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Some Yahoo

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About Some Yahoo

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  • Birthday 07/08/1961

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  1. For some reason, as I was growing up I came to associate the word work with "stuff you have to do even though it's not fun and you hate doing it". Do your homework Do the yard work Go work out The thing is - and this is vitally important - what you do most of in life, and what you'll derive the most meaning from is most likely going to be attached to the word work. When I was in high school, they still taught photography - with the chemicals and everything. I loved it because none of it was sitting in the classroom reading a book and writing answers on paper. After I graduated, I spent many weekends with friends finding places to shoot some photos. And I had a blast. Then I got a job to shoot photos of a local business so they could set up a booth at the county fair. At first I attacked the project eagerly but over time I started to think of it as work rather than fun, and over the next two months, I squandered all my time and ended up rushing to get the project done in time for the fair. The thing is - the owner was my best friends older brother, and had he asked me to do it as a favor, and not offered to pay me, I would have finished in 3 days! Just attaching the word work to it made it a drudgery to me - a thing I had to do, rather than a thing I wanted to do. I guess I have always hated being told what to do. One thing I have learned as I got older is that our work defines us, and the work we do in this world is what we leave behind long after we're gone. In some ways our life's work is the most important thing we'll spend time on in our entire lives. As part of re-imagining myself after gaming, I have been trying to teach myself to love the word work. To look upon it as a kind of monument to myself and justification for all the food I have consumed and air I have breathed (that more worthy people might have used). Most of us have trouble feeling like we deserve a monument to our lives - I certainly don't feel like I do - but why not? At least we can try to become our best self, strive toward our unreachable ideal. But isn't is futile to strive - to expend limited energies and time toward the unreachable? Yes, but listen. LISTEN. YOU WILL NEVER REACH PERFECT, BUT YOU'LL END UP SOMEPLACE BETTER. You'll leave behind this place of mired in mediocrity, and push the overloaded barge that is your life in a direction of someplace better. Slightly better at first, perhaps infinitesimally, unnoticeably better, and you'll have setbacks, but you can't push in a positive direction without making some progress. Any progress. Bottom line: don't fear work. No great restaurant owner has never washed dishes or bussed tables. No great author started out great at spelling and grammar, or didn't write cheesy fan fiction. No great comic never crashed and burned in front of an audience. So get out there, suck at something until you master it. Suck at relationships until you don't. Suck at writing until you finish that novel. Be you. You is here for a reason. The universe spent aeons making a you. You have potential. Just use it.
  2. I know this goes against every instinct as a man, but I actually got myself a counselor. Someone not in my family, church, or work that basically listens. I can't say it's revolutionized my life, but sometimes just hearing myself say the idiocy I am engaged in helps me. I advise against Psychotherapy, my opinion of them is that they're drug pushers. My mental state should not come from a bottle. That's just my opinion. It sounds to me like you have depression going on, but ask a professional. I found a local counselor on the Psychology Today web site. Barring that, you can spill here.
  3. It's great to have you here.
  4. Not really. I have all kinds of company private data I deal with. And as far as books, I will look at these, thanks.
  5. I think I might need to do another detox. I had a revelation yesterday. I work from home, and I get this psychological block all the time. I am sitting there and I have the software open to do my work, but I can't force my mind to get in there and get the work done. Most of the time I can't even get started. I fight with myself - often producing a lovely stress headache in the process. 90% of the time, I end up browsing the internet or watching YouTubes. Yesterday it hit me. That headache is dopamine withdrawal. Watching videos gives my brain at least some hope of a little drip of dopamine, so I am drawn to it. I know I won't get that from working, so I get this headache telling me that if I do that, it's gonna hurt. It's like a Pavlovian response. If I pursue the work, I'll get pain, but if I play, I might get a little hit of dopamine. Dopamine is not evil: it's a normal part of brain chemistry. It's meant to be like strawberries. You love them, and every spring, you get a couple of baskets of them and have a couple nice treats. But what we gamers have conditioned ourselves to is like eating 20 pounds of strawberries every day and little else. Our brain chemistry is starving for the other good chemicals needed to be healthy and well adjusted, but we keep loading up on strawberries. I am getting the feeling that I at least need to redo the detox, but instead of just games, I need to detox from the whole dopamine dependency. That means YouTube, porn, right-wing news, social media, deviantart, all of it. I feel like all I did the first time was switch drug dealers. Live and learn, I guess. I post this embarrassing mess in the hopes that some of you who are relapsing over and over might see some truth and try again. I am not a brain scientist, and there is little reason to blindly trust my conclusions, but maybe it can help some of you. I'll let you know if this new approach helps me. FYI one thing you can try along with your detox is exercise. Working out is supposed to stimulate good brain chemistry (endorphins) and aid with depression. Good luck, all of you. I know your friends looked at you like a loon when you told them you were addicted to video games, and said things like "That's an addiction? Just quit and be done with it!". But we know that this is a beastly thing to conquer. Yeah it's a first-world problem, but that doesn't make it not a problem.
  6. I look at relapse like this: the first time I took 20 years to quit: but after my relapse it was only a few weeks. The wising-up period gets shorter and shorter, and you still win.
  7. No. A card game is a social thing with other people. Also, there is no group of people that are going to acree to play hearts 16 hours a day instead of bathing, eating, or going to work and school.
  8. Every parent has 0 hours experience on the day their first child comes home. Parenting is a job of teaching and gradually letting go. Parents are not supposed to be like a police state. Failing to notice bad behaviors is not bad parenting. Think of parenting in terms of shipbuilding. 18 years of work all culminating in that day the ship slides out of dry dock and sails the sea on its own. Over time, children learn that there are consequences to their choices, and there has not been a human yet that has not made some bad choices. Teach them when they are young. But let them make their own mistakes too. As for our parents, they were as imperfect as we are. Unless they are actively hateful to you, they are probably good parents. Children are frustrating, and they know how to find what lights a parent up. Cut your ancestors some slack, appreciate all they have sacrificed for you.
  9. I would purposely get a non-gaming laptop. There's no such thing as a little addicted.
  10. If you are an addict, then no. Imagine if a crack addict asked you if it was OK to just have a little crack - you know, with friends. Our personalities lead us to always increase gaming. It's better to apply our minds on better things.
  11. Some Yahoo


    Blender is *not* an easy learn. It is designed by 3d wonks for 3d wonks. That said, if you were gaming about 16 hours a day like some of us, you can apply all that free time to conquering it. There are tens of thousands of tutorial videos out there on Blender. Go through them - even the ones that are so basic you think Dr Seuss wrote them. Do them multiple times. You'll get it, people do. Your weapon is the time you have recently freed up by breaking up with the harsh mistress of gaming.
  12. Going a step farther, you can tell her how to catch you. Tell her to listen for certain keyboard patterns. Working or browsing news sounds different than gaming. Get rid of your headphones and joystick/controller. Turn the desk so she can see from the hall. Bring the laptop/tablet into the living room. When she goes out, go with her. Help her shop or do whatever. Marriage is us against the world. Be as open as you can with her.
  13. What can be more scary to a shut-in, introverted loner like us than speaking in public? Seriously. Maybe lion taming. I have on my screen the local ToastMasters website. They meet on Thursday. I want to go check it out, but realistically I fear it so much I will probably "forget" about it on the night. I'm hoping to divert this fear into excitement, and actually go. Someday I have to break out of this shell. https://www.toastmasters.org/ - main page http://mantecatoastmasters.org/ - local chapter to me, if you want to go see if I chicken out.
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