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The radtech

Journal.. Starting to get tough

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Okay so I started this on tuesdag and didnt think that it would get hard cause it really felt like a relief to quit gaming. But yesterday something happened on my way home from working out. I crossed traffic light which was green to me, then from the road to my right which was red, a female fellow cyclist came towards me with no slowing down in pace. she wanted to turn right, the same way I was going, so I was forced to give her space which meant I had to take the risk of being run over by the cars who also had green light. She almost rammed me but nothing happened so I didnt complain to her or yeled at her. Then  10 meter later she Screamed and yelled at me " ARE YOU GOING TO DIE IF YOU DONT GET OVER THE ROAD YOU FUCKI..." Like I was to blame. Afterwards I got so frustrated that the only thing I wanted was to re install steam, cancel the deletion and play Borderlands again, since B3 is on its way. All day yesterday AND today I wanted to do it. So I got home to my PC and then dowloaded the installer, luckely, the Gamquitters homepage was also on the tabs so I looked a bit in the forums to read your journals, and decided to make my own. Now as I am writing this, I have deleted the installer again and the deletion period continues… 

 

Now I have learned that I ACTUALLY do use gaming as an escape, which I didnt think I was doing in the beginning. 🙂

 

 

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Welcome to the forums!

Having an online journal has been really helpful for me. The users here are quite amazingly generous. Good luck on your gaming detox 😊

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Thansk man 🙂 I couldnt really see that there was much activity in the forums untill I found these daily journals, I am looking forward to be a part of it. Good day 🙂

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Hey The radtech,

Great you made this decision. I hope it's not something you just came up with one day and you are more than willing to give up gaming. It just sounded a bit like a short-term decision. I just learned from myself that I have to be truly willing, otherwise I fail and feel even worse afterwards. 

But I don't think that's the case for you! I wish you all the best and I will occasionally read your journal. Have a good one!

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Hey Sapuverell, it IS something I really want and has been wanting to do for a year But never had the tools to do so before I found this. And even then it took me some time to sign up for respawn so I am not quitting at all, not so easily 🙂 

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Day 5: 

 

It’s still tempting to download steam and cancel my deletion. Luckily though I am seeing some friends this weekend with my girlfriends which makes gaming impossible for me. I have a hard time to find something to do when I have no obligations to do anymore. It’s hard not to watch gaming on YouTube. But I haven’t done that yet either I just begin to feel the need now 🙂 

 

good day 2 evrybuds 😎👍🏻

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i started gaming as a means to escape and take out my anger and frustration but i stoped when gaming became the reason i was always frustrated, angry and kind of depressed all the time.

i am not that far in my journey to give advice (only 3 days) but i just want to say that my escape became the thing i needed to escape from in the end.

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3 hours ago, Yogesh Olla said:

i started gaming as a means to escape and take out my anger and frustration but i stoped when gaming became the reason i was always frustrated, angry and kind of depressed all the time.

i am not that far in my journey to give advice (only 3 days) but i just want to say that my escape became the thing i needed to escape from in the end.

I hope you Will complete the 90 days mate 🙂 Good thing you stopped when it wasnt even joyfull to you anymore 🙂 👍🏻

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Day 6:

Its beginning to feel weird now cause I keep thinking about reasons why gaming is not that bad. Starting to talk myself into thinking it’s okay healthy 😄 not falling for it though. 

 

VICTORY OF THE DAY: 

I managed to go workout with my friend even though we Got home from a weekend at my friends House at 17 30 o’clock (530pm). I was tired and wanted to wait till tomorrow, But ! Consistency 🙂 it feels so Damn Good.

 

I hope you all had a good Day without any trouble 🙂 

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Day 7 (1day late):

I forgot to write yesterday, but there wasnt anything new or challenging really. I had a day of from school so I spend the day on going for at bike ride early in the morning and then I went shopping, made my homework or study and then watched some docs. I had a weird and surreal dream though. I actually dreamed that I was gaming and I remember feeling really bad and almost sick to my stomach when I woke up and first thought that it was real. The sick stomach feeling you get when you know you have done something bad and now everyone is disappointed at you 😄 that was really an annoying dream to have. But it did help on making me not want to play that day 🙂

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Day 8: 

Everthing is going good.

I just found out that I am going to be traveling for 3,5 hours everyday for the next half year after the summer because I am going to be in a clinic for the apprenticeship. Good thing is I will have no time at all to game so that will be good. 

 

Have A nice day guys n’ gals 🙂 

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Day 9: 

 

Everything has been going smoothly today. We Got to do ultrasound scan on each others renal glands. And I finished the School job for the group so Thats all done. I Got home and cleaned the apartment, took out the trash, did the dishes, washed my bike and shopped for dinner. Nice and productive day. I can feel my self gaining more will and energy to do productive things instead of procrastinating them. 

 

Haven been thinking  too much  about gaming today. 🙂 

 

things are looking bright today..

 

Good day to you all 🙂 

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Day 10: 

 

Today I have had free from School because I Got the job done yesterday. So today I was supposed to go workout with my pal and afterwards take a trip on the bike to a small but beautifull little island nearby. And two mates were supposed to join me but my pal woke up 1,5 hours too late so I got the workout done today by myself and he was also supposed to join the bike ride but decided to cancel that too, apparently because the other guy also bailed. So now I am sitting here on the island by myself in an intoxicating lovely silence. I hear only birds. No cars, no horns, no humans 🙂 

 

and the weather is perfectly windy 🙂 

 

Tomorrow I will travel to Copenhagen and enjoy my entire weekend with my girlfriend ❤️ 

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Day 11-12-13:

 

Had a very Nice weekend with my girlfriend in Copenhagen. We went to see walking with dinosaurs 🦕 which was a really great show with authentic 1 to 1 size Dinos it was great fun. Loved it. 

 

Then in we ate dinner at Hard Rock Cafe Copenhagen. Can definitely recommend going there if you ever are to visit the capital city of Denmark 😉 super great food and even better service. 

 

Still though, I am looking forward to get back home to read up on my upcoming Ultrasound examination 😎👍🏻 

 

Hope you guys had a nice weekend as well 🙂 

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Edited by The radtech
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Day 14-15:

 

Yesterday was my birthday… It startet out a bit rough with a little argueing at home with my love. though it did turn out to get better and good again later that day.

I had though the biggest wish to install some games and start playing again. I think it is when I am pushed on my emotional level that I want to play the most. otherwise I dont seem to have many problems with not playing games as long as I am busy or just after I have been busy. Thats why I am today going to make a 3 split workout program so that I will workout everyday but for shorter periods and then only have free on saturdays 🙂

Today was a great day in school with lots of new knowledge. Sciencetheory and interviews. Got my lady to make cookies for the class for tomorrow ❤️ 

Actually looking forward to the ultrasound test tomorrow and feeling more confident that not. Wish me luck guys n' gals 😄 

c'ya

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Day 16: 

 

Today I finished and passed my Ultrasound exam. with 87% correct answers 😄 so not perfect but still better than the pass-bar at 70% correct answers. 

Its nice to get that over with so the last thing to do before the summer of activity begins, is the mini-bachelor which is the "exam" to past this 5th semester out of 7 semesters. 

In a gaming perspective the day has been moderately hard because I have had a constant nostalgic craving and since I passed the test I keep telling myself that I could start playing again because I now have actual time, but then I just realize that its exactly because I stopped gaming that I was able to take the test without feeling nervous and pass with over medium satisfaction 🙂 I dont think I really dare to play games anymore (other than social real life events) I am too afraid it will make me lazy and "stupid" again when it comes to schoolstuff 🙂

 

only 14 days till my steam account gets obliterated 😄

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Day 17 - 17 1/2:

 

Just realized I forgot to write about yesterday. Yesterday I had the day off from School, I spend the day by going to the gym with my friend where we tried out a new 3 split body program. I was okay. I later tried to contact the guys from my class to hear if they wanted to spend the day outside together and only my workout buddy replied to me. Everybody in the groupchat saw the message but didnt reply. Thats ofcourse okay but then my buddy wrote in the same chat and he got almost instant answers.

Throughout that conversation I litereally didnt get any answers to my messages or questions.  Only my buddy did. Now, it is extremely hard to not become socially sensitive, to think that something is wrong with me or to not think, " dont they like me". But after a lot of waiting and fishing for replies (my buddy did that so we would at least get something) we got one to join and it was very funny few hours. It started out with the plan of going to the nearby island and have a good time early in the day. It ended up being 18 30 or 630pm, going to the pond which is a lot closer place, and just drinking some beers and talking, which was nice as well. Point is, a realized that I can be prone to think that others feel negatively about me even though when I then meet them IRL there is nothing there that would actually proof that they dont like me. Its exhausting to be in this state of social fight or flight, me against them mode 😕

I am looking forward to a nice relxing day today with no plans 

 

 C'ya guys. 🙂

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Day 19:

 

I dont really have anything to put here today, just a tough day thats all..

Tomorrow is workout out day or rather later since its 01 30 am here..

Good night everybody 🙂

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On 5/17/2019 at 1:15 PM, The radtech said:

Day 17 - 17 1/2:

Interesting, I am in the same spot with my former high school classmates. I just never organized anything myself, I was a follower, took no responsibility and so it makes sense they are not overly responsive to my requests. It depends on how much power do you have in that social structure. You don't need to beat yourself up over it though 🙂

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58 minutes ago, Ikar said:

Interesting, I am in the same spot with my former high school classmates. I just never organized anything myself, I was a follower, took no responsibility and so it makes sense they are not overly responsive to my requests. It depends on how much power do you have in that social structure. You don't need to beat yourself up over it though 🙂

Hi Ikar, I dont think I have any power or alpha role amongts my mates. But I am however often the one that has to pull the strings to get things done. Only this time it didnt seem to work for me at all. And you would think that they would reply since we were all talking about doing something in this longer weekend that we had but you it turns out to be mostly talk and not doing. Mostly 🙂

 

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Day 20-21:

Addicted to training?

Its going good and better and better for now. But I did download steam and reinstalled a few games, but I didnt get to play them before I filed for a new delete request and deleted all the games again. It annoys me a bit that I cant overrule that 30 days wait. But on the other hand its propably good enough to learn some consistency. 

I just startet to workout 6/7 days of the week to get moving just a little every day, BUT I have hit little speedbump. My GF thinks and is afraid that I am getting addicted to working out. She thinks that if I build up from 3 to 6 days workout that I will soon workout 2 times a day 6 days a week ?? 🙂 To me it takes a lot of energy from me cause she means it geniuently while I think it is exageration. I am already doing my best to make sure that all my workout is going to be within the time where she is working anyway. She is full time I am a student 🙂

She doesnt really know that I am trying to quit games either, because I have talked with her about quitting videogames before, and she insisted I should moderate instead of quitting all gaming. So its not because she thinks  I am addicted to games that she thinks I am addicted to fitness 🙂 

 

What to think ? What to do, I dont knooow 😄

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30 days is there to help you to relapse, don't fall into their trickery! 😄

Tell her, she needs to know, so she can support you and help you out if times get bad with your gaming.

First person I told I am quitting gaming IRL was my ex-gf, as I thought I still had some credibility in her eyes, but I was wrong. She's still resentful towards me, after I wrote what I think I did wrong and what I think she did wrong. I never got a sensible answer out of her on the topic, because she refuses responsibility (in school most visibly), same as I did in the past. If she was responsible, she could face me and the truth and she'd be happy for me, even if that doesn't necessarily mean the relationship between us would be still romantic. I'm very happy about the fact I managed to break the relationship down and study what made it go south, but it was no easy task and I got to this forum in the process.

On the contrary, I told my addiction story to my grandma and mom and I feel closer to them than ever. It came as a slight shock to my mom, as she and my dad raised me and there's likely some blame on them too for letting me into the clutches of gaming from my very early years. There's no way I am gonna hate them for that though, as it doesn't do any good. I am responsible for myself now, no excuses.

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