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zeke365

Zeke Journel Round 2

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I wrote that I had a little relapse here so check it out 

 

So what caused the relasped the more and more I thought about it came down to frustration basicly  everything moves to quickly and you just cant keep up with it, alot of stems from my pevious of jourel which is letting go and growing up into the person I need to be, the other stems from lack events within my area to do makes it extreamly diffcult while the final straw I have with myself missing on two events where I was building relationships with people but seems to happen like this for me a lot, I will feel good and then something comes up and forgot about it and the one event I do look forward to each month since they meet once a month, it young adult gathering between 20-30 years and singles group I go to for 30+. So I m kind of annoyed at myself for not reminding myself and checking events like I should.  

So what my soultion to the situation not much but I know what was working before and that was the no media detox I do which is basicly I m allowed just emails and nothing more, this allows me to focus on other projects but I have been looking at cam 60 ideas again and have been trying geocashing but kind hard knowing what I m looking for unless that half the fun not knowing, the other this one depends if it near me a martial arts class mostly for self defense for myself aikido I think is the name of it,

Thrid thing I wanted to write is since the current pc though I use it for my movie projects and everything has bad memories with gaming on this was another reason before I wanted to build a new pc or get new one bad because that way I would have no connection to gaming though unfourntly it was for vr purposes to. Like I have said before I like 360 videos and vr and the experince they can bring and have ideas how to make them more immersive with my own videos but that slipperly slope for me. 

To sum up I think it mostly due to my frustration not finding other stuff to do around my area and I have looked 3 different counties to which I know it shock, have looked up meetup still no luck there and eventbrite nothing much going on to get involved in.  

The next thing is learn some life skills and what means to live in the real world again. 

The Goals

1.Monday :Human Japanese (software to help me learn japense right trying to get the hirgana down)

2.Tuseday: Movie projects (anything I m working on at the time)

3.Wed. Reviews and scripts written or edited

4.Thursday : Out of the house grammergirl (improve grammer skills)

5.Friday (youtube release date and relax day

6.sat. realax day

7.sunday resheard day

That basicly the whole goal durning the week and I took out news and found that be more beinfiual without it than having it,  but I will say this I have the first new youtube video up and plan to release one video every friday from now on, plus I m gonna try to put my focus on engament in social media though this will be limited to weekendeds only so I do not get distracted with  my goals. I can officaly say I dont crave cartoons like I use to but I m still watch anime as being the only form of art right now, but who knows I might take anime fast in the future but for now it very improtant since I am writing reviews on anime and manga and graphic novels I have which are not easy but not impossible.

I have consided getting me cheap laptop to write on but sometimes wonder which one more of the investment the writing laptop or the desktop to my movie projects.

I m still trying to come up with a soultion when I m home alone how not to be but these are some the goals and I will keep this fourm open so I can write in it everyday like i did befor so thanks for reading

Grateful:

1.God

2.Church

3.Family

4.House

5.food

6.water

7.life

8.car

9.money

10.commuties I m apart of

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Day 1

I feel good today and I think it now time rechange my original routine a little bit, but some you may wonder why it always the same, that because it all connected to one another so here my new routine to help illustrate my point 

1.Mondays: Scripts/review editing

2.Tuesday: Grammer girl 

3.Wed. Human Japanese

4.Thursday: Movie Project

5.Friday: release date for videos 

6.sat. rest day

7.Research day

So why new routine well it keeps me away from the pc at the beginning of the week and slowly return to the end of the week, another reason writing is another skill set I have not grammar but I can write two hours straight if I really get into it which connects to the grammar girl which help improve grammar skills which moves into human Japanese lang. I m trying to learn then applying all that on Thursday so I hope you see why to connect like that. 

The second thing is I have been asking myself where do I want to be in 5 years or even year from now, so do I want to keep doing the same thing or do something different? Yes, I have the youtube channel going and it a start but what else can I do to push life foward. A couple of things I have thought of is looking at business and how they work and stuff that nature the other is reading books about travel. the danger, and the fun it can be. I 've had a lot of compliments that say I act like businessman even though I have no idea to run a business which I find very interesting.

So what would look like well I have been looking at maid cafes and cosplay setups and seeing about making a business around that with my own ideas and it one by dreams that directly relates to my faith. 

Another is if I want to travel or do other things I got think of what I need to now to prepare myself for the future. So it just some ideas I working on more long-term than short-term.

Next, I'm gonna try to join in martial arts class near my house this for two reasons number 1 is self-defense so I have so self-dense training, the second is an excellent way to meet new people.  Plus I know some of the owners because I use to go their bible study so that a triple win for me.

This one option I m considering since I m running out ideas and tomorrow night found a coffee shop I go to is having a poetry night so at that something to attend to. 

You know what amazes me is when I close gaming every door opens but if it I continue It closes in miserable shape not say I did just saying that interesting pattern in my life right now. 

Plus I bought 2 new manga kind rare to find so now I have the first 5 volumes of that manga and the reason for is I will be doing reviews on them as well.

That about have a wonderful day,

Grateful:

1.God

2.Church

3.Family

4.Water

5.Food

6.House

7.money

8.Job

9.car

10.life

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Day 2

Today been a wild one because finally, I found events to attend to, one I’m at is poetry night then their geocaching event on Thursday I’m gonna try to attend and finally maybe join martial art studio near me. 

First, let me tell you I spent most of my day outside the house and I did the grammar girl today and did Chick-fil-A cow appreciation day dress like a cow and other things. Plus yesterday I found the first, second, and 5 volume of manga I have rare find so I took it and have volumes 3&4. Plan do a review on the series but rather have the complete collection rather part and these are the manga book not kindle version. I like owning physical items rather than digital right now. 

The reason for martial arts will be to meet new people, learn self-defense, and exercise so this n addition to the gym. 

So things are turning around and I hope it continues. 

That and I m watching faith-based stuff again as well reading a book called skin map, a physical book. 

That I share what’s happened today. 

Have a wonderful day 

Grateful: 

1.God 

2.church 

3.family

4.food 

5.water

6.house

7.car 

8.money

9.job

10.life

Edited by zeke365

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Day 3

I've noticed something today that has not happened before, I find myself going exploring outside the house a lot more than used to. Maybe something in me changed or I m changing my circumstances whatever is I m becoming more happy about it. Went two libraries and still learning of routes and stuff around me. 

Though I would like to have something that I could counter-attack when I go into complain mode when you complain about this and that it would be a nice way to use that energy elsewhere. 

I worked on getting my human Japanese down and what I do is write the hiragana down then there a list of hiragana based on the lesson I m learning and right I m learning the t- series in Japanese have the others down pretty much the s confuses me time to time but getting better.

I have decided to join a martial arts studio mostly taekwondo this Monday nights so I will be doing this addition to the gym.

That about it today this new routine really put a new perspective on things.

Grateful:

1.God

2.Church

3.Family

4.House

5.Car

6.food

7.water

8.job

9.money

10.Life  

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Days 4-16

Sorry I have not been on as much, but I have officially launched my youtube channel and mostly focusing on that and getting videos uploaded once a week, plus the other day I did go back to my old gaming websites not for to go back but to look at where I came from and where I was going, plus I needed to send email to one of them because during my first detox I was kind mean in the email and needed to clear things up. Am I looking at now nope no desire, the other thing is I started doing blog reviews of clean anime as well, as manga to in the animo app on ios or android in certain communities as well as my original faith-based blog series too. Since I take quality into consideration it takes a bit time to makes these videos so when I m not here I busy doing these as well.  

I m gonna join a martial arts studio and starting doing that Monday nights, plus I m doing geocaching as well.  This fits good, I have a group I will be going to on Thursday and doing an activity with my sister Friday.

Plus I now have the first half of the hiragana in Japanese down, now I will be doing the second half will be doing this in addition to to the gym plus made an exception to the rule of Livestream if it helps me with my youtube, plus I gained 2 subscribers so I m happy about that. 

So pretty positive couple of weeks and sorry about the late response but I have not relapsed or anything of that nature.  

Plus I bought a new mic for my pc its a Samson meteor mic so I will be using that in future videos. 

That it for today have wonderful day.

Grateful:

1.God

2.Church

3.Family

4.House

5.food

6.water

7.car

8.money

9.life

10.Job

 

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Day 17-22

Today has been a productive day and got some reviews edited and movie scripted ready to go to keep content on my youtube channel, it hard but it is worth it.

Though I m going through frustration on voice actress when I make movies, here the main problem I always have is that I will hire unpaid voice actress to deadlines and I have mini-deadlines of about 2weeks or so to keep life fair and for them to do fewer lines and by the time they finish by the end of the 7 to 8 week all the lines will end and I can complete the project.  The problem lies is they won't respond to emails saying they won't work on the project or anything and wait for the main deadline and I have no lines from them and I just waited 8 weeks on them to get lines in and it not like 100 lines per paper or anything there very short which is beyond my understanding.  It almost they want to work on their own time not the deadline, I mean no offense to anyone in this field and trying to blow off steam as a creator. 

Maybe my script is poor but be nice if they email me first then go dead silenced cause they don't want work on the project and most the time I have to pull them from the project and it almost a relief for them and I get a response. It has gotten so annoying that on the voice acting website I gonna have to say for serious actors or actress only or just start paying one which I really don't want to do if I can help it. 

There blew off some steam need that but maybe you guys can give some hints on what it is.

Bible study was canceled today too.  

I think that it for today have a wonderful day.

Grateful:

1.God

2.Church

3.Family

4.Car

5.life

6.money

7.food

8.water

9.house

10.Job

10.

 

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Day 0

So I thought I discuss a couple of things and why I m returning.

So one of my biggest mistakes and I saw multi warning signs in my journals is that even during the gaming detox I made a rule that I would only play with friends and my parents let me play that piano game. The reason sign is when I started looking at tech of new CPU and GPUs back in Feb. 2018. As I watched those video the craving and triggers became stronger even though I did not play during those months but it was the root of-of why relapsed. 

  Now after doing that I started thinking of the apps I use to play which were gamefication games where I play the game to unlock more of the story. The reason I did this is one it test experiment., the second is because I was frustrated with going to the current gym I was going to at the time. Cause I dreaded going there and had dropped out martial art studio so I could build muscle. So I thought this gym would be all all about that so I would have a personal trainer that would teach me how to do the exercises probably. Let's just say the person in charge could have cared less about being the personal trainer for me, I m mean he made an attempt not to be available and we left two or three messages. Well he never directly said it but his action proved that he did not want work me or be a personal trainer. 

So I still had the apps and were still doing those when one of my mom friends suggested a wmca at my house. When I went I was quite impressed with the place and signed up and canceled my membership at the other gym. 

Now I almost went down this root and glad I did not but I went to support a virtual novel VR game for VR and bought an oculus go as well. This kept me from completing projects distracted me and no way doing what I should be doing and was reading visual novel and some animation.  The reason I got it so I could stream my own projects to the headset to see what I need to improve on. 

This lead to a deeper hole and more bad habits keep getting the way, no longer eating healthy, no longer doing project just mindless browsing wishing I had something I did not,

I had an old discord account that I had forgotten about and will be officially deleting that (you never know how deep you're in till you start deleting accounts) and I gonna try to permanently delete my steam accounts cause one time redownloaded under another account I had so that one of my goals.

What really struck me the other day is I have bitterness and unforgiveness to someone which seems the root cause of all of it, because it was this person I kept thinking of when I did the bad habits of mind. 

So the question now is what is the best approach and how to keep forgiving afterward?

The other day I went to the park and restarted learning my Japanese and grammar girl and it clicked for me because my brain remembered how fun it use to be and the more I did them, the less I desired the games, and at bible study it asked what is your vison in five years and it got me thinking of what I needed to accomplish.

Positives are I have my youtube channel called animated Christians going and still learning there but what next so I decided that I would learn Japanese but once you accomplish one goal always have another goal in mind to help you keep moving forward.

The other thing is getting prebuilt pc because I would not know the components in it so I could not cheat myself and would primarily be used for animation and would not be directly tied to gaming as this one is so it makes it much harder to or learn to build a pc and put the parts together, maybe be better learning experience in how everything works but more scared of that thought cause I could cheat myself but maybe not maybe be likely to be more cautious about things, just somethings I m thinking about.

NO TECH, VR, Gaming of any kind Including Visual novels. Plus I will not touch oculus go until after the 90 days so that I can focus on other goals even if I have a project for it. 

So that updated and I counting this as day 0 and official 90 days again tomorrow nov. 1

Grateful:

1, God

2.Church

3.Bible

4.Bible study group

5.family

6.car

7.money

8.life

9.Parents

10.House

have a wonderful day.

Edited by zeke365

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I have officially deleted my steam accounts, I hated that lingering feeling that I was going to back, so I can officially say any account that is associated with gaming with being gone forever permanently (also for those reading this there way to delete your account directly now if you need to instead of changing email.) Maybe had this lingering all the time, I m little sad to do it but am happy where I can move forward in. 

So I had to get steam to let me in my steam accounts again before I could do this, do support, sign in accounts then go to the account and go down permanently delete them and I actually had 2 different cause one of I had forgotten for a very long time. So that the ONLY reason I went back is taking care of it next is figuring out iphones the same way, I would rather have it complete gone than it just change address because then I can move on with life much easier. 

Plus I made a lie to myself as well and be sure to watch out for this lie and it basically said "well if I doing something productive with it like play to  review games about Christianity then it should be fine." or "It will help you get into shape or teach you a skill remember how fun it was." or "You could help others get out of gaming by going back."  Amazes me how your brain with rational everything when the real motive is just to game, it creates an excuse for you. Do not believe this lie cause it tripped me up and I made perfect warning signs to myself to stay away from visual novels. THEY ARE GAMES!!! (different form but still games). 

There quote I made on Reddit back in March of this year and it kept playing in my head basically said " 

Quote

So do you want live life on pause or you ready to press live life unpaused? The choice is yours.

I m not sure what struck me when I wrote this quote main does it speak volumes to me, maybe sometimes you write something that will speak to you later. if you want the full link here it is and quite powerful and I  seem to fall back on it https://www.reddit.com/r/StopGaming/comments/8y4y1z/do_you_want_live_life_paused/

Hope you get something out of this.

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Day 1

Feeling good and went to the wmca and having deleted those steam accounts has liberated me so much now it to figure how to do it iPhone is the next step. 

Now I have not discussed how I plan to do these so I thought to make a new plan down below and one of my biggest mistakes is that I stopped listening faith-based stuff and did not continue it and that where my downfall happened. 

So this I plan to start on Monday, Nov. 5

1.NO Media detox (expect here and emails) will be allowed so that means no youtube, reddit, facebook, twitter, news, tumbler, etc. This will be Monday through Thursday. 

2. Am I will be trying to go to bed earlier maybe around 10:00 pm 

3.Is keep reminding myself why I m doing this maybe podcast I will listen here.

4.Monday: script this means reviews or original ideas I have I need to write them this day and edit them the next day 

   Tuesday: Wmca after work and Back Learning Japanese and the hiragana as well doing grammar girl 

   Wed: will be voice acting and exporting videos through this maybe on Mondays,  voice acting wise. 

   Thursday: Editing the videos

   Friday: release videos on my youtube channel and promote them on social networks 

   Sat: rest day watch anime:

  SUN: rest day and go to church and bible study.

Now I m Christian and this is what I mean be faith-based stuff anything Christian related. I am also thinking about listening to some audiobooks to at night but for now, I m only gonna read books and manga. 

Now why make the exception you may ask well simply because I m making reviews of these mangas and anime. So I need more time to look at everything during the week so I know what to say in the review.

The second is on Sunday I m allowed anime as well cause I m doing reviews of those animes.

Fridays I plan to be released from blocking those sites cause it what I call a reward system in which after I do all this hard work I can get youtube, facebook, reddit, etc,.

The second thing is I think all of you should stick away from gamification games which would be like Wii fit, habitca, burn your fat with me, visual novels.  Why am so against these you may ask well simply it is book game in which you can choose multi-endings for the story and they're fun but you will soon find yourself buying more and more just like gaming addiction and find yourself not going anywhere? I know it has happened to me several times.

The second thing I would avoid is tech channels like building pcs, virtual reality headsets, gaming benchmarks, CPU and websites related to these and why is this, well simply tech is related to gaming not sure why but it is. 

 

Plus I hate the baggage that gaming comes with and that baggage is misery, never feeling good about yourself, always looking at other people better than me and making jealous, porn etc, All of it connected tech is related to gaming, which related to porn which is related to tech. Everything is connected somehow and I know now I won't be-be to get rid of all of it but it how I deal with it is what matters and right now I choose NOT to game and instead live in the real world, not the virtual world.

That it for today thanks for reading and if you're interested in where I came from checking out my other 2 journals   https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/4347-zekes-daily-journal/ or https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/6334-animated-detox/

Grateful:

1.God

2.Church

3.Bible

4.Family

5.Life

6.WMCA

7.Car

8.Money

9.Home

10. Communities I m apart of

Edited by zeke365
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Day 2

Feeling better today like a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders and have noticed something. 

I have said before I want to make friends in my area problem is I m not making any effort to make that dream reality and if you don't put in the work the work then nothing will happen. 

Today sort of my rest day until start Monday, Nov. 5 and Mostly what I going to do is go back on keto or cook some recipes still. I know like seaweed so I can eat that but just don't eat too much of it otherwise you be on caffeine/sugar high with no slowdown, it happened to me once so limit that one but does give you burst of energy.

Also, I will be limiting my out eat means to once per week so I can save on some money, these are not, however, splurge days that is what I do once a month. Splurge day means eating a hamburger, fries, ice cream, that type of stuff first of every month.  The Out eat means I still need to stay in diet but at least a reward for being home all week.

1.Monday thru Sat. NO OUt Eat, eat at home.

2. Sunday Eat out once.

3. Splurge day once every month (first of week every month) I can do this.

Plus it feels so good to write again, that it for today thanks for reading.

Grateful:

1.God

2.Church

3.Bible

4.Family

5.Home

6.Car

7.Money

8.life

9.Job

10.communities I m apart of.

 

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Days 3-5

Well, the last few days have been successful in which I cleaned out my pc yesterday to get rid of anything related to gaming etc.  So today would be a new start officially and have started on my no media detox, now I do have exceptions to the rule and its TV in the morning or evening for news but that about it and this does not bother me as much because mostly with family and I m not big Tv junkie myself and use my watching online most of the time. Which it helps keeps up with the world

So basically I can watch TV (news in the morning) and afternoon (because that what my parents put on so I go by what they're watching), emails and the game quitters communities as well a few mangas and that about it, it just enough to keep me away from other social media stuff while maintaining balance with offline stuff like reading a physical book, manga is becoming more enjoyable to me than digital. 

Though I will say this that tornado effect I had before was a partial withdraw, now I m experiencing a real withdraw from gaming cause brain now knows it can't tempt me to any other sites or other areas that I had accounts with. What really amazes me here is how your brain said it does not enjoy and wants better in life but you start quitting it wants gaming more even though it made you miserable in the first place. 

Plus another positive is I had assestment review at my job and got raise and I m so happy about that. Plus today I worked a little on editing some reviews for my youtube channel and some voice acting for one so I hope to complete those this week hopefully with extra company coming over tomorrow through sat,  the family of course.

Now I do not know how many of you grew up in the 90s and listen to the pokemon songs of season 1-3 (season 1 being the most memorable). There something that struck me with the second season that I thought I share and kind matches our lives in the video game world. Here what I m going to do is post the lyrics to the song here and change one thing, each time it says pokemon I m going to replace it with video games.  The reason it gives a unique perspective on things 

 

So You wanna be a master of Video Games?
Do you have the skills to be number 1?

I wanna take the ultimate step
find the courage to be bold (Video Games).
To risk it all, and not forget
the lessons that I hold

I wanna go where no one's been
far beyond the crowd (Video Games).
Learn the way to take command,
use the power thats in my hand.

Oh hey!

We all live, in a Video Game world (Video Games)!
I wanna be the greatest master of them all (the greatest master).
We all live, in a Video game world (Video Games)!
Put myself to the test to be better than all the rest.

So you wanna be a maser of Video Games?
Do you have the skills to be number 1?

We all live, in a Video Game world (Video games)!
I wanna be the greatest master of them all.
Got the power, in your hands
Vi-deo Ga-mes.
 

I thought this is kind of neat of how I create an analogy of things and kind of fits when we game was living in a video game world and it time we stop escaping and start living in the real world. Tell me your thoughts about this.

That it for today, have a wonderful day

Grateful:

1.God

2.Church

3.Bible

4.Family

5.Job

6.Car

7.Money

8.Home

9.life

10.communites I'm apart of.

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Quote

ol the lyrics are funny. And I'm so grateful that I escaped from that world.

thanks, sliverlining and I m gonna be glad when I escape the second time. 

 

Days 6-7

Now I was not too successful on my no media detox today or yesterday because of midterm elections and it seems very important to watch and read, and read my youtube analytics and saw 6 new subscribers and I have not put a video this week so I m glad about that but have restrained from watching youtube. 

The second thing is I m looking at meetup and eventbright to find events in my area to go to, so hopefully something will show up there.

The last thing is I have got the Part of the video batch done that I m doing and will hopefully complete it tomorrow still need to animate and export and edit to say the pre-production is almost done and this time I m making sure I don't run out of videos and I can upload consistently on youtube. 

Last night I did some human japanese, I m getting there still a few hiragana confuse me but I do mostly recognize all of them at this point and I think the last one I need to learn is next week. 

Plus I went wmca to my workout yesterday and going tomorrow. I have to go twice a week. 

I think that about it, I m still resisting other media outlets and at least getting these videos done. 

Have a wonderful day

Grateful

1.God

2.Bible

3.Church

4.Family

5.life

6.Money

7.Car

8.Home

9.Job

10.commuities I m apart of

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Days 8-12

Okay I had a good weekend but something felt off about it not sure what it is but it felt the reward system I had place was anti-climatic meaning it did not feel special, it just there.  Kind of strange and I watched a couple of cartoons and anime as well but it still felt worthless like I need something bigger for this to work or maybe it just not the reward system I need to keep me motivated?

I feel like I m more motivated when I work on my projects for my youtube channel than I do watching other YouTubers, it really weird and maybe it signs I m officially growing more adult-like and not kid like anymore. Though I still like anime and still plan to do reviews for my channel. 

Which brings me to my next point is I finished the scripts for the next few videos and I'm making an effort where I can get one video per week out without sacrificing sleep over it and have breathable room to make original content to, I m not burned out yet but I m trying to balance between the two where I work on those projects then have weekends as rest and forgot why I got rid of youtube on Sunday then realized why I did it. Too tempting and you think by going to church it would not be so but it is. 

Plus the last Thursday I went to something called mixer (not speed dating) but similar where we went to different tables and talked to few people with the questions beyond my head and meat few people my age to hang out with that night and we did one game star and strikes bowling which was fun. 

Plus today I finshed few more scripts for few other reviews that wont be released for later. 

I hope i m not over doing it, but tommrow is break from my projects and will be doing human japanese (name of the software I use to learn from) and grammergirl so that should be a nice break. 

So things are slowly turning the corner which I m okay with. 

That's it for today have a wonderful day or night depending on where you live? 

Grateful:

1.God

2.Church

3.Family

4.Car

5.house

6.food

7.money

8.job

9.life

10.communites I m apart of.

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