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30_yrs_of_gaming

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Everything posted by 30_yrs_of_gaming

  1. Excellent job. Keep your eyes forward.
  2. @Ikar, thanks for taking time to read my story and giving some thoughtful feedback. Day 7 - Slept most of the day. Picked up my guitar for the first time in 6 months. Fell into another digital trap recently that is new for me. Having serious anger issues. Been lifting weights a bit. Going to have to run the treadmill if I want to sleep tonight. Reached out to some old friends on social media that I distanced myself from years ago. Asking for prayer. Making random phone calls to old contacts. Got some counseling when a police officer stopped by my work the other day. He is going through some similar difficult marriage issues. THAT was unexpected. Two weeks of school left for me. I am behind schedule. No gaming. Making a little progress every day. Enjoying the spring weather.
  3. I might be the last person that should be giving advice because my life is literally falling apart. Gaming has been a big part of my failure to adapt and overcome. I'm only on my first week of being game free. You know what I did the other day. I picked up my guitar that I hadn't touched in 6 months! I'm not really good at it, but I was making progress when I stopped playing before. I played guitar for several hours. My fingers are so sore. In the myriads of ages past, musical instruments were generally the only real TOYS anyone had. Diversion is not evil, but it can be creative and constructive. I want to exhort you to consider finding a musical instrument. Get lessons online or in real life with a teacher if you can afford it. Make it your new game. When you crave the worse, pick up your instrument. Variety of activity is important, but something consistent that tracks progress in one area is also a great stabilizer.
  4. Day 6 - Night before last I did not even sleep. My spouse said that I'm not welcome to come home anymore when I have had plans to visit soon. This is so hard. I've been mourning. I'm going to be kind to her, but I have to guard my heart. We bought the house together and have been getting counseling. I thought there was forgiveness, but I guess not. It would seem I am very slow and she has taken me for a ride. I own the video game problems, but I have always worked full-time. I have been verbally abusive, but no violence or alcohol. How can she have so much power in this world? No gaming. No journaling yesterday for obvious reasons. I am depressed. No real cravings to game as I have many other thing on my mind and plenty of work to do.
  5. If you like Jordan Peterson, I'd recommend Jocko Willink. They are both helpful to me. They are so different, but also similar as far as an emphasis on true manhood. I think they compliment each other extremely well.
  6. Stay the course. Take it from someone who is 36 and losing EVERYTHING right now because of not letting go of my escape devices sooner. I'm glad you got her back. Don't get complacent. The hardest part will be when a storm comes. Make up your mind now that any relapse is not worth the respect you lose for yourself and that is more important than what anyone else could think.
  7. Hey man, I wanted to commend you on completing this in the past and progressing in real life in some major areas. You CAN do it again. You seem self aware in some great ways. Your post resonated with me from a few days ago because of work stress. I am an emergency responder. Work stress and family stress are excuses I have used in the past instead of learning and processing life differently. I have to choose to process things differently than when I was a child. Thanks for being honest because I was able to take courage from your sentiments. Fight on.
  8. Hey, man. You CAN do this. You have your whole life ahead of you. You don't want to be me at age 36 with your whole life falling apart because you didn't kick the gaming habit when you were younger. I've done lots of things, but gaming keeps haunting me. I could have been much further in many areas had I just left gaming for good years ago. Destroy the habit now and NEVER look back. I have NOTHING real and tangible to show for all my years of gaming. It adds up to nothing in the end.
  9. The part a few days ago you said about a 'free feeling' space. I have relocated my family recently and am living apart to finish work. My place is currently a mess from packing and being in transition. I have a big family and realized that by reducing some of the possessions and clutter that I am already thinking CLEARER. Your living space has a HUGE impact on your quality of life. That doesn't mean it needs to be big and fancy just that it needs to be your authentic special place that is well kept to YOUR own right fit. I'm looking forward to paring down even more as the summer progresses until my temporary space is a little vacation spot for my soul evening. Not for gaming though.
  10. Day 4 - Staying busy. It is spring so... Finishing up some college classes. Working full-time. Was I really playing games THAT much? My extra time is being spent cooking, reading, using social media, packing to move, etc etc... In 2 weeks, I get to see my family for 10 days. Really miss all of them. Some trouble sleeping on some nights. No gaming. Didn't even journal yesterday because I came home from work, ate, and went to bed. Took two short walks. No urges to play today really.
  11. Day 2 - Worked half a day. Was flexing hours from weekend call outs. Spent around 5-6 hours on the phone. Talked to a friend from 15 years ago. Talked to an old man with lots of life experience that appreciated someone younger listening for hours. I did pack some boxes pertaining to a move that is taking place in stages. No gaming. Communicated online with some friends that I game with. Let them know my goal to abstain for a while for personal reasons. They were all very supportive and cool about it.
  12. Good job! Keep up the good work!
  13. Day 1 - Today was not too bad. The first day never is when you reach a tough place where you truly see the need to change. I had plenty of social interactions by making some phone calls and getting called out for work. Didn't get any of my schoolwork done though. Meh. 1130pm is a little late to reevaluate what didn't get done. This day is done. No gaming. Reading some books and taking walks when I feel the urge.
  14. Thanks so much, Toby! I had only heard of one of these books and am going to be adding these to my list of books to read instead of gaming. That was a very compassionate and detailed reply. Thanks again!
  15. I'm starting over again. This time, I am completely alone and it is my fault. ? Two years ago, I threw all the games in my house away, but my wife gave in to the children and let them have other devices. I tried to stand against it because I see how gaming affects them too. I wanted to change the culture of the whole family. I couldn't stand on my own while they continued. I wanted us to do this together. I remember seeing my parents try to quit smoking, but when one didn't want to follow, the other would lapse over and over again. Sometimes, it would take a week, a month, or even six months. I'm not saying a person can blame anyone for their actions, but I know how hard it really is now. My wife let my kids keep playing and six months later, I fell again. I bought a brand new gaming laptop and went whole hog on an MMO-RPG. Then, a year ago, I took a job opportunity out of town where I would be on the move a lot. My family was even able to follow, but I would create opportunities to game along the way. Six months later, when I returned home, I was back at it again. My wife and I have always struggled to get along for our entire 13 years of marriage. Between arguing and pressures from work, I justified retreating into gaming heavily. Originally, I didn't even want to raise my family with a television. My mother-in-law insisted and the wife got her way. I grew up in a peaceful home. My marriage has been terrible. I've wasted another two years since I last tried this 90 day detox! I can't believe it has been two years! My life is falling apart. Five months ago, my wife destroyed my laptop. A month later, I replaced it. I wanted to quit on my own terms. Plus, she sits on Facebook and Netflix for hours on end. Why couldn't I game? We tried marriage counseling for 4 months, but it didn't fix anything. I am getting counseling for myself. I am now living alone. My wife and I have been temporarily separated for 2 months now. I've continued gaming because of the human interactions I have there. I have even been able to talk about some of my problems with people I play with. That is one reason I have been hanging on to it. I am ready to quit forever this time. I hate my life. Gaming is only a part of my life, but it has been the piece that has allowed me fall short of learning some other important life lessons. I need to find out what those lessons are. Gaming is a false safety net. It is an illusion that has helped me be weak. I'm done with it. I want to reclaim my manhood and maybe win my wife back someday. I don't know. My wife and my oldest son won't talk to me. I have a few friends, but I am mourning missing my family. I remembered this place and so I came back. That's my story for now. Time to change it.
  16. Hi there. I really like the owl for your profile picture. Owls are my favorite. For real. I'm truly sorry for your trouble. Guilt for doing something that is wrong is actually NORMAL AND OKAY. If you suppress the negative emotions that come from making bad choices, you are actually stifling the innate motivation to STOP that's hard wired into you as a human being. Make sense? I don't think that religion based on absolutes of right and wrong, heaven and hell, is your problem right now. You DO seem to know where some the problems are at in your life. Religious meetings generally dish up the predigested beliefs and understanding of those leading the class or worship. That CAN be extremely unhelpful to sincere seekers. Try READING THE SOURCES for yourself. This can be VERY liberating. I'll use your topic of heaven and hell for an example rather than presuming a better starting place. This one has already been on your mind somewhat. Try to read the Bible for yourself WITHOUT the input of any other outside influences. I mean, what have you got to lose, right? Research the very topics you have been exposed to, but do the legwork yourself. Don't Google it. Go to the source. Not a blog. Get a hardcopy. I'm only SUGGESTING this because your experience with meetings seems to be a problem of confining you and stopping you from getting the answers you really want and NEED. I hope something I said was helpful. Maybe the piece to YOUR puzzle in just another step away. I'll say a pray for you now. Hang in there! I hope today was a better day for you.
  17. I got help here today too.
  18. Welcome! Best wishes on your new journey.
  19. You're an inspiration to the rest of us! Keep it up! Good job!
  20. Right on, dude! Keep it up! :)
  21. I always feel better on days I work out. Someone told me I should watch Hacksaw Ridge. Was it any good?
  22. Your journal is very colorful and interesting. Best wishes.
  23. Might I suggest something outdoors when you feel that reading and/or study block going on? It always helps me to get outside even for a short walk for a few minutes. Keep up the good work!