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Redmark

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About Redmark

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  1. Day 1, entry 7 Today I went to the gym for the first time and it was very intimidating. I'm not sure if I'm going to go back.
  2. Day 0 ? 6 ? Well I went over to my friends house, we played games for a few hours and then left and had lunch and walked around his neighborhood talking. When I went home I booted up my laptop, started steam, and just looked at it for a long while. Why am I doing this, I asked myself, I'm so lucky to have summer off why don't I just enjoy myself and game? This whole life-improvement quest felt pretty pointless, like I'm not going anywhere in life anyway. I actually started one of the games but then I didn't get further than the menu before quitting out again. I felt this real compulsion, this real drive, like I just wanted to game, but that was being balanced out by guilt. The thing is- I've had summers before, many of them, for years and years, where I just sat around gaming all day long. It felt good but didn't really do anything for me. I want to improve my life, I want to get a girlfriend. Something has to change for that to happen. In the end it didn't follow my expectations and it also didn't cause a horrible binge either. I'm not sure if I'll want to game with him again (maybe we can find something else to do???) The experience gaming with him really did make me feel more intense cravings, and I don't know if subjecting myself to that is smart. I might just tell him about my attempted gaming detox when I mention that I want to do other stuff instead, although I wonder if he'll think that's strange, pathetic, or judgemental (he's a big gamer). Side note: Cam said that "when all you do is game, you get really good at gaming." I noticed that my friend was very impressed at my skill at the RTS games we were playing. I'm really good at RTS. If I really succeed at re-directing that energy and I get as good at living life as I am at RTS games, I'll be a fucking millionaire in no time. 😎
  3. That was a little bit hard to read. Consider breaking up the different ideas into their own paragraphs next time you post something. Welcome to Game Quitters! 😃 It sounds like you've lived a pretty tough life. You can't expect an overnight transformation. Basically what you have to do is find little steps you can take that will push you in the right direction and then over time things will get better. Starting off with a 90 day no gaming detox seems to work for a lot of people here. Cam (the guy who made this website) has a lot of free self-help videos here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTbbu5C5sq9VStQD2gvIN_g/videos It's good to see you here, and you have my best wishes. Try, try, and you will succeed! 👍
  4. Day 5. Today someone I met last semester texted me to ask if I wanted to hang out. I was so grateful (because I've been feeling pretty lonely), that I agreed that we could go hang out and play games over LAN at his house. I'm a bit conflicted about this, because I just realized that would break the rules of this whole no-gaming detox thing I've committed to. No matter what I'm going to do it because I already agreed to it. For now, I think I've made a decision. I think I'll let myself game socially only as long as: 1. I still don't play any games when I'm alone (never, not even for 5 minutes) 2. I'm not doing it all the time and 3. I'm still making progress improving my life My theory is that social gaming is kind of a different thing because it won't go on as long and it'll connect me with other people. If I'm wrong and this leads to binging and self destructive behaviors, then I'll know that I was wrong and I won't game socially anymore. If I'm right and I can game socially in a healthy way, then the rest of this detox is going to be a modified thing following these new rules.
  5. You sound pretty devout Splitstep! It's cool that you've gone so far... day 189, wow. When I first moved out of the house it was really hard at first, but it was way better than living with my parents after I got used to it. It's definitely worth pursuing. What's your favorite book/passage from the Bible? I've always been a big fan of the Book of Revelations Rev 19:17 - " And I saw an angel standing in the sun, who cried in a loud voice to all the birds flying in midair, Come, gather together for the great supper of God, so that you may eat the flesh of kings, generals, and the mighty, of horses and their riders, and the flesh of all people, free and slave, great and small."
  6. Day 4. Today wasn't too exciting... a plumber came by to work on the natural gas lines, and I stayed put watching him work because I was pretty paranoid that he might mess up and leave a leak. I also wanted to see what he was doing. I spent a big chunk of the day drawing too, which was great. I actually felt pretty inspired. I did go out and buy some workout clothes, washing them tomorrow morning, soon I'm going to run out of excuses to avoid the gym and it'll be time to check it out.
  7. Some people also donate time (like volunteering at a homeless shelter) or money I used to volunteer in food drives for the local food bank, where we'd set up a table in front of a grocery store and people would come bring us food. It was pretty amazing, just a day doing that could fill the whole food bank thanks to people being nice.
  8. Is your profile pic from Kurzgesagt? I love his videos. Anyway, good luck with the new attempt 😎
  9. Thanks for the comment btw! Good to hear.
  10. Day 3. No gaming. Feeling alright. A big chunk of my day was taken because I went to visit my grandmother in her nursing home. I also cleaned up my loose papers drawer and sorted, filed, and shredded all my paperwork. I had 2 years worth of stuff from school, job, etc. It took a long time. My next goal is to get a 7-day gym pass and try going to the gym for the first time by the end of the week. Tomorrow I am planning on going shopping for some gym clothes because I don't really have anything to wear when I work out.
  11. 71 days is pretty impressive! Good job 👍 Keep it up man. Good luck with the therapist too...
  12. Day 2. I'm feeling irritable. I spent a lot of the day browsing the internet, but not the whole day. I managed to make myself clean my room a bit and go for a walk. I'm actually not happy about having the rest of the summer off. It sounds incredibly lame to *want* to start classes up again because I didn't really enjoy them that much... but at least it gave me something to do. I don't feel motivated to do anything now. Filling my time up with activities and then actually following through with those activities is going to be very difficult. I've never had much self-control. I got a discount coupon for a local gym in the mail... like the universe giving me a message. I'm scared of going to the gym for the first time though :/
  13. I'm just like you. I've mainly played single-player games. Discord counts as being social I guess, if you're talking to people about gaming stuff?
  14. I relapsed yesterday. It wound up happening in a kind of interesting way. Since I knew that I shouldn't be playing video games, I ended up looking up videos of other people playing the games I would be playing (lets plays, etc) and I spent all night watching them play. I realized, wait, this is just as bad as gaming. And it's really late too! Oops So today is day 1, attempt 2. I have the rest of the summer off until school starts again. Filling up all that free time is going to be hard, but if I do a good job maybe I can use this time to get my shit together and when I go back to college I'll be in better shape and have more of an idea of what I'm doing. Tomorrow I'm planning on cleaning my room, doing laundry, and starting module 5.
  15. I'm making progress doing Respawn. Ok, so now it's time to find new things to do instead of gaming. "There are 3 Types of activities", Cam says, "Mentally engaging, resting, and social" I'm pretty sure I'm an antisocial introvert, because that third one scared me when he started talking about it. I used to go to bars and nightclubs to try to be more social and it was always a disaster. When I used to work I'd go to potlucks with my coworkers and it was always an awkward mess. Now that I'm a student I've gone to various clubs and just sort of sat around. I often get the feeling that people don't like me, and they don't really want to be around me. I really want to try to get out there and make new friends, but I don't even know where I'd start. 😑
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