnect one from the other. Later, if giving up solo orgasms is in your goals, you can try no masturbation at all too. But maybe satisfying the desire to orgasm without porn is a good first step and easier to achieve?
  10. fawn_xoxo

    Journal

    Welcome to the forums. You are not alone, I have tried quitting many times on my own, it must have been in the tenths or more, and I never succeeded for long. My mistake, which I didn't learn from, was that I removed gaming and I expected things to magically happen instead of it. Nothing happened. I stayed in bed and watched series all day. I had cravings, I was miserable with boredom looming over me. And so I went back. This happened so many times, but this time, when I joined here, I read the process and forced it upon myself. I forced myself to pick up new activities despite not feeling like it at all. And this is what I am suggesting to you too. Make a schedule for your days. Put in new activities, chores, learning new skills or getting better at something. This is a hard process, especially if you've been hooked for more than a decade like many of us here. But the process will not disappoint you if you follow it. Do the things, even if you don't feel like it, and write down how you feel every day. Make goals for yourself. Make plans. Think beyond who you were, and towards who you want to become, forget the mistakes.
  11. Day 225.  No games, day 20 +previous total of 176.Yesterday night I planned my whole day and here I am after checking out some journals to begin with work for a few hours, then do chores and meet a friend for lunch afterwards! Will update in the evening again. Later: When I went out for lunch, there was dessert and I didn't eat it! I am proud of myself for that. Checklist:negativity free: I didn't have any negative thoughts about myself or others today.1 gratitude practice per day: yes1 fruit per day: no but I don't mind, I ate vegetables8 glasses of water per day: YESsome exercise per day: nonesodas free: yessweets free: yes After some thought and discussion with others about my negative thoughts and other self-destructive behaviors of mine, I have concluded that I am codependent towards the people I love, which makes me miserable often. If it's true, then it means I have to come up with a plan on how to fix it, focus on myself and building myself, rather than worry about being good enough or making good enough choices. It's easier said than done, I think I've always been codependent. I sometimes feel angry inside when I think about it. I want to put myself first. But often this only lasts until I socialize again, then I forget my promises to myself. I need to accept myself first and love myself first, but not be angry at others. I did this, no one else. Might reread my all time favorite pillars of self esteem book. Just putting this down here so I don't ignore it and do nothing about it in the following days. It should be part of my self-care routine, to actively take steps to fix this.
  12. I highly suggest taking the time as soon as you feel bad to write down those thoughts, maybe even in a note in your phone. Then Google cognitive distortions worksheets or the Socratic method in psychology and actually go through with filling that in regarding your thoughts. It has helped me deal with negativity and doubts but it only works if you are consistent about it and dutiful. I'd also like to mention that treating negativity like gaming impulses seems to be an appropriate way to deal, because we get addicted to the anxious feelings they cause us, it can become an addiction too. So a detox on purpose, ignoring what the mind tells you as much as you can, and doing those worksheets when you can't should offer some relief. Best of wishes.
  13. Day 224.  No games, day 19 +previous total of 176.Today included a lot of activities outside the house but nothing really fun. I did some work in the afternoon after all that, mostly chores really, after my software issue got fixed. I cooked today and I liked it. I put too much salt in one of the ingredients but it's okay. I didn't order anything and I didn't eat anything sweet except one serving of fruit. When I got on the scale today morning some weight had dropped since I did fairly well the previous day, and this motivated me to do well today too so I can see results in the following days. I really want to be slim. Checklist:negativity free: I didn't have any negative thoughts about myself or others today.1 gratitude practice per day: I will do it now after this journal1 fruit per day: yes8 glasses of water per day: At least 5 glassessome exercise per day: nonesodas free: yessweets free: yes
  14. I cry easily when I bottle things up inside. After I cry I feel lighter. Why is it shameful for you to admit you cry?
  15. It might work in your health's favor to split the time shared with this person to gaming (since your already agreed to it) and pure socializing with other activities. I'd suggest to them that we play first, and then head out to do something fun. If they disagree, then sadly it might mean this is a gaming friend and can't help you at this time, they might only drag you back to what's an unhealthy place for you. But if they agree to doing other things, then great, you can rely on them as a contact for the new life style you're building. Be vigilant.
  16. Well said on all accounts. In my opinion you don't need self esteem or confidence to start acting. You first act, then confidence and esteem follow your behaviors once you've completed a goal or so. Motivation and feelings are overrated, and I say that even though I struggle with bad feelings a lot to this day.
  17. You're dealing with withdrawal right now. If gaming wasn't an addiction you wouldn't get urges. Whenever I felt this way I used it as a reminder to myself I'm doing the process how I should but also? Relaxing shouldn't be a priority unless you have a plan on how you will relax, like spending time with family and friends, watching a movie, doing a hobby. Don't leave yourself alone and idle, it's the death of progress especially so early in the detox.
  18. I have been in your shoes, and most of us here have faced extremely negative thoughts about our lives and selves. We all have bad moments during which we feel like losers, and seeking help is what we should do. Don't trust your thoughts, because your brain isn't balanced yet. I've been detoxing for almost 8 months now and I still have issues with negativity. It's a work in progress, remember where you were last month and see the improvements.
  19. Day 223.  No games, day 18 + previous total of 176. Just checking in to say I've been busy taking a little trip with the family so my schedule and all got interrupted and changed. Waking up today I'm thinking I'll try to re-establish it but also try to find ways to keep my word to myself about diet while on the go. I really want to lose weight still. Today I should: get on the scale and face the music, eat one fruit, drink 8 glasses of water, drink no sugar, eat no excess sugar, eat homemade food and maybe even cook it myself, work, and when work is over I should find relaxing activities to do. Later on: I did get on the scale, wasn't very encouraging to see the results there but I knew that. I did most of the things I wrote down I should do and probably only BECAUSE I wrote them down. So this is something I should really keep on doing, writing down in the morning and checking in in the evening again. I did order food from a delivery place and I was unable to work because some software broke. Tomorrow, again unable to do work for this same reason, I should focus on improving 2 other professional skills even though not getting some specific work tasks done. Checklist: negativity free: I didn't have any negative thoughts about myself or others today. 1 gratitude practice per day: Accidentally I did practice it 1 fruit per day: 2 servings today 8 glasses of water per day: At least 5 glasses some exercise per day: none sodas free: yes sweets free: yes I found out about this model , called PERMA from these initials, as a way to pursue a state of personal happiness with oneself. I think it's accurate. Working on at least 1 of these 5 things per day can really make one feel better about themselves. I am always looking inward as you know if you've been reading this journal, but a lot of times it's the result of being in the privileged position of not having to do much in order to have a good life. But I shouldn't be lazy. Whether I was given the traits I have by a Creator or not, I should put them to good use. I shouldn't be lazy. I notice that the moment I come back from the family trip, I am feeling bored again, staying indoors and alone doesn't suit me at all. Sadly because of technical difficulties I can't get my laptop and go to a coffee place or something, so for now I will just stay here and try to improve professionally. I need a better schedule, too. I need to use all this free time I have, for a purpose, something that engages my strengths so that I feel good and confident.
  20. Day 218.  No games, day 13 + previous total of 176. Checklist: negativity free: 1 gratitude practice per day: 1 fruit per day: 8 glasses of water per day: some exercise per day: sodas free: sweets free: Thoughts: I wake up and I judge myself. This is such a self-destructive habit. I compare myself to other people, I compare myself to perfect situations and I end up feeling sad and bad. I can't seem to consistently keep my self esteem and worth up and every time I feel like this, it eats me from inside, it piles up bad feelings in me, to the point of being at the verge of crying. Why can't I be like normal people, going about their life, accepting themselves for who they are? I have all these fears about not being good enough or in good enough situations, I fear that something's wrong with me. I don't like this and I always fight it mentally at first. I fight it and I pity myself. Why does it have to be like this? Why do I have to feel like I am less than other people? Why do I bash myself for being myself? I don't understand. I just want it to go away, cause I hate it. It makes me so miserable and I can't live life like a carefree person like this. Always finding something to judge me for. Things I didn't do, or things I did. All this surreal thinking, or unrealistic expectations. How did this happen? I am so fed up with these negative emotions all the time. And I can't help but feel like going back to games was multiple steps backwards in this part of my life too. It's this problem I have with negativity. One negative thought pops up in my mind and I can't let it go. I need to prove it's wrong, but it doesn't work because I am not thinking rationally but emotionally. The more negative the thought, the more sad and anxious I feel. That destroys my capacity to answer it with reason and logic and facts, because the possibility of it being true terrorizes me. This is all games' fault, as in I started feeling insecure about myself and my actions only because I messed up my life via games. I used to be happy and carefree and I used to enjoy life, be in the flow, take things as they came. I used to be 'me' and now I am bombarded by anxious, judgmental thoughts about me not being good enough. I need to put in work and face the fears head on. I can't waste time from today by letting these thoughts fester in the back of my mind, robbing me of my ability to enjoy the moment. When that happens, they paint everything in a worse light, and everything fades in comparison to them. Having a fun time with a friend, but in the back of your mind you're thinking how you're not good enough? Then you're not really enjoying this moment, even though outside you're laughing. Inside it's.. like dying, in a way. And I shouldn't allow these thoughts to run freely in my mind. I should sit down now and find out whether they are factual, and if they are not, correct them and be able to move on and be present 100% without having background noise. Freaking background noise, I hate it. But in a way it's a defense mechanism or some crap I guess. Trying to protect me from messing up my life again, but in the wrong way of the primitive human brain. I hate having to do this 'homework' like stuff, but it helps me, it helps bring light to what exactly I thought about myself and then see if there is any proof I am this bad person.I used to be a neglecting, selfish, distant and detached person. I used to avoid all sorts of things in my life. Now my brain is trying to make sure I don't avoid any tiny little thing that might turn into an explosion later on, maybe? It's the only way I can explain or understand this. But yeah, I'm off to do this mental homework.....As I am doing this homework and finding out what the heck is going on in my brain, I realize that I am always judging myself when other people are around me. The more important and precious these people are, the more I check and judge my behaviors, words and all that stuff around them. I google about judging myself and I find some articles that really express how I feel, pasting here for me to be able to easily come back to and reread: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The first thing I noticed was how much I was judging myself around others. I was constantly putting pressure on myself to say the right thing and do the right thing. Why? I believed that if I said and did the right things, I could have control over getting others' approval. Aha! I soon realized that I was totally addicted to getting approval. But why? Why did I constantly seek approval? What was going on here? As I became more and more aware of how often and how harshly I judged myself, I finally made the connection: Disapproving of myself led to needing others' approval. As long as I was treating myself so badly -- not only by judging myself, but also by giving myself up to please others and by not attending at all to my own feelings and needs -- I desperately needed others' approval to feel that I was okay. This was a huge awareness for me. I realized that I wasn't approval-dependent because there was something flawed and defective about me, but because I was treating myself so abusively. This was something I could do something about! I finally realized that, while I could not control how others felt about me and treated me -- even if I was "perfect" -- I could control how I felt about myself and treated myself. For a solid year, I noticed my self-judgments -- without judging myself for judging myself. I just noticed, with interest and curiosity. I also noticed how anxious it made me feel. I came to the conclusion that if I did everything "right" to impress people, maybe half the people would like me and half wouldn't. And if I did nothing to impress them and was just myself, maybe half the people would like me and half wouldn't. So why bother working so hard to gain their approval? Each time I noticed, I would "change channels" and shift my thinking into something truer and more positive. After about a year, something very magical happened: I stopped judging myself. It was as if the part of me who was doing the judging -- my ego-wounded self -- just gave up this addiction. It was clear that it wasn't working to control how others felt about me, nor was it protecting me from painful feelings. In fact, it was causing much of my pain. Not only did I stop judging myself, but I also stopped needing others' approval. Because I was now valuing myself instead of judging myself, the actual need for others' approval went away. In fact, I even stopped noticing whether or not others were approving of me. I stopped even thinking about it! And, of course, all the anxiety that I had carried for so long about how others felt about me melted away. What a relief. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Recognizing self-judgment is one thing, letting it go is a much harder task. It’s a 3-step process that I hope you can work with on a regular basis to gradually let go of judgment. Notice So the first step is to try, as much as possible, to notice the feelings of judgment when they come up. It will slow down the process of judgment and reaction. Allow In order to break the habit, instead of wanting more or less of an emotion, we can just allow it to be. We can feel it as it comes with all the accompanying thoughts and physical responses. Actively choose to let go This is where a conscious choice needs to be made: Either let go of the experience, judgment, and emotion or hold on to them. There are no rules for letting go, just like there are no rules for holding on. Do what you feel is right for you at the moment. An example Let’s say I’ve been judging myself for years for all the things I want to do that I haven’t done yet. The feelings can be triggered by anything that reminds me of what I should’ve been doing. As I think about it, I start judging myself. Depending on my mood at that moment, the judgment can be a mild I’m lazy, to feelings of anger, emptiness, or anything. When I recognize that I’m being judgmental, I start thinking about my inability to cope with emotions and argue with how I’m handling them. When the above cycle goes unchecked, I end up feeling tired and depressed. Nothing helpful comes out of it. All I did was add one more layer of judgment and negativity. So instead of the same habitual pattern, when the thought that I haven’t made progress comes up, I can stop right there. And do the following: Notice the thought and any feelings that come up. Open up and hear the thoughts that are there in my head. Feel how my body is reacting: body temperature rising, a wave of anger rushing through my head and upper body. I stay with it and direct my attention to where the feeling is showing in the body. Once the feelings subside, I say to myself: I choose to let go of what I didn’t do. I allow myself to just be. Then I imagine all of my feelings and expectations clearing my body and flying out into outer space. I’ll repeat the process as many times as I need to until no feelings come up. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I really need to read this and do it every time. I really need to. I need to remind myself that I have no one else in life other than myself. That's who I'm stuck with and that's who I need to care for primarily. Putting all this pressure on me is just wrong and I need to correct it. That's why I need this material to help me with the process. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ? @ Highly intelligent people do this much more than average people. It is one of the unfortunate side effects of having a high IQ. I’ve come to realize this: we often create fears based on past experiences and blow them out of proportion. They’re not always grounded in reality as it is. Even when they are justifiable, they’re not the things that create us—we create ourselves with what we tell ourselves and how we act. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I honestly think it is an addiction of its own, really. Last time I tried staying away from negativity, I also stayed away from writing here and reading people's struggles because I can get affected emotionally that easily. I might do it again. I am so emotional it seems. Someone else wrote that they realize games just numbed them, and I feel it's been the same for me. I thought I was this tough, detached and distant person but I'm not. And to be honest? This reluctance I feel right now to let go of my negative thoughts is just another version of that reluctance to let go of games once I'm hooked on them for the 100th time (like two weeks ago). And now I remember, yes, last time I treated negativity as an addiction and it worked. I recognized those bad thoughts for myself the same way I recognized gaming cravings and I chose to allow them, accept them but do nothing about them. I didn't hold on to them like I've been doing lately. I allowed them to exist, to come, to be, but I didn't take any action based on them. But acceptance is a big thing in the process, that's where I haven't been doing well. Cause I realize I do this, but then I also judge myself for judging myself.
  21. In my personal experience with depression, anxiety and other mental disorders that, for me, were caused by real life events, I think you're finding the best weapon to beat them : Action. That's what I've learned that helps, taking action even if we don't feel like it. I don't know if the following will be of any help to you but I'll list them just in case: cognitive distortions leading to negative thinking, correcting those with worksheets or the Socratic method, mindfulness and being present without judgment. None of these things helps tremendously if you only try them once. Just like with this detox, it's consistency that brings you results. I wish you the best in your journey.
  22. Day 217.  No games, day 12 + previous total of 176. Counters: 1 fruit per day, 8 glasses of water per day, some exercise per day, 1 gratitude practice per day, sodas free, sweets free, Thoughts: I read a post by Booksandtrees which seemed very efficient and as I was rereading my last journal entries to see how I've been doing, I think I should make a list of things I owe to myself too. Things that are self care and fulfilment of needs, not just goals. Key points for that would be gratitude for all the things good in my life. Gratitude brings some perspective to me, it forces me to remember things that I have gotten used to ignoring for many years since I was only looking for the negatives. Another key point for me would be checking my expectations from life, from myself, from people around me. As I've mentioned before, I don't know why I get these thoughts that things should be perfect all the time. It might be like this because I've been around a perfectionist or two who may have infected me with that mindset. A lot of times it also seems like my demands from people are less demands and more so fears. In example if they don't treat me "like this" all the time, I fear that it means something is wrong with this relationship (which as I write I understand is really an exaggeration). Again, writing things down helps seeing them more objectively. A perfectionist is never happy with what they have, they are always looking for the negative so that they can fix it and become better, but people aren't in my life for me to fix. I have made the choice to keep certain people in my life, and that means I value them. They don't need to be perfect for that to be true. People love me and I'm really not perfect either. So it's stupid of me to doubt my bonds because of perfectionism. How I experience this is basically as I'm living life I might have a moment of observing myself if my mind isn't actively engaged in something else, and as I observe myself I do comparisons with perfect situations/emotions/behaviors. If my circumstances aren't perfect, I then start to worry about my choices. Obviously this inner critic is very active. I don't know why I observe myself like that, I've been reading about dissociation and that plus bad memory seem to be related to those disorders, even though I obviously don't have the big symptoms.
  23. Day 216.   No games, day 11 + previous total of 176.  I shouldn't have gone back to games, not even for those weeks. Today I experienced a good ole bout of anxiety over something, a fear, an insecurity, a phobia. Ever since I realized games brought problems to my life I have had to deal with these fears and phobias and anxieties. When they started, I was desperate and I felt like the worst person on earth. Through the years I've been getting better at dealing with them, primarily when I shared my struggles with loved ones, and started trying to accept that this is how I am now and denying it, suppressing it or ignoring it doesn't work. I don't like that I have to spend time dealing with my fears. I don't like that I have to sit down and process them in writing. I don't like that I have to do the Socratic method, or a cognitive distortion worksheet in order to stop being overwhelmed by emotions of sadness, guilt, anxiety and shame. But I have just spent about thirty minutes doing just that, and I feel better. I haven't been doing my gratitude again, and it surely plays a role. I tend to myself only when I cry for help. Otherwise I ignore the practices, because I think "I am doing better now". And in a way, it seems like myself is coming back at me and saying, well here is a fear for you, to next time know better and not leave me unattended for days. When will I learn? I judge myself so harshly for having these issues, at first. I have no perspective on them, when it starts I feel like the worst person on Earth. But that's dramatic and an exaggeration. Life is still ahead of me in some ways, and my fears and insecurities don't define me. Yes, I felt really bad for getting a reminder from myself that I still haven't completely gotten over them. But I need to accept that these things are consequences of my past actions, of neglecting myself psychologically, and that they need to be dealt with and cared for at least now, after all these years. I need to accept that work has to be done now, since it wasn't done in the past. I am also wondering if certain things I find odd in myself, compared to other people, are part of some minor form of a mental health problem. I have really bad memory, I forget things really easily, and I find myself detaching from people all too easily when I don't have contact with them. I have always been like this ever since I can remember myself. I wonder if something traumatic in my childhood led me to having this auto-detach mode of existence, which is something I feel bad about, because it appears like I don't really care for people unless they are in my vicinity, though deep inside I know I still love those people. Maybe it's just a personality trait but I feel like it hurts others, this behavior of mine. I also struggle to find my identity as a person. I feel like when some loved ones come and visit, I take on traits from them, then when they leave and go back home I slowly adopt traits from other people around me again. And this happens in cycles. I don't know why this happens but it makes me feel like I am not a whole and balanced person, at least for now. It makes me feel like I am not a specific person at all, like I would end up being X if I hung out with X type of people for a long time, more so than the average person would, since it is said that everyone is the sum of the 5 people who are closest to them. It could also be that I live mostly in isolation though, and those 5 people are not ever filled positions and they change all the time, which leads to me changing all the time. I don't know. I am just trying to understand what the heck is going on with my behaviors. I want to be me, but I am not sure who me is. With some people I feel like doing X things, with others I feel like doing Y things. And it sounds normal, right? But why does it feel like I'm not really me in either of those cases? Who is me? I feel like I missed out on self-discovery and experimentation when I was young, because I was glued to a computer screen playing video games, and now I'm trying to do it but it's so obvious that it's painful. I'm so self-aware of everything nowadays, compared to how I'd have been when I was a teen, and I think of all the potential consequences too, like losing people in my life if I changed and behaved differently, or certain changes affecting how I'm seen as a professional. It's all very open and flowy, I'm not sure about who I am, but I guess I just have to live life and find out slowly instead of being anxious about that too.
  24. I think for most subscription lists, if you scroll down at the very bottom of the email there will be a tiny Unsubscribe text you can click and get out of that mailing list. Well done staying with the process man.
  25. According to https://www.asam.org/ : Addiction is a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry. Dysfunction in these circuits leads to characteristic biological, psychological, social and spiritual manifestations. This is reflected in an individual pathologically pursuing reward and/or relief by substance use and other behaviors. Addiction is characterized by inability to consistently abstain, impairment in behavioral control, craving, diminished recognition of significant problems with one’s behaviors and interpersonal relationships, and a dysfunctional emotional response. Like other chronic diseases, addiction often involves cycles of relapse and remission. Just thought I'd paste this here too and remind you that getting rewards isn't the problem. There are multiple problems that stem from a repetitive/obsessive use of certain things that make those things bad, that make us call them addictive. Is eating addictive? If you obsess over it and think about it all day and it disrupts your life, it is. Is love addictive? Same rules apply to all. Don't be scared, be happy you are vigilant. Not a lot of things can now happen to us without us noticing them, cause we're scarred from being junkies, is my own conclusion.