Paul's Journal

[Ed]

It's really sucking so I haven't read lately, but I'm supposed to go to the library today for more material.

If you find reading boring, there is a chance that the books you've chosen are boring.  (Not all the books that get awards are great).  Or maybe they just don't have the subjects that interest you.  I'm not sure what your interests are but here are some ideas for books that you might enjoy:

Choose you own adventure books.  These can be short but enjoyable reads, especially if you choose wrong.  But you can always restart and get a different ending.

Books by Paul Jennings.  Australian author who writes relatively short stories with some interesting twists.

The Outsiders by S.E Hinton. 

Harry Potter. I've never read them, but I've met plenty of people who don't like reading, who suddenly love reading once they started with these books.

 

P.s. Groundhog Day is a great movie.

[Paul A.]

It's really sucking so I haven't read lately, but I'm supposed to go to the library today for more material.

If you find reading boring, there is a chance that the books you've chosen are boring.  (Not all the books that get awards are great).  Or maybe they just don't have the subjects that interest you.  I'm not sure what your interests are but here are some ideas for books that you might enjoy:

Choose you own adventure books.  These can be short but enjoyable reads, especially if you choose wrong.  But you can always restart and get a different ending.

Books by Paul Jennings.  Australian author who writes relatively short stories with some interesting twists.

The Outsiders by S.E Hinton. 

Harry Potter. I've never read them, but I've met plenty of people who don't like reading, who suddenly love reading once they started with these books.

 

P.s. Groundhog Day is a great movie.

It's not that I find reading boring, in fact I love reading, I used to read for hours every day before I became addicted to video games. (mind you, this was when I was about 8-9). They're a great way to escape my not-so-great reality, and I could use them as an excuse to talk to cute girls . The thing is, I keep procrastinating on my reading by watching TV or wasting time on the Internet or things like that, which I'm working on. But I don't find reading boring, that's not it at all.

Groundhog Day IS a great movie

Edited February 4, 2016 by Paul A.
whyy

[Paul A.]

I think this might be my last post for a while. To be honest I've been treating the forums like social media more like anything else, constantly checking for likes and replies, and everything interesting that happens in my life I feel obligated to post about, and I don't want to deal with that anymore. I've quit gaming, I rarely have cravings,  I've found ways to fill my time, basically I have a new lifestyle. This community has helped me. But now I think it's time for me to move on. But I'll make sure to always be improving on myself little by little, one step at a time, like this community has taught me.  Goodbye everyone 

Edited February 6, 2016 by Paul A.
no

[Cam Adair]

Do whatever serves you best man.

[Paul A.]

Well so I'm back. Turns out reading isn't a hobby I can keep up for long, especially since I am rather discriminate when it comes to my reading choices, and when I find a book I do like, I tend to get through it rather quickly. I haven't been gaming much lately (especially since my dad banned me from playing any games on the computer), but I just can't seem to find a fulfilling hobby. I've been trying to write lately, but I can't think of much to write about once I actually whip out a pencil and some paper (actually Microsoft Word on my phone).

[Cam Adair]

Welcome back Paul!

[Paul A.]

Well... I said I was back, but I really wasn't. I will be forever be haunted by my chronic inability to play video games .

Ever since my last journal entry I've been gaming, on tablets, phones, computers (I would say etc but those three are all I have). To be honest, it's not even fun, but it's addicting. I felt like I had a sense of purpose, especially this one game I've been playing called "Cubes of the Gods," where the point is to find a cube that gives you powers. I would have to complete "quests" like cutting down trees and defeating thugs to get enough money to buy a cube tracker which would help me find a cube. Like I said, it's not even that much fun, as the quests are usually mundane and tedious, and like I said before I'm some shit at all video games, but I felt like I had a purpose. Of course, getting powers in an online game isn't a legitimate ambition, I've wanted to be a producer (make my own music) for some time now, but a combination of game addiction and laziness have prevented me from installing any software and watching tutorial videos.

Aside from gaming, I haven't been feeling so great about myself lately. I feel like I have no real friends and I feel self pity for all the things others have and I don't. I mean, I am 13, so it just might be a part of growing up, but i really need a way to express myself.

So that's how I've been for a while... I don't even know yet whether I'm even going to stick around on the forums, so consider this a brief check up of how I've been doing

[Cam Adair]

Welcome back Paul!

[WorkInProgress]

Hi Paul,

nice hearing from you. Sometimes I evade starting new things because I fear the possibility of failure. Alone the idea of me having to  do  a big difficult thing is really scary and then I dodge facing the problem. I used to do this with games but now as I stopped it I still do it with other things. Maybe this is a problem for you too. I would advice you to do just one little thing you feel good about it everyday. Do 5 push ups, read  5 pages of a book. It won't change your life in an instant but it isn't scary at all and it sums up over time. A great little habit to train yourself away from self pity is to start a gratefulness journal and just write at least 3 new things you are grateful about into it. At start this is often hard, especially if you feeling down. But if you stick doing this for 2min every day it will change your focus more on the things you have and on the possibility's and away from envy and self pity.

best regards Mario

[Paul A.]

( Every day that I play games, at the end of the day I feel like I've wasted the whole day. Honestly, I don't play a lot of games, and the main reason I play those games is because I'm halfway decent at them (I'm shit at most games), and when I'm not doing well at the game I stop playing it, only to return to it later. That is my attitude at life to be totally honest, I just give up at the things I don't do well in. It's not a good attitude, I admit, but I really don't like to fail, which is funny because I do it so often

I would like to stop, but when I do I don't have the motivation to pursue other hobbies. For example, I'm not learning to produce music like I want to, even though I've had most of the day to do it. A lack of motivation (or just pure laziness) has been something I've been suffering with for years, and I know I need to address it but I'm too lazy

I'm just hoping that sometime soon I can get my act together and stop feeling like I've wasted my time at the end of every single day. I guess at the end of the day all I can do is hope (and actually try to finish the 90 day detox, when I signed up in January when Cam sent out that email I went less than a week before I relapsed, I actually completed the final survey two days after it was sent to me because I was too preoccupied in games)

Edited May 8, 2016 by Paul A.
I don't feel this bar here is necessary

[Cam Adair]

It's all in your control bro.

[Paul A.]

Cam how do you respond to new posts so quickly?

[Cam Adair]

Cam how do you respond to new posts so quickly?

Well, I used to check the forum a few times a day and respond then, but now because the forum is so busy I basically check it every night before I go to sleep and respond to everything from the day. Just consistency and commitment.

[Dannigan]

 I would like to stop, but when I do I don't have the motivation to pursue other hobbies. For example, I'm not learning to produce music like I want to, even though I've had most of the day to do it. A lack of motivation (or just pure laziness) has been something I've been suffering with for years, and I know I need to address it but I'm too lazy

 

Paul, the secret is that you don't need any motivation to actually do things.  The motivation is the after-math.  The trick is developing a habit or routine.  I very much encourage you to read The Book of Habit.  It will give you tips about how to stick with your good intentions, and not just by saying you'll do it.  I hope this helps.  You have what it takes, but I don't think you have the knowledge about why habits are formed and how they are maintained.  Read the book.  I bought it for $15 from Chapters. 

Wishing you good progress this week.

Danni

[Paul A.]

I don't have any money, and my parents rarely buy things for me. They say they will, but they never get around to doing it.

[Dannigan]

Hey there Paul,

I read some of your older posts.  You're a very articulate and intelligent 13 year old, I must say.  No wonder you chose writing as a hobby and also a form of expression.  First of all, I want to apologize for trying to pass down a technique upon you that has helped me.  There is no One-Size-Fits-All approach.  I just figured I'd mention the book because it's been very useful for me.

Being at home all the time is hard, as well as having no money.  I can see why it's difficult to find other hobbies outside of the home that are fulfilling.  But, you came to this forum with one intention:  to quit gaming.  I am not sure whether you are going to try the moderation route, or to quit it altogether.  Either way, you made a good choice, and that is the first of many choices you'll make in the future.  You're quite young, but already you are assessing your situation like an adult.  I applaud you for that.  Believe me, there are some adults who don't even have the mindset that you have.  You deserve kudos, kid.

Take this journey step by step, and day-by-day.  That's the game.  How are you gonna get through each day without playing one computer game?  You've got the ability to stop, but it's also a choice. 

Hobbies.  Perhaps tell your folks that you want to do other things besides gaming, and that gaming has become unfulfilling to you.  Would they listen?  Would they allow you to do after-school activities, such as team sports, or learning an instrument, or skate-boarding, etc.  Bring your parents in as part of your plan to bring fulfillment into your life.  I hope they are supportive.  If they are not, please continue reading journals here of people who have shown commitment in their Detox.  I can recommend many people: 

@Falky @WorkInProgress @ManGodWhyNo @kortheo @SpiNips @Piotr

Everyone is unique.  Don't compare yourself with what others are doing.  You're in charge to make your life as colorful as you want it to be.  

Last but not least, if nothing else deters you from gaming, try to visualize yourself as 30+ years old, addicted to video games, no job, no life, no relationships, NO JOY.

Sincerely,

Danni                                                               

Edited May 8, 2016 by Dannigan

[Falky]

Hey Paul, I just read the the whole of your journal and it's like kind of looking in a mirror when I was your age.

I was angry frustrated and lacking purpose in the early stages of my life and the in my late teens i developed anxiety and depression. At the age of 10 I entered a brand new school (secondary school in England) and within 30 minutes I was beaten to a pulp and ran out of the school crying.

Around a month later I got seriously beaten up again...that's when things changed. I became angry and i needed a way to vent all the aggression, frustration and boredom. A friend at the time was doing karate, so he invited me to come along one night.

I asked my parents if I could go and after the first lesson, I felt so much lighter and relieved within myself. In the end my anger stabilized and I was no longer getting bullied. In a way i became the bully of the bullies lol.

In my later teen years, i developed Agoraphobia and depression, this led to me not going out of the house for 2 years. All that time I played games and if it wasn't for those games I wouldn't be here today.

In the grand scheme of things you're still very young and perhaps being too hard on yourself.

If you are really struggling, feel free to contact me. I can always post my Facebook page if you wanna chat that way.

All the best buddy.

[Paul A.]

@Dannigan

Thanks for your concern. I think I might be able to get my parents to sign me up for an afterschool activity, but the problem is that they work till late, plus their workplaces are farther away, but I'll see what I can do. And also thanks for the advice, I'll just keep on going and see what happens. But I don't think I'm all that smart , but thanks for the compliment.

@Falky

Thanks for your concern, man. So if I'm reading correctly, you are suggesting I should try to find an outlet for my frustration... maybe I can get my parents to sign me up for something, or I can get around to producing music like I said I would ... either way, I'll take your advice into consideration, and I'll try not to beat myself up so much over everything.

[Paul A.]

I'll consider this Day 1 of the 90-Day Detox.

Today was a bit better than usual. I could have spent my time more productively, as I spent a lot of time on the internet, and the rest of my time watching TV, but I don't feel like I've wasted the day as much as I usually do. The thing is, the weekend always seems to go by so quickly. Maybe now that I've stopped gaming I can eventually learn to use my time wisely.

I woke up rather early, and the first thing I did was grab my phone. I was on YouTube for 2.5 hours before I brushed my teeth and got changed. Afterwards I watched my brother play computer games before I went outside for a bit (I know watching my brother play is a potential trigger, but it's still entertaining). We got KFC, which I ate AT THE TABLE with my siblings, rather than in front of a computer screen. I didn't even pull out my phone. Afterwards I watched a movie, and I watched my brother play some more.

Overall it was a pretty normal day, but I hope to be using my time more productively in the near future.

[Cam Adair]

Productivity begins in the morning bro.

[Falky]

Yup use music, writing, sports, martial arts...anything to release the frustration you feel inside. Nowadays I write on my blog and listen to music to release my anger etc.

Good job on starting day 1 too, you'll definitely find that you will be doing things you haven't done before and it feels good! Your parents will start to notice and take you seriously also. When they do you can ask them for them to pay for stuff you need like books, audio tapes or after-school activities.

Keep up the good work, you've got this!

 

[Paul A.]

Day 2

Today was a little better in terms of productivity. Even though today was testing day and legitimately EVERYONE was playing games after the test was over (tests were on the computer), I still managed to keep my urges under control. Afterschool I watched some basketball videos to help me improve, but to be honest I didn't do much better , but you know what they say, practice makes perfect. I also read a bit of people's journals to try and connect with my fellow GameQuitters. Plus, I didn't browse the Internet much today.

It's rewarding to be spending time on things you want to do but never got around to because of constant gaming. Being game-free really gives me a peace of mind, I'm not constantly thinking about games, and it really improves my focus. Plus, I'm not all stressed out about the things I need to do because without games I can keep my priorities straight. The whole experience is, in a word, liberating.

I'm still feeling a bit lonely from time to time, and I still get picked on, but I feel like I'm better connecting with the friends I do have. I hope I can foster more meaningful relationships over time.

Overall, it was a pretty good day. I just have to keep taking it day-by-day. Rome wasn't built in a day.

P.S. I noticed that I ended every sentence in that last paragraph with the word "day"

[Dannigan]

Doing awesome, kiddo!    One step atta time.

[Merdoc_Rowboat]

 

P.S. I noticed that I ended every sentence in that last paragraph with the word "day"

we'll just call it poetry.

[Mad Pharmacist]

Good job on your journey!

Remember that the journey of thousand miles begins with a single step.

And, remember that you can do this. Just like you controlled yourself while everyone else in the classroom were playing.

Keep doing like that!