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DaBest

DaBest's Journey For Self-Discipline

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Day 186

No VG - 186 days, No sports news - 13 days left, Journaling - 13 days left

My internet usage was much better last night. I turned on music when I got home and wrote my last post to take the edge off so to speak. I'm feeling anxious about certain sites I was frequenting and miss it. I also got to clean up a bit afterwards, but then I passed out super early. I still have a lot more to clean up in order to really get my house in order. 

Tonight, I need to research a company that a recruiter reached out to me about. I'm really frustrated with my job right now. I have way too much on my plate, and I don't like where things have been going at my site. Then I'll spend some more time cleaning up.

Look at this, I stop going on the computer and I can go fix my life. Who would have thought?

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Day 187 

No VG - 187 days, no sports news - 12 days left, journaling - 12 days left

Internet usage was pretty good yesterday. I didn't spend much time mindlessly wandering the internet, though I did have music and podcasts playing in the background quite a bit. 

I also did a decent amount of cleaning up for a weeknight - 1 load of laundry + 3 loads of dishes. I didn't realize how bad my living condition got during the past month. Just taking care of the rest of that makes the apartment much better, and I am happier for it. 

I might not get to do as much cleaning as I want to tonight. I have to call home shortly, and then I need to get groceries and cook some. I've also been pretty spotty with going to the grocery store recently. I've been eating out quite a bit since I haven't been taking care of myself as I should have. If I can do that, finish the dishes after, and declutter my kitchen and table, I think that would be sufficient progress for today given the circumstances.

 

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Sure thing, @Self made miracle.

I had a post a while ago about this, but I don't know where it is so here goes. My setup consists of several extensions to block me from doing dumb things on the internet, as I have a tendency to look up one more thing, then another, and another, and another...

On my computer, I have three apps (for Chrome): DF Tube, Block Site, and StayFocusd. DF Tube blocks recommended videos on YouTube, so it is much harder to go down rabbit holes. I use Block Site to block sites I want to have zero business on, like Reddit. I use StayFocusd to give myself a collective thirty minutes a day for sites that can be fun, like YouTube, so I can't go overboard. This last one is nice in particular as I then have to prioritize my time and choose things of value to me. I also found a way to disable Microsoft Edge, so Chrome is my only browser that I can use. No skirting the hurdles.

On my iPhone, I simply modify the adult content blocker to block sites like Reddit. I also keep the apps on my phone to a minimum, or at least where they have only situational utility, like Lyft. 

For me, this is just to give me the head space to start focus on improving on my life. Ultimately, I want to get to a point where I don't need these and I keep the habits I built up to prevent me going down rabbit holes, but I have a long way to go with that.

There's a whole bunch of other stuff you can try too. Experiment and see what works.

Day 188

No VG - 188 days, no sports news - 11 days left, journaling - 11 days left

Yesterday was kind of a long day. Once I got done calling my parents I didn't think I was going to complete everything I wrote out in my last post, but I actually did. I stayed up til 12 to do so, but I still felt good about myself. I ate way better today as a result of it. 

Improv class went okay today. I felt very stifled, and I'm struggling a bit. However, I had some absolutely killer characters in all my scenes, so that was nice. 

I want to get to bed earlier tonight. I'm going to put away last night's dishes, do tonight's, and clean the stuff off my side table, coffee table, desk, and stairwell. 

I am very happy I'm back on the right path.

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Day 189

No VG - 189 days, no sports news - 10 days left, journaling - 10 days left

Got everything done I wanted to last night, but was up a little late again. I'm kinda tired.

Tonight: I want to have dinner, go to the gym, and go out for a bit. I do have to get up somewhat early tomorrow as I have to go to work. I'm not going to have much time for cleaning, so I also want to do today's dishes, and clean my nightstand.

Again, I'm grateful I'm making better choices. 

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Day 190

No VG - 190 days, no sports news - 9 days left, journaling - 9 days left.

Last night was a wash--I fell asleep for three hours after I finished dinner. Couple of nights in a row with 5 hours of sleep. Unfortunately, I couldn't fall asleep until 3, and then I had to get up at 5:30. I feel pretty trash right now. However, I did get in a rehab workout for my back once I realized I was not falling back asleep, and I finished a book. 

Work went well today. Saturdays are very quiet and I was able to get a decent amount done. I also had amazing sfogliatelle from a local deli.  Try it if you haven't.

I have a late improv show tonight, so I'm gonna eat dinner, sleep because I really need it now, and if I get up early enough, I'll either workout or clean. 

Good times, good times.

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Day 191

No VG - 191 days, no sports news - 8 days left, journaling - 8 days left.

After I posted last night, I ended up sleeping until before I needed to leave. I was very sleep deprived and needed it. No cleaning.

The show itself went okay. Not our best performance, but we are avoiding common pitfalls that we had early on. The crowd itself was tough as they were mostly improvisers in the show, but they seemed to enjoy it enough. Nights like that are good though since you can't get away with cheap laughs. Afterwards we went out for a brief bit. I ended up not going out to the clubs after since it was a little late. I find it hard to go out after going to a show--this might be a stretch goal for the future.

This morning I FINALLY caught up on sleep, and hit the gym EARLY. I was able to avoid screens for the most part so getting out wasn't a big deal. I had a good workout too, so right now I'm feeling pretty good. 

Right now, I need to get to finish cleaning myself up, go to the grocery store, go to practice, cook and have dinner, call my folks and just get ready for the week in general. The most important thing I need to clean tonight are the dishes, but I'll also hang up a family heriloom that I've been meaning to since I moved in. 

In all, I'm pretty happy about how the past week went. I felt somewhat competent and was attacking problems all week. I wasn't on the computer or the phone as much either. I regained so much time from making a small change. I still feel a little neurotic and antsy since I don't have all that much dopamine available from the internet, but as long as I keep improving my situation and taking solace in that, hopefully that will be enough to tide me over. I am definitely feeling much better and looking forward to this week!

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Day 192

No VG - 192 days, no sports news - 7 days left, journaling - 7 days left

Quick rundown from yesterday and today. Improv practice went well enough. Had some moments where I definitely was improving on some weak areas. Made dinner and did laundry when I got home, but after dinner, I fell asleep on my couch before I cleaned up. I guess  I was really tired still. 

Started the morning doing a few errands before going to work. Work itself was busy, and I feel like I was all over the place. I had one moment today where I found myself getting very irritated, and I took a breather in my car.

Tonight, I need to take care of a few items. First, I absolutely must clean up the mess in my kitchen. Second, I might consider running an errand. Third, if I don't do the second, or if I have enough time after taking care of that, I'd like to do a mobility, rehab, or ab workout. 

Feeling a little antsy from the lack of internet, but that's a good thing I guess, since it means my brain is changing.

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Day 193

No VG - 193 days, no sports news - 6 days, journaling - 6 days left

I actually did everything I said I was going to last night, AND got to bed early. I don't know the last time I had a night like that. Kinda impressed with myself, haha.

Today was more of the same. I was actually reasonably productive at work, and I actually went to the gym after. This is the first time I've been to the gym three days in a row in a long time. It was a leg workout too, so hopefully my back won't feel too messed up tomorrow. 

I still need to have dinner. My cleaning goals tonight is just to back my gym bag (if that counts) and to get the dishes done. If I get a little more done too, then that's great also.

I like having my time back.

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Day 194 

No VG - 194 days, no sports news - 5 days left, journaling - 5 days left

Didn't get the dishes done last night. Got too involved keeping tabs on the elections over here in the US because I'm a nerd like that. Ended up staying up til midnight, but thankfully not any later.

Today went well enough at work. My back feels more messed up than usual. I was going to go to the gym today with some coworkers but they stuff come up. That's fine, as I need to clean up at home a bit, and I also cooked more food for the rest of this week. 

I'm really tired now. I just want to finish doing the dishes before I go to bed. I'm going off the computer after this so I don't do anything too stupid tonight.

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Day 195

No VG - 195 days, no sports news - 4 days left, journaling - 4 days left.

House is starting to get messy again. Just fell asleep early last night. I need to exercise more discipline by pushing through during situations like this.

I had my last improv class for the time being tonight, and I got some very touching feedback by my instructor. Basically, they said that I had a good grasp and understanding of areas where I personally don't see it myself...which in a way is the story of my life really. They also said I need to move quicker and not think so much...which again, is the story of my life. Interesting words to mull over. Our show is next week, so hopefully I can put something into use then.

I should probably reflect on that more, but I am super tired and really need to clean a bit.

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Day 196

No VG - 196 days, no sports news - 3 days left, journaling - 3 days left.

Fell asleep right after writing posting last night. I was really beat. Still kind of am.

Today was meh. Didn't feel very productive at work, but I organized a lunch for my team and we had fun. We engineers have no fun ever even though we all get along well. It was a nice respite.

I was very tired when I left work, but I actually went to the gym! I kind of realized if I didn't I was just going to fall asleep when I went home, so I figured I might as well go. I don't think the chances of me going out tonight were super high. Next week I need to make sure I get to bed at a good time, and also stop wasting so much time in bed when I wake up in the morning.

Debating either cleaning up, or going to bed early and doing so in the morning. For sure I'm going out tomorrow night. I'm cooped up.

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Day 197

No VG - 197 days, no sports news - 2 days left, journaling - 2 days left.

Was very tired. Woke up at noon today. Not a good start to the day, but I did clean up significantly. 

Just waiting for some clothes to get out of the dryer and I should be on my way.

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Day 198

No VG - 198 days, no sports news - 1 day left, journaling - 1 day left.

Suffice it to say I didn't go out last night. I've been struggling recently, and I've came to a realization--well, reminder--today.

My self-esteem sucks right now, and it really shouldn't.

Prime example is the comment I received from my improv instructor--a legitimately funny person well known in our local community. "You are funny." I've never considered myself a funny person. I always viewed myself as opposite the popular kids, and since they were often funny, I found myself not funny. And honestly, I wasn't funny. I was weird, though I guess all kids are to an extent. 

I've definitely gotten way better at expressing my own humor and vibing with someone else's this year, and in the back of my mind, I knew I was getting better, but I still couldn't accept it. Today I had a practice where I think I, for the first time, had confidence with my ability and had it extend to my identity. The difference was night and day. I was confident, no hesitation, and everything was easier. There was no mental hurdles to jump over. It was as close to a flow state that I've been in with improv. 

The difference was all in my head. 

If I start improving my self-esteem, I'm going to take more risks. I've my self-esteem is low and I feel I have nothing to offer, I won't take any risks. Simple as that. 

Despite my problems, I have a lot going for me right now. I'm going to re-read The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem again and work through that more diligently this time.

 

 

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Day 199

No VG - 199 days, no sports news - 0 days left! + 14 more, journaling - 0 days left + 14 more, No Fap - 14 days left, Straight Outta Bed - 14 days left

Don't feel like writing much today. 

I didn't consume any sports news for 14 days and want to go for another 14. Same for journaling. 

Made a deal with my therapist today that I'd add No Fap and getting out of bed right away to the next two weeks of habit rebuilding. Should be helpful.

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1 hour ago, DaBest said:

Made a deal with my therapist today that I'd add No Fap and getting out of bed right away to the next two weeks of habit rebuilding. Should be helpful.

Right on! and going to sleep early. I don't know how you do that because so far I have not succeeded. I'll let you know when I do.

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@Avnat Netzer Haha. Yeah, that too. Or I can never go to bed and then I'll never have to worry about getting up 😉

Day 200

No VG - 200 days, no sports news - 15 days , NF - 13 days left, SOB - 13 days left

200 days. Holy moly. That's a big step forward for me. Afraid I'm substituting a bit, but overall, things are better then when I started. I'm generally getting to bed earlier and getting more sleep. I get to work earlier. My home is cleaner. I got a therapist. I'm taking more responsibility of my health. I stuck with improv even though I really wanted to quit, and now I developed it into a nice skill. I got another friend group. And the ideations have calmed down quite a bit from where they were at the start of this journey. Yeah, I still have my really sucky days, but if I think back on things logically, things are better.

Saved a bunch of time this morning by not staying in bed and getting on my phone. Feels good.

Work was stressful today. Lots of requests for managing other people's work that they've been dropping in my lap on top of managing contractors. Had physical therapy after though, so that was fun. 

Biggest hurdle I face tonight is cooking dinner midweek and doing dishes after, and going to bed at a reasonable hour. If I sit on my couch with this computer, as I am right now, I will not get this done.

Alright, let me get moving. Peace.

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