SegaCity

I'm going through math and personal finance. I sometimes do science topics. Right now I found a full time job so my schedule has really changed.

It is a hard thing, but yeah bro :\ My family watches TV all day, and browses mindlessly on their cell phones. One of my goals is to get the fuck out lol, or make an example (but that's real hard). I get caught watching TV when walking around. If you can somehow find new room mates, that would be great. People come and go in life, don't label yourself as part of them. Those are my thoughts m80

Sitting here with my beer. I can safely say I took a giant step in forgetting my ex *wipes sweat off of forehead*. Today I took the first step in starting my business project, and I'm going to go ahead and tell you about it and my thoughts. I want to train people with aspirations to have a career in esports. Yep, it's my passion boys. I figured out there's a difference between mindless gaming and competitive gaming. It was a childhood dream, when my teacher asked what I wanted to be when I grow up, I said I wanted to play games. With esports coming up, and my countless try's at it; I think this is my destiny. It sounds funny when I talk about it here, but I never played esports for fun (never had fun), I was driven to beat competition. I did wrist excersizes, I studied and read, talked with coaches. But now I understand the other side of it all. I was able to rip open the box I was in. I will help the future athletes and organizations in esports. I will be the reason for a new generation of egamers, and they will lose all of the stereotypes that people see. I'm going to do it, I'm going to achieve it. My first step was to make a google form so I can ask some questions to the people. It was in Turkish because I mostly know the Turkish Esport community, my next step is to make it in english and get it on reddit or some big platform. Hope it all goes well

@Laney Thanks for the help Yeah, I should be excited to meet someone else that I can love. It's been kind of hard lately, but the more I become social the better it will be I guess.

About 4 years ago I had my first love, she was beautiful. We went out for about 1.5 years and broke up in an awful way. I was a total fucking dick, but we were kids... The first year and a half of the break was fucking hard, I thought of her every day. Then it kind of died down to about every month. Just recently I deleted so many friends on FB and deactivated my accounts on FB, Twitter and Instagram to open new ones (a fresh start). With only 4 friends on FB, I decided to search for her (she doesn't have this account blocked). I started obsessing and started hurting... My therapist told me to write down all of my past experiences on paper to let them go, but when I write about her nothing goes away... So I tried to send a message to her talking about the state I'm in, the things I was sorry for and asked for her forgiveness so I can move along with my life. She looks like she's having quite the okay life It really hurts right now fam, please help, I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

Hey brother, we're all in this together. I'm glad that you made the choice to change your life. I too was into league intensively. If you would like we can talk about it Speaking of boiled frogs, my favorite song of all time is about it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgkMlEn8L2E

GUESS WHAT BOYS, I JUST MESSAGED MY FIRST LOVE, OOOOOH BOY Well, since I've been writing out all my old bad experiences and trying to release myself from these burdens, I mine as well go ahead and just say what I want to say to her. It's my last message to her. Atleast once every 2 weeks I'll search for her FB, Insta accounts and just look at her. I really loved her and she did also, but we broke up in a pretty bad way. I was a TOTAL fucking dick, I was an awful person. Shit was really sad bois. REAL SAD. But now is the time to move on If she doesn't want to talk to me, then that's okay, she doesn't know how I've changed I guess. I said I was mostly sorry and that I was a kid back then (18-19 y.o). It would be a bit sad but whatever, at least I took this step which will maybe make me feel okay.

@RyanGQ ah yeah man fuckin' Joe Rogan, fuckin' eh. That's the shit.

Currently I don't have ongoing work so I have my days to myself. I made this daily plan on my whiteboard, what do you guys think? Actually sticking to this plan is going to be really really hard, last time I tried a daily plan I was only able to do about 5 hours of it. I understand that I should be shaping up my own days and activities but I'm really not that type of a guy, you can go ahead and shoot any ideas at me. Just like any gamer, I need really specific goals Coding means: to learn code. I still need to finish codecademy courses.

I went to the therapist yesterday. I thought it was a real bad deal, extremely over priced. Heck I could have done the same for half the price. Anyways, he did somehow help me. He was someone I could talk to about a lot of things, and he gave me a way to deal with a lot of internal problems. He told me to write down any negative past experience that comes to mind to let go of it. I wrote about 5 pages of past negative experiences so far, it feels really good . Other than that; I bought new light bulbs for my room and a new curtain. Shit looks amazing. I now feel better in my room for some reason . peace

This is really cool - where did you find it? I have no idea I started with trying to find Streets of Rage pictures :\

Well written good sir

Hey dude. I just finished a two-day intensive training with my coach in Santa Barbara and a big theme of it was about who you need to BE to create what you want to create. So if you want to have a business, who do you need to BE in order to do it? I can share a few secrets with you because I've done it myself: To have a business you must be disciplined, you must be emotionally aware, you must be able to focus, you must be courageous, you must be able to connect with others, and so forth. So one way you can see it is by maintaining your good habits and routines, that is all contributing to you being who you need to be in order to have a successful business. Your commitment to habits and routines must be stronger than ever right now, not the other way around. Anyways, some food for thought. Hope you feel better today. Thanks for the advice brother. The thing about advice with me is a bit different. When I played games, I would research and read a lot of guides or advice, they would be almost perfectly specific. I was actually thinking of making a guide for life that is super specific. Wake up, get out of bed, change into clothes, do your bed... For some reason this actually sounds really good to me lol. If I want to create a business I want to create, I must become that type of a person. Imagine if instead of watching Terran 2 base guides or Counter Strike strats, I can watch a week of someone who is successful to full detail lol. Fake it until you make it sort of deal.

Hey Today was one of the worst days of my life Started out great, didn't I now. After about 2 days of screwing up all my routines, fucking up my cigarette and fap quit, today was the worst. I woke up at around 11:00 and had a good breakfast. After leaving the house to go to a career/training/employment agency I felt anxiety right in my gut. Boy did it feel bad. I went to the agency, signed up for shit and came home. When I got home I had the worst nausea and vomiting, awful chilling, and a killer headache. I tried to rest it all out... Not knowing what else I could do, I started going through my facebook list, I deleted some friends that I didn't like or talk with, about 4-5 of them later I had 20. Then I went into my messages, I wanted to clean all of my past messages (can't delete all at once). Looking through all of them, took me on a journey into the past, all the way to my last year of high school. It was sickening, terrifying and just gruesome. I noticed what kind of a person I was, and the people I hanged with. That's not all. For some reason, I felt like I was back in my teen years. Lonely, sitting in my room with no friends to talk with, nobody to give me a hug, just me and my perverted fucked up depressed mind. I had suicidal thoughts for a bit, but they faded away. I then de-activated my facebook, instagram and twitter accounts. I was sick and tired of all the fake friends that aren't there to help you out. Text is so useless. So here I fucking am eh? Here I fucking stand. Sometimes I feel like bashing in everyone's head that I see, but I'm too weak for that. I feel like I've always been the victim of something. I'm always at a disadvantage. Fuck my life basically :D:DD:D:D:D:D::D:D Tomorrow I'm going to see a therapist. I just have to get through the night.

January 10, 2016 Sunday 12:22 PM Missed a couple of days of writing my journal here. Things have slowed down a bit in terms of my good habits and routines, but it's kind of okay because I feel like I need to focus on my business project. I still have to take that first step to creating something or starting with a penny if you know what I mean Got a new haircut, feeling good. Been eating very well, that really makes me happy All is well, still have a lot to do, I haven't settled.