Simms 106 Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 Pattern: Playing games again. It started with Halo - It became 653 hours of Xbox One last year - I think Xbox's estimate is on the low side. - Beyond that playing Magic: The Gathering Arena... why am I doing this to myself? Why do I find myself walking this path again. January 2018 I found myself in crisis at work. - Working for a demanding boss on project after project. After I finally clear the entire backlog with next to zero positive feedback I cracked, couldn't work with her anymore. Work quality went to shit. - Managed to have a constructive dialogue and get out from working with her, but never found a proper niche going forward. - Struggled along to January 2019 and faced a new crisis. - Fired. - I've never been fired. Didn't expect this. All I feel is relief. Relief that I never have to go back. Shame that I couldn't sort it out. Yet in the 2 weeks since... found a better job with a better title, but still feel broken inside. Not the best way to be walking into a new position. I want to be energized. I want to be excited at the possibilities. Reflecting on some prior goals. - I climbed a technical and non-technical 11,000-er. Athabasca and Temple - Our rope team did so well, the other rope team with a CF-18 pilot had a bit of a meltdown as we left them in the dust. - Still haven't managed a 5.12a on the tall wall, but came within one move... literally fingertips away. Heartbreak, but also satisfying. - Getting back into rhythm of that. - My gym lifts I've let go to shit - They'll come back. Managed to lead a 5.11b ... and a 5.11c outside this past summer... - Started working a project 5.12a in Grotto that seems totally doable. - My novel stalled out at 60,000 words. Started another one. Should be working on that right now. Lead my first ice climb. It's scary being on the sharp end when you're surrounded by pointy bits and the only rules are: "Don't fall." and "Don't fall!" - Didn't fall. I've been tracking my daily activity since January 1. - Nothing like a little news years resolution... Roughed out what I want my year to look like. - Left 600 hours of "Flex time" for TV... videogames... youtube, general nonsense. As of Today I'm at 102 hours of nonsense, on pace for 2400 hours of nonsense. - I've made some progress on projects, I feel strong climbing. - Yet if I keep on this path, I'm going to fail. Fail at my new job. Fail at who I want to be. Look back at another disappointing year. I need a detox. - I need time away from Fortnite, Magic, Youtube, Reddit - Literally the four horsemen of ruining my own life, with their little friends Social Media and Google News popping in from time to time. So what do I want my year to look like? Here's what it was Jan 1: 8760 hours per year Sleeping 2920 8 hours per day Reffing 154 70 games at 2.2 hours per game (includes driving) Cooking/Eating 365 1 hour per day Skiing 36 4 days Climbing - Indoor 468 3 times per week at 3 hours per session Climbing - Outdoor 200 25 Days outside Reading 50 Read 5 books this year Work 2181 2025 hours + 3 hours of periphery time per week - Free 120 hours because of vacation, haven't accounted for this Mountaineering 144 3 Trips, at 3 days each long weekends Writing 730 2 hours per day Dogs 73 0.2 hours per day GF 365 1 hour per day (outside of other shared activities) Workout 234 3 times per week at 1.5 hours per workout Chores 156 3 hours per week Audiobooks 10 Mostly runs concurrent with work or other activities Meditation 73 0.2 hours per day 8159 601 Flex time I've been sleeping a lot, and it's not the worst thing. I've fallen down on writing, but I'm on top of climbing and spending more time with my dogs. So... willpower didn't work. Motivation didn't work. My "Why" didn't work. So now I'm starting down "What". That list is "what" I want to do, and videogames aren't on it. Hope to check-in when I'm doing my default zombie "login to scroll through the internet routine". - Work some things out through journaling and make progress on my "What." Cheers 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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