WorkInProgress

Soon 1/3 of a year!

@destoroyah Hey thanks for your input on training. I was/am pretty serious about calistenics/body weight training and for this you don't even need weights at the beginning. The problem with your plan is that I can't lie my baby somewhere easily without him crying. So it isn't possible to jsut do10 push-ups and then give him attention again. It just doesn't work that way That leaves some training wiht the baby as weight which could be fun for both of us but before he can hold his own head the possibilites are limited. I also am trying to improve other skills right now which are to me more important then to have a great cardiomuscular fitness, where she takes over the baby. Out of birth related aftermath I also try to clean/wash our clothes/and cook for us. To make it clear she is doing all she can and more and is very supportive of me but it is jsut difficult to make time for non essential things right now which will get better as my son gets older and she fully recovers It could be considered a bit rude that you'll just assume everything is easy for me even if you don't know my actual situation or how it is to have a newborn which needs you or how my relationship looks like (I didn't really told to much in this journal out of good reason), but I appreciate you trying to help out. Next time just don't assume things but better make suggestions and I would appreciate them even more

okay let me explain: We feel productive if we achieve something hard and our body produces dopamines to make us feel great about it. It does so also if we just imagine this successes or doing something like gaming were we achieve successes which doesn't affect our life. So after a while We get addicted to the easy dopamine rush and stop chasing real live improvements. Our live seems to suck. In addition to this effect we fear changes and our emotions will make us feel bad if we try something difficult (until we mastered the difficulties). I never tried something hard as I was gaming because I felt so damned bad if I tried and failed. And I feared that feeling. After quitting gaming I started to try a lot of stuff (meditation, excercise, programming) and while it helped to feel productive for a while I didn't made too muhc progress in either of the topics and felt liike I was just procrastinating my real tasks with some self-development fluff. The problem I had/have is that I had non projects linked to this bigger goals like beeing more aware/fit/skilled. After watching a few videos and taking this course on faster learning I realized that these projects are the missing puzzle piece to actually improve in a meaningful way. My problem was that I am unable to break down the big goal in little goals. So for example I want to be a software developer. I tried a few diffeerent programming languages and technologies and started to "learn" them. I build examples and made my self familar with the language and the environment. I read a lot on quora and in programming books while solving example problems. I learned a lot but I am still far away of beeing a professional or even producing a more medium complex application. I feel like I made no meaningful progress. That is why I started to set myself little goals of what I want to learn and make the scope for it so small that I'll be able to achieve my goal in 1-4 weeks. My current goal is to develop a simple alexa skill for the amazon echo whcih will tell me the age of my newborn son in weeks. To do this I searched for resources listed them and tried to figure out a rough outline of what I would need to learn to be reaching this goal. Then I judged if the scope was to big (if I could realistically reach the goal in 1-4 weeks with half an hour effort a day). If it would have been too big I would divided it intosubgials. Like running an example skill on my echo. If I have the working skill I will start a new project which will be related to alexa programming if I am still interested or something else if I don't feel like it. This way I see my progress and get my dopamine rush of doing something productive without overwhelming myself with too big to unclear goals. It is a success in itself but is also helping me in my overarching goal of becoming a software programmer. So no the projects don't have to be connected but they surely can be if you feel like it. The goal can be bigger but the criteria when your project (and not your over arching goal) is finished should be clear and manageble to finish in 1-4 weeks (less time would mean it is too easy to feel meaningful, more that it is to hard). The keypoints are that you keep the scope small, the steps to finishing the goal concrete and make a proper realistic plan ( how much time do I have / am I able to put into this per day/week). So in your case it could be a project in language learning. Maybe something you'll want to be able to do in germany, which you did easily in your homeland. I don't know your german skill level but going out to a reastaurant and only speak german with the personal could be such a project. If your able to not evade into english and make yourself understandable you would finish the project. For this you wouldn't need to have a perfect grammar or a big amount of vocabulary but some sample phrases wouldn't cut it either. So the learning plan could be like identifying the usual phrases in german for ordering food and beverages and paying the bill. Also some smalltalk would be a great addition. Then you'd needed to create a list of foods you like to eat and what the words for them are in german. You have some experiences in learning german allready so you should be able to predict long this would roughly take you to learn and if it is a good scope. If not you could make the projects scope smaller or bigger. This way you are in control on what and how you learn it and you'll get to finish a project and reap your dopamine reward. I hope this made it clearer. PS: Relevant blogpost on this: https://simpleprogrammer.com/2014/12/29/want-accomplish-goals-become-finisher/

DO you have smart goals for your fitnesslevel weight? If not now could be a good time to implement them (you'll now about basic work-outs and expected rated of lossing weight and getting muscle or improving at different excercises).

I found it helpful to have projects with a definable and measurable goal and keep them small enouhg to be able to finish them in 1-4 weeks. If your are able to actually finish these projects you'll focus more on your progress and where to go from there instead of having guiilt. The key is to cut out every distraction ( for example if you want to build a blog you'll just learn enough of the different technologys that you are able to make a decisive plan how to set things up and ignore all the details or comparisons). THen you'll write your own little actionplan and act on it. TO have such projects which are small in scope will help you to feel accomplishment on a regular base and learning things for real instead of accumalting a diffuse body of knowlege or skills wich aren't really actionable in your life. What to learn should depend on your life. That's how I hope to escape the binging and the lack of drive.

Detox: 16.10.2017 - 16.01.2018 (Porn and unproductive Youtube added for last month) Week 6 + 7 (01.12.2017-14.12.2017) Still no sugar. I still don't work out. I tried a bit of the 7min work-out and really like the principle. Right now there is jsut no way to find a fixed time for a routine. My whole day depends on the baby and his habits. I tried the weeks to have some daily routines and even installed a habit app to check them but I won't be able to enforce a daily routine until the little boy is a little bigger. I could do it but I don't want to because it would influence my wife in a bad way right now. That's why I'll focus on a few flexible things I try to accomplish and generally cutting out bad behaviours instead of focussing on daily routines and goals. The alexa skill development is more complex then I thouhg but I will finish this project anyway. It will jsut take longer then excepted. I definitely need to finish started projects because giving up to eraly because something different which is interesting pops up. I watched an interesting video by john sonmez talking about the areas he deems important to master. He thinks they are health/nutrition fitness/attractiveness wealth/money and the way how to think analytically and learn things effectively. THe reasoning is pretty convincing. Everything you'll need every day or which makes oyur life better every day is ipmortant enough to learn about. That's why I became interested in nutrition. There is a lot of pseudo-science out there and a lot of cultish movements which I like to avoid. I bough a kindle book which sounded sensible( Good Calories, Bad Calories). We'll see what I get out of it. I still listen to a lot of audio. Lately I focus more on books instead of podcasts because they seem more in depth and aren't keeping me busy wiht new concepts every day. Right now I feel like I am in a good place and I see how I start becoming more ambitious in a lot of areas. This is energizing and much welcomed because I most often are to easily contended to reach a better then average knowledge or skill level at any topic. The key is to cut ruthlessly. What I don't need to learn will not be learned. I need to learn only the things I focus right now. This will be alexa skill development and a general self-development topic of my choice where I start a project or try-out. Right now this is the zero sugar thing so i will try to accumulate a sound body of expertise in the nutrition field to further improve my nutrition. I think this is really important to be healthy and energetic and it will help me a lot in the long run even if I am eating pretty good right now allready I think there is a lot of room for improvement. We'll see where it takes me. My first project is to read the book and figure out things to improve in my daily diet. My improved self-discipline will help me to test these things out consequently for a bigger amount of time. After I did this I will focus more on fitness/excercise/buildingmuscle. Or maybe I will explore the meditiation thing further. But I won't try to do this all at the same time because the past has showed again and again that doing to muhc things/habitbui,ding at once will just end in procrastinating the really important stuff. Things I do focus right now: My family, Body hygiene, no sugar, starting successfully in my new jo alexa skill development, nutrition. Things I cut out: Podcasts, youtube videos unrelated ot the topics above, excercise, meditation, learning skills I don't need right now for my projects, gq-forum browsing, porn Audiobooklist: Finish innovators, find other nice books about the history of computing or biographies I didn't listen to in that time (the cool acid Test maybe?) Things I read: Curiosity app, Fossbytes app, Finish principles, Good Calories Bad Calores..., most properly other books in that area

Well best of luck. If you really want to think about it and need a second perspective on stuff. We are here to listen

Hi there. I am alwas happy to see new journals. If you have any questions or need support just ask here or per email. I would be happy to help :).

Sure thing. Let us hear how it goes.

Thanks for sharing your thought process. I was always wondering what the sometimes weird and extreme posts where about. Seems like you think a lot about stuff. Most people would think of one reason someone answered maybe two or three. But sheesh that's a lot of thoughtfullness. Your sometimes cryptic entry's make it hard to support you on a meaningful way but seem to help you to guide you through your own mind. That's fine. If you'll actually need some extra input just ask for it and I am happy to give you some feedback or lend you my (sometimes limited brain) for some time. Best of luck man!

Welcome back. I hope you keep sharing ehre even if you haven't drunk tequila! Best of luck. If you'll need help or feedback feel free to ask. As you see we are a pretty active forum these days and I am sure we can find solutions together.

Welcome back!

Heavy stuff. It is great that you're working these things out in therapy. Also it is great that you don't let the anger and regret overcome you. They are just destructive forces in a way which will hinder you to accept the present and deal with it optimally. It is ok to feel them and maybe to use them to be better today.

Don't worry about repetition. We are all happy to read a daily update. As far as motivation goes I found out that is kind of impossible for me to get motivated by thinking myself inot it (be it fear or imagined glory). The only way I get motivated is ironically by start doing it. A little trick which sometimes help is to start really small but to start. Like 10 minutes of studying. It is ok if you stop afterwards. But most of the time you'll find out that the lacking motivation wasn't the problem and you just needed to start. Write your gaming buddys that you doing a 3month detox and it doesn't matter what they say you won't game until then, but that you'll be happy to talk to them on gaming unrelated topics. If they don't understand try to mute them and get rid of them for this time. This is really not helping you.

Congratulations on the week. We are all rooting for you!

Great book. Started it a while ago. Maybe I dust it off soon and go through it for real this time

Welcome to the forums, Good job on starting oyur journal here. I think persistence is key to this. Especially if your motivation fades it is important to have built healthy habits like daily journaling or similar things to keep you on an acceptable baseline. Stubborness is a great asset in this aspect of the game. The other side is still to strategize how you'll deal with problems if they come up. What do you do if you're sos tressed out that you can't imagine another solution but flgiht into a virtual reality? Make a plan and write it down. It doesn't have to be seomthing complicated. Maybe it is as simple as sit down and count to 100. The main thing is that you'll be proactive and think of posisble failures and ways how to deal with them. Deleting your games falls also in this category (making it very inconvenient to relapse). So I am excited to see your updates and am happy to support you in any way if you have questions. We got your back man.

Just try it out but be aware of the effect it has on you. If you don't see negative effects it doesn't matter if you game or not. If you start seeing shit happening you learned a lesson and know next time why you don't game. At least that was my approach to this issue. Right now I kind of am someone who doesn't game. It is just not me anymore. I don't think I would have come there without trying it out and see myself failing (binging instantly and falling back into shit habbits in the matter of days).

Yeah it is scary. Best of luck. I am looking forward to your journal if you decide to write one (helped me personally a lot).

I see how I have even more goals then this and to make sure where to focus I need a list of prioritisation. 1) Family: spent time wiht my wife and my son every day. Talk to everyone else in my family atleast once every 2weeks. 2) Carreer: Spent atleast 30min of my day on my actual project (alexa skills programming right now). 3) Social: talk or chat with everyone of the people I consider friends atleast once every two weeks. Try to find out something new about a aquaintance every week. Be interested in strangers. 4) Health: Reduce scratching by measuring it (today 4times), get rid of my nails routinely. Do the 10min work-out and stick to it. 5) Spiritual: Be thankful for what I have and enjoy my life (check at max. every 2hours and have a handy free sunday). Think about what is great in your life and what I am proud for every morning.

Detox: 16.10.2017 - 16.01.2018 Week 5 (23.11.2027-30.11.2017) Part 2 Still no sugar. 10min-Workouts this week: 1 To get to my goals I need small things I do consistently. It is the slight edge all over again. I'll do some figuring out. I need new goals now are after I got a job and my son and start to manage that quite well. So I take stock now and think about a good strategy for every goal. I want to become healthy and stay healthy until an old age. What does that mean exactly? I want to have good skin (not dry and itchy like now). I want to be almost never be sick (max. around 1week of bed time a year). I want to have no long-term pains (in muscles or elsewhere). I want to be able to run a half-marathon without walking. I want to be able to do 10 pull-ups without pause. I want to be able to do 50 push-ups without pause. I want to be able to do a free Where am I? My skin is extremly dry at some parts and I scratch it which doesn't let it heal properly. This is a constant strain on my body even if I don't actually feel this. I am allready very seldom sick, but I need to be careful not to develop pains in my back because of my incoming desk job. What do I do to reach this goal? 10min workout with burpees for conditioning and muscle building and hip-raises (bridge-progression) for my back. I don't eat sugar. I want to become handsome What does that mean exactly? I want to have a muscular body (somewhat like the transporter guy but less defined). I want to be clean shaven, tidy and well-clothed every day. Where am I? I am thin and have build some basic muscles but I have a pelvic-tilt and am still to scrawny. I also did gain some weight over the last year and build a little belly. I don't care too much for clothing and have not many fitting clothes (because I am hesitant to pay much money for them). I also like to wear comfortable clothes whihc look really bad. I shave my beard appr. times a week and my head appr. 1month. So I look most of the time not like a hobo :). I ahve no schedule for shaving other parts like my arm-pits and jsut do it occasionaly if it starts to bug me. What do I do to reach this goal? 10min workout with burpees for conditioning and muscle building and hip-raises (bridge-progression) for my back. I don't eat sugar. What can I do better? New rules: Joggin pants are only alowed if I work-out or stretch. Pyjamas only in the late evening if I have a comfy evening with my wife. I'll start to make schedule for personal hygene after my research (15min). Make shopping plans in my calendar and priorities expenses while focussing on quality and fit. 10min workout with burpees for conditioning and muscle building and hip-raises (bridge-progression) for my back. I don't eat sugar. What can I do better? stay consistent wiht this and reserach more on the skin issue to find better solutions (I start a 30min session after this entry) I want to become rich What does that mean exactly? I want to have more passive income then expences Where am I? I am living form month to month and still relying on money from ym dad until my first real job in january starts. I let my wife do all the taxes and paper-work wiht the government because I have no clue how to do else and doesn't want to make the time to learn it properly. I don't exactly now our expenses and lhave no passive income. What do I do to reach this goal? working a few hours a week in a supermarket to make some extra cash until my full-time gig starts. Thinking about how to excell at my job and learning new skills. What can I do better? Learn more about my taxes and other fincancial stuff. Start saving for a little passive income out of the savings. Be awesome at my new job and get as muhc experiences as possible to justify more money with the same time later on.

As it doesn't influence their life ina bad way they are not addicted. I am sure they could do things whihc would help them more but if they like to obsess about a new app or game and have fun wiht it without neglecting their lifes that is fine. I think they just don't understand that it is different for you. Many people can't imagine what a shame and other bad feelings are coupled in a gaming addict. I think they want to help you but don't know how. Parents are just persons like you and me. They have a lot of mistakes and a lot of good attitudes you love them for. As you get older you see the mistakes more and the challenge is to love them anyway. I think focussing on the things they do good and accepting that they aren't perfect helps a lot. Maybe you can improve your way talking to them. Try to take their perspektive on things and start talking with them from there. You can only change yourself so that is the place where to start. Conversation skills are also a great skill to have in any phase of your life. So take this as an opportuinity to learn why they don't understand you and help them to do so.

Great job on that daily posts. Nice consistency!

Welcome to the forums. The main thing for you will be to find other activities you have passion for (and which benefit your life in a other way too). Imho the only way to do is to try stuff and stick through the first hard period until you can tell if it really isn't so exciting or you're just lazy to get out of your comfort zone. For me software development was the activity which got me most excited. Start finding yours!