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Paul's Journal


Paul A.

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Yesterday I wasn't able to post because I ran out of time on the computer (my dad set up the computer so that when I reach a certain time limit the computer will log off and won't allow me to log back in until 3 PM the next day), and since no other devices were available I couldn't post, so I'll write an entry for both days today.

Day 3 (yesterday)

Yesterday was a normal day. Taking it one step at a time.

We had another day of testing, so we were allowed to use the computers with the extra time, but instead of playing games I actually looked up something that interested me from History class (a baseball player killed by a pitch). After school I spent all my computer time on an essay that is due Thursday (tomorrow) that I had been procrastinating on :/. I couldn't finish it all though. An observation I made yesterday is that some people actually have the ability to game in moderation and still excel in other things, but not everyone (that includes me). For me any gaming was addicting and energy-draining, that's why there was a need to quit. All in all it was a pretty average day.

Day 4 (today)

Today was the last day of testing, so instead of using extra time to play on the computers we actually shut them down and watched a movie instead (How to Train Your Dragon 2), but only like 20 minutes of it. After school I had to finish up my essay which I did, but I managed to extend my time which is how I'm typing this. I do have a habit of goofing around on the Internet while I'm doing my work, but since I get my work done I don't consider it a problem. Since I was working most of the time I didn't do much else, except listening to some music and learning a bit more about some artists (I have an interest in the music business). That's all for today.

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Day 5

Another normal day. There was another essay I had to finish up today (I could've worked on it yesterday but I chose to put it off :/) but the good thing is I was really focused on it, I even had the urge to start goofing off on the Internet but I chose to ignore it. Afterwards I played some ball with a friend (my handles aren't improving, unfortunately, but my shooting is a TEENY bit better), but both him and my brother were insulting me (they think it's fun but I take it personally because I've been picked on so much), so there were times when tensions were high. My friend got salty because we tapped him while playing 50 so many times, which was HILARIOUS (he tried to beat me up). Anyway I just came home from there and I'm writing this entry. Just another day, taking it one step at a time. Tomorrow, I want to start learning how to actually USE LMMS so I can start making some music :). That's all for today.

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Day 6 (almost a week :D)

Today, a lot of people weren't at school, because they went on a field trip (those that are in the school chorus and band went to Hershey Park), so we mostly messed around at school today. A bit of time was spent on the computer, but I listened to music instead of games. After school, I watched my brother play ROBLOX, watched some TV (Friends), then went out to play some basketball with some neighborhood kids (as well as a friend from school I ran into). Just came home from there, I think I'll learn a bit more about how to use LMMS (I watched a couple tutorial videos last night).

When I was still gaming, hours would just seem to go by in a flash. Now that I've quit, I've come to really appreciate the time that I have. I'm aiming to start using my time more productively.

Lately, my littlest brother (5) has been getting really frustrated by a game he plays (Shadow Fight 2). Whenever he is on a losing streak, he gets upset, and even bursts into tears. I hope that once he gets older that he will see the light of non-gaming (lol), because whenever he is told to put his tablet every night, he is visibly upset. It seems that there's a similarity between us gamers, we've been playing since childhood (I myself had a computer at the age of five), maybe if we weren't bred to game since childhood it wouldn't be a problem for us. Anyway that's just an observation that I made.

Well, I think that's today's entry. Tomorrow will mark a week game-free :D I'm excited!

 

Edited by Paul A.
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I know this is a support forum, so I can't just talk about my progress without supporting others through theirs... the problem is I'm not the best at giving advice... so I guess the least I can do is offer words of encouragement :)

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I know this is a support forum, so I can't just talk about my progress without supporting others through theirs... the problem is I'm not the best at giving advice... so I guess the least I can do is offer words of encouragement :)

Encouragement makes a big difference :)

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I started reading from where I gave you my big advice chunks, and it seems a lot has happened in the past couple of months for you. All I have to say is don't be discouraged from posting about your day, what you've been doing, and if you don't meet the goals you've set yourself. Posting daily gives you a good opportunity to reflect, but also writing what went well, what didn't, and how you can make the next one better is a recipe for continuous growth. 

Congrats on getting through a week now of quitting gaming! 

Here's a picture I've taken at my place; and I'll give it a special caption for you: "A tree never stops growing. It pursues personal growth until it dies."  I hope it will be inspirational, or just plain hilarious. :D

Sony Camera Photos 038.JPG

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Yesterday I wasn't able to post, so I will today:

Day 7 (one week completed)

Yesterday was rather eventful. I woke up very early for the weekend, 6:45 (without anyone waking me up or anything), and got on GQ for about an hour and a half before I went downstairs at about 8:30. I finished all my chores before 12:30, but something rather unexpected took place during that time. I got invited to a group chat by some guys who had a history of not being so nice to me, and we had a strange conversation. I was insulted a few times, but I let it roll off my back. The rest of the day, I was mostly messing around on YouTube (my productivity could use some work). At about 4, my "friend" (I'll use the term lightly) texted me, and tried to convince me to play ROBLOX with him, so I gave him this big speech about how gaming was holding me back, blah blah blah, but he was persistent, he was telling me that I should "have fun," and I should "live my life," but eventually he gave up and asked my brother to play instead. Unfortunately we didn't get to eat the sundaes :(, but a couple of us went out and bought big boxes of candy, so I wasn't TOO devastated ;)

Overall it was an average day. My productivity could've been a lot better, but I DID do all my chores without being prompted, unlike my younger brother, so I felt pretty good about that.

Edited by Paul A.
Typo
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Good on you for managing to not play Roblox, it takes a good deal of willpower to do so when gaming is very close to hand.

Your friends and possibly even your family might not understand your need to move on from gaming, and so don't expect them to understand. My old gamer friends still don't respect my decision to quit gaming, so I decided they weren't good friends at all (turns out many of them only were my friend because we had gaming in common).

That's unfortunate you had a negative talk with some 'friends', but don't let it get to you as their opinions obviously don't matter.

All the best for improving your productivity! :D

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Today was a mix of good and bad. In terms of productivity, it was POPPIN'. I finished a tutorial series on LMMS, and even started working on a song, which was pretty hard. It'll take a bit of practice to get the hang of. On the other hand, I got in trouble for taking some candy, because I looked for it "without permission." It's really stupid, because my dad purposely told me to look in the place where the candy wasn't, probably with the intent to not let me have it. The whole thing is just fucked up. I suppose if all that shit hasn't happened, then it would have been an awesome day. But it did, and I can't control it. I got really upset and even started crying because my dad was screaming at me and criticizing me so much. But there's no need to dwell on the past. We need to move on.

So that's been my day. The weekend is too short :(

 

Edited by Paul A.
we got sundaes today :)
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Day 9

Just another school day.   We started more testing this week, we were only allowed to play games for a few minutes before we went outside, so I didn't have to deal with it for long today. My team also qualified for our school's 4x100 relay, so I'm happy about that. 

After school on school days I usually play some ball at the local court, which I did. We ran into some trouble with some neighborhood kids, we'll just have to wait and see how that situation turns out.  I decided not to work on my music today,  I didn't really feel up to it. 

Overall just an average day,  nothing special. Taking it one step at a time.

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Day 10

Another day of testing. I couldn't find much to occupy myself after testing was over today, so it was rather difficult to not play when everyone else was. I managed, luckily. I also struggled with a feeling of loneliness during this time, almost everyone was playing with a friend or friends, and I was all alone. I'm a pretty shy person, but I've never really noticed this until now, since games were all I ever thought about. Improving my social skills is something I should probably think about, but it will be challenging for me.

Today was also the first time in a while I felt considerable cravings to play, I had memories of some of the fun times I've had playing games I enjoyed. I ignored the cravings, and watched some TV instead. On a related note, not a productive day at all. I was planning on working on my music today, but I was distracted by Family Feud. After school I basically spent all my time watching TV.

Over all, not the greatest day. Of course, no journey is without its challenges. I will struggle with cravings and negativity, and possibly even relapses during my journey to quit games. The important thing is to keep going. When I fall, I'll get back up.

Well, that's been my day. One step at a time.

Edited by Paul A.
no reason really
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Good that you stayed strong. These hard days are the important one. First you can always look back in the future and say that you made it as everything was difficult and you had cravings. If you made it once you can do it again. Second in this times you realize what gaming meant to you and you get pointers how to fill your life in a way, that you don't need gaming in the future. Even just knowing it without the possibility to change something immediately makes a big difference.

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Day 11

Last day of testing. We went outside again today, but it wasn't to my benefit because I had to read 4 chapters of a book that are due tomorrow. My team also qualified for the 4x200 relay, I ran so hard my stomach started hurting :P

In first period today, some friends of mine decided to play Roblox. It reminded me of my Roblox days, and later on I had cravings, and I ended up going on the Roblox website. This was the closest I have ever come to gaming over the past about two weeks (apart from the time I actually took the keyboard and moved my brother's character so that he would not be killed while he was AFK). They even invited me to play with them later, so I lied and told them I would. I haven't told anybody (except my mom, and my brother, who found out on his own) that I've quit because of the reactions I might get from them. The last time I told another person, they were absolutely shocked, and in all honesty for a good reason. I might be the only 13 year old in the COUNTRY who willingly decided to quit games.

After school, I had to finish up the chapters, but I spent a good 20-30 minutes on the Internet before I really got started. I finished the chapters, then ate, them went to play basketball. I think I will stop going out, because it turns out I don't like basketball as much as I thought I did, plus I never see any noticeable improvement the few times I try to get better. Plus, I don't feel motivated to try to improve, in addition to the fact that I am absolutely TERRIBLE at it. This has its benefits, however, because I can use the time I usually spend at the court to work on my music.

Just a regular day, really. I feel kinda guilty when I don't do anything productive, but I have time, right?

Edited by Paul A.
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Day 12

Since we have tomorrow off, today is the last day of the school week. It's also my mom's birthday, but turns out we can't go out today.

Honestly it feels like another day wasted. Despite what I said yesterday I came to the basketball court anyway, and I'm not having much fun. This happens a lot, I promise myself that I will do something different at the end of the day, only to do the same thing the next day. I suppose it's due to a lack of discipline and/or motivation to change. This is something I have to work on.

I haven't done much work on my music lately, and I think it's just pure laziness. I've struggled with this for a while, but I'm afraid that somewhere along the line, I'll just have to man up and deal with it, preferably sooner than later. Luckily, I managed to do a little bit of work after I got back, before I ran out of time on the computer. I've been concerning myself too much with trying to learn all of LMMS, but if I just open it up as soon as I log on, without going into any tutorials, I can get a lot done and even get around to some tutorials later. I've set a goal to make a good song and to get it up on SoundCloud or something. I'll get to work ASAP.

I feel like there's so much more I can write, but I can never organize my thoughts, so I guess that's it for today. I have a whole day off tomorrow, hopefully I can make the most of it.

Edited by Paul A.
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Day 13

Not one of my better days. I had huge cravings, luckily my dad set up that time limit on the computer else I very well might have relapsed.

I was incredibly bored for a chunk of the day, since my computer was locked. I did play with my littler siblings for a bit, and I watched a couple episodes of Key and Peele when it was on, but otherwise I wasn't entertained for a big chunk of the day. When the computer finally unlocked, my brother just HAD to go and spend half an hour playing Roblox, so I had to wait before I could do anything. I did a bit of homework, but I couldn't bring myself to work on my music. Afterwards I had to go out to the basketball court, because my mom said we had to, and it was actually pretty fun. I busted out my African accent and we had a good time laughing at the jokes I made, plus just how funny my voice is.

Today proved to me what a challenge quitting games can be. Turns out that without school or any chores to do, I'm quite susceptible to cravings, and possibly relapse. I really have to talk to my parents about the time limit, or maybe some other way I can pursue music. I don't want another day like this to happen again.

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Day 14 (2 Week Mark)

The cravings seem to be getting worse every day. Today just might be the closest I'll ever get to a relapse (apart from an actual relapse, of course). They seem to be fueled by intense boredom. I've ran into a sort of roadblock on my music, problems with the software itself that I don't know how to fix. Outside of making music, there's not much else for me to do. There's my problem

Today started off like any other weekend day, I was in my bedroom, on my phone, for about an hour and a half (I think I'll have to change up my weekend morning routine). Then after I brushed my teeth I was mostly texting my "friend" (using the term loosely), plus watching my brother play. I ran into some more trouble with people over Kik, I think I'll just uninstall Kik to avoid all of the insults and such. Then, I tried to work on my music, but a problem I've been running into is whenever I overlap two notes, a horrible crackling noise is generated, so eventually I just gave up. This is when I had some serious cravings. The boredom I wad dealing with was driving me crazy, and I had some incredible cravings to play. I ended up going to the Roblox website, but I didn't play any games, I just messed around on the catalog and looked at some groups and profiles before I just looked up some random shit on the computer. Regardless of the issues I was running into, I was on LMMS for the final 20 odd minutes of screen time I had left before I ran out of time. Now I'm just waiting for the day to end.

I'm not sure how much more of this I can handle. I need to find some replacement activities, and quickly, else I'll either relapse, or die of boredom.

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