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Manun

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more.

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Hi, my name is Manun. I'm form, well everywhere and nowhere.

Like many others here I decided to stop playing video games. Since I started playing games in my early teens, they have been my only constant in life, my escape. Something to look forward to after or before class, after or before work. Something to keep my occupied and to keep my mind of the real problems in life. Because who cares about the real world when there is a raid, or a quest, or an xp bonus to grind. There is always something to do in the game worlds.

This is not my first time trying to quit, first time was at the start of high school. I decided that enough is enough, it's time to start thinking about the future about college, so I donated all my games boxes and all the goodies to a nearby orphanage, it felt good, sort of like a weight and the pressure being lifted of my shoulders. I don't remember exactly how long it lasted, maybe a month maybe too, all it took was a release of a sequel of the game I loved.

Second time was when I started college. Different city, different country, hell different continent. I had to leave my rig behind, all I had is a shitty laptop. All I had was some old games, not enough to keep me entertained. So I ventured into the new world, all the excitement of being in a new place, meeting new people, was enough to keep me focused on what's important, my future. But then I started to have different trouble. Alcohol, drugs, sex the trifecta of studying abroad. I stared to miss class, sleep during the day and only go out at night. I knew I had to stop or I will be expelled. With the help of a councillor at the university I managed to get my life back on track, or so I thought. After I quit partying there was this emptiness just waiting to be filled. That was the time when I bought a new gaming laptop. Here I was, back when I started, clicking my life away, but damn if it didn't feel good. I had to start from scratch, new accounts, new things to grind. A new thing to keep my life full. So as you probably imagine I got expelled. But no worries I have tons of new quests to do, people to save. I'm the Dragonborn, The Warden, Shepard, I am the hero of Azeroth.

So there I was saving the digital world from certain doom, meanwhile I grew more and more attached to my laptop. It took over my life completely, I became the 440 pound world saving machine. I managed to lie my way out of nearly everything, and then one day I fainted in public. My family grew more and more concerned, we decided it was time to do something about my weight. I came clean about being expelled from university but I didn't blame the video games, I blamed my weight. That year I underwent stomach surgery and started to lose weight. I lost 220 pounds. I still gamed from time to time, but I managed to find the time to start my own business and get married. I entered the stage of a functional addict.

Now I'm here because I want to quit completely, I can feel that gaming is starting to take more and more of my time. I look forward to my wife leaving the house because that means I can get few hours of uninterrupted play time. I can always justify to myself the time spent playing. But enough is enough. I cannot fail again. Not just for me, it's also for the people closest to me.

Right now I'm finishing uninstalling all of my games. I'm done with steam and I already have 200 GB less on my hard drive.

I must admit I'm a little scared and anxious.  

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So here I am, day 0.75. Finished deleting all of my games, mods anything game related. 480 GB lighter.

It's ok, mostly everyone feels like that sometimes, the main thing is actually giving yourself a reason why and sticking with it

Thanks Pete, I'm not quitting, even though deleting everything made me feel uneasy I know that this is a step in the right direction. I'm not doing it only for myself.

 

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So here I am, a proper day 1.

So last night I had a dream about gaming. When I woke up today I had this uneasy feeling that I'm missing something, xp boost or a quest that needed to be finished. But I stay strong, I look at the free space on my disk and realize that this also represents the amount of time I freed up. So I'm going through the modules and start to organize my life.

I'm grateful for my family that is supporting me no matter how much they've been lied to.

 

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 Day 2.

 So I completed all the modules, started meditating using headspace, installed rescue time on my laptop, and it's been going well. Still have dreams about gaming, not any game in particular but about the experience, the rush. I'm channelling this new found energy and cravings into my business.

  It's Monday and I will go to check on things in person, something I haven't done in over a month. Also looking into expanding and searching for new business opportunities. I've let so many things pass me by because I was always to busy with gaming. Now I'm ready to be the husband, son and brother my family deserves me to be.

 I'm grateful for this cup of coffee to help me start my day.

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Day 3

No dreams about gaming. I'm back to a more normal schedule.

Yesterday was a productive but not entirely successful day, still have some past mistakes haunting me but there is light at the end of that tunnel.

Staying strong, meditating, keeping busy.

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Day 4

No dreams about gaming.

Yesterday was a very emotional day. Had a fight with my wife and a disagreement with employees. Normally I would escape into the game world but since this is no longer an option I had to take a step back and look at the big picture and try to figure out the why. Most of the problems can still be traced back to my gaming. It's time to start putting things back in order.

I'm grateful for this community.

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You'll probably be more prone to emotional outbursts during the first days of your detox, but at the same time you have the opportunity to be mindful about the way you act and react. Normally you would either fight and then retreat into videogames or just be apathetic about the issue, which can be worse. You'll find a balance eventually, keep going! 

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Day 10

I took a few days of to completely unplug and did an impromptu vacation with my wife. We needed to work things out, so we went to the countryside. Basically no internet connection, just some spotty mobile coverage. It worked out great. Now we're back and work also seems to go by more smoothly.

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Good job on investing in your marriage.

Back in my gamer days I did also lie to my wife about gaming while she was away working. That I stopped gaming and doing this gamequitter think online I did also hide before here until some weeks into it because I was so ashamed for myself. I finally stopped lying told her everything and thank god she did support me. I am now 1,5 years gamefree(with some hickups) andwas able to finish my mastersdegree with good marks and will be soon father. Our relationshship is so much depper then before. Ss I was gaming (sometimes functional sometimes binging and in secret) my self-esteem was at rock-bottom and I start building it up brick by brick. 

Keep going on this route. It is worth the trouble!

Edited by WorkInProgress

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Day 15

I feel great. It has only been two weeks but the difference is massive. I get shit done in my professional and private life. All the energy spent on gaming I now channel into things that are important. I still have cravings from time to time but I've learned to manage them, mostly through keeping myself busy.

Good job on investing in your marriage.

Back in my gamer days I did also lie to my wife about gaming while she was away working. That I stopped gaming and doing this gamequitter think online I did also hide before here until some weeks into it because I was so ashamed for myself. I finally stopped lying told her everything and thank god she did support me.

My wife is a bit sceptical when it comes to my recovery, but I treat it like another incentive, so I can prove her wrong :D. I also think she just uses the reverse psychology, because it works on me way too often.

Oh and congratulations on becoming a dad :D

 

 

Edited by Manun

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@Manun isn't it a great feeling to finally have access to all that energy again? It really takes stepping back from gaming to realise just how much energy and time was going into it. I'm sure your wife's appreciation of your recovery will only grow stronger over time. Prove her skepticism wrong!

P.S. 15 days! Onto the third week!

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Day 17

Still working hard, meditating planning for the future. It even looks like I'll be moving to a different province to be closer to my wife's family and help expand the business. Maybe even expand the immediate family :D

I've recently completed 15 days streak on my meditation app and got a 1 month free subscription code, I'm going to share it here so a lucky person can use it, just go to https://www.headspace.com/code

 

headspace.jpg

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Day 18

It's a pretty slow day so I decided to write a little bit more about me. Usually I'm a little reluctant to share but I have a good feeling about this forum and it looks like I'm here to stay.

I'm originally form europe, as a kid a moved around a lot all over the place, middle school in Malta, high school in London and then started university in China.  I've been living in China for 8 years now. I've been married for 9 months, to a beautiful by temperamental chinese woman. 

I spent most of my time in Beijing, started my own business, and now I'm preparing to move to Guangzhou where most of my wife's family is located. I feel like I'm leaving gaming behind and it feels good.

On a side note, my flair here says USA because I had to use VPN to see the captcha during registration process :D.

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Day 18

It's a pretty slow day so I decided to write a little bit more about me. Usually I'm a little reluctant to share but I have a good feeling about this forum and it looks like I'm here to stay.

I'm originally form europe, as a kid a moved around a lot all over the place, middle school in Malta, high school in London and then started university in China.  I've been living in China for 8 years now. I've been married for 9 months, to a beautiful by temperamental chinese woman. 

I spent most of my time in Beijing, started my own business, and now I'm preparing to move to Guangzhou where most of my wife's family is located. I feel like I'm leaving gaming behind and it feels good.

On a side note, my flair here says USA because I had to use VPN to see the captcha during registration process :D.

China's awesome I went on holiday once but really want to go back and explore the countryside

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Day 30

So it's been a month and it feels great. People around me start to notice a difference as well. They say I'm happier, more social.

I also somehow managed to do 30 straight days of meditation, and got another free month subscription code to headspace.

The temptation to game is there, and those pesky companies are not so good at letting go of their customers. At first I would get a lot of "please come back" emails but those are easily dealt with by unsubscribing or just blacklisting the sender. What's really annoying are the text messages (which may be unique to china and/or wargaming/kongzhong) with some "super extra, limited edition, limited time, we miss your money" offers. It's hard to get rid of without logging in to the account, and those assholes use multiple special numbers. In the end I think I got them all blocked, because it's been at least a week since last text.

On another personal note it's been nearly a year since my last drink.

 

headspace2.jpg

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Hello Manun, nice to meet you :). How is the journey going? I hope you are well on your way to two months. Looking forward to hearing from you :)

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