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Vlad

Vlad's Journal

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I've been playing video games since I started going to elementary school. I managed to study well, do well in sports and even work crazy investment banking hours while still playing video games. Luckily I've lost interest in new games around 2009 as they got super repetitive, same thing happened to movies IMHO. Also I've been blessed to have passed my peak interest in games before MMOs became very popular, and I never felt the urge to collect random items in games.

Still I felt like I had two black holes for my spare time: old games and porn. Multiple times I've broken away from these addictions due to time restrictions and other interests. I think that these addictions thrived at the expense of my social life. I've had plenty of girlfriends but few friends and I don't have a steady group of buddies to hang out with because hanging out always seemed too boring. To this day I hate sitting around in restaraunts and stuff like that.

I recently turned 28 and I have made a super strong commitment to leave video games and porn in the past. I'm an entrepreneur and I will not let addictions rob me of time and focus. I definitely quit on July 21. I have deleted anything related to games everywhere including my cellphone. I will sell my xbox360 and all accessories online in the next 2 days. I've been postponing that action feeling nostalgic about a few games. I'm positive that I can't do moderation as it is much harder for me than just quitting all toghether. So I'm confident that I've made the only right choice.

I have successful experience quitting cigarettes and caffeine for good so I expect to power through all kind of cravings, as I am desperate for the changes my mind will go through, crystal-clear thoughts, lifestyle changes and load of time and energy freed from those nasty evil drains.

Day 5

Previous 4 days were fine, my mind seems to drift to game nostalgia at times, but I've got plenty of things people expect me to deliver, three businesses to develop, vital skills to master and employees to manage. I say to my previous addictions: Thank you for the past as I had an "escapist cave" to hide away and get centered. And also f*ck you, we are through!

Thank you Cam for this helpful resource and thank you all the members of GameQuitters community. I will do my best not to let you down and will keep you updated for at least the next 85 days.

Peace)

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You're starting on a great journey, Vlad. I, too, am quitting gaming and porn and I know what a massive struggle it can be to let them go. Kudos to you for having the strength to take your first steps!

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You're starting on a great journey, Vlad. I, too, am quitting gaming and porn and I know what a massive struggle it can be to let them go. Kudos to you for having the strength to take your first steps!

Thanks much for the support! Really appreciate it.

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Day 6

I'm stressed out over how little I manage to get done in business. My mind is all over the place due a large number of challenges, inadequate planning and subpar execution. I demand that quitting addictive behaviors clear my mind.

Though I'm willing to keep my one significant vice - smoking shisha/waterpipe, for now. I'll kick it by the end of the summer. It's funny how my girlfriend is worried that I'm quitting so many things. She says that with that kind of momentum I might as well drop her along the way.)) 

I felt uneasy about placing an ad selling my console and all related items but still did it after some hesitation. I'm sure that I needed to burn bridges in order to understand the finality of my decision.

I'm elimanating my escapist "emergency exits" to narrow my focus:

  • video games
  • porn
  • political news, talks or thoughts about politics
  • general news (things I can't influence)
  • giving unsolicited advice to others
  • general self-development bubble gum. I consider Cam very spot-on about Just-in-time learning, I will stick to that 

I'm glad with my progress on the fitness front. I've always been very athletic prior to my sports knee and forearm injuries, but after those coupled with a very time-consuming career I've let myself go and got fat. At 6'2 and 230 lbs I felt like a sluggish tub of lard planted full-time at a very sedentary and stressful job. After starting my first business I took up powerlifting because of its controlled nature and overall health benefits, progressed well and got down to 205 lbs. But later stress of running a start-up has got to me and I started indulging in passive recreation like gaming, eating junk and Youtube watching. At my heaviest I was 250 lbs but still felt better than during my career years. Now I'm at 230 lbs and moving in the right direction. I expect to get a legitimate six pack (somewhere around 180-190lbs) by the end of this year. I find it funny how I'm happy to have transitioned from being obese to being overweight in BMI terms.

Thank you for support, I will continue my journey and keep you posted.

Edited by Vlad

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Hah tub of lard?! I dream of getting to 230 lbs and I'm 6 foot even. But I know what you mean. It's a sad constricted feeling that you just want to break out of. I just broke under 300 lbs so you better get moving, Vlad. Don't let me catch up to you! ?

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@Mettermrck Bro, you described the feeling just right - I felt lifeless and caged. Sorry, I didn't mean to link the feeling to a number on the scale.

I'm convinced that we were created to be full of energy and vigour. Without blinding distractions we can't help but steer towards our predesigned vitality. So let's keep up with each other, I believe in you and look forward to learning about your amazing journey and I will share mine in return.

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Day 7

Today was a hard day. From time to time a saying comes to my mind: Entrepreneurs are people that specialize in finding ways to pay for own mistakes. Sales cycle is such a bitch! The cash flow is going to be tight until mid-August, I have to pay rent, salaries, taxes other expenses and there I go pay for some more advertizing.

I'm very hesitant hiring more employees that I need badly as I don't know where to sit them and what to pay them. Without them my operations are slower than I want it to be. I'm almost panicking that some of my clients and partners may think that I'm flaking out on then. I've no idea how did I manage to shove gaming into my schedule - it's overflowing as is. I did crave to relapse today but didn't. Escaping was never the answer. Fortunately, I've burned bridges and have you to be accountable to and keep my face with. As Cam said: Stay in it, stay with it, stay committed. I choose to stay with the fear and pain. In retrospect it will seem a picnic, always does.

Thanks for accountability and will keep you posted. In the meantime, I've got a buttload of work to do. Cheers)))

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Well, at least if you're keeping busy and focusing on work, as hectic as it gets, you have no time for bad habits. I notice I have my best success when I have enough constructive things to do. Yes, the fear is just fear of the unknown. Just face it and push through it. You're doing great, Vlad.

Edited by Mettermrck

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As Cam said: Stay in it, stay with it, stay committed. I choose to stay with the fear and pain. In retrospect it will seem a picnic, always does.

Yes, exactly! The obstacle is the way. 

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Day 7 - update

I hope you find this update at least funny if not relatable. So, as promised I got rid of all my gaming items today, including selling my old xbox 360 console.

I didn't know a person could get so emotionally attached to a plastic box. I felt uneasy about taking pics of it and making a sale ad, so I procrastinated a little. Thanks to you fine GameQuitters I stumbbled upon the idea of deleting all profiles and achievements to ease into it. I was a little surprized that it did work well to an extent.

So I mastered all my strength xD and created the ad to gain momentum. But than I was taken aback by the competition xD. Those things sell for peanuts these days! >:( I turned red with anger and than green with greed. Logically I understood that I bought all those things a long time ago, so accounting-wise it's all profit given full depreciation and economically speaking the profit is even greater as all that stuff were liabilities eating up time, space and focus. So after some rigorous analysis, internal bargaining and a short session of self-pity I mastered even more strength xD and set the price at the estimated market rate of $70 for everything.

Later today I got a bid at $45... with delivery O.o. I had an urge to tell the buyer that I would rather throw the console out of my apartment window on the 10th floor than it drive to him for 50 minutes for $45 xDxDxD. Well, luckily I knew better. I was really determined to keep my promise so after a little back and forth we made a deal at $55. When I started packing all my xbox stuff, I was struck by grief. O.o

I mean WTF?!!! I knew that video games have been some part of my life for a long time, but I genuinely felt as if I was breaking up with a girl that I liked much, but didn't see my future with. All that over a plastic box, for real??! After I had done packing, I suddenly felt like my living room had lost a member of its furniture family. While I was driving I felt like shedding tears over it xD.

So, yeah, I deliverd the stuff and got paid. I felt liberated but also somewhat lonely. The area I was in reminded me of a girl that I used to have some sort of friends with benefits thing going about two years ago. She had also tried to call me a month ago to wish me happy birthday when I was abroad on vacation. So, I called her up - in the course of our small talk she asked why was I around? I was ashamed to tell her that I drove all the way to sell my old xbox, but still told her the truth. I explained that I needed it out of my home today. So, we chatted for a while on the phone while I drove home. It made me feel much more centered. I didn't stop by as I had other arrangements for the night.

I'm sure that this will be one those idiotic experiences that I will tell people laughing my ass of in the future. For now I feel proud because it sunk into my brain that the die is cast and that I'm not just taking a piss about quitting gaming forever.

A useful concept I thought to myself on the way home was that there is really no need to worry as game consoles are abundant and cheap. So, if I suddenly have to I can buy so many of them that I can build myself a huge sofa out of those things.

So, there you have it. My story of getting rid of my last gaming stuff. :D

Edited by Vlad

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That's awesome, Vlad. I can relate to how attached you can be to your fames. I was a PC gamer myself, so my big moments were deleting save game files or the Steam software. It's like cutting off a limb, a part of you. But we have to make the room so something new will grow in its place. You're really strong to do what you did. ?

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Getting rid of gaming supplies hurts like nothing else, and the sensation of breaking up is just too accurate. You're doing great work. Cheers man. 

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Day 8

Today I was very unproductive. I went to bed late, slept for 3.5 hours forced myself to finish my morning tasks as I had deadlines and by 2 pm I was legitimately useless. I don't know if I'm becoming more sensitive to sleep deficit or if I'm expriencing a full-blown withdrawal. My head is foggy, I'm restless, have a hard time focusing and feel a little apathetic. It somewhat reminds me of the time I quit caffeine after a period of abusing coffee and energy drinks. It got much better after the first 3-4 days with caffeine. Why did it kick in on day 8 and how long will the symptoms last?

I look forward to working well tomorrow, even better that on weekends I don't get distracted by calls and questions on routine opearions. I intend to get myself toghether and will start tomorrow with a workout. Plus I've got a dealine, I've got to get stuff done before 7 pm, as I promised to take my girlfriend out tomorrow night.

Funny note, that my girlfriend was oblivious that I had a console, and only saw it when I was preparing to sell it. I've kept my gaming on the down low from almost everyone since high school, as it was frowned upon by my family while I was growing up. And today I found that it to be another sign of addiction. So, yeah, I had all the reasons to break gaming off.

Peace)

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One day at a time Vlad! Some days will be better than others, but day by day you'll make huge progress if you continue to invest in the things that are proven to help you get there. :)

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Day 9

The day was ok. I got some work done but then got carried away by a new practical marketing course. Good thing is that I seriously expect it to be fruitful and will bring me extra cash, but skipping from task to task shows my lack of "discipreen".)) Also the amount of money I'm spending on business courses lately is becoming more than ridiculous. I'd say even reckless, but that kind of practical learning seems to pay out for me when I work on it diligently. 

I took my girlfriend out and stuck to salads myself, which I'm a little proud of. My usual diet doesn't have much greenery in it. I understand that veggies are good and healthy but I get my food cooked and delivered to me every two days, so I'm too lazy to bother going to stores and buying extra veggies and fruits. Also because I get five daily meals delivered I have an incentive not to eat out much, as in such a case I would have to throw food away.

I'm happy that I keep losing fat, but after my morning weigh-in anouncement my girl asked me not to go below 220 lbs. As I often do, I told her: "Obey,woman!". I tell her that in a cheerful tone and am generally very good caring to her, so she's always happy to hear that. My next two psychological milestones are 220 lbs and next 214 lbs, the latter would be my maximum shipping weight if I chose to be a marine. It's just a mental trick because I have no interest in killing people that have done me no harm on someone's demand for little pay, plus the college benefits are irrelevant at this point in my life.

Last night before nodding off I had a funny dream: I could see myself in third person sitting in my living room playing a video game. Then I realized that it was a dream, I thought to myself: "WTF?! What kind of dream is that? Where are the chicks, bro?" Then it was lights out and I went to sleep.)))

Another thing I'm not sure about is my girl's unproductive chatter. I hate when she complains about her job as a real estate saleswoman: her dumb as a doorknob new colleagues, inconvenient timetable that has her travel to different neighborhoods etc. I have a hard time getting her to tell me what she wants instead of being unhappy with the present state.

I guess I get irritated by that behaior just because it mirrors my difficulties with being crystal clear with my own goals and wants. I do agree that we only can see good and bad traits in people that we have to some extent ourselves, otherwise we would have no reference to check against. So I guess I'd better work on myself first and become an inspiration for my girlfriend. That would be a nice thing to do, plus she is an inspiration for me weight wise, since she's got visible abs and I don't. And I want them badly.) And she's a constant reminder that its absolutely possible, because she wasn't always like that. So becoming more successful will be an expression of my gratitude for her.

Cheers) and tables)))

Edited by Vlad

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I know what you mean about business course spending. I buy books sometimes, especially now that I'm not gaming. And they're healthy books - history, personal development, etc. But I have to watch my budget and not let it become a money sink like my games used to be.

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Day 10

A good day. Forget games, I'm hooked on marketing. :D

In short: spent early morning with my girlfriend, sold my last obsolete CFA books online, got some work done, went for a short walk, wanted to go lift but didn't as it's scheduled for tomorrow along with a stretching session, got started on a social media campaign for one of my businesses, took up a second parallel course in practical marketing (just in time), worked till late and liked it.

I badly need to delegate better, as I know for sure about my preferences in business processes. I tend to put marketing first and sometimes procrastinate on the operations, admin and IT fronts. I'm very angry at myself for that but it's tough make myself do otherwise.

Btw my girlfiend has given me a ticket to a fun ride-along on a military jet for birthday. I sure hope to keep my shit together so i don't look like a pussy in her eyes. xD She's scheduling it for Thursday 8/03. I've never done that and I will be glad to tell you if I pass out or piss myself in the process. xD So, stay tuned.)

No interest in gaming today.

Edited by Vlad

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Awesome, what type of jet? That sounds like a blast. I've never been in a jet fighter...a helicopter, yes, but not a jet.

Actually I've no idea yet O.o hopefully a well-functioning one. xDxDxD I'll fill you in on the details when I get to know.

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Day 11

An ok day. Less energy today, got some work done, workout went well. As a part of my marketing courses i have to enhace my social media accounts and I find that overwhelming. I used to have very few photos of me taken. i was uncomfortable due to my excess weight. Now I have to work on that on purpose. I suddenly realized that I've been buying little new clothing in the last 2 years. Now I have to look better. So, I must set a clothing budget that I must spend every month. Also I must get to ~220 lbs by the 1st of September, so i look better on 3 business photoshoots I have planned for that date. It's an almost perfect pace, because I'm now at 230 lbs and I have almost 5 weeks to do lose weight. I'm tense when I think about my new challenge, but I know that it's a must and it will guide me in the right direction. Plus now I need to make more money to spend on my looks and further down the road on people that will assist on social media marketing (SMM) of my businesses.

It's a little funny how I started SMM to make more money and that it made me realize that I have to improve my life, and for that I need to make even more money. A tiny mindfuck xD

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