Hitaru

Think, but don't forget to do! Good luck in your exam!

This should be a TED talk on itself. Brilliant. M-maybe? What...!? Don't look at me like that! I was also one to get angry, defensive or elusive on social contact when I was playing, and now I thank so much for the chance (the chance I gave myself) of having friends and loved ones.

Temporary Escape, Instant Gratification and Procrastination, you got it man. Now that you're aware it's time to take action

Gaming nostalgia is also something expected to feel. There are several videos about it in the YT channel, both about nostalgia and FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). You can check them out if interested. I was away and haven't been able to check on your journal for a while, but I think you've started to shift. You feel pain and resistance, and that's a normal thing (I know since it was hell for me when I first quit, for instance) but it passes. Give it patience and kindness. You're doing great!

Agree with Cam. Your journey, your rules. We care and it will be amazing when you reach 90 and beyond, we look forward to any good news, but we're not a board of shareholders. Your challenges are your own. It's not about games yes or games no (that would be only abstinence), it's about working on what makes you the happiest and most productive (the usually come in hand since you get to say what productive means to you). Finding your own potential and living it to the fullest.

BOOM. Congrats PAPA Rem!

Hi again, other captain! I know that feeling man. Both the feelings of being lost and Star Wars going to hell, hah. Money does that to things. Look, I think in the bottom of your heart you know what you need to do. Stop playing and doing all those things you do to escape, get a clear perspective of what you want, realize it will be really challenging and scary to try, panic for a while, get over it and do it. If you're changing, that's good, you're searching, you're evolving. But in the end, there's something you want to do. Above other things or at least before other things. Go and do that. I mean the second thing, since the first will probably be to play video games to keep delaying taking action. Or that's only me?

+1 to screw that guy's opinion. You're in a low point and who knows yet if you can pass the semester, but that was plainly a downer. You can do it man, put everything into it.

The decision practically took itself. I'll be devoting this week to see the viability of this new plan. Since I've stopped working out and eating correctly I feel kind of upset inside my own body, I'll fix that as well. There's a few things I need to do and then I'll be much less stressed, then I'll be able to put some emotional weight to my direction. For some reason I find myself... uncomfortable. As if standing on a dangling rope.

Welcome to the forum! You just took the first step, and one of the hardest. Seriously, acknowledge yourself for it, it was big. In the YouTube channel you have videos on how to manage the different emotions you'll be experiencing, and also you can check the +60 hobby list for suggestions on new activities to fill the void of video games. Good luck, looking forward to your journal!

So, before my life can advance any further, I must make a new decision. I was offered/advised to dive deeper in this youth exchange program infrastructure. What does this means? I could form my own group of people (Aka informal group or team) either here in Spain or abroad, propose a project and if approved, host it, again in my hometown or somewhere else, expenses of such project covered by the EU (I still would have to pay up for my own travels and stuff). Of course I had this light bulb moment in my head in which I pictured myself making a project about video game addiction which would help people, promote leadership and action and get attention from institutions. And actually, I've been told by several project organizers that this would be an awesome, feasible idea. You noticed, right? Communication in English? Traveling on a constant basis? Speaking about gaming addiction? Bureaucratic big talk? It suits me. It's very probably what I've been asking for. It would require to be a 24/7 thing. Training, learning, applying to projects and formation, making my own, going to them, doing my job as community manager... The two things, projects and Game Quitters, would complement each other much better that military and something else. Anything I'd learn in one thing I would apply it in the other (I already come with a few tricks from this project for example). And I could cut the crap and bullshit of "Eww so sorry @Cam Adair, I couldn't finish that simple article because I was sooo busy with something else I'm not really sure I want to do" (actually I don't know what the fuck to talk about resilience, but the ignorance block lead to procrastination for sure). Instead, wake up every morning, grab some breakfast and some wifi, and work to get this through with nothing else to worry about. The projects, the community both in English and Spanish, everything. The more I think about it, the more right it feels. The issue is, I would need to renounce to what I'm doing now, and any chance of income in the short term. And keep living in my place for the time being. I'm afraid that will kill all my initiative and enthusiasm, and I'll be stuck again in the dark hole of nothingness and drowning in the couch (which to be fair is also my fault). So much that in fact, I'm staying at my bf's place to make this decision with a clear head, away from the dark atmosphere of home. However for the whole week I've been hearing that "If an idea is good but doesn't lead you anywhere, is not working". The military is a smart move. But it's not working. I've been doing it despite myself. Journal posts for reference. I've been doing it for the money, almost out of desperation, and usually that never works. But who knows if this isn't this the excitement of the new thing to distract me from the old one? - Projects: * Related to what I'm already doing in Game Quitters. * Exciting, suits my preferences and what I like to do. * Useful for further career in public speaking and social movements/work in associations, political parties and any kind of organized groups. * I learn about social issues, exactly what I want to learn about. * Make friends and network. Friendly environment. * Will make me grow through inspiration and connection. - Will be a vulnerable, weak pussy, but a smart one. - Toxic home environment will need to be addressed somehow or I'll lose my motivation. - I'll need a way to earn money. - Military: * Gives a salary and a place out of my toxic home environment. * I'll feel proud of myself. * If I don't do it now, I'll be called a pussy later. * Hostile environment will make me tough as nails, and people will be aware of this. * If I need people for a coup, or bodyguards, I'll know where to ask. * Will make me grow through hardship and challenge. - No chance to improve soft skills. - May not be compatible with anything else. - High chance of being emotionally overwhelming.

Officially back. Expect me to start posting again in some hours. So good to be here again guys ^^

Welcome to the forum!

Returning, still not even 50% available. News soon-ish. Cause there are news.

Way to go!

Currently in a small serbian village. The lack of internet turned into some serious shit. Apparently this is intentional to enhance the experience. I feel restless without being in touch with the community for the first time in two years, and there's a delayed article for Cam I need to work at (or rather work out), so I haven't been able to really relax. Ah, the workaholic genes. Or the overthinking genes. On the other hand, we're experimenting teamwork building, so there's a good chance for me to observe some real group psychology applied, and that can only bring good. And of course I'll do my best to make some contacts among youth organizations. European Commission money getting involved in our cause would be great news.

If you feel like entering in a spiral of consecutive small fails it's good to stop for a moment, breathe and wipe off the unpleasant feeling of inertia off your back. Yep, that thing that you and I never do, taking it easy (?)

Welcome back!

- Currently in Belgrade, leaving today. Been fine. Unfortunately there's been little time and less internet connection to be able to be productive. That makes me feel restless. On a side note, I may or may not develop a new interest for photography.

Mine too!

Be careful with nostalgia, it can be a trigger. Games were a phase. They had their place in our lives and who we are. It was fun games, but I think we need to be with other activities. It's not you, it's me.

Officially in travel mode. I'll be in touch!

You're currently experiencing the inertia of the relapse. My sleep patterns are very weak and it's really easy for me to have insomnia during the night and spend it at the computer and then be exhausted at sunrise. So I get how hard it can be to keep the waking hours straight. Specially if you feel there's nothing for you to do. There is, and if there's not you can find it, but we tend to feel there's nothing when we don't have the habit of morning routine. If I were you right now: You can check your notes but I'm not sure you'll able to make sense of it being the last day and tired. What you can do for sure is sleep tonight without gaming. You'll get bad sleep but the sleep pattern will be fixed slowly. It's a pain, but you'll have to put attention to the mornings. Break that cycle. You can will yourself to play knowing you'll feel bad afterwards, and you willed yourself to journal, yesterday and today. You can turn the tables.

Powerful words man. Welcome!

I know that feeling. Being lost feels like shit but it's convenient in it's own way. Nowadays I wake up and every morning is an existential question: "What am I supposed to do today? Is it the right thing?" or whatever, not necessarily those two (but they happen). Two years ago it would've been; "Oh right, feeling like crap, the usual" and bam, day 'solved'. It was easy. Easy doesn't equal good. I wasn't sure about my depression and gaming either, so I got rid of the simpler thing to quit of the two, gaming. And for some time, the depression remained, so there was my answer. If you're numb, coming back to your senses hurts, maybe a lot. Is it worth it? Yes. Absolutely. Every second. Yes, it's very common to feel fucked up, you won't find judgements here, and sadly yes, there's still a lot of ignorance about the real issue of video game addiction. To erase the second is the reason of our existence, and the first shall pass when you start walking in the opposite direction, with time and kindness (cheesy as it sounds). I think you should try it with all you've got... after all, the alternative is an indefinite amount of time of the same as you're now. But getting worse. Part of the delusion is perceiving the time as stopped. It's not. We suggest and advise everyone to open their own journal, specially if they have a specific battery of feelings they may want to sort out definitely. The amount of detsils given is up to you always but... it helps, really.