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Some Yahoo

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About Some Yahoo

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  1. OH MY GOD I have not posted in the last 3 days, because I have been... what's the word?... WORKING. Today I release a software package I had been putting off for months. You know what's better than racking up a million fake game credits you can't pay the bills with? EARNING ACTUAL MONEY AND MAKING CLIENTS HAPPY. Anyhow, Zoom call to to, and hopefully I got this most of the way there. For those of you who don't code, a programmer works from a set of requirements, but the delivered software ALWAYS has some nuance that the programmer didn't get quite perfect, or that the clien
  2. I did it. Uninstalled the game. It's just not worth playing without a subscription. I turned my guild over to a random guildie so even if I went back I would not have that. I just can't shake this emptiness. Was talking to my wife earlier. Of course she does not get it. I hate this feeling of WANTING to quit, KNOWING it's the worst thing for me, yet CRAVING it - even though I know it comes packaged with defeat and self-loathing. It seems to me like if my own mind wants to quit, then that should be the end of it. Why is that not so?
  3. OK, unplugged the SSD yesterday and managed to focus. Called the client. Talked to the wife about the bills. Came up with a little financial hack to extend some of the debt. Then I worked a billable 6 hours. Overall that's a big win. I worked until I was tired. I wish I could remember that feeling of accomplishment the next time I log into SWTOR "just to set up my crafting". It's never just a 15 minute session. it always goes all day. Thankfully my SWTOR subscription has lapsed, I got the email yesterday. That means the game I already admit is just marginally fun is about 65
  4. Shit. It's happening. Unexpected bills. Unpaid Taxes. This is where gaming has taken me. I am looking at cashing in my retirement (which took a dump in 2008 and never recovered, so there's only old twinkie wrappers in there), or borrowing from my own daughter. In NEITHER CASE do I look forward to sharing this new HELL with my wife. But I MUST. This is all on ME, and ME alone.
  5. OK, one thing is for sure: WEEKEND GAMING ENDS UP EATING THE WEEK TOO. I need to call my client. I don't want to because his stuff is VERY VERY LATE. This is directly because of gaming. The only thing I can liken this feeling to is abject fear, like when you are on the first incline of a roller coaster. The anticipation of talking to the client is making my heart stop. SWTOR, which I had installed on an external SSD, is unplugged and away from my computer. I had to go to the eye doctor this morning, but now I am here and my mind is deflecting in every way possible
  6. Now that you guys have shown me how to use the journal board, here goes-the right way. I just spent many weeks in my accursed SWTOR. Every morning I am determined not to fall into the old patterns but every day sees 10 to 12 hours of play. this must end or I’m gonna lose the house. I have work- I just have to set my mind to it. My intent here is to hold myself accountable, because there is no person in my real life to do this with.
  7. When I was a teen, and my angsty female contemporaries would talk about their depression, my immediate thoughts were: Depression is just a word sad people use to garner unwarranted sympathy and attention. Sadness only lasts a day or two, maybe more if death is involved, so why waste time even talking about it? If you're sad, just sing a song, eat a cupcake, do something fun and get over it. Yeah, I wasn't the most sensitive person in my teens. In fact, I was kind of a dick. But I'm learning something new. Depression is not sadness. For me, it's the absence of
  8. I actually went to see a counselor about this problem. He listened to me for an hour and suggested: "Maybe you don't need to quit. Maybe just dial it back a bit". You'll do much better once you realize that building a life is hard, and fun, and frustrating, and the most rewarding thing you can spend your time on. You'll have moved from rewarding yourself for nothing all the time to actually respecting yourself.
  9. First look for jobs you like to do. Look beyond the "I need money" aspect and imagine doing a thing for 8 hours a day - every day. It won't matter what's most in demand if you hate it. I'm sure that sewage treatment workers are in high demand, but for me, I don't care if you get a million a month and a private jet.
  10. Withdrawals are easier to deal with if you fill your time with useful tasks. Do stuff that even barely needs doing. Once I actually backed the car out of the garage and swept it out. Yeah it needed doing. Yeah it was pretty filthy (I live in an area with a lot of dust in the air). Yeah nobody lives in the garage, and no one is going to thank me. But ti was something useful and I got it done. Basically accept ANY challenge to get up off your chair and do anything. Mow, bring in groceries, run to the store, do laundry, read 1984. Read the voting crap that came in the mail so you're
  11. Movies are still wasting your time. You're better off repainting a fence than watching a movie. Learning, cooking, fixing things, writing, even reading are better than passively absorbing entertainment.
  12. That's dopamine. You're addicted to gaming. You need to fill your time with something else - something productive. Not Youtube, Tiktok, instagram. Not porn Not Netflix, Hulu, or Disney+ Your mind has become acclimated to constant warm, fuzzy feelings and fake feelings of accomplishment. But it's all fake. Do something real in your life. It's going to feel boring, cringy, awkward, and stupid. You're not used to it. But you won't be squandering your time doing stuff that goes *poof* when you turn the game off. I suggest these activities - the ones that helped
  13. Yeah I have found that it's hard to actually get people to play cooperatively. I call it Massively Single Player. Flashpoint groups are all about tricking the mission to run by everything, and they will LOSE THEIR MINDS if someone doesn't skip all the dialog. But for the most part if you need help from a guildie, it's always... Nah, I have time to link 300 costumes, but I have no time to help lowbies in their missions. That said: After a couple weeks, when my work is piling up and my family is being ignored and lied to, I just get to this point where I feel like I am wasting my life d
  14. buproprion didn't help me at all. My measure of success was "is it helping me get more work done. The answer was NO.