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Ikar's Diary


Ikar

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19 Oct - 24 Oct:

I attended a birthday party at the weekend. I had a good time at the beginning, bad time in the middle and good time at the end. I had a good chat with one/two of the guys at the beginning, then had to overhear a bunch of (group!) gossip about a guy who was about to come to the party. I mean, get real. It was just cringe for half of the people there too. We had a fun quiz at the end though. I felt much more comfortable when my girlfriend's sister and her boyfriend came over to visit me when I was home alone. I guess it just depends on the people. It's quite paradoxical that I often feel better on lessons with my students than with acquaintances in my off time. Even though there are of course some conventions and limits, I think I the personalities shine through over time during the lessons.

My girlfriend came back on 19th from the holiday with her friend. The last two weeks, we've been working on the exercises in "7 Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Gottman. It includes writing a "Mission Statement", perhaps akin to the one @D_Cozy is working on now. I tried getting myself to work on this exercise, but it is rather hard. My girlfriend feels the same. I felt a bit ashamed of not having overarching goals and dreams 'for life'. I already have a great job/business, a great girlfriend, a great friend and a great financial cushion and a few other things. I 'just' want to expand/maintain that. At the moment, I am only (again) feeling the need to distance myself from porn once again. I don't want to force some imaginary 'nice to have' goals that I have no attachment to.

I started looking after my health more too. I went to the doctor. I'm gonna get blood and urine samples, as well as an examination at cardiology. In the meanwhile, my father got me a new blood pressure monitor. I bought special tea to help me lower my blood pressure and I started doing more exercise than before. I went for a hike at the weekend, worked out on Tuesday and went for a run with a friend on Wednesday. I made a note in my calendar to start all of my online lessons standing, as I can adjust the height of my table just by pressing a button.

I also visited financial Reddit for a periodical monthly update on the financial world. I also organized a shooting range visit with a few friends at the weekend.

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1 hour ago, Ikar said:

19 Oct - 24 Oct:

I had to overhear a bunch of (group!) gossip about a guy who was about to come to the party.

My girlfriend came back on 19th from the holiday with her friend. The last two weeks, we've been working on the exercises in "7 Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Gottman. It includes writing a "Mission Statement", perhaps akin to the one @D_Cozy is working on now. I tried getting myself to work on this exercise, but it is rather hard. My girlfriend feels the same. I felt a bit ashamed of not having overarching goals and dreams 'for life'. I already have a great job/business, a great girlfriend, a great friend and a great financial cushion and a few other things. I 'just' want to expand/maintain that. At the moment, I am only (again) feeling the need to distance myself from porn once again. I don't want to force some imaginary 'nice to have' goals that I have no attachment to.

Oh geez, I hope that doesn't happen too much at a reunion early next year. There's potential that it could. >.>

I think it's really cool to examine life guides as a team. If my ex never had serious trauma and things, we could have done a lot better naturally. That might be why the exercises might be difficult - having a naturally good thing going already. Idk 🙂 

Funny you mention it too now. I could try to say that erotica has its last gasp as people become more social, but like with my current RPG-free streak, it's 1 day at a time saying 'I won't game now, maybe tomorrow' as opposed to 'I will pursue romantic interest today alone, then deal with the next day.' I might be twisting logic a bit there but romance to me is like a way of life, a mandatory alternative to merely comfortably assuring sexual 'health'. Gaming could be described as more of a (but long in some cases) step in a person's journey. 

I tried truly opening up for a solid year, before becoming unwell as no one quite knew how to work with me, combined with my gaming. Learning to self-soothe was costly in a way. I'm unlikely to forget the highs/possibilities of my late teens/early twenties easily so that I can stop measuring things now against them. S'why we're here, so we can inspire each other with our learnings, isn't it? 

Edit: This has been probably my first successful game-free real early morning here, without an alarm. Forgiveness please!

Edited by wheatbiscuit
grammar
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21 hours ago, Ikar said:

The last two weeks, we've been working on the exercises in "7 Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Gottman. It includes writing a "Mission Statement", perhaps akin to the one @D_Cozy is working on now. I tried getting myself to work on this exercise, but it is rather hard. My girlfriend feels the same.

Yeah, Mission Statements are hard to write. I'm not familiar with that book, the one I'm reading is from Stephen R. Covey on "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." But the idea sounds similar; you want to create a base, a foundation that is built on correct principles like honesty, integrity, fairness, quality, and accountability (these are the ones I'm remembering atm). Covey also states in the book I'm reading that it isn't just a once-and-done kinda thing to write a Mission Statement, it can take several weeks or months before we feel comfortable with it, and even after that it's something we want to keep reviewing to align it as our understanding of principles evolves.

As my signature says, one day at a time. I'm not rushing the process; it's certainly hard to find time some days with 3 kids, but it's been worth it for me to carve out the time to do the work. Mission Statements can be written to be personal, for a family, for a community, and for a business. I'm starting with writing my own mission statement, but at some point I would like to write one with my wife for our family. We have a whiteboard that I think would make a good drawing board for it.

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On 10/24/2024 at 11:00 PM, wheatbiscuit said:

Oh geez, I hope that doesn't happen too much at a reunion early next year. There's potential that it could. >.>

I think it's really cool to examine life guides as a team. If my ex never had serious trauma and things, we could have done a lot better naturally. That might be why the exercises might be difficult - having a naturally good thing going already. Idk 🙂 

Funny you mention it too now. I could try to say that erotica has its last gasp as people become more social, but like with my current RPG-free streak, it's 1 day at a time saying 'I won't game now, maybe tomorrow' as opposed to 'I will pursue romantic interest today alone, then deal with the next day.' I might be twisting logic a bit there but romance to me is like a way of life, a mandatory alternative to merely comfortably assuring sexual 'health'. Gaming could be described as more of a (but long in some cases) step in a person's journey. 

I tried truly opening up for a solid year, before becoming unwell as no one quite knew how to work with me, combined with my gaming. Learning to self-soothe was costly in a way. I'm unlikely to forget the highs/possibilities of my late teens/early twenties easily so that I can stop measuring things now against them. S'why we're here, so we can inspire each other with our learnings, isn't it? 

Edit: This has been probably my first successful game-free real early morning here, without an alarm. Forgiveness please!

Thanks for your post! I don't worry about the birthday party too much. My two biggest friends are my friend and my girlfriend anyway. The rest is kinda "optional" - acquaintances and students. I meet quite a lot of people, but I have to admit it's not easy to make friends now. Maybe it's because I prefer quality over quantity 😄

Traumas are definitely a thing, although I feel like "trauma" is a too strong word for me to use. I mostly worry about how to best overcome these problems now; I think it's good to at least be aware of them and how they influence me.

Yes, I do think being in a relationship is/has a lifestyle of its own. I think my girlfriend and I have made good work on working together as a team in a relationship, especially over the last 3 months. We both put some effort in and the relationship seems to be on the up, though I still worry a little about a few explosive problems. The book has some advice on that, so I hope to use it well.

Good luck with your journey! 🙂 

On 10/25/2024 at 6:37 PM, D_Cozy said:

Yeah, Mission Statements are hard to write. I'm not familiar with that book, the one I'm reading is from Stephen R. Covey on "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." But the idea sounds similar; you want to create a base, a foundation that is built on correct principles like honesty, integrity, fairness, quality, and accountability (these are the ones I'm remembering atm). Covey also states in the book I'm reading that it isn't just a once-and-done kinda thing to write a Mission Statement, it can take several weeks or months before we feel comfortable with it, and even after that it's something we want to keep reviewing to align it as our understanding of principles evolves.

As my signature says, one day at a time. I'm not rushing the process; it's certainly hard to find time some days with 3 kids, but it's been worth it for me to carve out the time to do the work. Mission Statements can be written to be personal, for a family, for a community, and for a business. I'm starting with writing my own mission statement, but at some point I would like to write one with my wife for our family. We have a whiteboard that I think would make a good drawing board for it.

I remember reading "7 Habits" a few (or perhaps several) years ago, so it struck me to see it again in a very similar format in the "7 Principles" book in combination with you working on what seems to be a very similar exercise too. It sounds like a great idea to do it for your family later! I've never been big on these things (maybe because they are hard 😄 ) , but I'll write about some of the positive traits you mentioned below and what they mean to me, at least as an intellectual exercise:

Honesty: I strongly prefer to be honest. I'm nearly 100% honest in my speech and I often avoid even "white lies". I squirm if I lie and avoid eye contact; I have to say I am very bad at lying.

Integrity: I think my integrity was heavily compromised when gaming. I broke promises and made up excuses; not only to others but to myself as well. I effectively "lied" in my actions. I now know it's much better, but still I think I sometimes "nod away" an issue or avoid doing things (mainly at the request of others) when I feel it's not important/worth my attention. At the same time, when I truly decide for something, I can be sure I give it my 100% and take it seriously for everyone's benefit.

Fairness: I generally don't like to keep scores, but I think I am fair to others and myself. Being self-employed is basically all about managing good relationships and treating others fairly and equally.

I think not saying something at a certain can be a lie as well. That said, I suppose this is an area where people differ. I consider not being transparent/withholding information about e.g. fee structure a lie. Case in point: financial advisors. It's perfectly OK to have one, but I also think it's perfectly OK to know how much they are charging. Are they honest in what they are charging and how? Did they wave it off as an irrelevant concern? Did they find the numbers straight up? Investments are numbers on a paper and should be judged by their advantages and disadvantages; much like cars. It's not smart to buy the car just because the man looks nice and tells nice stories.

Thanks for your comment!

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25 Oct - 2 Nov:

My girlfriend and I went for a short trip to Italy for four days until 28 Oct. It was nice to spend time together and to see a new country after a while. We also worked on some of the exercises from the "7 Principles" book for relationship.

I went to the doctor's and my blood samples and urine are OK. I'm going to visit cardiology next week just to be sure. As for my health, I went running this week and tomorrow I'm gonna change the wheels/tires tomorrow to get some lifting.

My father, my friend and I did some work on grandma's kitchen again. It went fine and we got the water pipes changed/remade.

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On 11/2/2024 at 2:43 PM, Ikar said:

25 Oct - 2 Nov:

My girlfriend and I went for a short trip to Italy for four days until 28 Oct. It was nice to spend time together and to see a new country after a while. We also worked on some of the exercises from the "7 Principles" book for relationship.

I went to the doctor's and my blood samples and urine are OK. I'm going to visit cardiology next week just to be sure. As for my health, I went running this week and tomorrow I'm gonna change the wheels/tires tomorrow to get some lifting.

My father, my friend and I did some work on grandma's kitchen again. It went fine and we got the water pipes changed/remade.

Good to hear about your health. I'm curious if you've considered self a nutritionist too? I've gotten a lot of help from mine. 

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10 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Good to hear about your health. I'm curious if you've considered self a nutritionist too? I've gotten a lot of help from mine. 

What was the issue you solved together?

Thanks for the concern regarding my diet. I'm doing my best to avoid excess sodium, unhealthy fats and empty calories. I'm also even more vary of alcohol than I used to. I got a full blood and urine screening and all the values are OK, including sodium and cholesterol. My blood pressure is around 130 these days. I'm doing more exercise and I think it's starting to have an impact. I guess I should try to get a half-hour in every day though; I'm roughly at two times a week now.

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I'm using the template I used the last time. 8/10/24 - 6/11/24

"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.

I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.

 

Books/Reading articles/Learning:

L: I didn't borrow any books this month, because unfortunately the library is in reconstruction. They should open it in a few weeks though.

I however do think I made good progress in educating myself through chats, meetings and Reddit with other English lecturers. I feel more confident at what I do and how I do it and that's a good feeling to have.

T: I went to a seminar about tech in education, met with my coursemate again and studied more about AI. Read up on my sub-reddits about finance again.

Possible direction/goals:

(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.

 

Family:

L: My friend, my girlfriend and I made significant progress in the installation of the cabinets. The upper part is pretty much done and the lower cabinets are waiting to be installed. We're more than half-way through the project (including the planning - mostly done by my brother and father) and I'm very happy thanks to that. The installation of the lower cabinets will be more challenging, as we also need to deal with several pipes and the sink, but I'm confident we'll manage it.

T: Got some work done on the water pipes and electricity, mostly by my father. My girlfriend and my friend noticed he treats me quite harshly and that my reactions are quite harsh too; I'm really oblivious to that, because it's just how it's always been. We usually help out one another in need, so I guess that's OK. However, I'm working on having different relationship dynamics with others.

NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.

Possible direction/goals:

Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.

Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family.

 

Business/English:

L: I started some important projects in August, among them are: setting higher prices, contacting old students with offers for re-engagement and the website improvement project. We'll see how they go.

From the numbers below, it's clear that I didn't have many language school courses during the summer. Many companies cut language school courses during the summer completely. For my financial stability over the summer, it is really better when I have my own courses, because individual people only cancel the lessons when they are on holiday (2 or 3 weeks, but not 2 or 3 whole months like companies). I even got a pay raise in one of the language schools, but the gap is just too big at this point. I can earn 20-35% more on my own even on their best paid courses.

I have the CELTA certificate at home now! I also improved my financial planning by implementing new tools. I also worked on writing some of my new website and worked with my web-designer. I wrote about the teaching-philosophy change above.

The good news also is that I won't need the numbers below from the next month. I now officially have only 2-3 hours of lessons for the language schools a week, meaning tracking this metric is has become redundant! It will come down to just 1 hour in November too.

T: I didn't get any leads from my old students, but that's OK. I made them aware and that's what counts. The website improvement project is still ongoing, though not much work was done in the last month.

Section with the split of lessons (my own/language school) deleted. Feels good! I've had this goal for the last two/three years and now it's reality. I had nearly 20 hours of lessons last week and just 1 for language schools. I'm happy 😄 

NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.

Possible direction/goals:

With my job position and student demand secure, I'm more able and willing to reschedule or even cancel classes in case I want to do something, mainly in the evening and for holidays. I enjoy having this option thoroughly.

Keep classes at a stable 20-25 hours a week.

Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.

Look into strategies to become truly self-employed by skipping the agencies in between. - check university offers after CELTA

Create a learning plan for myself. - going to CELTA

Go through "lecturer academy" + CELTA materials.

Networking and business events.

Past projects:

Questionnaire - June 2023

Fixed logos on my website for better visuals.

Updated the pricing section of my website. Variable/tiered pricing (do in July/August).

Got minor pay raises from language schools. - summer 2023

Did evaluations/testing of my students, if required.

Attended one networking event and one marketing seminar.

Introduced "phone call" classes. Update website/business profiles with "phone calls".

Lecturer academy Brona. - fall 2023

Sample business contract on my website. - update the web with new ideas before July

Google sheets system for students. - update it

Questionnaire part 2 - January 2024

Canceled agency courses - March

Taxes - April/May

60/55 minutes online transition - April/May

Questionnaire part 3 - June

CELTA - July 2023

Contacted old students with offers - Aug/Sep 2024

Raised prices - from Sep

Website improvement project - from Aug

 

Exercise/Movement:

L: I visited the physiotherapist a month ago, but I still do the exercises from time to time, mainly the main three I got during our very first meeting. I can now also say that I exercise once a week, either running with my girlfriend or going to the workout playground with other guys. I also cycled and went for some trips.

T: I started being more conscious about my health after finding out about my high blood pressure. I'm gonna get a cardiological appointment soon. I also started being more intent on exercising semi-daily and standing/walking during the lessons rather than sitting. I went to a hike or two too.

NOT: I don't want to become fat.

Possible direction/goals:

I enjoy the fact I do not have to be "actively" dealing with this area of my life, as it's technically a part of my job. I just have to be on lookout if that was to change.

Keep in shape.

 

Blogging:

L: I had another burst of inspiration some day in the late evening and managed to push out an article in about an hour and something.

T: -

Possible direction/goals:

Find a suitable UI/web template.

Set up emailing for subs.

Post two articles a month.

Polish links in articles. Interlink new articles with old ones.

Finish articles in concepts.

 

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What to do if I am bored?

Replacement activities for 1 hour: reading books, cleaning, washing the dishes, reading newsletters

Replacement activities for 2 hours: going for a walk, work on my business, blogging

 

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Additional thoughts/activities:

I'm now more open to working abroad now after taking the CELTA. I also met many new and interesting people and managed to meet a few older friends.

 

My priorities for the next six weeks:

Prepare for the CELTA English teaching course that starts in six weeks. - done

I want to work on the questionnaire part 3 in May/June as well. - done

Reconstruct my grandma's kitchen.

 

My hobbies are: personal finance, graphs/projections/statistics, gunnery, GIS/statistics, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging/writing, geography.

This month, I did these cool activities: going to Italy, going to the shooting range with my friends, changing wheels on my car, working on my grandma's kitchen, visiting my friends, working on my relationship with my girlfriend (7 Principles), reading about finance.

 

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Goals/resolutions/aspirations for 2024:

Main must-have plans for 2024:

Prepare for (Feb-June) and successfully make (July-August) the CELTA certificate course.

Finish the university in January. In case something goes horribly wrong, then in May. I've got this.

Move in with my girlfriend in April.

Set up the new kitchen for my grandma.

Optional nice-to-have plans for 2024:

Re-start my financial blog in February.

Learn how to type with all ten fingers on the keyboard.

Habits:

Stop watching porn (again).

Start getting up when my alarm rings = Put my alarm across the room.

Establish flossing at least once a week.

Exercise regularly.

Continue: planning, walking/exercising, writing/journaling, reading, working on good life/work balance.

It's a short list, but if I manage all of it, I will be happy.

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