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Vlad

Vlad's Journal

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Day 12

An ok day. The amount of business stuff I need to do is overwhelming. I probably used to rationalize gaming at times like that as a way to cope with stress. I think I'm breaking that pattern because I don't have a console anymore, so I just can't play. I used to rationalize that games may inspire me to better myself, which wasn't true.

I've had a propensity to save since a young age. Imaginery world of games was an outlet, because I could spend made-up currency on made-up shit all I wanted. Now that I'm in the real world 100% of the time my needs are growing, so does my obligation to make money to afford those needs.

I've made the first step to start selling my old car to free up some cash to cover expenses in the summer off-peak season. It's been in the garage for such a long time that the battery died and the tires becam flat. Today some mechanics are coming over to change tires and jump start the car. Then I'll wash it, clean it and post an ad.The legal procedure is what was scaring me, but I'll push through it since I need to.

The company that's cooking my meals have come up with a new plan that's lower in calories, now it's going to be 1,900-2,000 kcal per day instead of 2,400 kcal. I've switched to that, so now I have to add some fruits and berries to my diet as my BMR is around 2,200. Very good news.

Due to stress I struggling with urges for caffeine or some other stimulant, which is stupid, plus I'm done with it. I've got energy to spare, but I seriously lack in concentration. What do you do to improve concentration?

Edited by Vlad

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Vlad, the book Deep Work might be of interest to you. The author felt the need to coin a new term, but "deep work" is simply prolonged periods of focus without distractions. Some takeaways are: 1) If you succumb to distractions outside of work, you'll also be more likely to be distracted during work. 2) Be intentional about focus sessions. 3) Be very methodical about work. Have a starting ritual and an ending ritual for focused sessions. It's written by an academic, whose job is to think about complex things, so it doesn't apply perfectly to other fields but it's a good read. 

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Day 13

Today was fine apart from bad news about my old car and being generally late on my work plan. Months of staying in the garage have turned my old car to shit. Now I need to repair it first. I didn't lose much in terms of money, but it really pisses me of. I felt devastated after checking the car more thoroughly, because it's all my fault. It felt like a faceplant on a flat surface. What a fucking moron! >:( I'll feel sooo much better when I sell it.

I must declutter my life. On that note I probably should also quit Tinder, as it has become my new distraction. It was useful on occasions, but I don't have the time to date around and most certainly have no business checking out and liking more girls than I humanly have time for.

No gaming, already as usual I guess.

@Skaliq thank youor good advice, I've seen the summary of the book, looks very reasonable, will read.

@Mettermrck thank you for consistent support.

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Day 14

It was a very good day-off with my girlfriend. Tried flying as a ride-along / training co-pilot on Aero L-29 Delfin. It's a two pilot small military jet that used to be the standard jet trainer for the air forces in the post-soviet countries. The pilot did a number of aerobatic maneuvers in the 20 mins ride. The first barrel roll was really breath-taking after that the ride was all pure pleasure. During the bottom parts of loops the overload was up to 7Gs. We didn't go past 7Gs as the pilot told me that from his experience 100% of people without pre-training lose consciousness at about 8Gs. Even 7Gs felt like my eyeballs were trying to jam into the skull. The whole experience was very exciting. My favorite part was 10 seconds of zero gravity while being upside down. Even while being tightly strapped-in I could feel an out of this world lightness. So amazing! I've now idea what manuever caused it but it was really awesome. I guess the experience might have ruined theme parks for me. Probably I'll go skydiving in some time, but I want to be lighter to make landing easier on my legs. 

On a less awesome note, I ate about 3 times the amount I usually eat as my girlfriend cooked a lot and we went to a movie that evening and got snacks. I'll get back on my diet now.

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Day 15

A so-so day. I wasn't overly productive, procrastinated on a few client requests, but have done the most urgent ones.

I worked out well and ate clean. Hopefully with a lot of water my today's upshot in body weight will go down in my weight journal as a singular peak due to yesterday's one-off carb indulgence.

I came to an understanding of what people talk about refering to free time blues. Today in late evening of the last work day I had an urge to play either something where I can associate myself with a cool protagonist or an old (2005) strategy game where i can crush ancient civilizations. I take it as that I'm not feeling my real-world progress or at least in control today and sure want those feelings. Good thing I don't have a console or the games handy so it's easy to let the urge get noticed and dismissed.

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Old 2005 strategy game sounds right up my neck of the woods. I played the first 5 Civs on PC. Yeah I know I might get an occasional weight gain from random muscleness. It happens. ?

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Day 16

An ok day. I got 2 insights recently:

1. My sleeping patterns automatically got better without gaming.

2. The number of my wants from real life went up greatly. I do believe in immortal soul, but I feel an urgent desire developing in me to make this worldly experience the best and the most interesting I can. There so many places ot be and so many things to do. The urgency also comes from a thought that it will all change when I get married and have kids. I can't postpone that forever.

I've got to NLP the shit out of my need to build a solid managerial team. My work hours are finite and the way I'm growing now I will slave away until I'm dead. And I want a lot of stuff:

  • I want to do acrobatics
  • i want to travel all around the globe (I've been to 42 countries and I want to see them all)
  • I want to dance
  • I want to sleep around (even with a safety-first attitude I'm still paranoid about being trapped into fatherhood)
  • I want to have a group of jet-set buddies
  • I want to win something in powerlifting
  • I want to look good and feel healthy and durable
  • I want to be wealthy and not to worry about money
  • I want to surf

I could go on all day and night about the things I want. Now those wants of mine have a more pronounced feel to them as I don't have an escapist outlet anymore. So, all I have to do is stop talking and walk the walk. Previously my aspirations were more conservative and somewhat reclusive. I focused on building a strong safety net, but now I want to go out and experience life more.

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NLP stands for neuro-linguistic programming. It's about how to condition oneself to feel differently. Like you can stop liking chocolate and start liking some fruit at your own demand for example. The same goes for increasing motivation to achieve something and substituting unwanted behaviors. It's nothing complicated really, it's mostly about imagining outcomes really vividly and pushing them to sensible extremes in your imagination. These mental excersises tend to shift your perspective. The whole NLP thing is arguable, but it works for me, so I use it.

 

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Day 17

Today was a good day. I got carried away with my traveling dreams, but still managed to progress with my marketing endeavors. I also went to a Porsche dealership and checked out different variants of Cayenne SUV. It's way out of reach for now and is very stupid, but it may be something that inspires me to work harder and smarter. The idea of buying one goes against my conservative and saving-oriented way of thinking, but I must find an artefact that will ignite my fire and switch me into overdrive. Also I know where my way of thinking has led me so far, so may be I shouldn't be so stuck in my old ways. i didn't feel an urgent and passionate need to have a Porsche. I'll probably try a different approach - I will rent various luxury vehicles for weekends to play around with. As a result I expect to either start wanting to buy one of those cars or I will grow cold to luxury vehicles and move on to some other dreams for the near future. I guess the latter is more probable as I remember driving a Bentley Continental that my brother's friend gave me for a short spin and I didn't really enjoy it.

Maybe it's because I'm no racer and like to drive safely. I prefer to channel my competitiveness into more constructrive fields. I've been in a traffic accident and know first-hand that there is nothing nice about them, so reckless and overly fun driving is not worth it at all. By the way the accident I was in had nothing to do with speeding or reckelessness on my behalf, but mostly with a thick ice crust and awith the other stupid newbie driver. It would have bene body bags with speeding added into the situation, I don't want to be involved with that on either side of the deal. Probably that experience is the reason why I want to drive a bigger car, it's just way safer in case of a collision.

Oh, yeah, and no gaming today of course.)

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Why not an artefact that would gain value over time rather than a money-sink like a car? That way you are striving and shaping that competitiveness while still preparing your future. A house is an obvious choice, but another and cheaper option could be art, shares, collectibles, etc.

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Bros, thanks a lot! I'm always very glad to receive feedback from you. Being in good company makes my journey easier.

@giblets I agree with your very logical point. My situation is a little bit complicated. I am a Russian citizen living, doing business and investing as a retail investor in Russia. Therefore I'm exposed to a significant country risk, which I find really unnerving. I'm at a point where I own my apartment and hold a somewhat diversified portfolio of stocks and bonds (but with a local broker). Our recent property taxation changes disincentivizes investment in real estate. So I have to break a capital threshold that would make international investment feasible. I'm thinking of opening an account with a US broker-dealer (something like charles shwab - no advertizing intended, probably there are way better broker-dealers). That's why I've been going on about diversification - the main part is eliminating country and political risks. Luckily I do have a US social security number from my college times in the US, that would make setting things up easier. This goal is a little too long-term to serve as an urgent motivation, but I always keep it in mind.

I totally agree that a car is a fast-depreciating asset or even a rather useless expense. But I also remember the time when I squeezed every penny, reduced spending to a minimum, didn't buy stuff and drove my old car. Logically I understood that I was doing the right thing, but couldn't help feeling depressed. Even my family used to tease me that I looked like a deadbeat. After things got better with my business I became a little less tight-fisted, got a new car and started feeling much more energetic and optimistic.

I'll try to work on these capital and material goals simultaneously. I will continue to exercise the rule of putting some money away for investment first and spending the remainder last. Sorry for a rambling answer, I want to reiterate that I appreciate your advice and will use it.

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Day 19

A good work day. Some cash came in, good stuff, now I'm comfortable with the upcoming rent payment. I must clean up the previous period, get all the papers in order. I feel good about a new operationg cycle gaining momentum. I must put in writting all business processes, so that I can hire the right new staff by the end of August. I dream of traveling and having a neat, well-operating and largly profitable business, not gaming.

Today I spent almost 4 hours on a single client, it may be silly, but I think it will bring really nice feedback and PR in return. I'm really worried about my management abilities. I can't keep the same scale and simply mark up my services, due to an agreeement with my exclusive partner who is the main source of the lead and prospect traffic for my business. I guaranteed a smooth workflow and I simply can't become a bottleneck in our joint efforts. I have to man up, grow and deliver as promised, it's scary as fuck. I even started wearing my old fat gold chain again as a constant reminder of my obligation. I don't wear it in the office though, I would hate if my employees thought that I'm underpaying them. The chain is just a coping mechanism for me, I don't have many others, as I've cut out gaming and junk food completely and I don't have time for other sports besides powerlifting.

It's very bad that I skipped yesterday's journal entry, as I can barely remember yesterday. I will be more consistent int\ the future.

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That's pretty cool having a thick gold chain. I have not yet reached that level. ? Don't beat yourself up about missing a day. You've been putting in a lot of work in the forums supporting others and that counts too.

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Hehe, you're definitely stronger than me in that regard, getting rid of my ps4 is not something i'd be able to do atm. I've taken pictures before and put it up for sale, then after an hour or so I quickly ran and found my phone and ended the listing after thinking to myself "What have I done???". It's tough but you've taken a huge step for sure.

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I'll try to work on these capital and material goals simultaneously. I will continue to exercise the rule of putting some money away for investment first and spending the remainder last. Sorry for a rambling answer, I want to reiterate that I appreciate your advice and will use it.

Sometimes you have to treat and reward yourself with something silly and "purposeless", nothing wrong with the car imo. A happy man inside makes an efficient businessman outside.

Day 18

A regular work day. Nothing interesting.

I honestly appreciate that you note completely average days too! That's were habit lies, even some lines is fine, the key is consistency.

I even started wearing my old fat gold chain again as a constant reminder of my obligation.

That... sounded Russian as blyat. I'm not sure if you were born russian but I think it's sticking to you. B|

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Hehe, you're definitely stronger than me in that regard, getting rid of my ps4 is not something i'd be able to do atm. I've taken pictures before and put it up for sale, then after an hour or so I quickly ran and found my phone and ended the listing after thinking to myself "What have I done???". It's tough but you've taken a huge step for sure.

Bro, I'm not any stronger than you are, I'm just using leverage. I'm grateful for the support I get from you good people on this forum. I made a public promise with a deadline, so I had extra motivation to deliver. If had chickened out I would have lost trust and let you, the people that offered me support down. The only "trick" is that I knew about this mechanism before making the promise. You can do the same when you decide to rid yourself of your extra console. Thanks for the compliment btw.

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