Day 45.
Wow, it's been two weeks since I last journaled.
I relapsed last week. I had one of the toughest weeks of the past year or so. I was struggling with 2 conflicts, one at work and another with a friend, a girl I'm really into. It was just too much for me to handle at that moment and I needed something to escape to. I started to play on wednesday. I haven't played that much, it was kept under control but I've played everyday since except for today. It's soooooo annoying. Playing just a little bit opens up the door and now cravings are creeping up on me. That's the main reason I decided to stop playing. I could probably keep it under control but I hate the fact that I keep thinking about it and I constantly have to battle with it. It's irritating. Yeah so I'm done. Fuck this, I'm not touching that game anymore. I have so much stuff to work on anyway. I started to learn video editing. I posted a couple of videos to my Youtube channel. Nothing fantastic but I've learned a lot.
I'm happy to stop now as my health was already starting to deteriorate. I get more aches and pains when I sit for too long at the desk and I didn't go to the gym at all last week. Working out is definitely providing me with that necessary balance for someone that works on the computer most of the time. I work in IT and some of my personal projects also involved working on the computer.
Inspired by Po, I want to do a little gratitude experiement. Even though my self-esteem got pretty low last week and I didn't do much, I am still proud and grateful for the following:
-Making my first music video with Adobe Premier
-Decided to invest more in my music. I took the time to negociate and get a good deal from a flute maker. I ordered 2000$US worth of flutes.
-Keeping up with cold showers. Starting the day with a win makes a big difference
-Did a 45 mins breathwork on saturday. Powerful stuff.
-Generally grateful for my soul family that has been cheering me up
@BooksandTrees, it was canceled. LoL!! I might redo it tomorow night but it hasn't been planned yet because the person I was having a conflict with is the one organizing the thing. I'm a bit sad about it...but it's ok. I'll get another chance soon enough.
Drums are cool, it's how started music 20 years ago. Now i mostly play native american flute and got back to my piano two weeks ago. Music is life.
P.S. I think im allergic to schrimps. My face is itchy and red. It hadnt done that to me for years. It's so annoying. I wonder if I'm really allergic to schrimp or just other toxic chemicals that could be found in them because I don't alaways get that reaction.