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Cindpline

Life still isn't meaningful and fun, pls help

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I completed the 90 day detox, and this is my day 95th without games. But still my life isn't meaningful or fun. So here are some results of it:

  •  When I talk to somebody, I've got nothing to say. I guess that is because I think nothing is interesting to me. So I would want to speak meaningfully too.
  •   Second problem is about habits. I think only what is productive but that's not how to live life. Living life is the balance between being productive, doing work and having fun and enjoyment.

So how could I live more meaningful life?

  

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I guess my advice would be rather than thinking of yourself as the other person about their life, their goals, and dreams and then maybe they will talk to you which you tell them what your dreams are. 

The second thing I found its an app called Eventbrite and it one the best apps for me to find events to do in my area, Just type in your city and location and you should be good to go.

I hope this helps.

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@Cindpline

You need try things and stick to them for some time. Usually if you stick to them for some time and see progress in skills like i.e. programming or at an music instrument the activities become interesting. My advice would be think of someone you find interesting and start doing similar activities. Then stick to one or two of them for a month and see if they start interesting you. As soon as you get passionate about something you will have enough to talk about with other people.

It all depends on what you deem productive. I think time with my family or friends is really productive and I actively try to maximize my time with them. I also think programming is productive which I really like doing. I also find my work productive, where I try to be as effective as possible to have a free mind for these other things I enjoy. Being productive and disciplines isn't a value for itself. It is a way to get more of the things you want in life.

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23 hours ago, WorkInProgress said:

Being productive and disciplines isn't a value for itself. It is a way to get more of the things you want in life

Right!  I guess have to really find some really interesting activities. 

Edited by Cindpline

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On 4/30/2018 at 6:34 PM, Cindpline said:

 

  •  When I talk to somebody, I've got nothing to say. I guess that is because I think nothing is interesting to me. So I would want to speak meaningfully too.
  •   Second problem is about habits. I think only what is productive but that's not how to live life. Living life is the balance between being productive, doing work and having fun and enjoyment.

I find the most enjoyable conversations are usually not the ones about "meaningful" things, but about random and, apparantly, meaningless things. No, not uninspired or forced smalltalk, but just supercharging your personality and shooting the shit with someone on the same wavelength, when you're in the zone. You completely lose yourself. Interests not even required, just openness and self-amusement. Here's how:

  • associating. Listen to the other person, pick one of their words and expand on it. First thing that pops into your head in connection with that word, express it. The possibilities and potentially interesting roads this can lead down are endless. 
  • roleplaying and improv. Especially powerful in a dating or bar/nightclub setting. Making up silly stories about yourself, improvising, roleplaying with the other person, just being ridiculous and not so serious. Talk about how you just got out of prison, or how you're gonna get married on Mt Fiji, or formulating a plan on how to take over the world. Again, for nighttime or dating settings.
  • come up with interesting and unique questions. something the other has never heard before and will really get them to consider. for example: "if you could have one compliment, what would you like it to be?" "what would you do with a million dollars?" and so on. feel free to come up with these beforehand and have them on hand. Expand on the answers. Again, possibilities are endless and it's bound to lead to an interesting conversation and will you will get to know the other person on a deeper level.

The conversations that flower out of integrating these three tools will be fresh, fun and engaging and the personality expressed and exchanged within them much more meaningful than a resume of you past, interests and future. Notice how none of them are what you see or first think of when thinking of a conversation? That's because everyone is so dull and filtered and small-minded when it comes to thinking what a conversation could be. You really need to expand your horizons and think outside the box here. @Brad_Hurst may be of use to you too fam

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Hey man,

I definetely relate to you on this one.

Basically what @thehondasc00py said.

Try and go into conversations with the mindset that you will find out what makes that person tick. They will always give you hints, you just have to actually listen. 

You will find they will eventually say something you resonate with and then this is your chance to start speaking more.

To be able to have more things to resonate with other people about. You do just have to start doing new things.  

I started saying yes to any invitations I recieved. (There wernt many but still). If something sounds boring, which when I started doing this everything seemed boring at first... Go anyways, you don't know what will happen.

Use meetup.com.

Try and find an improv class to go to. Look you will feel awkward as fuck at first, but you WILL get better :)

I did this for a while and I'm considering on finding another. I tried salsa dancing, martial arts, started cooking a bit more, went travelling, started building an online business, went to nightclubs by myself. And I plan to do alot more!

When people start speaking to you and they find out you do all these different things, if they're a good conversationalist they will get intrigued and ask you about it.

Start getting curious about shit. If you walk down the same street everyday, take a random turn and see where it leads.

For the productivity stuff, what I have started doing is writing the ONE thing that I want doing that day. And get it done first. The day is then won and you then don't have to feel guilty about not getting all this other shit done.

Another note on this, schedule your day. Allocate time to get the important shit done and then have a time slot where you allow yourself to goof around and do what you want.

I hope this helps dude.

And trust me, I know exactly how you feel.

Brad

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On 7.5.2018 at 0:14 AM, thehondasc00py said:
On 30.4.2018 at 7:34 PM, Cindpline said:

 

  •  When I talk to somebody, I've got nothing to say. I guess that is because I think nothing is interesting to me. So I would want to speak meaningfully too.
  •   Second problem is about habits. I think only what is productive but that's not how to live life. Living life is the balance between being productive, doing work and having fun and enjoyment.

I find the most enjoyable conversations are usually not the ones about "meaningful" things, but about random and, apparantly, meaningless things. No, not uninspired or forced smalltalk, but just supercharging your personality and shooting the shit with someone on the same wavelength, when you're in the zone. You completely lose yourself. Interests not even required, just openness and self-amusement.

I think i'll just say everything that comes to my mind. Thanks for the help! @thehondasc00py @Brad_Hurst

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One of my favourite movies is "The Big Kahuna" with Danny Devito and Kevin Spacey. At the end, the Devito character talks about how if you care about people, ask about their family, their kids, etc. Ask about their lives, their work, their interests, etc. People love talking about themselves, but in the process bring up amazing stories, ideas, etc.

On a spiritual note, ask yourself why you're here in this world in the first place. People go through their entire lives without answering that, then at their deathbed realize they've been doing it all wrong. Don't be one of those. Life goals and plans only make sense in the context of the big question: what do you want to accomplish in life and what kind of person you'd like to be at the end of it, and that only makes sense once you answer what happens after life's over.

Another advice is travel if you're able to. But really travel: go on tours and experiences (there's all sorts of cool stuff on Viator and Airbnb now). If you're a curious traveler and not just a consumer traveler (go to a place, take pictures, eat food, done), you'll find a lot of new interests and ideas to explore.

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Wow, this is a great place.  I'm going to guess that you quit games and filled the time with solo activities, like mindlessly browsing the internet.

Finding meaning in life is literally a lifelong task.  One thing is certain however, you're not going to find meaning in the virtual realm.  All you'll find there is pointless distraction.

I suggest you look somewhere other than the TV, computer, console, smartphone, etc.  Get a job or volunteer.  The best way to make your problems seem small is to help others with theirs.  

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