I can't stop thinking of her

[SegaCity]

About 4 years ago I had my first love, she was beautiful. We went out for about 1.5 years and broke up in an awful way. I was a total fucking dick, but we were kids...

The first year and a half of the break was fucking hard, I thought of her every day. Then it kind of died down to about every month.

Just recently I deleted so many friends on FB and deactivated my accounts on FB, Twitter and Instagram to open new ones (a fresh start).

With only 4 friends on FB, I decided to search for her (she doesn't have this account blocked). I started obsessing and started hurting... 

My therapist told me to write down all of my past experiences on paper to let them go, but when I write about her nothing goes away...

So I tried to send a message to her talking about the state I'm in, the things I was sorry for and asked for her forgiveness so I can move along with my life.

She looks like she's having quite the okay life

It really hurts right now fam, please help, I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

[Laney]

The person you're in love with isn't the same person that is alive today. She's changed, you've changed. I've learned if someone doesn't think I'm worth dating then they aren't attractive. You deserve someone who wants you too. Not just "a wonderful person who could care less about me". That's not something you want hun:) you got this. The journey will begin with a new person down the road. 

Edited January 15, 2016 by Laney

[SegaCity]

@Laney Thanks for the help Yeah, I should be excited to meet someone else that I can love. It's been kind of hard lately, but the more I become social the better it will be I guess.

[Cam Adair]

It will pass my man. Embrace the experience and allow it to be a catalyst in your life. You can't change the past but you can continue to show up as your best every day for the future. 

[Paul A.]

Wow I'm so embarrassed to share this, but I can't talk to girls... 

I'm just so scared that ANYTHING will go wrong and I'll be humiliated and embarrassed, and I've tried to convince myself that they won't bite, but I just can't help it...

So during the church retreat, I tried to talk to this girl Elizabeth, and to be honest, it didn't go well (this was like the second time ever I walked up to a girl like this). Apparently, I even looked nervous, I was constantly fixing my jacket and all that... I went under the pretense that I was helping my friend get over HIS girl problems, and I pushed him so he was centimeters away from Elizabeth, but to be honest I was the one that liked her. My friend liked a different girl, and he actually went up and talked to her (on a bet), and it seemed like it went well (I eavesdropped on snippets of it ). Then later, he tried to set me up with Elizabeth, but I was too much of a coward and the only thing I said was 'Hi' before I walked away . I'm so pathetic but I'm so desperate help PLEASE

Btw @SegaCity love the animation and I hope everything goes well 4 u

Edited January 18, 2016 by Paul A.

[Laney]

@Paul A. As a female, I couldn't even talk to girls right until I joined a sorority in college, or at least I couldn't keep them as long term friends. But I always talked to dudes, so maybe I can help out a bit. When talking to new male people: We would talk about homework assignments, common interests and teachers. Usually people who sat near me in class or, In English class, the ones who were very talkative during question and answer discussion on books. Those people are more open minded and interested in meeting/getting to know others/sharing their viewpoints and discussing them. Great way to make some good friends.

Theatre and debate would be a good way to interact with both guys and girls, as well as develop shy-ness in front of people/performing.

Edited January 19, 2016 by Laney

[Paul A.]

...

umm I'm a dude...

[Cam Adair]

...

umm I'm a dude...

Haha this is going to happen on the forum all the time so don't sweat it. 

[Paul A.]

gotcha

Ha

[Laney]

Sorry fellow was the wrong word. As a female*  I didn't think you were a gal, @Paul A.  Was using it more as fellow gamequitter who is female? Not sure what I was thinking! Also please tag me or quote me otherwise I won't get a notification you responded.

Edited January 19, 2016 by Laney

[Fuck]

women are garbage. most of them arent worth dating or being around especially after they get bored of you. but i understand i used to obsess over exgirlfriends for years too. poor guys... happens to use all. "she was" "beautiful" "amazing" "made me happy" you can say that about any girl no matter how shit she really was until you wake up. i obsessed over some REALLY REALLY TRASHY MENTAL WHORES. WHAT WAS I THINKING!? Hope you get over the dumb hoes because lets be honest any girl who gives you attention will do this to you until you get over it. both you and i know it. she wasnt special...

Edited January 26, 2016 by Fuck

[Marquess]

I can't believe no one has posted this already. But anyway, here's the good news: http://therationalmale.com/2011/08/30/there-is-no-one/

ONEitis is paralysis. You cease to mature, you cease to move, you cease to be you.

There is no ONE. This is the soulmate myth. There are some good Ones and some bad Ones, but there is no ONE. Anyone telling you anything else is selling you something. There are LOTS of ‘special someones’ out there for you, just ask the divorced/widowed person who’s remarried after their “soulmate” has died or moved on.

This is what trips people up about the soul-mate myth, it is this fantasy that we all at least in some way share an idealization of – that there is ONE perfect mate for each of us, and as soon as the planets align and fate takes it’s course we’ll know that we’re ‘intended’ for each other. And while this may make for a gratifying romantic comedy plot, it’s hardly a realistic way to plan your life. In fact it’s usually paralyzing.

Once you realize that, you're ready to move on. Good luck.

There are many articles on the topic, The Rational Male also has this one.

I was obsessed with a specific girl for years and barely dated anyone during that time. It's the time I'll never ever get back, and I'm glad I can share this information with others.

Ultimately, what you need to do is: realize what oneitis is + start dating. It does get so much better.

Edited February 6, 2016 by Marchosias

[Marquess]

There's something else that may be causing problems. You need to ask yourself whether you truly want to get over her.

Do you really want to get out of all this misery to live an actual emotional life that doesn't consist solely of memories, songs, pictures, and probably continuous stalking? There's a certain addictive quality to misery, self-pity. It's comfortable, predictable, and it doesn't require any effort.

You cannot fail at being unhappy, ever.

Now, moving forward, that can fail and will fail at multiple points. Rejection, self doubt, all the awesome stuff. But it's the only way to live in a long run.

The real danger of oneitis is that it's slowly eating you away while anesthetizing you with the perverse pleasure of grief. I'd say it's a lot like video games you keep playing even though you know you should stop.

Edited February 6, 2016 by Marchosias

[Somebodyelse]

About 4 years ago I had my first love, she was beautiful. We went out for about 1.5 years and broke up in an awful way. I was a total fucking dick, but we were kids...

The first year and a half of the break was fucking hard, I thought of her every day. Then it kind of died down to about every month.

Just recently I deleted so many friends on FB and deactivated my accounts on FB, Twitter and Instagram to open new ones (a fresh start).

With only 4 friends on FB, I decided to search for her (she doesn't have this account blocked). I started obsessing and started hurting... 

My therapist told me to write down all of my past experiences on paper to let them go, but when I write about her nothing goes away...

So I tried to send a message to her talking about the state I'm in, the things I was sorry for and asked for her forgiveness so I can move along with my life.

She looks like she's having quite the okay life

It really hurts right now fam, please help, I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

I think the part I bolded was one of the best decisions you could have made.  Asking for someone's forgiveness is important with any mistake that we as humans do a lot of the time.  Also I suggest you need to forgive yourself too if you haven't already.  I'm sometimes i'm reminded of mistakes I've done in the past, but I can't change the past only what's happening now.  I don't know your story/life/background, but I feel people need to make things right with relationships that have tension or that have fallen away as soon as possible.  If not it becomes harder to do so.  To me one of the relationships that need to be mended is our relationship with God by doing that, people can be changed from the inside out since he has our best interest at heart it just involves trust & quality time with him to influence our self & others  in big and small ways.  Mistakes helps us to relate people better and give more understanding advice if that individual(s) is about to get into a similar situation.

 

Also i agree with taking one step at a time. I liked this quote.

 

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. " - Jesus

 

Edit: I forgot to add once anyone truly asks for someone's forgiveness from the heart then they did their part and if the other person doesn't forgive then the person asking for forgiveness as nothing to worry about. Since they made an attempt to mend the relationship and  paid back for anything that was done wrong if possible depending on the circumstances.  From there just try not to make the same mistake and treat the person how you want to be treated.

Edited March 8, 2016 by Somebodyelse