Jump to content

Question of the week: What are you grateful for?

TimetoWalkAway

Members
  • Content Count

    21
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

1 Neutral

About TimetoWalkAway

  • Rank
    Member

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

  1. TimetoWalkAway

    Giancarlo's Diary

    Personally, I like the Military as it opens a variety of career doors depending on your field, I'd likely find myself going into Piloting or Medical. Both fields having easy transitions into the civilian field if want to work as most airlines and cargo airlines like those with experience flying military aircraft. Personally, the US Military has one of the best Pensions, Paychecks and Benefits. Allowing me to further my Education after my service or simply Retire at 40. It's a Mixture of Passion and Options that makes the Military My Option. It opens the doors that I want to go through and I'm happy. As for my Ex. She's coming to my Birthday Party in May. It's her first opportunity as seeing me after taking off the mask and seeing me for who I truly am. It'll be hard not to activate my defenses but. It's worth it. I still want her back and she laid the option on the table if I can get squared away. I don't see it as a challenge of manhood. Rather a Reasonable Demand. She finally gets to see that I'm improving and that's all I want her to see...I want her to see the person she fell in love with on Day 1...The mask a fleeting memory. Thanks for the Video, I'll watch it when I can.
  2. TimetoWalkAway

    Giancarlo's Diary

    Day 13. I recently found small group of friends to play with on the Nintendo Switch. Surprisingly. I don't feel the same energy suck with PC Gaming and It feels nice to compete and talk with them again...I realize Gaming is still apart of me but I've found a way to control it and turn it into a positive experience. Spring Break is here but I have little to do besides study and deal with assignments...Hopefully something comes up.
  3. TimetoWalkAway

    Giancarlo's Diary

    Day 8 End of Day. Class was uneventful and is slow as usual, I congratulate myself on a successful week without gaming, taking the opportunity to enjoy life and slowly find meaning again. I've found hobbies and today is just another challenge to beat as I make it towards the halfway point...She keeps checking my journal which is nice and shows that she cares for me...but I can't help but feel as if I'm annoying her for needing support...I just need a strong net to crash on and I feel as she's the net I can truly land on...the showers of april are invigorating and represent the struggles I fight through as I sail these 90 Days...I can only wonder what will be the benefits at the end of everything...I keep having dreams about her...except...there in a different time period...or better days? I see us gently cuddling on the couch at home but there's no father to come at us...we're happy and enjoying each other...and we slowly fall asleep in peace and enjoying each other embrace. I want to live in that world but...I know there are other priorities but as they say...love is supposed to hurt...it lets you know that the relationship was legitimate and worth every second...I just want the moment with her...A night to sleep in peace...alongside her...I just want to be better now...but I know the longer it takes ... the better I'll be for the world.
  4. TimetoWalkAway

    Giancarlo's Diary

    Day 8 Skipped the last two days due to schedule but I've been slowly getting better and My Academics are slowly rising to the roof! I tried to visit her yesterday but our schedules are broken till May. She's slowly growing trust in me again and I just want to show her the real me at the end of the detox, I'll make it.
  5. TimetoWalkAway

    Giancarlo's Diary

    Day 5 Enjoyed some family time with my mother and I got studying to do for my SAT and ACT. All I go is just hope for the best and enjoy the ride. The weekend is just right for me...right now I'm just gonna jam to Travis Scott and Study. Skyy's Advice and Everything is slowly starting to make sense now... Mood: Relaxed
  6. TimetoWalkAway

    Giancarlo's Diary

    End of Day 4. The day was uneventful, got my Email from USNA Rejecting me for the Summer Seminar but I took the blow with grace and I know that I can and will push forward...My Academic Life is slowly stabilizing as well as my life on the homefront, slowly mending broken relationships with parents and friends that my Addiction has created rifts with. Some repairs being more successful than others...As for the Weekend. I have stuff planned to help me kill time and liven my spirits...if that goes through...I'm sure some well-deserved rest is in order. I feel my heartburn and break whenever my she talks to me...she says I'll have those moments in time but...the reason she won't give them hurts my soul even more...She's afraid of my Persona Crawling out when it's just us and it only hurts me more...I cried after our call ended. I feel unworthy and damaged. I just want one moment of privacy...but I feel as if I'll never get it. I'm burned...Somedays...I wish I wasn't like my father...carrying the strong voice and anger...add an aggressive persona that took charge and all that makes is a recipe for hell...only time will tell if I can make an antidote but as they say...Time Heals All Wounds. For now...I fight a battle I truly cannot run from. As It's Impossible to Run From Yourself. I won't perish...I've made my stubborn nature serve me. Talking to an Enemy turned friend did help though. Skyy was able to clear my mind and helped me look through her eyes...the horrible things I committed won't wash away. Trust is like a Mirror. You can fix it if it's broken but you can still see the cracks in the reflection. Emotion: Tested
  7. TimetoWalkAway

    Giancarlo's Diary

    Day 4. Mentally Clear and Relaxed. I'll probably spend my day writing on the book "The Awakening" for English class and disputing other grades for an absence. I'm ready to tackle today and Bring these grades to the top, the fires from last night still burn but I can't cry over spilled milk and I just need to sometimes let things go and just coast for the morning. If anything...I'll see if she'll stick with me on Thrusday Next Week or Goodfriday. I'm not in the mood to spend the weekend alone. If there is a brightside, I've been too busy to care for my games Emotions:Calm and Lost
  8. TimetoWalkAway

    Giancarlo's Diary

    End of Day 3 My breakdown passed and I feel mentally clear but still saddened, I skipped the Gym and Finished with my Academic Studies...I saw the Air Force ROTC Program and gave it more thought. I feel vulnerable on all fronts and without my Gaming PC to Comfort me, I feel like a surrounded ship...I just want to survive this volley of stress and pain...I hate the fact my persona took so much...but it's hard to not be him when He took every single damn thing and all I'm left with is a shell...My Friends Can't Understand...and I feel as if no one cares.... Emotions: Pained And Weakened Song of the Evening
  9. TimetoWalkAway

    Giancarlo's Diary

    Mid Day Update. Is it the stress talking or is it Jealousy. Ex Came to my school but she's just been with my friends hanging out with them despite saying she was going to be here for me...I know they're all good friends and all but...sometimes I just want a moment alone with her...the moments that...that bastard that lived in my shell had on demand while I only have these public moments...How Jamal had every single private moment with her. Now whenever I see it it's always with J or M in the general area. I don't want to open up around her when I'm with my friends as they likely wouldn't understand the pain I'm in. J tries to act like he understands but he really doesn't and M is well. M. I just can't get the one moment I need to truly vent...and that hurts but I know I'll never get those moments again. They say she's trying to play with me in the DnD Session but she never even took the chance to even say anything. Just talked to everyone but me. I feel like a Rodney Dangerfield Joke. "She'll kiss the dog on the lips but she won't have a drink from my glass." I always feel as if she doesn't care for me. She only shares her emotions when there's no one else like she's embarrassed by me. why is that technology always feels as it's my only loyal friend? Maybe it's because I never had friends or relationships before...sometimes...I just wish I lived in my persona again...at least then I could play off my pain with a mask...but...being real is worth it. Despite that cold shoulder, the session with them was ok though. It kept me away until 6 and I'll do the Gym Tonight. I'm angry...sad...and I just don't know what to do...I'll probably sneak in a beer tonight to chill. Emotion: Stress and Insecure.
  10. TimetoWalkAway

    Relapsed after completing my goal, back at it now

    Trust me when I say that she probably notices your pain, My girlfriend noticed my personality change and she's been trying to change me for the better, making sure I write in my journal and doing things with me. But from experience. Bottling things up doesn't work...it only leads to a bad explosion. Let it out and talk to the one you love...if she truly loves you. She'll listen.
  11. TimetoWalkAway

    The Road to Freedom

    That's the best way to look at it, man...She'll be there for you and you'll be a better person for her at the end of it.
  12. TimetoWalkAway

    Giancarlo's Diary

    Day 3 "Today was a lovely day, calm morning and clearer head. I woke up a little earlier than usual but I used the time to rest and stretch before taking a calm and relaxing shower. My Ex Came to stay with me for the day and I've been happy after we got to talk. She actually remembered seeing the real me come out and she truly wants to give me a second shot. My Heart Still Gets Fluttery Whenever I'm around her but I've gotten better at keeping it in. I still miss her tender touch and cuddles...but they're just a goal for when I'm out of here. Beyond my Love Life. I've gotten contacted by West Point and I'm getting my GPA up so I can really do my best to be considered. I still need to call USNA. I was also listening to music and found the song with a video that made me relive our relationship for a moment...How I slowly got corrupted, met her...how we became lovers and how she drags me away from the flame... There was also another song where it showed an old movie I used to like but couldn't understand..."Perfect Blue." I became Rumi. I became disillusioned and became my character instead of myself...It scared me... Then...there was a song that made my heart flutter and tear...I never changed her ringtone. "The way you move...The way you move...Her..." How did I move her...But another song just showed the contrast and everything became clear. Emotions: Lovesick and Motivated Actions Taken: Talked to Counsellors Talking to Teachers for Recommendations Work Out More. Found new Hobbies Her Magic Ways Song of the Day Fear Her...
  13. TimetoWalkAway

    Giancarlo's Diary

    END OF DAY Report. Day 2 Comes to a close and I feel happier and more refreshed, I discovered that I have a tendency to roam the internet out of boredom but as soon as I start my brand new hobbies, I see this behavior likely shrinking. I went to the gym and worked out for a full hour feeling stronger than ever and finally sent my West Point Application. All I can do is wait until tomorrow to see what life gives me. Emotion: Content Actions Taken: Gym Time Home Cooked Meal. Relaxing Homework
  14. TimetoWalkAway

    Giancarlo's Diary

    Day 2 "Finally Feeling Better. After that workout and good rest. I actually felt refreshed and relaxed, took a long and refreshing shower before starting my morning, I still occasionally sift around online but it now has a goal instead of just screening for killing time." Mood: Content Actions Taken: After School Tutoring Today. Possible Game Night Made for Friday? USNA Application Sent Gym Time with Ex
  15. TimetoWalkAway

    Giancarlo's Diary

    END OF DAY 1 UPDATE. "Life has given me a new lease and I actually feel happy to be away from my gaming PC. I had a good time working on schoolwork and I finished my day with a nice long elliptical workout. (3 Miles in 28:46!) I feel genuinely tired but accomplished. I talked to my Ex and she's more than willing to give me a second chance...to let the love we started to flourish and grow once again. I have another goal to work towards and I feel as if I truly made a step forward today! Accomplishments: Made Schedule Worked Out After 6 Month Hiatus Started to Apologize to the Teachers I fought over my addiction Made up with Ex. Looked at the Hobby Guide Feeling: Accomplished Grade of the Day: A+
×