Jump to content
zeke365

Zeke Journel Round 2

Recommended Posts

Day 1 of NO Tap detox 

I came up with name for this detox cause I like having names to detox I do and helps keep me organized as well. The reason I called it that is because were always tapping our phones for something and just stuck. Plus I m keeping me quote "Do you want to live life on pause or do you want to press play on life." This quote has stuck with me and it something I can hang on to.

So far so good, I read a little news and trying to do some reviews of some channels to help them out. Plus I m trying to transfer files to my new pc as well so I can complete projects and I walked around shopping area today as well bought ingredients to make new recipes so I m excited about that.

That it for today have wonderful day.

Grateful:

1.God

2.Bible

3.Church

4.Family

5.food

6.water

7.House

8.Job

9.Car

10.communites I m apart of 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Days 2-8 NO Tap detox Week 1

 

So how have things gone so far very well and glad I m doing this detox? 

Now here a couple of things I have accomplished this week is I got 4 videos done with my youtube ready and 2 of them are up as well did some human Japanese language learning, plus I went to singles groups and met someone I may help them find a place around here to have a place for disabled people. That another dream coming true, plus I will be attending escape the room on Feb. 23.

I also started listening to a the faith-based audio series on Sunday Feb. 3 every night and have plenty of audio to last for the 180 days. You know something that I m at peace like a calmness to me different from my last detox, it's more like my old real self. The best way I can describe it is like having the color return to your eyes with even more depth like when I m was a child when I use to play outside and play games like tag, or power wheels. I m glad of it but today I noticed something, so I wanted to keep this channel called glove and boots cause their hilarious puppets and I subscribed because it did not work with the detox since I missed the first round. I did not want to miss the second round but as soon as subscribed I noticed this aggression in my body and the first thought came to mind is video game. As strange as that is so I unsubscribed again and yet I have a peace and calmness about me now.  Plus I m listening to some faith-based music right now as we speak. 

Now I have not got have reading down yet but I will hopefully have that down this week. Plus in the detox, I do allow email and analytics of youtube spread out so I can answer comments quickly but outside of that I did not much other than the optimized one my videos. 

You may be wondering if I have used my new pc, yes but right now I want to figure how to transfer my software to the new pc then I can use it better, as of now I m using my old pc and I want the first video I make on the new pc to be faith-based so that why I m trying to finish these videos once that done and everything transferred then I can I start working on the new pc. 

Plus it answers another dream is to have a home theater so this pc I have will be hooked to my TV and I will be able to use it as 5.1 surrounds sound something I always wanted to to do just need shelves for that. 

The second thing I think I should mention is this will be by week by week basis and you may ask why this because of its so much easier on me because I don't get rush of the notification here as much and makes a focus on where I want to go. So I will allow myself this weekend to all social media including here but during the week will not. 

That it's it for today 

Grateful:

1.God

2.Bible

3.Church

4.family

5.House

6.Car

7.Job

8.Food

9.Water

10. Communities I m apart of.

 

Edited by zeke365

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Top Tap detox days 9-17 minus 4 =12

So this week has not been as successful as like it to be and I did not accomplish much may be due to weather but it seemed like my old habits resurfaced again this week. You may be wondering why I have minus 4 to the days well that because I m taking 4 days that were not successful this week off since I did not accomplish what I wanted to. 

I think when we mess up we constantly blame ourselves for messing up and then puts us in more shame and makes us relapse or we start over so many times because we feel we need to restart. It's not that we need to restart each and everytime, what we should be looking at what went wrong and how can we learn from it? Instead of saying "I messed up better start at day one again." Now if you have to do it do it but I just do it bit different.

Reflection time: To help explain this I will say this, I m fighting 4 addictions, not just one addiction.  Think of this way a wheel

                             Internet

           Anime                          Gaming                     So what happened here is I have always relied on one for the other so if I fasted one, I replaced with the other never ending the cycle.

                               Porn

This wheel helps explain it a little better so you see when I took gaming away I replaced with anime so I never really changed only the content I consumed changed. So gaming addiction I freed myself from that and now I m dealing with anime addiction which seems to be much harder addiction that first I did not think I had but then realized I did. Anime and animation more on the anime side then animation but I think they're both improtant. 

So Anime and animation and gaming is taken out what there left porn and internet so when I fast I seem to try to find a replacement like it but that not what its about here (no this not about moderation in gaming) but what means it should be balanced between the activities we do never going overboard with an addiction but still have enough variety to satisfy your needs. 

There are times I almost do not want internet at all and be in rehab away from tech for awhile just so I could see life with a new lens.

There one person I have never forgiven and it shocked me that I have never forgiven this person but have as others to forgive this person and the person I need to forgive the most is myself, yes you need to learn to forgive yourself for the wrongs you did and be healed from that and that is not easy.

So I m thinking of buying a new journal that would do just that forgiving myself that won't be shared here but for my sake.

Plus I noticed something odd there no support for anime addiction which kinda shocked me but if you know me to let me know.

The good news is I will finally get everything transferred to the new Pc while finish one more review on my old pc of anime and then I start using the new Pc more often which I m really excited about.

Plus I created a new rule called Tutorial sundays this means on Sundays while I m allowed youtube I can learn some tutorials about my animation software, PowerDirector, audacity, etc. to help improve my content on youtube.

The second thing I m not why it works this way but does is I have my phone play faith-based music as I worked on a project but if I did directly through the Pc I would not pay attention to it but neat trick yes I could stop and stuff but the phone seems harder to stop than say inside the pc. So that neat little trick

I will still have rest days like Friday and Saturday and I did subscribe to a youtube channel and the reason is I got so involved with it that I need to support them and commenting on their videos and stuff. The youtube channel is called Glove and boots, plus they make they make me laugh so hard and sometimes we just need a good laugh once in awhile. 

I hope this does not break my animation fast or anything oh, by the way, I did see Lego movie 2 and really liked it I m still planning on getting to see few more movie this year but that about it.

That it for today have a wonderful day

Grateful:

1.God

2.Family

3.Church

4.Bible

5.Life

6.Food

7.water

8.job

9.Car

10.communites I m part of

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Week 3 18-22 minus 2 20 days

I m doing much better this week and first time I in my life I forgave myself of the sins I have done, you know it has helped me trumendsely, I don't feel the addiction as strong but I still know it there so each time I hear a temptation to do one thing I say "I m forgiven" or "I have forgiven in Christ" or "My sins have been washed away." This approach really does help and maybe I can finally attack all 4 addictions at once. It still amazed me how each one is connected to each. 

Refection time: So when I quit gaming according to the chart I cut off a leg of that addiction which leads me to be unstable for awhile like trying to find your balance on log without falling over, then anime became my balance in other words I replaced gaming with anime but thing is anime and gaming are both related in some sense, therefore, I never gave up anything, now I give up anime my body only know the internet and porn which it wants because there nothing else holding balenace. It's quite fascinating to me at how everything works. 

I m beginning to know what it truly means to die to the flesh.

The idea is not to replace one addictive behavior to another its to find a balance between multi things that can move you forward. 

Plus I have been reading a book again and listening to my audio series as well.

Some good news is I make my final video on my old pc next week and I finally move on to my new pc. The second thing I have been focused on is presentation so I started cleaning and organizing my closets, ironing out my closes so they're close to wrinkle free as possible (still need to learn how to take them off properly and wear properly). I  m room or main attraction is next followed by my bathroom.  Plus I working on my edict how I eat and stuff like that. Because if I ever wanted anyone to get know me first I must be presentable and that something I have lacked over the years. 

Now, tomorrow I may be breaking the fast but you decide if I am or not because I will be doing escape the rooms with a church group which I m really excited about and been wanting to go for a very long time. 

That's it for today have a wonderful day. 

Grateful:

1.God

2.family

3.Church

4.Life

5.food

6.water

7.Job

8.home

9.Car

10.communities I m apart of.

 

Edited by zeke365

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Week 1 

I have decided to go back to week 1 of no tap detox its to confusing otherwise. So I will baisis it on every week not everyday and the reason for that is to keep my social media doown and balanced while still maintaining a rest day then during that time I can work on new projects. 

So I did mess up this week but I m okay now and ready to start over and learned what I need to do. So my trick worked when I had christain music playing off my phone when I worked on my projects. It did not distract me like I thought it would have and I have offically listened to Amazing grace, Oliver Twist, and Screwtape letters in their dramitzed form next is chronicals of naria. 

The second thing you should know I offically on my new PC with everything transfered and its quite nice, windows 10, blutooth and wifi. The headphones have a slight delay in video noticbe but not by much so I will still have to work on with the cord on if I want the audio right but watching videos with it on is nice cause I can deal with the delay then. 

Some may not understand why I did what I did well simply it was basicly saying buy to my old life and starting new one, the reason for gaming pc though that not my attention is I kind had been wanting this processor for years and gpu but prices were to high and building pc would have cost me ou $2000 and would have taken me forever to build though a good learning process yes, I m just not that techinal. So that why. 

Reflection time: Plus I was looking through through my facebook looking for something I wrote and found that I had posted on of cam articles or video not sure what was back 2014. This means I was fully aware of my gaming addiction back then. That amzaes me and I can say I went the slow root out when I did. So I had made the decison not to touch console games back then I will amdit able to relaglate myself for about 3 months but then went downhill but it was not bad cause I was able to control it for a little bit the biggest downfall is steam because before I hated steam cause I did not like playing online, I wanted to be alone on single player games (single players can still get you addicted even if their not  a game) and took on visual novels which is basicly imersever interaction story where you are the main character and you are interacting with these characters mostly anime but still it was immersive enough.  I always played games that were sort of outside the more neither casual nor hard core I kind fell in the middle more on the casual side. I use to gog games and every game in the series I owned and after the mutiplayer game I played I started making friends on facebook so I m still in contact with some of them even one of the creators of the game. So when a happy birthday comes around I will at least wish them a happy birthday. 

I thought I share that and I think that all for today I will be working on more projects this week and hope to gets things strighted out. 

Grateful:

1.God 

2.Family

3.Church 

4.Bible 

5.House 

6.Food 

7.Water 

8.Home 

9.Car 

10.Job 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Week 2

I m doing much better this week and was going through a struggle last week with what do I do here.


The based idea is that both of these communities helped a lot in the animation and stories and I wanted to watch some of their videos to give back to them because these are people like you and me who made this creation and are not done by Hollywood producers.

When I really thought about why I took this fast more so it was it was because I wanted to get rid distractions that prevented me from doing what I wanted to do. I asked myself is this helpful?, Does get me where I want to go? Am I gonna make more excuses later on?, Am I relapsing?, Will I be in the same position before?. All these questions I asked myself before deciding no I m gonna continue with this because of it like walking out of a cave in the sun beautiful in the sky, the smell grass in the meadow, and the blue sky ready to explore the world you missed since all your life was in that cave. It's a freedom I m not willing to trade back because I would rather have this freedom than go back.

The second thing is I will be still continuing the animation in movie theaters next one is Wonderpark. This way I m out of the house and not at home and its the closest thing I could get since I do animation myself. (a program designed for it not hand drawn though I did try a couple of times).

The third thing is an idea of youtube channel with gaming (no I have not been watching gaming videos online) which kind seems strange and it's pop in more than once but basically, it looking for Faith based stuff in video games. This idea has been in my head back and forth but to be brutally honest I rather not but if I m lead to do it I will. Maybe to use video games as a tool instead of mindless zombies. That's just my thoughts tell me your thoughts. Could be my brain recalibrating back to normal.

The fourth thing is I did volunteer at special needs ministry which was fun but I rather do that once a month at the church.

As for I plan my week here a look 

1.Mondays: Scripting

2.Tuesdays: Recording

3.Wednesday: Exporting

4.Thursdays: Editing

5.Friday: Release/ realx day 

6.Saturday: Relax day

7.Sunday: Tutorials

Of course, I have other things besides that like singles group I go to every Thursday, another bible study that meets on Mondays every other week and trying to plan more events as well.

The final thing is I found Christian comedian and he is really funny named johnbcrist. Something I needed a good laugh. 

That it for today have a wonderful day. 

Grateful:

1.God

2.Bible

3.Church

4.Family

5.Food

6.Water

7.Job

8.Car

9.life

10.communities I m apart of.
 

Edited by zeke365

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Week 3

This week I messed up with Vr but was able to last 14 days so better than nothing so it means I m improving in that area but I m decreasing in another.

You see I think I m coming to grips with the reality that I have rejected my whole life and I still don't know how to cope with it, I have tried in the past with videos, anime, etc. but at the core of I think I reject myself as well. This leads me to a weird situation.

You see I have tried to eliminate as much of social media as possible, expect the email, and youtube analytics then eliminated video games in addition to it and eliminated anime and cartoons. I have tried to replace its positive faith music, audio, reading the bible every day, go to church, church events etc. To try to counteract it with something positive.

The thing I have noticed and it maybe have to start doing is eliminate watching news at night because I think some negative feelings are coming from that, second is I m in no-win situation with my parents in which I mean if I don't hang out with them they think I obsession on the PC, but if I don't they say I should move on with my life so I get rejected both ways on that situation, thirdly I have never really dealt with rejection before and not sure how to accept things as is because I take everything to heart to seriously and I m not sure how others live without affecting them? For me it harder I want to know how now tell me to have a positive outlet on life because right now I have turned into a very negative machine and I need to reverse but not sure how or even what to do? I do something unconsciously to where If I go to events that I will hide and avoid making friends as fear of rejection as a way to protect myself. The second is the moment I get close to anyone they seem to leave or move somewhere else and this happened on one or more occasions.

So when I had anime I had a way to cope with the situation though it was more addicting that lead to depression saying I m never gonna get anywhere,

So if you have any suggestions on how to turn all my negative energy into positive one or how to deal with it and move one cause I think this hindering my growth, I d be grateful if you guys or gals have any idea. 

Grateful:

1.God

2.Family

3.Church 

4.Bible

5.Life

6.Car

7.Job

8.Home 

9.Food

10.Water
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Being a gaming addict made me feel worthless. A negative style of thinking is often the result of having low self esteem, and you can change the low self esteem. How? Not by just telling nice things to yourself in the mirror, imho. You can start to evaluate each negative phrase you tell yourself, weigh whether it's true or false, and then if you truly have a flaw that you don't like, decide how you will change your behavior to become better. Take a look at the books in my signature, they really helped me with this. Don't expect a drastic change in 1 day though ; you've been saying nasty things to yourself for a long time, you need some time to show yourself these are lies or that you can be better than that. Remember no matter who you are today, that's the result of your past choices. Your present will define who you will be tomorrow.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Being a gaming addict made me feel worthless. A negative style of thinking is often the result of having low self esteem, and you can change the low self esteem. How? Not by just telling nice things to yourself in the mirror, imho. You can start to evaluate each negative phrase you tell yourself, weigh whether it's true or false, and then if you truly have a flaw that you don't like, decide how you will change your behavior to become better. Take a look at the books in my signature, they really helped me with this. Don't expect a drastic change in 1 day though ; you've been saying nasty things to yourself for a long time, you need some time to show yourself these are lies or that you can be better than that. Remember no matter who you are today, that's the result of your past choices. Your present will define who you will 

You are correct fawn_xoxo I have been beating my head like being punched without realizing the positive but in this process, I found something that is causing it.

You see I fear rejection and I have done is rejected myself in order to protect myself from other rejection so I don't get hurt. I get hurt much easier like glass so you know when you get hurt it hurts deeply with mine will go down even deeper and I m not sure how to fix that.

Another thing I have noticed I do hide and this has been practiced unconsciously of course because I must have trained to reject everything in life. This has been the one cause of everything that I m beginning to figure out.

Life could be going good but at a certain point, I can't pinpoint when it is that I end up rejecting myself, job, my life, and wish I could move to point a to point b and life moving so fast. 

So at the core is rejection and its something I need to overcome and accept and it kind it explains why if I get close to someone they leave because I reject them unconsciously that and I think I believe the TV life expectations you in the commercials, and movies and have taken that to much to heart,

Now that I have told you that let me think of the positives here when I quit gaming I found a job a few months later, I started a youtube channel in July 2018 called Animated Christians, I did some reviews and series and original movies which I need to get back into its getting time to do it.

That it for today have a wonderful day.

Grateful:

1.God

2.Bible

3.Church

4.Family

5.Life

6.Food

7.Water

8.Home

9.Job

10.Car


 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You are not alone in this struggle. I have put up walls and pretended I was tough and without emotions to avoid getting hurt in the past. I am still working on this, I'm in a better place than two years ago but not as self confident as I'd like to be. I struggle with needing people's approval to accept my own actions and this needs to be fixed, else I am forever dependent on my loved ones in an unhealthy way. 

The other day I was reading about how this might have to do with childhood, maybe look into the three attachments styles, secure, anxious and avoidant, it might help.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/16/2019 at 1:46 AM, fawn_xoxo said:

Being a gaming addict made me feel worthless. A negative style of thinking is often the result of having low self esteem, and you can change the low self esteem. How? Not by just telling nice things to yourself in the mirror, imho. You can start to evaluate each negative phrase you tell yourself, weigh whether it's true or false, and then if you truly have a flaw that you don't like, decide how you will change your behavior to become better. Take a look at the books in my signature, they really helped me with this. Don't expect a drastic change in 1 day though ; you've been saying nasty things to yourself for a long time, you need some time to show yourself these are lies or that you can be better than that. Remember no matter who you are today, that's the result of your past choices. Your present will define who you will be tomorrow.

Thanks 

Now I do feel much better today and I did get clarity on a few things but its something I thought I never return to. You see I see the problem in gaming and many people don't find a place like this where they could get free from. Second is to stop looking at gaming as a bad thing because the more I tried to get rid of the more it was put in front of me. 

So what is it that I want to do well simply collect people from lost VR world or 2d world they have escaped to and show them a real earth but in order to do this I m must return to gaming, not as random player but use the gaming as a tool to teach others of the real world and the differences between them. I see so much potential in that but as a former addict myself I would have said no I traded for something better but what ended up happening is I started to get negative, irritable, and not fun to be around with. So instead I resisted the problem rather than solve the problem and the question is what are positives in games you learn, teamwork, social connections (even though they're not real) you learn how to overcome obstacles and figure the best solution and you make the wrong turn you can find out what went wrong. You see we all the negatives in games but sometimes we must look at the positive too. 

Now do I want the return to gaming no but the more I try to escape it the more it becomes in front of my face as if a calling is happening, 

Now this could be brain readjusting to and I did play oculus rift today, not a mess up but what really strange is that felt no emotional attachment to it, now some of the positive of quitting gaming is getting a job, starting youtube channel, investing in youtube course, learning to animate and manage time, so both have positives and negative the negatives of gaming is you addicted to the world, community, and forget about real life not realize 9 months have gone by, you never seem to get anywhere, you feel like your wasting away. 

I just find out what cam truly means when he said games not bad. I think we should look at the positive sides of what gaming did to us and what we learned then see the negative impact of as well then we get a full picture of who we are and what we need to do. 

For now I gonna not game because I want to talk this over for a few communities and some people I know but I let you know what the final decision is, am I fully aware of the addictive behavior it brings but I see people getting stuck in this world even more than now and that why I would like to offer way out sort like a double agent. 

That it for today have wonderful day.

Grateful:

1.God 

2.Church 

3.Bible

4.Family 

5Life 

6.Job

7.Car 

8.Home 

9.Food 

10.water 

'
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe in three years or five you'll be ready, but no one has ever been ready after a few months, set aside three weeks. Play it safe, is my suggestion.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Week 4

I have done alright but I think there few things I need to do. You see I never knew this but I was becoming frustrated with at work made turn like a jerk (luckily did not lose my job) overwhelmed not sure by what by work or the YouTube channel. Though I did  unconsciously so I did not even realize this was being done but others around me have shown me have. 

So I m thinking of getting some consoling from a church I know of to help figure out what I feeling because sometimes I m not sure what I feeling and don't know if I m upset, or happy sometimes or that's something I don't want to do. 

Plus I m suffering from visual stimulation from vr, anime and games (too cold to go outside but sunny) and because of that all emotions have surfaced and I  seem to take it on everyone without realizing it, and I think I would have the nicest person. 

I have not done any my pervious stuff either but what have been doing is video tutorial's at nights so that a plus. 

You may disagree with me on this but I m going to try vr app to mediate with because there times I want invisible punching bag to punch but I m trying to come up with another solution than this because this puts me back in a spot I don't want to be in. 

Plus I do plan to reread my journals so no worries there now that the negatives out of the way lets looks at some positives

On Tuesday I did 3 laps in the pool to and from each corner total of 6 if you want to be accurate, so I m happy about that,

second I started doing tutorials on courses I bought (a bunch) for YouTube and this has helped instead of putting on one day like I was before I think this works as better solution to my problem.

I m a little back and forth on this on weather to have Facebook open during the week or not because I prefer not to but I might miss a livestream or something in the community might be important as long its that specific community, 

So though are areas I thinking of improving on. 

1. counseling

2.VR mediation (temporary) 

3.Tutorials will be during the night only (cant be YouTube) 

4.Read 

5.Christian music 

6.audio series 

7.Possibly of keeping this open. 

That it for today have a wonderful day

Grateful:

1.God

2.Church 

3.Family

4.Bible

5.food

6.water

7.house

8.car

9.job

10.communities I m apart of

Edited by zeke365

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So the last few days I have been asking myself why am craving games?, what am I trying to escape from?

   Took me awhile to figure it out but I have overwhelmed and stressed subconsciously but my mind did not know it and it explains why I have not kept neatly diet why I went to Vr. 

The cause is another family member that was doing it but I did subconsciously not realizing it so I talk to this person and now we’re on good terms.

with that said I will reached 90 days without having watch a single anime show  so that plus. 

How do feel better like I live reality and not fanstay. When I said messed up anime I mean watch mmd still anime but not entire show. 

Now one of my dreams is create anime and I have book of how to Draw anime characters but found a software called vroid that my allow me to do this. So I’m kind of excited to see if I use this software though it still in beta though makes me wonder if it will harm my pc?

The second thing is I realized that because I was just going to fast food restaurants that I could not interact with anyone and refused to go to sit down unless I had someone. Sort like waiting for a friend to drop in your lap. That not gonna happen.

So now at the end of every month I gonnna start making conversation with waitresses and waiters at sit down restaurant like chili’s. 

Then at the first of every month one fast food restaurant. 

The reason is to build social skills and to make friends this way. 

Thridly I may volunteering at church for special needs every month as well. This help me as well build social skill even if they are kids.

Fourthly I have now 30 subscribers on my YouTube channel and I really do appreciate everyone. 

I will say YouTube is a lot of work but it fun to finally share my ideas to the world. 

So life is moving forward why would I want to go back to games as right now. 

So I’m in better mood today than the last few weeks and I m trying to count my positives and not just my negatives. So why do I put the negatives first well that simply because I don’t want to read positive then scroll down and see negative  I write negative first because bit gets out there then you can see the positives in it. 

I also found if I watch Japanese documentary or nature (no music) natural that seems to clam me down as welll. 

Speaking of Japanese I finally completed chapter 6 of human Japanese so another accomplishment and went to the park today read out of my bible and then came home watch a faith based movie.

so I’m getting their audio series not so much and reading not so much those are things i can improve on this week. 

That it for today have a wonderful week

grateful:

1.God 

2.church

3.family

4.Bible

5.food

6.water

7.house

8.Car

9.Job

10.communities I’m apart of. 

 

 

 

 

Edited by zeke365

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Week 6

Reflection time: I need say something and something I never noticed before is that I never admitted that I’m addicted to video games and anime. Well today I’m saying it I m addicted to video games and anime. 

I also would like to complete games I got not to finish like burn your fat with me, GochiShow, gal gun vr, virtual novel, fantasy life, another visual novel, even vr chat and would like to complete them someday and dislike having something half completed. 

You maybe asking why I’m doing this? Well I m admiting on what I want do but know I can not handle the pressure otherwise 8 months will go by without accomplishing something. 

I just felt I needed to get that off my chest and know my life is better without it with my own quote “Do I want to leave life on pause or do I want to press play on life.”

life seems to move so fast for me that I have hard time catching up by the time I react to do something. 

The struggle I have is finding a soical connection with anybody my age. And even the soical groups I do go to are much older than me so it makes extremely hard to find someone your age but relatable.

It may seem like I’m being hard on myself and maybe I am but felt compelled to express this.

Now on to positives.

I have gained 6 new subscribers to my YouTube channel.

I will be volunteer in special needs minstrelsy in a church once a month.

Will be going back on no social media detox and hopefully do what I did before with a few slight changes.

1.Twitter will be allowed Wednesday.

2.facebook and tubular will  be allowed Thursday

3.youtube on Friday. 

 There reason for it.

Tutorial videos will be after 7:00pm which is not youtube. 

I think that it for today. Have a wonderful day.

Grateful:

1.God

2.Bible

3.Church

4.family

5.Job

6.Home 

7.Car

8.Food 

9.Water

10.money

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Now some of you may be asking why did do this, why did I blurt out games on place trying to get rid of games, well look at this way finally admitting to my addiction and I thought I release what I wanted to do to get rid of my negative energy that causes gaming and its something built up over the years. Now that admitting this, do I want to play yes and no but its less of a burden now like I don't need to play? It was just confessing I had a problem with it and that yes I would like to do those experiences but I know the outcome of those results.

Now what do I really want to do

1. Visit Japan, Italy, Isreal 

2.Gain 1000 subscribers to my youtube channel

3.Have my own business 

4. Make social connections easier.

5.reading again

6.learning Japanese

Those are some my real goals and I will soon read a book called startup business made simple by matt knee. 

I thought I say I feel a lot better about this, I m addicted to other stuff but rather not post on a public form that just me but I m aware of it and their's an old saying "to admit something is the first step to healing." Not sure where that quote is from but I thought I let everyone know why I did what I did and why it's so profound to me. 

That it for today have a wonderful day 

Grateful:

1.God

2.Church

3.Family

4.Bible

5.Car

6.Money 

7.House 

8.Water

9.Job 

10.food 

 
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Week 7

I have been doing well and I thought I let you all know that in June I will be allowing anime back in but in a bit of a different way. 

What I will be allowing in June is anime DVDs and manga that I bought but Crunchyroll and hi-dive will not return as of yet, this so I  do not put myself in the same position before and slowly let it but not let it take over me. Part of the reason is I will have not watched anime show in 180 days and the other reason because I want to make reviews of these products in my youtube channel and will need that time to analyze and write and produce those videos. 

The second thing I will be allowing is animation within the communities I m apart of so, in other words, I m allowed to watch the animation of each community which based on more users and their creations. (faith-based animations will be allowed as well.) One I had an idea before I did this but I keep delaying it. So that what will happen, as for youtube anything outside that animation will still not be allowed. This to keep me in control so I don't go whirling back in the same situation. The second thing I did learn is that if I unlock everything back the way it was before then I learned nothing and put back in the same situation.

So of you may see this moderation and you could be right but it also has a purpose too. To help, like or comment on other users creation while still maintaining a strict balance between the two.

The other thing it may be just me but is anime kind of perverted (not hentai) but just in general cause it kinda makes me feel guilty if I watch it again. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

The second thing is I did complete another video so I m happy about that.

I think that it for today have a wonderful day.

Grateful:

1.God 

2.Church 

3.Family

4.Bible

5.Home

6. Food

7.Water

8.Car

9.job

10. money 

Edited by zeke365

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So I thought I let everyone know what's going on and what's happening and sad it may be I m playing again. 

To help understand this I reread my journals yesterday all of them to see what may be the problem or core issue lying beneath here. The fact is I m lonely and have been for a long time and even though I go out and enjoy things I think their part of me that does not return to my real body. To give you an idea it's a double personality and one personally is a very social person or persona you portray when gaming and the other is the real life you which you put you more lonely and not interested in anything.

This and my addiction only increased when I had steam and because it was always there but it just increased more and more and thought maybe I have anime addiction as well. 

This why I chose to get rid of anime but have been unsuccessful in doing that. 

The one thing I did notice is I m letting my parents influence what decisions I make rather than me making them. If they say they want me to hang out I do but when I don't they think I spend too much time online. And this whole no social media I have not been doing either.

I have joined another community called VR church in altspace and I m not sure you would consider it game since it more event-based but I thought the same thing of visual novels and that what got me addicated. I have discord to in which I community them.

Plus I did burn your fat with me and cooking visual novel again and begging to realize when my parents ask me to do something different I try to do it and seems to work for a minute then they want me to do something else.

Now I made the mistake of looking at all video games, board games, and games in general as evil to the point I did not want to touch any one of them, therefore, making myself even more miserable than before and yes I took it to that extreme and am realizing you can't escape the video game world when its all around you and my parents still play games and are fin with real life. 

I still struggle VR porn addiction in addiction in addiction to this but there some thoughts about returning and some say don't and frankly I m not sure what to do. 

Now I was ripping out some old stuff from one my notebooks that still had gaming in it but looking at them I saw I had some great concept art for game design though I m not drawer myself, in the papers I saw there was desire to become game designer and that kind of shocked me a little bit. Like I had an idea for a city building game, a game console that I wanted to create, and even world I wanted to build in my old MMO game which open source. 

This where my dilemma comes back in I really don't want to return but I would love to complete the project I had mind by designing it and their plenty of tutorials online but first I need to understand blender then-then I can install plugin and create something but part me thinks this my old way of thinking and another part wants me to return and I m not sure what to do? 

I have been asking is this going to take me where I want to go?, Do I want to be stuck here for the next 5 years? Where do I want be in 5 years?  Does this accomplish my goals in some sense yes and no? 

I m also starting to see some of my goals are little silly even though they're small. Plus I have learned now that I need to always be working on something in some sense because I don't I become bored. 

The last thing I noticed is that steam yes steam helped enhance the addiction I had with the visual novels but without it, I m much happier but will I be returning I m not sure. That question I thought I ask all of you on this subject matter. 

PLus I m gonna make an effort today not to look at my phone during the social gathering that way I can talk to real people and hopefully start the no media detox again next week.

 

 

Thanks for reading have a wonderful day 

Grateful

1.God

2.Church 

3.Family

4.Food

5.Water

6.house

7.Car

8.money 

9.life

10.air 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have decided that I gonna give this another round because as late bad habits have resurfaced and have left rather confused than better off, I think I m stressed because I can't seem to move on with my life, stuck with my parents, life taking me nowhere after the 2 years. And all my ideas seem wasteful like silly that has no real-world benefit, it may be I'm putting myself down I m  not just venting and some other things I d rather not discuss here.

So few mistakes I noticed when I was rereading my journal is the moment I stopped writing as much, I think when I stopped writing in my journal or if I don't have something to write in then it leaves me stressed and confused. 

I do have discord and apart of the community there as well VR church community that shares my faith but that might be exactly leading me back into temptation. When I looked at I think it was around Feb. 2018 I noticed a shift within my journal and not good shift but a shift of returning escaping ect. How can you go somewhere if all you do is escape? 

Well, I deleted most games whether you call alt-space vr a game or not I m not sure but will keep the discord available to people, the second reason for it is getting voice acting roles. 

What I m little confused on is first my brain wants the game, then decides it does not want to game, then decides to want to game, then not to be giving me good memories and for some odd reason I let the enemy entice me when I should have not. 

Some of the positives are that Animated Christians youtube channel is created, I m volunteering at a church with special needs, I m doing Christian mediation through soul time, I read my bible so why do I need to escape and what do I really want is something I need to answer. 

So starting tomorrow (Monday) (I'm not gonna do tomorrow and tomorrow never come routinely)I not gonna play video games for the next 90 days, now what I have to do is return anime and animation but in the most limited sense, the reason as of right now I have nothing to replace video games and anime even though I know there a connection plus part of my youtube channel is a based on looking for clean anime. Which is a good thing because it will get me away from the more raunchy anime, 

Now, what do I mean by limited sense well simply put anything I own I can watch but anything else I cant with the expectations of two communities this way I limit myself and my addiction hopefully a ton. The reason both communities is because both of them are what made get into animation so I want to give back to them in shape or form. This why I have made rule to only allow DVDs I own to watch and nothing else.

So to give you a basic idea here how it works 

1.No Social media during the weekday 

2.NO iPhone during social gatherings

3.NO watching anime online ONLY DVDs I Own

4.NO Watching Cartoons online ONLY DVDs I own

5.VR is allowed for an upcoming project but can't be used to access anything else

6. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday will be released dat after 3:00 pm Friday I get all my social media for the weekend 

7. Monday- Thursday focus on animation projects 

8.Learn Japanese again 

9, Improve grammar 

10. Have Christian music playing at some point every day to help keep me in align

11. Will be returning to listening to Christian audio books

12. Will start reading manga and Christian manga 

13. Reading books (almost finished with the terrible book that just to slow or drags) 

14. Try to go to the YMCA for the next few weeks 

15. Hopefully, find a replacement from both anime and cartoons that better myself. 

I think that it for today have a wonderful day and from now I m gonna keep this site open and write every day till I do not need it anymore,

Grateful

1.God

2.Church

3.Family

4.Food

5.Water

6.Life

7.Air

8.Car

9.Job 

10.House 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It just occurred to me while I m be struggling and its because I resisted iPhone till 2017, that impressive you think about it while parents got their iPhones and iPads around 2011-2013 era but I refused to have one because the addiction it caused even though I had video game addiction at the time not realizing it. 

So in 2017 when I did the game quitters I quit all video games but made the mistake of quitting ALL GAMES. Now my parents both play video games on their iPad, not so much on their iPhone but I have noticed that I m a magnet and if you remember two magnet repulsion. So what happened is I doing repulsion against a lot of addiction then I hear my parents say "You should try this or that?" then get upset at because it eats up my time with my own apps, therefore, theirs trying to get me to stick to them but their just repelling me back the other way, this also explains why I can't seem to get along with them because we're in consent repelling against each other on the matter. This makes sense now and helps explain a lot but the question becomes how can both stick together again? I have a few ideas but they may have to accept a few ideas and maybe I m meant to bring them back to reality just as I have even though they don't spend that much time on it, it getting kind of annoying their downstairs playing on the iPad with the tv on especially when I m trying to quit and they just don't understand what I m trying to do. 

Also, there seems to be this lie going around and trust me you know it when you see it, it basically said "it's not game, therefore, you can play" This leads me what defines a video game? Are visual novels considered video games? Is social VR (NOT VRCHAT) a game? What really defines it, 

The second thing is I have physical card game called Redemption that I m gonna learn (forgot about it). The idea here is to play a card came in public places like 2nd and Charles store and hopefully meet new friends from there.

The last thing is I m making a commitment to have no VR for the next 90 days and work with what I have because I seriously need to be content with what I have and hopefully go to outing Friday night as well. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wanted to commend you on such a high undertaking considering the other members of your household are not currently having the same values. It is very loving that you hope to bring them along somehow. My heart is warmed about this. I have been alone for almost 3 months and only started my 90 day detox 2 weeks ago. Each day is a small victory to hold in regard. Be strong. Keep up the good work.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 2 

Sorry, I was unable to write yesterday but I least I can write today. 

I have been successful in my no media detox on the second only looking at emails and youtube analysis. I now just watch the TV and let that be a source of info for news in the morning and the afternoon. Nothing more nothing less.

I need to correct something when I said "2nd and Charles" I really meant the Hollywood town USA store. That a store for of people with a passion of trains, cars, card games, and board games and comics as well as other stuff. The best part they do not sell video games there, it's more like if you wanted to build a model of something you could kind of store. In one section of the story there comic second in the store and that where I would play the redemption card game. I just hope I m not trading one addiction for another. 

The other thing is I m still holding off until June to do my anime, manga, animation communities as of right now because I want to stick to that goal at least. 

The last thing is I will wrap up the last episode in this season of series I call What's The Church." 

Tonight I'm gonna go to bed early one to read the terrible book and 2nd to continuing to Christian audio series, and may even do what I m doing at the gym have marathon of all the artist in a row to finish because I need something constantly reminding me what I m doing is right and not wrong. 

I think that it for today have wonderful day.  

And thanks 30_yrs_of_gaming

Grateful:

1.God 

2.Church

3.Family

4.Bible

5.Job

6.Car

7.House 

8.food 

9.Water 

10.money 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 3 

So today I went to the movies and saw detective Pikachu which is better than I was expecting and have finished editing a big line for my upcoming video so that good, there really nothing more to say except that you have general peace not playing then you do playing. Second I planted some sunflowers as well. 

Last night I finished the Chronicles of Narnia horse and the boy audio, now on to Prince Caspian and got a chapter in my book read, 

 

That it for today have a wonderful day 

Grateful:

1.God

2.Church

3.Bible

4.Family

5.Job

6.Car

7.Money

8.air

9, house 

10.water 

Edited by zeke365

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 4-9

Okay, I had not been able to write as much as I like to so I will keep trying to write when I can.

Reflection time: So I thinking about when I played video games and realized this I was addicted to games but am in the early stages of the addiction. To give you an example I might play about 1-4 hours of gaming at the most on Nintendo systems since that what I owned most of the time, anything beyond that I got bored. Then when I got into MMO game that I played I started off slow and turned an event bigger than what suppose to be, yes I was that influenceable. I would do the event every Tuesday night then we switch to Friday night and this event lasted around 3 hours at the most and me being an hour before so a total 4 hours though I did not play the game during the week as much. Unless I did an event or specific event happened. 

Its when I started making 2 events during the week that it kinda stressed me out a little bit so for the most part I played an average of 4 hours which is nothing compared to some of you (that not meant to be mean or anything) Its more to show you I was in the beginning stages of-the gaming addiction.

Several times I tried to moderate the gaming and for 1 month I could what I called sat. night games where I play 30min per game for 2 hours and this stuck for a long time and that would be the average I played,

In 2015 I got introduced to visual novels which is more like a storybook than a game but still has the same elements of the game and would play them 2 hours at night, and I m not sure why played them from 10:00 pm to 12:00 am but that what I did. Until one day I had just stopped playing them all together because I became more focused on anime shows I was watching than playing.

Now, why do I bring this up you may ask? Well, a couple of reasons. The thing is a couple of years of ago I learned what my learning process is and boils down to two things either simple to read or it has to have story attached to it if I want to retain something  

I don't share my faith much but I will give you and an example I prayed to God back in 2011 to bring me a bible "that was accurate to his Word but read like a novel." A few months later I got the Voice Bible. And have learned more stuff out that bible because the way is written and simple approach than I would have reading NIV or any other bible. 

So this puts me in a rather difficult position when thinking of ways to learn new things that will stick and I will not forget about it later. This why I chose human Japanese because it was simple to read like person teaching you but not in the sense of text book where everything jumbled together and you're expected to know these things, same goes with my grammar girl is simplicity approach. 

So my parents want me to learn something new right but they want me to learn it through video courses or research. Sure I could do that but for me to able to retain something it has to have a simple approach and easy your way into it rather doing videos, now I did buy courses to make videos after watching several videos. 

So I found a series called Manga guide to linear algebra, universe, biology, microbiology, physics, etc, which teaches lessons through it story rather than being txt book, So you would think they appreciate something like this I found but come to find out it rejected as if that not the way to go instead do it the old fasion way, Now before you say anything I m not just getting to read the story but to learn from it because I read a chapter in one of them and wanted to read more and if you can do that, that quite impressive in itself for me who won't pick up txt book, sure I have other books I could and have tried python twice and gave up so this could be a great benfit to me.

They say to wait to Christmas but want me to be practical now, I don't think that the best way to go because if I did that I will get nagged "Do you want to do something more than this?" and sometimes I m torn from doing family life and moving on and am in no-win situation here.

This also why I used to play the visual novel burn your fat with me and gochi show so that I can learn to be more fit and get in a routine of it and cook as well but the problem with that is I don't want to be addicted to the app itself. And its one of my motivation to do so the question is how can turn my motivation around into how I learn?

Plus it makes it more difficult when your parents playing games as a form of relaxing and them come tell me I m not doing enough, its like pc that it and anything I do outside the pc wildly ignored and I m not even sure why that is? 

To give you an exsample 

1.Work monday do scripst 

2.Gym then come home do audio somethings go to the park 

3.Park if I can/ animation 

4.Editing and maybe a parke learning humana japanese or grammer girl or reading how to create bussiness/ plus attend single group

5.Realx stay out most of the day 

6.home most the day 

7.Volunteer at group and spend sometime outside then come home

but remember everything is ignored expect I m obsessed with pc somehow. And frankly I dont know what to do at the moment? so I do the best I can with the tools I have which is not much and eventually start a group I just thinking what involed with that,

So I think that it for today thanks for reading.

Grateful:

1.God

2.Bible

3.Church

4.Family

5.Life

6.Car

7.Job

8.Food

9.water

10.house 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...