Nico Indigo

Day 55 I was dreading this. I felt ashamed of what had happened, of the fact I relapsed. I had a really tough two weeks. I'm better now though. I just got back from a two days retreat. I really needed that time away from home to disconnect from the computer and reconnect to myself. Aaaaaaaaaah, it feels sooo good. I feel renewed. I feel like my relapse is over. I think I've got it under control now. My last relapse taught me that I need other ways to cope when I feel down from something. One thing I realize now is that I can rely on friends. Whenever I feel like I'm about to play, I engage myself to call a friend and tell him how I feel. That's it for now, I'm so tired. Peace

Day 45. Wow, it's been two weeks since I last journaled. I relapsed last week. I had one of the toughest weeks of the past year or so. I was struggling with 2 conflicts, one at work and another with a friend, a girl I'm really into. It was just too much for me to handle at that moment and I needed something to escape to. I started to play on wednesday. I haven't played that much, it was kept under control but I've played everyday since except for today. It's soooooo annoying. Playing just a little bit opens up the door and now cravings are creeping up on me. That's the main reason I decided to stop playing. I could probably keep it under control but I hate the fact that I keep thinking about it and I constantly have to battle with it. It's irritating. Yeah so I'm done. Fuck this, I'm not touching that game anymore. I have so much stuff to work on anyway. I started to learn video editing. I posted a couple of videos to my Youtube channel. Nothing fantastic but I've learned a lot. I'm happy to stop now as my health was already starting to deteriorate. I get more aches and pains when I sit for too long at the desk and I didn't go to the gym at all last week. Working out is definitely providing me with that necessary balance for someone that works on the computer most of the time. I work in IT and some of my personal projects also involved working on the computer. Inspired by Po, I want to do a little gratitude experiement. Even though my self-esteem got pretty low last week and I didn't do much, I am still proud and grateful for the following: -Making my first music video with Adobe Premier -Decided to invest more in my music. I took the time to negociate and get a good deal from a flute maker. I ordered 2000$US worth of flutes. -Keeping up with cold showers. Starting the day with a win makes a big difference -Did a 45 mins breathwork on saturday. Powerful stuff. -Generally grateful for my soul family that has been cheering me up @BooksandTrees, it was canceled. LoL!! I might redo it tomorow night but it hasn't been planned yet because the person I was having a conflict with is the one organizing the thing. I'm a bit sad about it...but it's ok. I'll get another chance soon enough. Drums are cool, it's how started music 20 years ago. Now i mostly play native american flute and got back to my piano two weeks ago. Music is life. P.S. I think im allergic to schrimps. My face is itchy and red. It hadnt done that to me for years. It's so annoying. I wonder if I'm really allergic to schrimp or just other toxic chemicals that could be found in them because I don't alaways get that reaction.

Nice schedule! It's loaded but you also have a lot of time for art. Art is definitely the thing that helps me the most against video game addiction, music specifically. It brings me so much joy. I think you definitely need some time in your day to do something that brings you joy and peace. Anyhow, I really like your schedule. I should do one myself. Do you know Lex Fridman? This guy is a mater of efficiency and balance. In this video we go through his daily schedule. You should definitely check it out.

I just got the "One Month Later" badge. Dope.

Well done mate! I'm always happy top see new people choosing real life over games, because it is so much better!

Keep it up!

AHO my sister!

Day 30!! Let's go!! I'm so done with gaming at the moment. I don't even crave anymore. My 2 days retreat was epic! I was initied to cold baths, I bonded with awesome men that I can now call my brothers, I managed to overcome my fears and reaped the benefits. Tomorow I'm performing a short native american flute concert in front of 30ish people. I'm so grateful for that opportunity to share my passion. It's going to be awesome. Be the king of your life! Peace

Day I'm not sure lol -- 25? Almost a month!! Let's go!! There's so much going on in my life right now. Time flies by. I'm 34 now and every minute feels more important and beatiful than it was when I was a teenager. I haven't gamed at all this week. I've connected to a deeper feeling with my music. I've never had that much fun with it. I'm getting better, and it's easier now. I feel more freedom to enjoy myself. Again, I'm so grateful for my new group of friends. Community is so powerful. When people get together, they can acheive great things. I'm leaving tomorow for my 2 days retreat. It's going to be challenging. I really think it's gonna force me to step out of my comfort zone. That's good. I need growth and there are things I need to work on. Sometimes I feel held back by a lack of self-esteem or fear of not being good enough at what I'm about to do so I don't do it. I want to build my ability to take action. I have so many good ideas that I do nothing with. This week-end is going be the perfect envrionement to take an honest and careful look at this. @The_Creative_Quitter, life is so beautiful and video games right now feel like a huge waste of time. I feel so excited about life, about my life, and what I can do with it. We hold so much creative power, if only we start believing in ourselves. That's it. I don't have much time to write. I really wish I could read everyone's journals. Peace out

Hey Luny! I'm a libra too and balance never really was my forte either, not for gaming anyway. hahaha I can be balanced in other things, but not with gaming. I'm very intense in general. I dive all the way into everything I do. I think WoW is one of those games that siphons your life away. If you play casualy, you're just gonna suck. Well, that's how I used to see it. I always wanted to be amongst the best. If you don't want to stop all together, maybe try another game, maybe single player games, like Dragon Age or something. You can always pause and come back later and not feel like you've missed out on so many things. I hope you're well. Peace.

Salut Pat! Great post btw, I really like the analogy. It makes a lot of sense to me. Events do trigger past wounds and sometimes that trauma is distorting our perception of reality. Taking that into consideration can be very helpful in one's recovery from addiction. However, it doesn't mean that we have push all the pain away. True healing is done when we hold everything that comes in a space of love. Reading you makes me think of a wonderful video by Jeff Foster. I highly recommend you watch it. Oh! Cool! I figured that by your last name you might be from Québec. I've always lived in Quebec city or around it but I was fortunate enough to learn english, in part because of gaming, hahaha. If you ever pass by hit me up, maybe we could hang out or something! Peace!

Day 18 Finally got to sell my TV. It was the last gaming item I had. Today was a very productive day. I feel great. And tomorow is going to be nice too. I was invited to diner and I'll get a free Reiki massage. Noice! Peace

@SonicBreak, welcome! I hope you can find the support that you need here. Are you skeptical about gaming addiction in general or skeptical about being addicted or not yourself?

To be oneself is to be excluded by certain people. To be like others is to exclude oneself.

day 63 of awesomeness!

Day 16-17 Oh boy, I'm so happy to be surrounded by so many good people. All the friends I've been making since last summer is truly a source of great joy for me. We're bulding a tight knit community of like minded people. We're supporting each other, inspiring each other, and just having fun too. I bought a ticket to a two days retreat for men that my friends are organizing. I can't wait for next week-end. As for gaming, I played like 15 minutes today. I need to not let this get outta hand. That's how it started last time. I only played a dumb browser game though. It's like I don't even wanna play that much. I don't feel the urges as I used too. It's not a reason to fall back into it either. I need to keep going. I've got this. There are many things in my life right now that I feel much more exicted about: music, writing, working on my business, reading... games are like meeh, they don't sense anymore. Alright, Peace

Heyyy, it's good to hear from you! "If there is a remedy, then what is the use of frustration? If there is no remedy, then what is the use of frustration? " Sounds logical to me, but sometimes speaking about it can help especially because we often need empathy when we feel that way. Is your family in Quebec? I live in Quebec city. "In the meantime I could chose to focus on what I have" Yeah gratitude is so powerful, it certainly can elevate your mood. Your mom's car has fur? Nice! 😛 Again, glad to hear from you! Peace!

Day 14-15 Back to the gym baby! I found myself an underground dojo/gym that stayed open despite covid regulations. Fuck yeah, man! Feels great. even though I'm sore all over. I haven't gamed. I wasn't home for the most part of the last two days. It gets harder when I stay all night at home, espeically on week-ends. I love life, I love myself. Let's goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Oh wow! Carlos Nakai is the flute man by excellence (it's a french espression translated to english hahaha). He was the first popular player to embrace this style of flute with its pentatonic tuning. Oh yeah and my life is so much better without it. I feel like I'm living again!

If you're able to balance you're gaming, then more power to you! I never was. Once I start playing just a little bit, I wanna play all the time. And contrats on your writting 😄

Day 13 I played 1 minute. I really don't like the state of mind the game I was addicted to puts me in. It's low vibes. I mean ffs most games are about killing each other. I closed the game in disgust. I still consider today a success. I really don't feel like writting. I'm tired. Good night Peace

Hey, how have ytou been in the past week? I'm eager to read you!

Even Cam got urges when WoW Classic came out. I remember he made a video about it. He mentionned nostalgia. Sometimes I still have dreams about WoW even after over 10 years of quitting. Maybe I still have some letting go to do.

Day 12. Cozy sunday at home, alone. Cold showers are now 45 seconds. It's getting hard. The water is so cold at the moment. I opened up a game today and closed it 30 seconds later. I was just curious about updates but I didn't really want to play. Danger zone. It feels like time went by so fast today. Maybe I should start tracking my time usage, especially online. I haven't done any breatwork in days. I don't know why I resist so much. Lazyness. It's not very pleasant to breath like a mad man for 20+ mins. But man oh man it connects me right up with the spiritual side of things. It feels good. I'm wondering how I could better motivate myself. Back to my book Goodnight

Oh and If you need advice on men, I can't help, I'm weird. lol When it comes to dating, I don't play the seduction game anymore. I just be myself and treat the other person as a unique human being that I genuiely want to discover. Simple enough and it works. In the past 6 months I've been with the most amazing people. It all started to happen when I finally said YES to life and took another step towards fully loving myself, trusting that the the right people will cross my path. Vibe your tribe they say. P.S. you're cute