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Paul's Journal


Paul A.

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January 13, 2016

So I'm not new to the concept of journaling. I've had a few journal-like entries in the past, but I've never really been consistent, something I'll try to change here.

First of all I'd like to say that this is a really great community that I'm happy to now be a part of. Everyone is respectful of one another, something I do not see enough as a teenager. Believe me. This is a group of likeminded people who aren't afraid to share their lives with one another, and that's something I appreciate.

OK, so back to me. I've only recently gotten back into this non gaming thing, and it's not easy. Everywhere I go, I'm surrounded by games, games, games. And it brings me back to some of the good times I had with it, and already I feel like I'm missing out. I can understand why some people relapse. But I try to remind myself that if I'm serious about cutting games from my life, I have to stay strong. And I assume that is how it is for everyone else. Besides, no one said it would be easy. I like to think ahead to all of the great things I could accomplish without gaming to hold me back. I AM only 13. I have my while life ahead of me. Well I think that's it for today's journal entry. I was running out of things to write anyway :P.

 

 

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Couldn't post up journal entry yesterday so I'll do it today:

January 14, 2016

Well, I've had an interesting day today. I felt pretty nostalgic watching my two brothers play, but that's about it. It's actually beside the point. I had a few, ' angry moments,' if you will, at school today, including telling another student to ' Shut the hell up,' (in front of a teacher, which in retrospect wasn't my smartest decision), and flinging my glasses against a wall (also not my greatest moment). So yeah, I've got anger issues. Something I should probably take care of. But honestly, I'm not exactly itching to control my anger, either. As I mentioned earlier, I'm often bullied at school, but an angry outburst can stop the insults for a little while. Whatever insults people had for me turn into concern, and a lot of, ' Are you okay,' or ' You good, Paul?' So yeah, anger is good for me in that way. But I'm not doubting that it can lead to negative consequences later on, so it's probably best to learn to control it. But then it becomes a problem of what I can do to get everyone to stop harassing me. And the answer is: I don't know. That's what I really need help with. This whole paragraph seems pretty inconclusive to me, but I'll wrap it up here.

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Well to get bullied always sucks, in school i had the luck only to get bullied from a few classmates. They made it appear at it was just fun and mbe it was for them but it was really hard for me because i got very angry and couldn't deal with it mentally. But because it were only a few people i could ignore them or evade them. Later on they dropped one by one out of school and my friends became the "cool" kids. And ofcourse i had always some friends in school what made it easier for me.

How is your situation exactly? Are their only some mean kids wich are bullying you or is it a class sport? How do theybully you? verbally? physically? It depends on your situation what u can do. I found a websites who seems reasonable(http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/what-to-do-if-you-are-being-bullied) but i don't know if u can use these tipps in your situation. I'm feeling with you atleas,t because i know that kids can be assholes wiht no empathic abilites at all.

 

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Thanks for your concern. A lot of people, at least 50% of everyone in my grade (8th) that say some mean thing to me from time to time, whether it be about my hairline (that's an EXTREMELY sensitive area for me), or my clothes, or my phone (that's the reason I told a kid to 'Shut the hell up,' if you read my second journal entry). I don't think there's much I can do about it though, but I think I will be going to a high school farther away from here so I can get away from these people.

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I know it doesn't seem like it's affecting your life negatively, and that it gives you a short sense of power..but the problem here is that the more you react to these incidents with anger, the less you will be able to react to normal incidents where you aren't being bullied (you won't be able to tell the difference between a rude comment and constructive criticism, or when embarrassed get angry at others even though no one else did anything wrong) The more you get angry the easier it is to begin abusive relationships in the future with lovers and friends. And you won't realize you're being emotionally abusive until something drastic happens or you get a lucky bout of clarity.

And it's no good to get mad at yourself when you make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes but you don't see them because you pay more attention to yourself or they don't call attention to them while you do. You can't beat yourself up for dropping a ball, being clumsy etc. Those are things you can't control and being clumsy doesn't have that many repercussions in the real world lol. Just got to buy plastic plates, don't wear white clothes, and fall gracefully xD. Coming from fellow clumsy person. Laugh awkwardly at your clumsiness and as you move on so will others.

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Yeah a new start could help. But if its possible for you, i would recommend to try a special mindset dealing with such commentarys. I often was made fun of bullies. If they insulted my highwater jeans for example, i just refused to get insulted and angry was very friendly and agreed with them. I answered smth like this: thank you man that you pointed that out! Now i can buy new jeans wich fit better and look awesome. U are a real help! Or if they say smth like whats up with ur hair man. Your breasthair isn't growing yet but ur head alrdy gets empty. Thank u for recognizing it i love it too, how old and experienced i look! Just take the insults out of context and act like their were compliments, tips or sugestions and be rly rly friendly about it. It needs some roleplay and practive but I always found it funny to see their confusion about my uncharacteristic reactions.And the dumbest ones wouldn't even realize i was mocking them. So yeah if you dont get in danger to get beaten up for such shannanigans its a good tactic. And even if it wont stop this shit atleast you can make a game out of it wich is fun for you. Its rly disencouraging to bully someone who has fun reacting at it. If you have bad luck though they will push further still they get you annoyed again. In this case think to yourself fuck you you dumb asshole i will be so much better person after school that i almost feel sry for you. And start ignoring them.

Another solution woudl be to start working out regulary and building some muscles. If your bigger and stronger then most of people respect/fear you and are scared to shittalk in front of you. But that needs some time and commitment. And well i hate muscle training so that wasnt a real option for me.

 

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Hey Paul, welcome to GameQuitters! I wish I was your age when I quit! I'm 23 now and I would love having all that time back.

I really empathize with your bullying situation man. When I was 13, I got bullied so bad that I had to switch schools. I was probably the second most hated/bullied person in my grade, and I was really happy I wasn't the first. Thankfully, when I switched I had a clean slate, only a few kids new me and my past, but they didn't care. I was able to make some friends and I felt normal for once. This was a very important feeling for me and my move into the daylight. I hope you have this experience at some point. So, if this gives you hope, here's three points I'd like to leave with you:

1) I don't know you. But I'm gonna assume you're just another normal dude. Other people might not treat you like it, but you are. Their words are nothing and hold no water, Now, at the same time, it's true...everyone IS different. Kids pick up on this like crazy and have really overblown responses to those differences. I think it might be an evolutionary thing honestly (I have no science to back it up). Adults do pick up on differences in others, but adults really care far less about that stuff (generally speaking) and can handle their response far better. Trust me, as people grow up they will stop treating you quite as bad as you are now. It's a rite of passage of sorts. So take heart, you'll get through it.

2) Anger is a really powerful emotion and you need to be careful of your usage with it. I have messed this up myself, as an adult. Coming off as angry or edgy all the time will keep people away and make it hard for people who are close to want to stay close. You may have some allies who are staying back because of this perception, and it is very important for your sanity to have these allies in your "camp." Hence, having an outburst really should be a last resort. 

3) This might be the most important: do not let your bullies get a response out of you, that is their lifeblood. I realized this was the main reason I was bullied when I was a kid. I was hypersensitive and could not take a fucking joke. This was what kept my bullies coming back for more and more. Granted, there were other factors in my life that led me to be hypersensitive at the time, but if I had kept my cool and made it really boring or even uncool for bullies to harass me, I would've saved myself a lot of pain and suffering. I am quite sure that when you give an outburst, this just gets your bullies all excited to try all new ways to get under your skin. By no means am I telling you to cower, ignore them, and not stand up for yourself--please stand up for yourself!--but keep your calm and always try to be a step ahead of your bullies.

Also, your bullies also probably feel really bad about themselves too and are just projecting their emotions onto you. Have compassion. 

Good luck, Paul. You got this.  

(And I know you weren't asking for advice or anything, so I'm sorry if this feels a bit unwarranted. This stuff just really hits me hard. Totally cool if you wish to ignore it. :) )

 

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Wow thanks so much for the responses guys! :D

Hey Paul, welcome to GameQuitters! I wish I was your age when I quit! I'm 23 now and I would love having all that time back.

I really empathize with your bullying situation man. When I was 13, I got bullied so bad that I had to switch schools. I was probably the second most hated/bullied person in my grade, and I was really happy I wasn't the first. Thankfully, when I switched I had a clean slate, only a few kids new me and my past, but they didn't care. I was able to make some friends and I felt normal for once. This was a very important feeling for me and my move into the daylight. I hope you have this experience at some point. So, if this gives you hope, here's three points I'd like to leave with you:

1) I don't know you. But I'm gonna assume you're just another normal dude. Other people might not treat you like it, but you are. Their words are nothing and hold no water, Now, at the same time, it's true...everyone IS different. Kids pick up on this like crazy and have really overblown responses to those differences. I think it might be an evolutionary thing honestly (I have no science to back it up). Adults do pick up on differences in others, but adults really care far less about that stuff (generally speaking) and can handle their response far better. Trust me, as people grow up they will stop treating you quite as bad as you are now. It's a rite of passage of sorts. So take heart, you'll get through it.

2) Anger is a really powerful emotion and you need to be careful of your usage with it. I have messed this up myself, as an adult. Coming off as angry or edgy all the time will keep people away and make it hard for people who are close to want to stay close. You may have some allies who are staying back because of this perception, and it is very important for your sanity to have these allies in your "camp." Hence, having an outburst really should be a last resort. 

3) This might be the most important: do not let your bullies get a response out of you, that is their lifeblood. I realized this was the main reason I was bullied when I was a kid. I was hypersensitive and could not take a fucking joke. This was what kept my bullies coming back for more and more. Granted, there were other factors in my life that led me to be hypersensitive at the time, but if I had kept my cool and made it really boring or even uncool for bullies to harass me, I would've saved myself a lot of pain and suffering. I am quite sure that when you give an outburst, this just gets your bullies all excited to try all new ways to get under your skin. By no means am I telling you to cower, ignore them, and not stand up for yourself--please stand up for yourself!--but keep your calm and always try to be a step ahead of your bullies.

Also, your bullies also probably feel really bad about themselves too and are just projecting their emotions onto you. Have compassion. 

Good luck, Paul. You got this.  

(And I know you weren't asking for advice or anything, so I'm sorry if this feels a bit unwarranted. This stuff just really hits me hard. Totally cool if you wish to ignore it. :) )

 

I didn't quit on my journal, I went for a church trip for three days and I wasn't allowed to bring my phone with me. It went really well, I really felt connected with God for the first time. I shared my story with others and made some friends, it was overall a great experience.

HI Paul, I hope you haven't quit on your journal. Would be awesome if we both stay strong wiht the posting. But what ever you do right now, good luck too you.

I want to post on the computer more because my phone is getting on my nerves

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I was feeling pretty lazy yesterday so I didn't post, but I'll post today

1/18/2016 - MLK Day

I'm at the point of my game quitting journey where I'm stuck browsing the Internet. I know that I'm not supposed to do this, but I am unable to find a suitable hobby. Not to mention, my options are significantly limited due to the fact that I'm stuck at home ALL THE TIME. So I'll just look up some useless stuff and learn some useless junk that in no way is pertinent to my life at all. It's horrible. But I just can't find a hobby. The options I have right now are reading, but the issue with that is I'm extremely lazy, and plus in the past I haven't found reading to be the most enjoyable activity. Another option is writing, which I do somewhat often, but not often enough. More than 90% percent of the time I will do my writing on some kind of device (phone, computer), and that is almost exclusive to this forum. Getting myself up to pen-and-paper writing is difficult enough, and when I do, I often hit a writer's block; I don't even know where to start. My final, most unrealistic option is exercising. I'm only 13, so working out isn't so much of a priority in my life, and plus there's my laziness issue. Looking at it I guess it all comes back to my laziness. It's like a chronic disease, I find ways to temporarily alleviate it, but it just keeps coming back to haunt me. So that's that. On another note, thanks so much for all the replies, they're super helpful and I really appreciate them.

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If you're stuck mindless browsing these two videos can help:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xn2YHgJlsOU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hm_W2HGe584

Most of the time mindless browsing comes from a lack of structure/scheduling in your life. Be more intentional with how you spend your time and that will help a lot.

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Hi Paul,

it can take some time to find a hobby you like and wich motivates you. Don't feel to bad about it. Just start trying some stuff. Most important thing is just to beginn smth. and keep  doing it for some time. The hobbys wich help me personally to avoid gaming right now, are darts and juggling, because i am allready pretty decent at them and its motivating to see myself improve.And i like how i can switch my head off for some time if i fokus. But i have to search better stuff too because thisisn't social at all.

You could start to learn drawing i bet there are some forums out there wiht tutorials and platforms to share your work. Mbe you find Cam's hobby ideas on http://gamequitters.com/ helpfull they are a free download so check them out. I would advice you to think for some goals. For example to practice playing guitar isn't rly fun at the start. YOu have to learn chords and theory and you feel pretty stupid at the beginning. So you have to motivate you to get over this first treshold. Mbe you pick a cool song you like and start playing it. That's jsut an example i guess you don't have guitar. If you like the drawing idea it could be a goal to draw a fun(or tragic) comicshortstory. Programming is a pretty cool skill to accomplish too. Just google how to learn programming and im sure you find a ton of good tutorials.

If this isn't helping you i would try to make a game out of improving your life. I mean in computergames you have to find out how to get better and then train the abilites you need. If I played a LoL for example and sucked at a hero you would check the internet about this hero how you play him and wht good people do wiht him. Same principle applies to real life. You feel down all the time and can't do constructive work? Learn about increasing your energy-lvl and willpower and practice to get better.

In my opinion lazyness isn't something you were born with. It is just a symptom of low motivation( because you don't now how to motivate yourself) or low energy wich occurs if you feeling down or if you just don't eat and sleep right. You should really watch Cam's https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SA2joOdhL3g. It gave me some insights about it. His youtube channel is pretty awesome anyway. So if you browse mindlessly next time put some mind in it and check it out B|.

Good to hear from you. Een if it mbe doesn't feel like it at the moment you did another important step on you journy. So keep going you are doing great.

:)

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January 19, 2016

So today wasn't that special. Went to school, came back home, read some Wikipedia articles. Hopefully I can stop the mindless browsing soon because I have found a potential hobby: writing poetry. It's challenging to stick to a common theme while generating rhymes that aren't awkward and still make sense, which makes it a perfect hobby. As Cam said,  "Focus on engagement, not entertainment." Seems pretty engaging to me. But I do have one concern, it's about my big project I just turned in, and I'm not feeling too confident about it. I rushed to complete it yesterday, and it was due to some serious procrastinating. It's an issue I have to address, if I don't want to be failing more big projects any time soon. Well that's my entry for today. 

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I'm probably going to post some more later today, but I just wanted to post this anyway.

So I think I've finally found a hobby, and that's writing poetry. If that's the case, then I can turn this topic into not only a daily journal, but also a poetry journal :). I'll post my very first poem today, a little something I worked on yesterday. I just started so don't judge me.

Writing poetry is a lot harder than it seems, including writing rhymes that stick to a common theme. It's easy to let your ideas shift from one to the other, like you're writing about your favorite foods, then you write about your mother. But like all things, your poetry will improve with time, given you're using all that time to work on your rhymes. No one improved at anything by sitting around all day, so it's time to get serious, there's no time for play(ing video games xD see what I did there?) Maybe you'll become world-class, no one can say, but you're sure to improve in a big way. And it all starts with you doing little things every day. And if you stay focused no one can keep your talents at bay.

 

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January 21, 2016

So I had a minor relapse this week. Every other sibling of mine plays, and my five year old brother and there year old sister are always asking for help. The thing is they are the biggest crybabies EVER, they will cry over the stupidest things. So because I didn't want to hear any annoying crying, I decided to help them. My sister I "helped" for about five seconds, but my brother I tried to beat the level for about five minutes before giving up. Not much of a relapse, but a relapse is a relapse. Say that five times fast :P

Besides that, I am still hung up on a hobby. Turns out I don't enjoy poetry as much as I thought, so I need something else to spend my time on. I would appreciate some input soon because there is a state of emergency in my area (blizzard) and I'll be stuck at home for the next few days.

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Besides that, I am still hung up on a hobby. Turns out I don't enjoy poetry as much as I thought, so I need something else to spend my time on. I would appreciate some input soon because there is a state of emergency in my area (blizzard) and I'll be stuck at home for the next few days.

One note on hobbies is to give them more time. Passion is developed through experience. It doesn't come automatically. One thing you want to do is pay attention to what you do like about specific hobbies. So what do you like about poetry? Focus on that. Or find that same type of thing in other hobbies. It's all about learning and uncovering more about what you truly love. It's a process. :)

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Thanks for the advice Cam. I did some thinking, and while I drew up blanks on the poetry thing, it got me thinking about why I enjoyed games, something I haven't put much thought into before. I enjoyed the escapism aspect; it allowed me to enter a totally different world, but at the same time, I also enjoyed games that were played a certain way, or to put it differently, had rules. I am not a creative person, so I didn't enjoy games like Minecraft that allowed you to do whatever; there is no correct way to play. I enjoyed games like wizard101 that had "missions" that you accomplished a certain way. I think those things I valued in gaming are things I can apply when finding a hobby, which I really need because unlike EVERYONE else on the forum who are older and have things to be doing, I find myself with a lot more free time on my hands, and I don't know how to spend it.

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So bored... It hurts :(

I've already looked on Cam's over 60 hobby ideas in the resting section, but I can't find anything of interest. I've tried thinking about what I enjoy in a hobby, but I still can't think of anything. I'm stuck at home for the next few days someone please help a fellow out :(

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If you liked games because of the mission aspect, what you want to do is create a goal or project. What is a mission you can create for yourself in your life right now? What goals have you had? What dreams have you always wanted to accomplish? Those are all good places to start. 

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If you liked games because of the mission aspect, what you want to do is create a goal or project. What is a mission you can create for yourself in your life right now? What goals have you had? What dreams have you always wanted to accomplish? Those are all good places to start. 

Honestly, I don't know. I've never been very ambitious, I just need something to pass the time. I think it has something to do with laziness, extreme laziness. It's an issue I have to overcome.

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If you liked games because of the mission aspect, what you want to do is create a goal or project. What is a mission you can create for yourself in your life right now? What goals have you had? What dreams have you always wanted to accomplish? Those are all good places to start. 

Honestly, I don't know. I've never been very ambitious, I just need something to pass the time. I think it has something to do with laziness, extreme laziness. It's an issue I have to overcome.

A few things that can help.

1) This video on finding your purpose.
2) This article by Mark Manson.

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Hi Paul,

I appreciate the enthusiasm and effort you are putting into improving your lifestyle! You have provided a lot of detail in the forum about how you're progressing and how you're struggling, but in terms of finding hobbies for you to fill you time with, it seems to me that the effort stops here. I'll share some experience of my own that will hopefully help you in achieving what you want.

I didn't think that I'd be interested in a lot of things from the 60+ hobby ideas list and many other activities, but when I finally said to myself "ok, I need to try these or else I won't know for sure if I'll enjoy them" I got started and really enjoyed the hobbies I tried out. One of these was learning to play the guitar; I had stopped playing about 5 years ago because I found it boring, but without the need for instant gratification now, I really enjoy singing to my songs and playing the best I can. If you try an activity where you will learn beneficially it is a bonus, I am finding programming in the Python language engaging for my brain and enjoyable as a result as I am challenged to work out puzzles like I would be in gaming.

If you have a think about your previous passions you may well find things you enjoy like I have, both programming and playing the guitar have been things I gave up on practicing because I found them boring whilst I played video games. If you still can't think of any, perhaps try to derive some ideas from activities or things you enjoy or have an interest in. Otherwise there are many lists of hobbies and helpful habits online you can have a look at so you'll never be out of ideas.

Most importantly, if you don't try them and don't attempt to enjoy them, you simply won't find the activities interesting. Something I found that is very true is that we only find something interesting after we've been engaged with the activity. It is described in the quote "When you do the thing, you have the power", being the power and motivation you need, and more simply in the Nike quote "Just do it".

I hope this information will help you and all the best for your recovery!

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Hi Paul,

I appreciate the enthusiasm and effort you are putting into improving your lifestyle! You have provided a lot of detail in the forum about how you're progressing and how you're struggling, but in terms of finding hobbies for you to fill you time with, it seems to me that the effort stops here. I'll share some experience of my own that will hopefully help you in achieving what you want.

I didn't think that I'd be interested in a lot of things from the 60+ hobby ideas list and many other activities, but when I finally said to myself "ok, I need to try these or else I won't know for sure if I'll enjoy them" I got started and really enjoyed the hobbies I tried out. One of these was learning to play the guitar; I had stopped playing about 5 years ago because I found it boring, but without the need for instant gratification now, I really enjoy singing to my songs and playing the best I can. If you try an activity where you will learn beneficially it is a bonus, I am finding programming in the Python language engaging for my brain and enjoyable as a result as I am challenged to work out puzzles like I would be in gaming.

If you have a think about your previous passions you may well find things you enjoy like I have, both programming and playing the guitar have been things I gave up on practicing because I found them boring whilst I played video games. If you still can't think of any, perhaps try to derive some ideas from activities or things you enjoy or have an interest in. Otherwise there are many lists of hobbies and helpful habits online you can have a look at so you'll never be out of ideas.

Most importantly, if you don't try them and don't attempt to enjoy them, you simply won't find the activities interesting. Something I found that is very true is that we only find something interesting after we've been engaged with the activity. It is described in the quote "When you do the thing, you have the power", being the power and motivation you need, and more simply in the Nike quote "Just do it".

I hope this information will help you and all the best for your recovery!

Thanks for the great advice @‌AlexTheGrape !

If you put it that way, there are plenty of things I could be doing. I tried programming on khanacademy a while back, it was rather interesting but I would rather spend time gaming, so I quit, but I can restart tomorrow morning (if my dad doesn't make me shovel show, huge buzzard hit my area). I can also start reading some more, I used to read a LOT before games overtook my life. Once again thanks for the advice, I would have liked but I've reached my reputation limit for the day.

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