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TheCrystalLake

☆☆Waves became wings☆☆

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Keep going! You are free from games for so long now, and I am sure you will keep feeling better with the days. Probably you feel disconnected because gaming give so much input in so low amount of time. Like you can meet 100 friends at once etc. RL is a lot slower and sometimes not so impressiv. Especially when you gamed a lot and you are not so connected to RL. But thats just a lie, because the RL is the thing that matters, and as soon as your body adapts to different way of getting happy moments(less dopamin in less situations, but overall more happiness) you will feel a lot better. 

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It was good to read all your progress! Fellow woman here, and also wasted a lot of years with games- also dealt with mental issues multiplied by games. Don't hesitate to PM me if you ever need some support, otherwise keep up the great work! And remember, free time is dangerous for relapse, maybe check the hobbies list and "fake it until you make it" with any one hobby you might like?

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On 11/28/2018 at 11:19 PM, Samon said:

Keep going! You are free from games for so long now, and I am sure you will keep feeling better with the days. Probably you feel disconnected because gaming give so much input in so low amount of time. Like you can meet 100 friends at once etc. RL is a lot slower and sometimes not so impressiv. Especially when you gamed a lot and you are not so connected to RL. But thats just a lie, because the RL is the thing that matters, and as soon as your body adapts to different way of getting happy moments(less dopamin in less situations, but overall more happiness) you will feel a lot better. 

Yea maybe thats the reason. My brain is totally hooked on dopamin and there are times where i think soooo much about gaming that i can feel my synapses to shake lol... But idk... i miss of having something to absolutly drown into and not doing anything. Gaming always had very much of a relief for me. Sit down and starting to play was like breathing out all of the bad feelings i had and just deeeeeeply relax. Idk.. i wasnt able to find this feeling in anything else until now. Not meditation, not writing, not alcohol, not other drugs (kids look away pls, drugs are not good for you) so yea iam kinda lost and hope i can withstand the urge to play 😉 Thanks for your kind words 🙂

On 12/4/2018 at 8:40 AM, fawn_xoxo said:

It was good to read all your progress! Fellow woman here, and also wasted a lot of years with games- also dealt with mental issues multiplied by games. Don't hesitate to PM me if you ever need some support, otherwise keep up the great work! And remember, free time is dangerous for relapse, maybe check the hobbies list and "fake it until you make it" with any one hobby you might like?

Oh a fellow girl 🙂 Well iam not having that much of a free time due to work and social activities... my problem is more this low energy level iam feeling so often and then i feel overhelmed by everything and dont want to go out... and i try not to give in like i always did when i was still gaming. But maybeeee i will take your advice and look at this list again, ty 🙂

 

Idk how many days exactly i have now, i think its about 9 months shortly and yea... its christmas eve so i think its a good time to do a summary of this year. This night is also called silent night and this year it indeed made me feel very silent and calm inside. I think its this time of the year to look back on the year that has passed. Maybe thats a thing only older people like me do lol, but i thought i share my thoughts on this. This year has been a hell of a challenge for me. Starting with the earlier break from gaming end of last year i decided to quit the whole gaming thing after relapsing like a f***** junkie for 3 months straight. I knew it was my life or gaming. So yea, like this stupid anti drug slogan from the 90s i chose life. Without knowing that i chose something being absolutly broken. I had no job, no friends, depression and anxiety all over the place. So wtf. Why chose this. Cause gaming was worse than all this. Gaming was the illusion of having a purpose (job), friends (friends...), feeling happy (depression) and being strong and powerful (anxiety). And when the fog cleared from my head i saw what i already was fearing. I felt what i pushed away for so many years. That i was completly and utterly alone. Many of you are young and still live with parents or relatives. Or are maybe older and have their own families. But if you dont, then the only reason to get your shit together has to be yourself. So how you do this when you hate yourself so much that you wish you gonna die every morning you wake up. Simple. Every day you make a decision. Our every day life is full of decisions but for people who are addicted, may it be to substances or non substances like us, the very first decision every day is to not relapse. And maybe you make this decision various times a day. Iam sure some of you who were deep enough down into the hole know what i mean. So yea, thats how it all started. And i would never believe that i would make it until now without touching any game at all. i withstood all the temptations. So now iam here. I still am. During this year have been a lot of times where i thought i would not make it. But i think thats what i learned. I learned how to survive alone. Sounds dramatic, cause after all iam not living in a country where iam threatened by war or starvation. That would be another level f survive. I think i mean more of survive mentally. Not and never to give in. That the only thing being worth doing this for should be myself. And this one life i have. That being said i am very grateful for this fucking difficult year and what it tought me. For 10 years i did not feel as much joy and pain, laughter and tears, light and shadow than in this one. 

 

 

 

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"You are not strong enough to withstand the storm" the devil whispered into my ear. Today i replied " Iam the storm"

374 days without gaming. Wow. when i think about that it sounds weird. But it feels good. Every day there are moments where i tell myself... you would not do this or that if you still would be a gaming zombie. You would not study a language, you would not go to the gym, you would not express creativity... And even though. Its. still.so.hard. Idk why... but the cravings dont go away. No matter what i do or with whom iam... there are those moments out of the blue where i think... omg... i so would want to relax with a game now... THE game... and drown. My goal has been the one year. First it was 3 months, then i extended it and so on. Now i dont have a real goal. You would think after such a long time  life should be stable enough to not have cravings anymore. Its very weird. I would never want to go back to this time when i was still gaming. Yet i miss exactly this time despite the fact, that it did nothing for me, just stealing my life, my time, my friends, my shape, my hope.  I hope that some day i will just grow out of this....

 

 

 

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