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The Life and Times of Raelana


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Hey everyone, hope you're all doing well.

I haven't been around the forums a whole lot (I'm usually just in the Stop Gaming Discord), but I've read through a lot of your journals, and it inspired me to start one myself. I keep a personal one for myself about just random things, and I'm not totally consistent with it, so I figured I'd start keeping up one here and have a record of my journey. I only wish I could've started one earlier haha. I've been away from my problem game (League of Legends) for 82 days now, and I've definitely had a lot change since then. I've made progress, and I'm glad about that, but there's still a lot I need to do for myself to get to the place I want to be for myself. I still struggle with confidence and anxiety, and with goals and pushing myself; I can really get in my own way at times. Today was the first day back at university for me after holiday break, and it got me doing a lot of thinking. I want to improve in all aspects of my life, but particularly mentally and socially, and consistently work on my creative endeavors.


Day 82  

First day back at school today. New semester, and time for a better version of myself. I usually get anxious the first day, and today was no exception. Didn't sleep too well either, unfortunately, though had some tea to perk me up. My first morning class is Introduction to Acting, and it's the first acting class I've ever taken in my life. I've always wanted to try acting though, since I love story telling and entertaining people. I'm shy at times though, and can easily get nervous in front of a lot of people, or in unfamiliar situations, but I'm using this as an opportunity to challenge myself, grow, and have fun. I think I was worrying too much for nothing, since my classmates seem really nice, and the teacher's a fun guy. We all made fools of ourselves practicing with improv exercises and it was a good time, so I'm looking forward to doing more with it over the coming months. There was even a girl in the class that I had known from high school, and we got to talking a bit and vibed pretty well, so I'm thinking that could potentially lead to a friendship, which is something I could definitely use in my life right now. 

Unfortunately, it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. My major is Spanish, and I'm in my senior year, so I'm taking 3 upper level Spanish courses: Spanish Linguistics, Translation, and also Legal Spanish. As we went over the expectations for the classes, the workload is seeming like it's going to be pretty intense, and I'm already seeing areas in which I need to improve to make sure I succeed in the classes. I can already feel some stress coming on. I know I can do it though if I just take it day by day and put in the work, but it's still daunting. There are a couple classmates in my current classes that were also in the ones last semester, and we hadn't talked a lot before, but it seems like we'll be doing a study group, so I'm looking forward to that. Hoping we can bond over the struggles of second language learning haha. 

Also, I had some nice discussion in the Discord chat, and I also bought myself a cork board to create a Vision Board for myself (courtesy of the suggestion of one of the chat members), so that I can have a visual element to track my goals and dreams for my life. So there were definitely some nice highlights today, and I'm thankful for this community for always offering great support and ideas. 

Ciao for now. 

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Day 86

The first week of school's done, and it's been kind of a mixed bag. I love my teachers, but the workload will be pretty heavy. Had a nice moment though, when one of my study group partners was telling me that I shouldn't doubt my abilities and I should have more faith in myself, when I told him I was feeling uncertain about it. I feel like he's right, and I think I got in my own head too much. If succeeding at school were always easy, it wouldn't mean much. Might be some work, but I can do it. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that. Can't wait until I graduate though, that's for sure. December hype!

I should've kept up with the daily writing on here, but I let the stress from school, work and trying to sort out things in my life get in my way. So, I'm setting aside a specific time each evening now for journal writing so I can make sure I build a positive habit out of it (8:30pm - unless something important comes up). I've been feeling a little lonely lately as well. Even though I've been trying to reconnect with some old friends, and we've hung out a bit, they never really reach out to me first, and they seem closer to each other and not as keen on including me in their gatherings unless I bring something up. Also, they seem to be about the same as they were in high school - kind of just coasting, not really having any life goals, and gossiping / using social media a lot. They're not bad people, but I feel like I've changed and I might not totally belong with them anymore. Maybe that's alright, but it does leave me feeling a bit alone on the friend side, and I'm still trying to figure out what kind of people are a good fit for me. 

One of my goals for this year, in order to make it better than last year, is to make some new friends, or at least meet people that I vibe with that could become good friends, and for us to all be positive influences on each other. I've met some great people as part of this community, but it'd be great to have some people around to do things with in person as well. I'm pretty busy with school and work, but I don't want to have that be an excuse for not trying at all to put myself out there, so my plan for now is to look into some meetup groups and see if I can find some that fit me / my schedule and start doing some mingling. I'm both nervous and excited.


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Day 87

A somewhat productive Sunday for me, though not super eventful. I'm fine with that though considering it's my only real day off to myself. Ran some errands and cleaned the house and did a lot of organizing, which helped me feel a lot more stable. When I let my desk space get cluttered up, it's just ugh for my focus. It's been raining and storming pretty much all day, which has been a little lame since I wanted to be outside for a bit longer with my dogs, but here's hoping it'll clear up soon. My father's brother passed away not too long ago, and they had his funeral the other day. I wasn't able to attend, since it was in a different state, but I tried to be supportive for my dad, and we talked a bit, but it did make the vibe today a bit more sad, especially since I'm used to seeing him so positive. Hoping with time it'll get easier for him.

On a more positive note, had some interesting discussion in the Discord chat today, and with one member in particular, I was able to get something that had been weighing on me for a long time off my chest. So glad I have people here that I can talk with that are supportive. Spoke with another member about art, which got me inspired to improve my skills. Also got some great music recommendations, which is always fantastic. This community is irreplaceable, for real. Finished some homework, and feeling more confident about my classes by just taking it step by step each day. It's a little weird for me still since I'm not passionate about my degree choice since I think I chose it for the wrong reasons, so it worries me a bit about the future. Anyway, overall it's been a pretty good day. On the hunt for some fiction to read this week! If anyone has any good recommendations for some lighter reading of any genre, please let me know!  

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Day 88

Had to get an assignment done, so a little late on my 8:30 plan for the journal, but that's alright. The day started a little meh for me, since my boss doesn't always have the best attitude, so she made me feel a little bad today with how a work situation got handled. I'm glad I won't have to stay there very long, since she and her husband (the owner) can be verbally harsh with a lot of the workers there. Just treating it as something I need for now to continue to achieve my goals, since I still need the money for the next couple of months. Aside from that, I started doing some more songwriting as a way to get my feelings out and deal with the negativity, and it was fun and definitely made me feel better overall. Got to chill with my dogs a bit and have a nice walk, then came back and relaxed with some scented candles I bought recently. If you guys have a Yankee Candle store nearby, I would definitely recommend them. The sugar cookie one is A+ haha. After that I worked on a monologue assignment for my acting class. I can tell that's going to help me out already, so I'm pretty hype for that. So I was able to turn a kind of meh day around by keeping it positive and finding an outlet, so I'm proud of myself for that. 

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Day 89

Almost close to 90 days hype! 

So it's been a pretty alright day. Had a full school day again, so was pretty much there from this morning until this evening. We had to make some monologues for my acting class, and we shared the rough drafts today and did a little bit of practicing emoting. I felt a little awkward due to my lack of experience, but I had a great time, and everyone's really chill and supportive there. So nice to have that first thing in the morning to start the day off positively. My Spanish classes were alright as well, and I was talking with a classmate about studying abroad, since she'd gone to Costa Rica twice and recommended it highly. So I set up an appointment with the study abroad office for February 7th to check everything out, but I'd love to possibly go there or to Spain over the summer. I've never been out of the country before, let alone by myself, so I'm a little nervous about living with a host family, but I know it'd be a unique opportunity, so I figure I should look into it since it's my last year at the university. My job's still bothering me a bit, but aside from that, it's been a pretty good day overall. Planning on doing a little drawing and reading before bed, and have some tea and chill and get ready for the 90 day hype. I'll be typing up a reflection of that tomorrow, since there are definitely a lot of things that have changed just since then. 

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Awesome to hear somebody is going to finish detox on this forum!

Just remember to be aware after finished detox - most people get distracted and straigh after finishing it they're going back to games to try moderation or something. It was also my mistake, so don't make it again on this forum! :)

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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Day 90!

Ayyyyy baby. Started from the bottom, now we're here. 

Man, the days have gone by pretty fast. I just can't even believe I found the Stop Gaming subreddit and the Game Quitters community 3 months ago. Actually, it was before that honestly, and I mostly just lurked around and saw other people's stories. So glad I finally decided to commit to stopping playing League of Legends and other competitive online games. I wasn't sure how much it would help me, or how much I'd really need it, because I wasn't really playing the game much at the time I found out about the community, but I would still watch streams, or look at forums, or talk to friends about it. It wasn't until I totally cut out everything and could look at my life more objectively that I realized how much time of my day that was all eating up, and how I'd have brain fog and concentration issues, and sleeping problems. 

To be honest, the hard part for me wasn't stopping though, it was finding other things to do to replace the time I spent doing all of that. It's crazy how much extra time you have when you stop. So over time I started to get back into reading, art, writing, and music. I still need to get better at organizing my time to maximize it properly, and get everything done I want to do, but there's been a lot of improvement for me overall these past 90 days. My main thing that I've struggled with has been my confidence and social anxiety, so I've made myself go out and try and make friends and just mingle a bit, and I've gone out on a couple dates as well just to try to have some fun and get more comfortable. Even though a lot of that hasn't led to anything permanent relationship wise, I'm proud of myself for putting myself out there. It's still something I have to continue to work on though. 

Anyway, my day went pretty well overall, especially since I spent a lot of time reflecting on my journey so far and what I can continue to do to improve myself in the future. Went and got some pizza and had a chill night to celebrate. Thanks again for all your support, guys. I'll definitely keep this up, because I don't feel any desire to go back and play those games. In general, most games just seem boring to me now, and I'd like to keep it that way and keep investing time into better things.  


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