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Pattern: Playing games again. It started with Halo - It became 653 hours of Xbox One last year - I think Xbox's estimate is on the low side. - Beyond that playing Magic: The Gathering Arena... why am I doing this to myself? Why do I find myself walking this path again.

January 2018 I found myself in crisis at work. - Working for a demanding boss on project after project. After I finally clear the entire backlog with next to zero positive feedback I cracked, couldn't work with her anymore. Work quality went to shit. - Managed to have a constructive dialogue and get out from working with her, but never found a proper niche going forward. - Struggled along to January 2019 and faced a new crisis. - Fired. - I've never been fired. Didn't expect this. All I feel is relief. Relief that I never have to go back. Shame that I couldn't sort it out. Yet in the 2 weeks since... found a better job with a better title, but still feel broken inside. Not the best way to be walking into a new position. I want to be energized. I want to be excited at the possibilities.

Reflecting on some prior goals. - I climbed a technical and non-technical 11,000-er. Athabasca and Temple - Our rope team did so well, the other rope team with a CF-18 pilot had a bit of a meltdown as we left them in the dust. - Still haven't managed a 5.12a on the tall wall, but came within one move... literally fingertips away. Heartbreak, but also satisfying. - Getting back into rhythm of that. - My gym lifts I've let go to shit - They'll come back. Managed to lead a 5.11b ... and a 5.11c outside this past summer... - Started working a project 5.12a in Grotto that seems totally doable. - My novel stalled out at 60,000 words. Started another one. Should be working on that right now. Lead my first ice climb. It's scary being on the sharp end when you're surrounded by pointy bits and the only rules are: "Don't fall." and "Don't fall!" - Didn't fall.

I've been tracking my daily activity since January 1. - Nothing like a little news years resolution... Roughed out what I want my year to look like. - Left 600 hours of "Flex time" for TV... videogames... youtube, general nonsense. As of Today I'm at 102 hours of nonsense, on pace for 2400 hours of nonsense. - I've made some progress on projects, I feel strong climbing. - Yet if I keep on this path, I'm going to fail. Fail at my new job. Fail at who I want to be. Look back at another disappointing year.

I need a detox. - I need time away from Fortnite, Magic, Youtube, Reddit - Literally the four horsemen of ruining my own life, with their little friends Social Media and Google News popping in from time to time. So what do I want my year to look like? Here's what it was Jan 1:

               8760 hours per year
Sleeping 2920 8 hours per day
Reffing 154 70 games at 2.2 hours per game (includes driving)
Cooking/Eating 365 1 hour per day
Skiing 36 4 days
Climbing - Indoor 468 3 times per week at 3 hours per session
Climbing - Outdoor 200 25 Days outside
Reading 50 Read 5 books this year
Work 2181 2025 hours + 3 hours of periphery time per week - Free 120 hours because of vacation, haven't accounted for this
Mountaineering 144 3 Trips, at 3 days each long weekends
Writing 730 2 hours per day
Dogs 73 0.2 hours per day
GF 365 1 hour per day (outside of other shared activities)
Workout 234 3 times per week at 1.5 hours per workout
Chores 156 3 hours per week
Audiobooks 10 Mostly runs concurrent with work or other activities
Meditation 73 0.2 hours per day

                                     601 Flex time

I've been sleeping a lot, and it's not the worst thing. I've fallen down on writing, but I'm on top of climbing and spending more time with my dogs.

So... willpower didn't work. Motivation didn't work. My "Why" didn't work. So now I'm starting down "What". That list is "what" I want to do, and videogames aren't on it.

Hope to check-in when I'm doing my default zombie "login to scroll through the internet routine". - Work some things out through journaling and make progress on my "What."



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Welcome back! I'm Lea, a fairly new member here. I also share the similar goals as well (no gaming, no YouTube, and no mindless browsing). It's paralyzing to plan on what you want to do in those hours of "flex time." Some of the ideas below is not originally mine, but here are my suggestions to focus on the "what":

  1. You can try out some new workouts that you never done before.
  2. You can try out new hobbies (e.g. photography, drawing, and baking).
  3. You can arrange meetings with your family (only if you want to).
  4. You can try out sports that are different from the ones you done before (e.g. surfing, rugby, and sailing).
  5. You can search for job opportunities. If that does not work, you can volunteer in something.

I hope you the best in overcoming your gaming addiction.

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Cold Turkey Blocker Pro is pure gold.

Make a "Never Ever" list (blocked) and a "Maybe a Bit" list (15 mins/day) and witness all of your zombie instincts dissolve.

15 minutes * 365 = 91.25 hours/yr max spent on nonsense internet manure.

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Slept until a reasonable 8:30AM. - Took the dog out, made some coffee. Overall a pleasant morning.

Spent some time getting familiar with Xero. - Found myself flipping on my phone, opening an internet browser. It's more a bad habit than anything I consciously want to do. Did some meditation. Find it really hard to be mindful. Mind wanders constantly.

Took my doggo to physio. She had surgery 2 weeks ago on her leg and has been recovering well. - Had fast food for lunch, spent some time writing emails and got some good news I can push back my start date for the new job by a week. - More time to decompress. Get my head straight, get prepared.

Had a nap - Did a workout. Did some more Xero training. - Watched the GF play a little Fortnite. - Talked about furniture for our new house. Not a perfect day by any means, but one full of small lapses and small victories.


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The day started strong and I did an hour session on Focusmate working on my Xero certification.

From there, things spiraled. - Youtube videos, then re-installed Magic Arena to play the new expansion. - Just uninstalled for probably the 10th time. I'm not ready to quit this time. I'm not committed. I don't have a plan. - But I'm trying anyway, and I want to stay accountable to trying.

The evening was again, a mixed bag. - Went climbing inside, worked toprope on 2 different 5.11d's, worked a new 5.12a, flashed a bunch of easy stuff. - Came home and cooked a nice dinner - Chicken /w quinoa, rice, peppers, corn and a caesar salad. - I saw Zombie's post above and it reminded me of a saying: "Simple, not Easy" - I know it from Jocko Willinck, you may have heard it elsewhere. Watched two episodes of Titans on Netflix before cleaning up the dishes and vacuuming. I need to prepare for a referee supervision tomorrow and a Midget game I'm reffing myself.

Yes, I've tried getting off junk food. I know what to eat to eat clean. I've done protein sparing fasts to cut weight that would make most people want to die. I've deadlifted 275 pounds. I've climbed 5.11c on rock. My body is more iron than mud. Proper nutrition is simple: Follow your macros, get your micronutrients, hit your calorie targets. So simple. Is it easy? FUCK NO. I've pre-portioned chicken in the slow cooker so often that just looking at chicken breasts in the grocery store sometimes makes me gag. I've run through multiple sets of batteries on my food scale. It's exhausting. So I often let my nutrition go to shit.

Sometimes I feel like Tim Ferris. - I've searched out the best way to do just about everything. - I have the answers, and when I don't, most of the time the answer isn't hard to find. - Want to quit videogames? Go to gamequitters. - Commit to 90 days. It works. It's effective. - Want to hit an 800lb powerlifting total? Do Stronglifts 5x5 until you hit intermediate weights, then transition to Madcow. Want to climb 5.12? Climb. Climb climb climb. Want to be a capable accountant? Work in public accounting until you hate every day so much you don't know what to do with yourself.

None of this is rocket science. It's barely even science, science. But it's agony, because it's so simple. But it's not easy. - I want to quit gaming, but it's not easy to quit gaming - Because when I hit 10AM this morning, the day stretching out in front of me, instead of being 90% consumption, was 90% production. And that makes my head hurt. It makes me want to lie down and quit. And instead of giving up, I gave in. But I'm not out of the fight. Tomorrow's another day, and I'm still here.


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1 hour ago, Simms said:

Because when I hit 10AM this morning, the day stretching out in front of me, instead of being 90% consumption, was 90% production. And that makes my head hurt. It makes me want to lie down and quit. And instead of giving up, I gave in. But I'm not out of the fight. Tomorrow's another day, and I'm still here.

I sympathize with you about that. I tell you an advice, and I actually have three. The first one is from what my mom said to me in the first days of my detox:


As long as you have the will, you will make it to the end.

The second advice is from my counselor, although this may not be explained in the exact way as she did:


Relabel what you call yourself, refrain from doing destructive things (in this case gaming), refocus to what you want to do (or positive and constructive things), and revalue what and who you love the most.

And the last one is from mine:


Whenever you have a craving to play games, remember that it is okay to have those cravings. What is never okay is to give in to them because those cravings will pass.

I hope that you do not falter from your goal, even though you relapsed. It's the heart, will, and determination to continue that make the difference.

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Today was a busy day, and with busyness, avoiding gaming is easier. It feels like I did many things of value.

Reffed a Midget tournament game. The boys were poorly behaved, but not excessively so. Good tight 5-4 game. Between my partner and I, called about 12-15 penalties.

I had a request to supervise a game afterwards. - The crew was from a local town in Alberta where I grew up, one of the guys wants to get his Level 3 next year. - They were both solid refs. The players were much worse than in my game, and the referee crew did an amazing job of identifying hotspots and preventing things from being any worse than they needed to be. Overall it was a pleasure to watch them operate at a high level. I gave them both positive feedback and things to work on after the game and felt pretty good.

My parents are in town for the weekend. They were still out cross-country skiing when I got home, so I had a chance to get a nap in. - Glad a I did. - By the time they got back we had time to chat briefly then make it out to our dinner reservation. - Basically an early dinner for my birthday. I'll be 35 in a few days. Where has the time gone? I have a list of probably 30 novels I'd like to write, many more I'd like to read. Tomorrow I'm going skiing and the day is going to disappear quickly. I'm beyond grateful I got to push back my job start date again and have a week to continue lifting the brain fog and get prepared.

Something that occurred to me yesterday is I felt like I "didn't have enough time." I didn't have enough time to write, I didn't have enough time to clean up my office. And I only ever feel like I don't have enough time when I've been gaming. Because I compressed the day with all the time that disappeared into non-productivity. I've started to wonder if I'd be better off in a manual labor style job. - When I have to think to be productive, I get avoidant. - When I just have to do, to create effort with my muscles like refereeing, it's effortless. Time flies. It's no panacea, but it's something worth considering further.

Closing thanks to Lea for sharing the wisdom you've been accumulating on your journey.

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Early-ish day today, up at 7AM to get to the ski-hill. - My body feels like it's failing me sometimes. My brain, all the time. I literally couldn't get it together until about 9AM. Fortunately I didn't have to drive or really do anything until arriving at the ski hill.

Was with my parents and my partner. - Parents are both in their 60's now and my dad especially is not happy with how he's slowing down. He constantly talks about things he won't be able to do soon, and seeing things for the last time. - I'm visiting my brother for a housewarming in a month and I'm going to talk to him about how we knock some sense into my dad... My dad's parents are 87 and still living fairly richly. - That's 25 years. - Things can happen, yes. But living in your early 60's like the grim reaper is hanging over you is just tragic.

Ski'd primarily mellow terrain, greens and blues most of the day. - I ducked onto a double-black on the backside that linked back into a green late in the day and it felt good to just let my skis run. All my l 20's I was the wheezing caboose at the end of the train in any group physical activity. It hasn't been the case for years, but with my gf sick, and my folks getting older, no one was even close. We got home late in the evening and everyone else was gassed. I felt warmed up, ready for a day out.

We had dinner and after a pleasant weekend, politics reared it's ugly head. - My dad is a physician and struggles with the dissonance between political policy and reality. On a daily basis he deals with groups who take no responsibility for their own health, who routinely miss appointments, who don't follow his treatment orders and then complain that they're not getting better. And he can't say a thing about it. He can't do anything to change it, because the hospital would brand him a racist. The media would hold him up as a terrible man who has no sympathy for the disadvantaged. - When he spends hours of his own time each week making reminder calls - re-booking people. It's just a cloud of sadness. Things remained pretty low-emotion and we finished dinner. They left but it lead to a pretty heated discussion for 2+ hours after they left with the gf. - She leans left and I lean right. It can be challenging.

To oversimplify an impossible problem, I see the western world as fracturing further and further into tribes, and an "us vs. them" mentality. - So many people are lost without a tribe at all. Some tribes are so broken that they're near impossible to help, let alone fix. The traditional tribes of "nationality" and "religion" have been fractured so much they don't offer the easy backstop they once did. - There is no defining set of values that I can look to, and say: "Yes, that's what makes me and my neighbors Canadian." - There is no aspirational set of goals and values a new immigrant can look to and say, "Yes, that's who I want to be!"

Who do I want to be? - Kind. Hard working. A person of integrity. - Things that some might associate with religion, but after being raised Catholic and spending time immersed in Buddhism, for me there's just too much nonsense attached to religion to rely on it to define a nation. Who do I not want to be? Dishonest, addicted, a constant consumer.

So as this heated conversation ebbed and flowed, something she said to me really stuck: "Do you not think other people have these thoughts? That others are searching for meaning? To be better?" - She thinks people need to stop doing the things they know they shouldn't and replace them with better things. I think people need aspirational goals, ideas and examples to emulate and stride towards, then as they move in a better direction, they'll shed bad habit. - Our thoughts, two sides of the same coin. Essentially the same.

I believe answers exist to any problem. Yet in my experience in politics at the most basic level of a condo board and a hockey executive and I understand just how impossible it is to get anything done. You can know the answer to the problem. Provide the answer, and steps to make the correction. And some people will actively fight against it. Willfully choose destruction. It breaks my heart. It grows out of my own knowledge that I've willfully chosen destruction in gaming. - Each day I choose to pick up the controller. Play another round of Magic: The Gathering, I'm ruining my own life. - I know the answer to my problem: "Stop gaming." - Simple. Not easy.

What if you could list all the traits you wanted to have? List the life you wanted. - No nonsense like "I want to be rich and famous." - But actual things: "I want to be healthy. I want to climb, and ski, and smile. - I want to have a relationship that fills me with joy and enjoy the time I spend with other people." - What if your life suddenly was what you listed? Sounds good? Sounds terrifying? What's gaming...? My new brain would say. NOOO AHHHH my real brain screams.

I sketched out that life on January 1, 2019. - I broke it out hour by hour. - So what would happen if I just lived it? Give up videogames, give up trying to save the world at the dinnertable, and live. I want to find out.




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Not a whole lot going on today.

Woke up late. Like 9:30ish. - Watched TV for about an hour and a half. - GF didn't sleep well, up with our dog sick in the middle of the night. She got up around 11 and went in to work late. Not before we argued about politics again. She showed me an excellent chart of media bias at: https://www.adfontesmedia.com/ It's another reminder I need to stop caring about American media. No real surprises there.

Watched a lot of TV today. Finished the whole Titans series on Netflix. - Ended up spending more time mindlessly surfing than paying attention to the show. The last 3 episodes really jumped around all over the place and lacked any kind of cohesive storyline to keep me interested. It became more about sticking it out to the end than actually enjoying the show. Kind of like games I play. - Sticking it out to some arbitrary endpoint, instead of just stopping when I realize they're not good for me.

Went out and got my license renewed, it expired in a couple days. - I got my address updated to my new house, but realized it's going to be mailed to that address... that doesn't have a mailbox for another month. - I'm going to go to the post office tomorrow and see what I can do to sort that out. Did some grocery shopping and came home. - Setup my whiteboard with a "to-do" list and updated my calendar with reminders of upcoming events in the next few days/weeks. - Took care of 5 small tasks and designated a number to take care of tomorrow. Squeezed in a quick workout.

Finished up and watched a lot of Youtube Videos of people playing Rocket League. Not a good use of time. I keep hoping to have an amazing day. A 10/10 productivity day that's somehow inspiring for all days going forward. I wonder if that hope is self-limiting, like I'm not celebrating the good parts of each day, because I want that perfect 10/10 day, which is only going to compare in a negative way to any non-perfect day afterwards. Mindfulness, awareness and effort are helping. Parts of today were good, and I have a plan for tomorrow. That is satisfying. I didn't game today, that is satisfying. The rest will hopefully come.

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Slept in til about 9. - Watched youtube videos for a couple hours and then managed to get moving. I had a list of 5 tasks to get done and 3 things to do during the day. I went out to start the list of tasks - Got a birthday card mailed, but my list was on a post-it attached to the card. I moved it into a pocket before mailing the card, but it disappeared before I made it to the next destination. - I managed to figure out my license issue, which was task #2, get the bottles returned which was #3 and make an appointment to fix a recall issue with my car which was #4, but I couldn't remember #5. - Came home and checked my master list... #5 was to get new tags for my dogs with my updated phone number on them. I've deferred it to another day and am not beating myself up too much over it.

Spent most of the afternoon doing chores. - I got a new cleaning machine for my CPAP machine that took some time to setup. - Did some laundry, did some dishes. Took the dogs for a walk. I need to take them separately right now because one is still recovering from surgery so that took a little over an hour altogether, then some more time for doggies rehab exercises. Answered a number of Referee emails and returned some calls about provincial games. By the time I was done with all the work around the house it was time to go climbing. - Climbed inside for about 2.5 hours. - Worked on a 5.12b project that seems like it's just going to be too hard for my current fitness level. At the end of the session, got on a 5.11d I've been working on and fell off at the usual spot, but it was encouraging because I was already completely gassed from the day and I think I'll be able to get it easily if I try it while warmed up and fresh.

After climbing, made some food and spent some time planning budgets with the GF. With a new house there are so many decisions to make. Furniture, a no-fee mortgage account, what lawyer to use. Fortunately it's the second time I'm buying a condo so I have experience with the process. Being an accountant means I end up making a lot of spreadsheets, but today we just used the white-board and it was actually pretty fun.

I'm thankful for not playing games right now. - Many of these tasks are things that aren't exactly "must do's" - If they don't get done, no one is going to die, but it just builds. The house becomes a mess. The dog gets stiff and sore because she's not getting all the care she needs. I get fat because I'm not exercising. - It's good reflection to be on the right path. I wanted to write today. - I'm going to go put down 100 words and see if I get a few more with the momentum or whether I just leave it there. It's been a good day. Not a perfect day, and it's worth celebrating.

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Hello again, I think your last journal entry is realistic and fair to yourself, recognizing the positive and what you could have done better both. This is a path of change, and change is hard, but you're taking steps, active steps to walk it. imho you're doing it right.

As far as arguing goes, I think for many people it's an indirect way to massage our own ego through our points, maybe a way to attack others even indirectly, but in the end I feel like if we ask ourselves "Does this behavior take me closer to who and where I want to be?" we know that it doesn't help us be kinder and more forgiving or accepting.

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What a day. Not in a very good way. - Watched Youtube pretty much from the moment I got up until I went out for dinner at 6:30. - Tried to meditate. Brain just shut down. Tried to listen to audiobooks. Brain wasn't having any of it. Willpower was nonexistent.

Went out for dinner with my GF to celebrate my birthday. - I'll be 35 tomorrow. - I want it to be a good year. I wanted last year to be a good year, but with the career I had chosen there was no way it was going to happen. - This year I'm moving along a better path career-wise and things don't feel hopeless. Major positive there.

We grabbed Dairy Queen for dessert. She brought up some of the politics we'd been arguing about days before... she'd looked into some of the things I'd brought up, and started picking away at factual inaccuracies. My eyes glazed over. I truly don't want to discuss American politics. Or Canadian politics. Or politics period. And we stopped in a nice way. Spent some time playing with the dogs and came in to write this.

Ended up looking at cars online for an hour. Got a pretty good idea what we want, will probably test drive some things when I take my car in for some maintenance tomorrow.

Should be a better day tomorrow. - Going to be out driving around and away from home. The change of venue is helpful. Gotta make sure I get up early enough to give myself a little lead time to pack up my laptop.

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Better day today. - Stopped in early to get my skates sharpened. Took the car in to get serviced, test drove 3 different vehicles. GF and I still debating whether we really need to upgrade. We're driving 2004 and 2008 right now and want to downsize to one car. What we have are both reliable, they're just getting older. - Continuing to explore options.

Got home around 4 and spent 2 hours with the dogs and wasting time on youtube videos. Ate a quick dinner and made my way to the rink to ref a Midget provincial game.

The local team has a major discipline issue. Their coach isn't much better and through the course of the game I handed out 3 unsportsmanlike's and a 10-minute misconduct. First time I've had to drop a dime on anyone all year. - I expect better from this team, but it wasn't a big surprise. It was a tight game until the 3rd period when the wheels finally fell off for the local team. Wasted opportunity.

3.5 hours including drive time to make $67.50. To get yelled at. To have a coach act like a child. Good thing I don't just do it for the money. Ugh.

I've been listening to David Goggins "Can't Hurt Me" audiobook. It's good stuff. I don't spend enough time uncomfortable, and it takes a lot of planning to come up with good situations that make me uncomfortable. Climbing Athabasca hurt like hell, but it's a great achievement I should appreciate more. Working at EY for 3 years was hell on Earth, but I made it through the other end and I should make more of the accomplishment.

Tomorrow is going to be a day for reflection, and the last real day I have to prepare for my new job. Going to make it count.

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Combination Friday / Saturday / Sunday

Friday: Surfed mindlessly until about 11:00 AM and got myself moving. I went for a climb by myself and did a nice pyramid of routes on the auto-belay culminating in a 5.11+ that I was very happy to finish.

Made my way home and got into the chores that had piled up. - Finished laundry, vacuumed and got my office cleaned up for my new job. It still needs a little work but is in good workable shape right now. - Good thing too, because our friends came a little early for the weekend and we spent the evening making dinner and chatting. We stayed up til near midnight which is pretty late for me these days, so I had to plan to rest of the weekend carefully.

Saturday: Got up at 6AM and worked on a certification I need for my new job. - Had to ref two hockey games starting at 8AM, then we were planning to take advantage of the unreal weather window to go climb outside... in January... in Canada. Insanity. - I got home and our friends were just getting out the door to go visit a local French Bakery. - I used the time window to finish up my certification which was a load off my mind for the rest of the weekend. - We finally got out the door to go climbing about 15 minutes after noon. - As we arrived at the mountain we ran into some trail runners who were just getting down from the summit for the day. - They looked like they thought we were crazy to just be hitting the trail.

The hike up took about an hour and a half. - We managed to climb a couple routes each in sunlight. I flashed a 5.10a and everyone else projected a couple 5.11b's. - I wasn't feeling the projects, and with the sunlight being a time constraint my GF got to climb twice and I got just the one attempt on the 10a before we needed to pack things up. - We started down at 5:30 and lost the light fast. Good thing we had headlamps and flashlights. - The route twists and turns a bit and we got lost about 5 minutes from the road. Fortunately almost all the trails converge at the same place, and after a little bit of bushwhacking we popped out nearly on top of the car.

We made a pitstop for some groceries and our friends made dinner. Another joined us to chat. - I headed to bed early. Another early day reffing tomorrow.

Sunday: Up at 6:15AM and out the door. - My feet are a mess. Blisters on top of blisters on one, and fresh blisters opening up between my ankle and the ball of my foot on both feet. The games were not a lot of fun and I was irritated with the little kids. - I have no issues doing novice games normally, but today was just fraying at my nerves. - Made it through the games and made it home just as our friends were heading out to cross-country ski. - Perfect. - GF was playing Fortnite and I had a nice long nap.

Friends came back, we made a quick lunch then off to the climbing wall. - Worked a couple 5.12a projects and messed around. - After the beautiful day that was Saturday, today has turned into a complete blizzard. They've got a 3.5 hour drive home in good weather, so we cut the gym session short and made our way home. - A bus spunout, almost into the ditch on the drive back, right in front of us. Not a good day to be on the roads. They packed up and are on the road even now.

Made some dinner for myself and the gf. - Pork chops, salad, and quinoa. - This makegoodfood thing that's being advertised so heavily right now isn't bad. - I'd go beyond not bad even. Give it a thumbs up. ?

Totally beat from all the activity. - Need to get my head straight to start the new job tomorrow. I'm in a far better place than 25 days ago when I got fired. - It seemed so surreal when it happened, and now it feels like I never worked there at all. - New adventures, new opportunities. - So far so good making this the kind of year I'll be proud to look back on one day.

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Doing my best to continue the daily updates... it's tough ? - Fortunately it's for good reason. Busy with positive things. Not gaming, and not thinking about gaming is making the other aspects of my life run so much more smoothly.

Monday: Started my new job! It's AMAZING. Literally have the opportunity to grow something from an early stage. The founder is brilliant and had put together amazing processes and procedures from scratch. Part of my responsibility is going to be formalizing all of these procedures. But first I need to get familiar with them and get into the weeds a bit. We only worked from 9:30 to about 3... which was great because we FLEW through things. I commuted the hour and a half home and spent time getting more hardware and software ready to go. Glad I only need to make the commute a couple times a month. - Went to the electronics store and grabbed a cable I needed to get some hardware working... still didn't work. Ugh.

Went to the climbing gym for an indoor session and saw the administration lady from my old job in the gallery. - She was one of the people I really liked there and it had made me so sad I didn't get the chance to say good-bye. Cutting onions a little bit thinking about it, but got the chance to say hello and let her know I missed out chats. She showed me the painting she was displaying. Makes me smile. ?

Climbed hard. Bloodied up my hand real good. - GF did some solid work too. We may be pushing too hard... or not hard enough. Spring's right around the corner... ish.

Tuesday: Back to the city for work! Went through more of the actual client process today. - The work is straightforward but on a tight turnaround. Liasing with the bookkeepers and making sure everything is on schedule is going to be the biggest challenge. I see so much opportunity to scale up and be a strong player in the space. So excited. - The bossman needed to go pick up his truck at 2:30 and we were at a good stopping point, so another early day. I've got a meeting in the city at 7 so I made my way over to Best Buy to pickup another cable... we'll see if I can get things working this time.

Wandered through Ikea picking up some bedding and curtains from our furniture list while I'm here to make things a little more manageable when we come through for the big furniture items. Ikea isn't actually so bad when you're wandering around on a Tuesday afternoon... - When we come back on Saturday afternoon in a few weeks I'll probably be singing a different tune.

There were some issues with coaches and hockey players over the weekend and I needed to get everything documented and off to minor hockey. - Took a good hour and it's hard to say how they'll react. There's been a lot of change in hockey culture, but it's still got an old school streak. I'm hoping for good news and will need to get on the phone tomorrow.



Something that cut me down last time around was I hit a few weeks into my gaming detox and felt... safe. Like: OK, it was ridiculous I ever played games and it was a problem. Everything's so good now. How did that ever get to be a problem? - And then a few weeks or months later it snuck in. - "Oh, I'll just play a little Halo with the guys." Which turned into "I'll just play a little Fortnite while I wait for the guys to get on for Halo." Which turned into playing Fortnite all Saturday and most of Sunday.

I guess what I'm thinking is it's important to reflect on how I'm feeling and not get lazy in the vigilance. Constantly remember what's at stake. How things are good and how I've got things to do that bring me more joy than what games bring.

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Last week turned into a bit of a blur.

Wednesday: First day working at home. Messed around with the software, got familiar with our reporting. Didn't get a whole lot of real actual work done. Went climbing and did some mindless internet surfing. - Cooked a pretty nice meal which was nice.

Thursday: Slept a lot, worked from home again and was more just getting familiar with things. - In the evening went to see Free Solo with the girlfriend. For those who don't know, it's a climbing movie that follows Alex Honnold and his dream to climb a very difficult route up El Capitan in Yosemite. - Alex is an interesting guy in that they've done MRI's on his brain, and his Amygdala that controls the fear response doesn't fire at anywhere near the same threshold as most people.

The film explored what it is to do something at the highest level when it's all for yourself. It's contrasted against his growing relationship with Sanni McCandles and the struggle to be a partner to someone, but chase after what's important to you. It's a documentary, but it's not trying to spread some message or even explore a theme. It presents an incredible man, his passions, his friends, and his relationships against a beautiful backdrop of climbing. I could barely breathe from the moment it started. I'd recommend it to everyone. - It's got an Oscar nomination for Best Documentary and it should win for sure.

If there's one takeaway I got from the film it was: Do something that's worth doing. Go out and develop the skills, then make a goal and try to achieve it. Then repeat that. And keep repeating it. You'll never be satisfied. It's never enough, but if you get hit by a bus tomorrow you won't regret for a moment the way you spent your life.

Friday I went to work in the city. - We had a client meeting with an Instagram influencer who we're likely going to start working with. It's an incredible market to get into and I love seeing behind the curtain into how social media people make a living. The client looks like she works crazy hard, and her content is top tier quality.

I slept funny Thursday night and cramped up my shoulder. To the point where turning my neck to shoulder check while driving had me in agony. I was supposed to go out to dinner with my GF's work mom, work mom's husband, GF, and GF's boss. I couldn't face 6 hours of small talk (it's a whole thing, I see them all a lot as it is, except her boss who I like chatting with a lot) - I bailed last minute and spent the evening in bed... watching youtube videos.

Saturday I was supposed to go Ice Climbing with GF and her boss, but the shoulder was still aching and I bailed out. Worked out for the best since it was minus 20 and with a group of 3, there would have been a whole lot more standing around in the cold. GF's boss took us out for lunch afterwards and we got to catch up before he made his way back to the city.

He told us a great story about climbing Edith Cavell 30 years ago with a member of the Symphony Orchestra and some 18-year old kid who'd never been climbing before... and they did the East Ridge route. They ended up on a 24-hour epic, starting and finishing in the dark. Blisters, bears and an 18-year old that never climbed again were the highlights. - No one was severely injured and they all made it home.

My list for this year is Joffre, North Victoria, and Edith Cavell. - I wanted to do some trip planning Sunday but ended up with almost debilitating cravings for gaming. It was the worst I've experienced since I stopped. - GF was playing with her sisters, and fortunately one of their BF's joined for a full group of 4, so I didn't have any "reason" to play. (Fun fact, the BF holds the Canadian record in a track event...)

It was just a weird miserable day. I'd wanted to limit screentime and actually have a real day of rest after 3 weeks of non-stop climbing, reffing, hiking, job hunting, driving around...  Instead I basically spent all day on youtube wishing I was gaming. It felt like a loss. - So I took a look at my task board and made a committment to get things done on Monday. I allocated 5 tasks to be done, and started polishing my leather boots which was something I could take care of immediately. It helped my mindset a bit, so I setup 6 focusmate sessions for Monday. That's been killer for me in the past when I was just writing, but it ended up working pretty well.

I also worked on my "Cookie Jar" - David Goggins talks about it in his book, Can't Hurt Me. Basically he has a cookie jar of good memories, times where he excelled, where he didn't give up, and when he's going something difficult and wants to quit, he reaches into his jar and grabs a memory of a time he didn't give up. And he uses it to get to the next signpost, the next pull-up, the next whatever it is and keeps going. Reviewing some of the high points helped turn around what had been a pretty rough Sunday otherwise.

Today being Monday I started working at 7AM and made steady progress until 10 when I went out to run some errands per my list the day before. I got everything but one item on my list completed, because the post office required some additional documentation. I got it sorted out at home and will get it taken care of tomorrow.

In the afternoon I completed 3 more Focusmate sessions beyond some freestyle working and felt like I'd accomplished a lot. - Went for a climb in the evening, took it somewhat easy because of a sore finger, but still made a high-point on my 5.12a project.

Booked 7 Focusmate sessions for tomorrow, so need to get some sleep. It was a pleasure to get some thoughts in order and remember the good memories stuffed into the cookie jar. My goal is to continue adding to it, especially this year.



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Another good couple of days.

Tuesday I worked from home. Did a ton of Focusmate sessions and made huge progress in my new job. Feel like I'm really getting into the swing of things. - I got an offer for a job interview with what I once thought would be a dream job, but I'm loving what I'm doing so much that I think the whole "grass is greener" thing isn't worth it to even consider. It doesn't help that the HR person was completely unprofessional in their e-mail and it left a really poor impression of the organization in general.

After I finished working I fell into a Youtube rut and felt stuck there. I didnt even want to watch anything, but I kept flipping between animations and content that just wasn't interesting. Finally I convinced myself to go workout and it was brilliant. Energizing. After the workout I read a book on my kindle app instead of mindless internet surfing. It felt great.


Wednesday was another great workday. - Got a ton more accomplished a feel like I'm in great shape heading into the city tomorrow. - There was one small task I got at the end of the day when I'd already left. I finished it this evening and sent it over. My GF is on my case about seperating work time and home time and I get it. The thing is, I find myself enjoying the work. It's the kind of thing I would enjoy doing in my spare time even if I wasn't getting paid. Tinkering with financial reporting models. - Doing comparisons, trying to figure out why IT systems won't play nice with each other. If you'd told me as a kid I could make a living playing with spreadsheets on a computer all day, I'd have probably signed up right there.

Went climbing in the evening and one-hanged my 5.12a project. Made it to a new high point along the way which is encouraging. It took about 5 attempts to have one good solid push. I wasn't warmed up properly and had a bit of a mental breakdown on the ground. The gym was too busy and I don't do well with "crowded". So good with the bad.

Filled up my car and did some physio with my doggo. She's a month out from surgery now and seems to be recovering really well! She's such a little dear. In a way the surgery has been a great blessing, it's forced me to spend more time with her. She has no idea why, but she loves all the attention shes been getting and I'd say has never been happier. Funny how things work out.


Had mad cravings to play games on the weekend. Didn't really get into it in the last one. Still feeling the waves now. It's tough when the GF is playing Fortnite every night. But I know me. One game turns into 2 games turns into playing on my own, turns into playing for an entire weekend. Don't have time for that. There's life to be lived.

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  • 1 month later...

Welp fell down. - After all the work moving, decided to just play a little as long as I met my goals beforehand.... Right.

2 full weekends down the drain now. Workout progress stalled out. Climbing fitness was going next.

There was some good in there. Got the move done. House setup. Met with some old friends while out of town for work. Met up with the old writing group. - But inescapable conclusion. - Videogames kill me. 2 whole saturdays and sundays I'm never getting back. For what?

Committing to a strong 90 days detox. - So here. We. Go.

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