Random 51 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I couldn't fall asleep last night. My mind was still racing after 10+ hours of gaming. I stopped playing at midnight and realized I had only eaten one portion of oatmeal and some Christmas chocolates during the day. Quickly snacked something from the fridge and went to bed. Yet another day wasted, another day when I only moved further from all my goals in life. Here I was lying in the bed at 2 am, eyes wide open and thoughts still in the game I had been playing.Disgusted at my lack of willpower to not binge on games, I once again decided that I will uninstall all games once I wake up the next morning. I've gone through the same motions multiple times during the past year, but always after a week or two I've come into the conclusion that my life is still miserable, so I might as well start playing again to escape it all. However, last night I found this site, the idea of a 90-day detox and the journals and I feel I’m better prepared this time. For example, I learned that watching streams and videos of games will probably result in a relapse (surprise!).I knew from experience that the determination to quit will probably be gone once the sun rises, so here's what I did:On my phone, I wrote a message to my fiancée who was sleeping next to me. I described to her why I want to give a dedicated go at the 90-day detox. Rules are no games, no game streams or videos. If I fail, I will give her 100 €. For a moment I hesitated on sending the message, because I know how hard this will be and I would not like to pay a 100 € fine.I sent the message. Today is day 0. Everything good so far, uninstalled steam successfully. Went for a walk and because I wasn’t in a rush to go back playing, the walk ended up taking more than an hour.Also arranged to go for beers with a friend tomorrow. I can already see the benefits from this detox (), because I basically never suggest any social activity with anyone, because I’d always prefer to be gaming. Now I have plenty of time to get bored and I need to come up with activities.The text is getting really unorganized at this point but what the heck. My history with games is the same old story. Got a Game Boy when I was 3 years old and it’s been a downhill ever since (). I’ve been battling with depression all my life with better and worse periods but I don’t blame gaming for it. I’ve lately realized, that gaming is my thing to numb the anxiety. I know that stopping gaming and facing the anxiety and depressive thoughts will probably make me feel worse in the short term, but better in the long term. This too I know from experience, because a few years ago I went to a psychiatrist because of the depression, and among other things he suggested that I would take a few weeks off any form of electrical entertainment, even internet browsing.To emphasize the severity of my situation, I will introduce one more issue, but I’ll keep it short. Basically it’s now week 5 of my two month sabbatical from work. I got the sabbatical so that I could get my master’s thesis started and going so that I’d hopefully graduate during 2017. But I’ve used maybe 10 hours total on the thesis and rest of the time on playing games, watching streams and videos. Feels bad. For today my meager goal is to spend 1 hour with the thesis. Reporting back tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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