pdallair91 77 Posted November 26, 2021 Author Share Posted November 26, 2021 On 11/24/2021 at 8:18 PM, Pochatok said: [...] partially it was simply due to the fact that my brain was so used to games. I am glad you confirm the belief that I am alluding to in my previous post. That I am bound to find some satisfaction elsewhere in the future, as long as I keep trying. On 11/24/2021 at 8:18 PM, Pochatok said: I have trouble getting into things I'm usually passionate about Have you contemplated why its hard to "get into" these other interests? Why these new behaviors/routines aren't as easily becoming habitual? I can't answer this question for you. However, in my case, I believe I tend to be burdened with the fear of failure, self-inflicted shame, and a dependence on external validation. What has lead me here today is, to say it bluntly, being a "sore loser". I just played and lost a game of chess online with a stranger (a old hobby I'm trying to get back into). It hurts, which dissuades me from playing again. I have similar experiences with electric guitar (another old hobby I'm trying to get back into). I try to play a riff or chord progression, but I struggle a lot. It hurts, which dissuades me from playing again. Why does it hurt? Well, in both cases, I'm going down the shame spiral with thoughts like "I should've been able to do better", "I can't do it", "what's the point". You get the picture. At some point I've dissuaded myself from doing anything that isn't instantly gratifying and I relapse. I really covet (to the point of envy sometimes) the "blessing" that some people seem to have cultivated: am intuitive positive but humble outlook on things, including themselves; a subconscious that doesn't pass hard judgements, with little to no fear of failure; someone that tends to accept the possibility or occurrence of failure, learns from their mistakes, and finds a sense of reward from within. Although there certainly is an unrealistic degree to which one can idolize this but I don't think it's too late or impossible to cultivate this myself now. This, in theory, would effectively counteract what is getting in the way of self-actualization ("really getting into" something, achieving ones "potential"). I guess I'm on the right track for at least believing its possible. So here I go... I'm going to start by saying: I am glad I persevered through the fear of failure and played a game of chess against a stranger today. I am glad I had the mindfulness to stop, listen and question the thoughts that came to mind. I am glad that I have all these journal entries and replies to look back on and managed to find some inspiration. I am glad I haven't given up, that I am, always have and always will be doing my best (at that moment in time). Thank you @Pochatok, I really appreciate your appreciation for mine and other people's posts. Judging from the statistics, you clearly a very active member of this community, I hope this behavior helps you as much it helps others. Take care comrade. REBOOT! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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