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qwethm987

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About qwethm987

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  1. Hopefully it will. At least I won, so it wasn't all bad Do you have any suggestions for fun board games? I've once been to a board game shop, but with houndreds of games on the shelves, it's hard to know what is fun (and what is excruciatingly boring). And yeah, the house share is great. Doing things together means that you don't need to work as much as you normaly would. Most people come home in the afternoon and then almost immediatly needs to start cooking. Here you just get home and relax until dinner is ready (unless you're on the cooking shift for the day)
  2. It is absolutely terrible to feel like a burden. I haven't followed your journals, so I don't know you other than from this one entry, but you might be able to do something about that feeling. You say that you shielded your boyfriend from your own complaints (which is quite unselfish), so he didn't know you had a bad day. If he did (at least I hope) he would have acted differently instead of being passive agressive. I am in no way saying that you should apologize, since you didn't do anything wrong, but it might cheer you up to cheer him up with a small gift, a surprise date or something along those lines. Other than that, there are plenty of ways to not feel like a "burden". Something as small as giving change to a homeless person can help boost your mood.
  3. Day 6, 2. attempt. Since I'm writing in the early morning, I will focus on the day before. Yesterday was a good day. I had a lot of spare time and that let to quite a lot of urges, but I was able to fight them off. I both have urges to game myself, but I also feel strong urges towards watching others play on youtube. Watching others play is just as bad (or maybe even worse) as playing myself in my opinion. I know this. But when I get the urges i am almost able to convince myself that "well, it's not really playing, it will do no harm." But I know, that if I watch an episode of a let's play, I will soon watch another and all of a sudden I've spent several hours on youtube. So far I've been able to fight these thoughts and urges, and hopefully I will continue to do so in the future. I startet by going for a run for the first time in months. Then I went to get a stamp for a special bus ticket which will take me to the university and back. I had to get the stamp at a post office, but because of the increasing digitalisation a lot of post offices have closed. I drove around for 20 km (around 13 miles) until I finally found a functional office. Unfortunately they were open from 13:00-17:00 only, so I had to drive all the way back, only to drive again later, when they had opened. In total I went around 80 km to get a stamp. Though I was quite anoyed I actually found it okay, since I got to drive around in my new neighbourhood. I made sure to take new roads back and fourth from the post office, so I could get a better feel of the local roads. On top of that I spent a total of around 2 hours, which then kept me from gaming. I also drew a duck. I follow the sketchdaily reddit, where you get a new assignment every day. I'm not as good at drawing as I want to be, but I can feel that I am getting better. I will attach a photo of the drawing. I also dug up around 7kg (~15pounds) of potatoes since the place to which I've moved is a house share between around 35 people. This means that you only have to cook dinner twice a month and do the dishes twice a month, the rest of the time its other people's turn. Today my father in law is on the cooking team, so I helped him by digging up potatoes yesterday. I enjoy gardening work, so I was glad to do it. In the evening I played a board game with my girlfriend and father in law. I couldn't help but thinking how boring this game was compared to those I used to play on the PC. I kept thinking about ways to improve the game to add more depth and make it more strategy-based rather than luck-based. But though I found the game quite boring it was nice to play with my girlfriend and her father. We spoke about a lot of things while we played and that was nice. So all in all a very very good day, where I managed to utilize my spare time to get a lot of things done. Had I still been gaming, I would probably have sat in my chair for 10+ hours instead.
  4. Yeah, my dad is a musician so he made me start playing from a very early age. I've taken lessons for about 10 years, but the last couple of years my skill have deterioated fast. Hopefully I will get some practice done now that I quit gaming :-) One of the reasons I want to quit gaming is to have time for all my hobbies, so it's great that they simultaniously help me to quit. I quit to do hobbies, doing hobbies help to quit. I haven't really played in years either, so I'm glad to finally pull my self together and get some practice done.
  5. This is what it's all about. Your dad is a real person in the real world, and that is what matters. It's nice to hear that you had a good day. In my opinion you should write whatever comes to mind. I know from myself that when I start my journal entries, I have no idea where it's gonna end. Through writing I explore my own thoughts and feelings and I might suddenly see connections between my feelings and seemingly irrelevant experiences. This is your journal, and you should write whatever you feel helps you, relevant to gaming or not. As Mettermrck writes it also helps us get better image of who you are as a person, which in turn let's us come with better feedback. It's great that you feel like it's going the right way regarding your energy levels. As I can see it, your biggest challenge so far haven't been your cravings (you always seem to manage to handle them) but rather your fatigue. A lack of energy can be extremely demotivating, you'll get even more energetic tomorrow and the day after. It does however seem to me (of course I can't really judge this since I live across the world from you) like you're still a bit occupied by your exhaustion, so starting a vegetarian diet might be a bit much to handle on top of everything else. On the other hand, it could of course be an excellent way to keep your mind off gaming and it could be very interesting to try.
  6. I can't say, that I know how you feel, since luckily for me, I don't suffer from the fatigue and exhaustion which your withdrawal seems to cause. However, I hope that even though you are sleeping a lot more than you're used to, and therefore feel like you're waisting a lot of time, you are still wasting less time, than when you were gaming. As long as you are spending less extra time sleeping, than you used to spend gaming, you are still "gaining a profit" of sparetime. And whereas the fatigue and exhaustion is tempoary until your body adjusts, the gaming would have been permanent, if you hadn't decided to stop. I do not think you are a sissy. Everyones body reacts differently, and considering how tapped of energy you feel, you still manage to go to work, excercise and show self-restraint. In my opinion that is admirable.
  7. Day 5, 2. attempt. I haven't updated my journal the last couple of days, since I've been quite busy. I have been moving from one end of Denmark to the other, and in the process I've made it considerably easier to quit gaming. I left my gaming computer at my old house, so now I only have acces to my phone and my shitty laptop. This makes it impossible for me to play my favourite games. Of course I can still play simpler games on my phone, but I don't really have a hard time abstaining from them. It's been easy for me to fill out my days, since I have had a lot of packing and unpacking to do, and I feel that as long as I am busy, I'm not thinking about gaming. Today however, I have nothing that needs to be done. I have to go to the post-office, and that is it. I know it is ridicoulus to complain about having too much time, since I quit gaming to get more time, but a full day of having almost nothing that NEEDS to get done puts a lot of pressure on me. Luckily I am starting at my university the day after tomorrow, so in a couple of days, I will have a more "appropriate" amount of spare time. If I was still gaming (and had my pc) I would probably play for 10-12 hours today. Instead I am going to make sure I have everythig I need for uni, I am going to play some piano (I am currently re-learning "Fantasie Impromptu" by Chopin, I could play it 5 years ago, but since then my skills have deterioated quite a lot.) and I am going to sketch a bit with my pencils. I think I will keep writing in the mornings from now on. I get up at 5:30 everyday, since I want to eat breakfast with my girlfriend before she goes to work, but I don't want to move around the house and be too noisy before 7:00, since we live with her parents and I don't want to wake them. So from 6:15 when she leaves and until 7:00, I want to spend my time quietly, and journalwriting is a great way to do that. All in all things are going great. I get some periods during the days where I feel quite unhappy, and it is during those times I usually would numb my mind by gaming. Since that is no longer an option I just try to make myself busy and ignore the feelings, and that usually makes me forget them go away. The rest of my time I feel fine, though I do get bored quite often, since nothing seems to entertain me quite as much as gaming. But I do think that is to be expected, at least until my reward systems in my brain bounce back from the overstimulation the gaming caused. Everything is going great, I'm luckily not suffering from any of the serious withdrawal symptoms like fatigue, sleepdisturbance or anything like that, so I really am grateful and I think that I will do even better once I start at my university. This will also let me meet new people, so hopefully I will get some new friends, now that I've moved away from my old friends. I really don't have anything to complain about, so I'll try my best and have a great day.
  8. A lot of people find it hard to relate, if they themselves don't play videogames. However, most people know how hard it is to change fundamental parts of your life. I find, that most people tend to be more understanding, if I explain that I am quitting a hobby which I held very dear. (Even though compulsive gaming is so much more than a hobby, and that missing a hobby in no way compares with the actual redrawal symptoms of quitting gaming.). Though it is not in any way the same as making them understand why quitting gaming i so extremely hard, it might help them understand why you seem a little tense. On top of that, it is completely legitimate to feel tired/exhausted/annoyed from time to time. Even though it is most likely redrawal symptoms in your case, most will probably be understanding if you just say you're going through a rough time or something like that, when they ask if you're ok. One thing you can be certain of is: She is almost 100% surely not staring at you to annoy you. You might not have the excess energy to talk to her, but in my opinion you should try your best to be polite and not rude. I understand that can be hard for you right now, since you have a lot on your mind. As long as you keep writing, you're doing progress. No matter if you are positive or negative. And with a couple of bad days like this, things can almost only get better ;-)
  9. Regarding the slightly negative tone in your latest post, I don't think it's a problem at all. Of course, it is important to be positive sometimes, but I find that writing down my thoughts relieves my mind and gives me a sort of peace. As Mettermrck writes, it can be a great way to get the negativity out of your system, which then makes room for more positive thoughts to pop up. Its hard to focus on the brighter aspects of your day, if your mind already is full with thougths about how hard you day have been. However, different strategies work for different people. Some can easily focus on the positive things, while ignoring the less positive things, I've just never been able to do that. Find out what works for you. It's great that you feel that things are working out. Absolutely wonderful to hear.
  10. It seems like you've had a really good day and might end up with a great friend. I think it's great you've met another veteran, since that is quite a big thing to have in common. The fact that you shredded the magazine without second thoughts is really a good sign of your progress. I don't know the magazine, but I asume you've spent money on it, which could easily have made you hesitant. Instead you were strong and quickly got rid of it.
  11. @Mettermrck Yeah, those freemium games can really make you waste a lot of money in a short amount of time. They quickly become quite expensive for a free game, especially if you don't want to get behind other players.
  12. It sounds like you're off to a great start. It seems like you've gotten some nice ideas for new hobbies, both physically and mentally challenging. It would be fun to see some of your drawings here in your journal. I definately recognize the feeling of having a hard time deleting accounts for games. Especially some of the games which I have invested a lot of time or money into. I am now starting my second attempt at quitting. Last time I also just uninstalled instead of deleting accounts, and that meant that all the games were waiting for me as soon as I got tempted (after a quick download at least).
  13. Well... I quite quickly went back to my old habits. I don't excactly remember why or how, but I guess I just have to try again. Day 1, 2. try: This time it might be a bit easier. I am no longer attend the Danish folk high school, so I'm not constantly surrounded by good friends and loads of activities, but it seems as if I've fundamentally changed somehow. Last time I tried to quit, I had quite strong urges to play, but lately the urges have been at most moderate. About two weeks ago I deleted the only game I had on my phone, which I had been playing quite intensely. It was a very competetive game against other players, where you slowly upgrade your profile and reach higher ranks. It's a freemium game, and the top players spend thousands of dollars to get the best things for their profile. The way (I felt like) I played the game was like this: I loose a match to someone who plays poorly but has stronger troops -> I get annoyed and upgrade my troops -> I get a higher rank -> I loose to someone who plays poorly but has even higher troops. And that can go on forever. I suddenly started thinking "to what end do I play this game?" First of all I got very little joy out of the game, since I spent most my time being annoyed. On top of that I would never be able to get amongst the top players since they literally post thousands of dollars into the game. So; Either I had to make my own goal as to how high rank I wanted to go to, or I simply had to delete the game. I chose the last option. I started to apply the same thought of "to what end?" to the other games I played and it seems to have helped, since I haven't played for a couple of days now. I have however watched youtube videos of people playing, so I start my counter from today. I know quitting gaming isn't as simple as thinking "to what end.". It takes hard work. And that is why I start writing in this forum again, even though it's going fine right now. Because I know myself, and I know that I will get strong urges again at some point. Last time I quit, it was also going great. Right up until it didn't. I got sloppy, I didn't write in my journal, I didn't remind myself of how well my life was withouth video games and so on. Hopefully I will do better this time. I will definately try to at least keep up my journal. I am quite hopeful. Sunday I move to the other side of Denmark, but I leave my gaming computer with my mother (with whom I live now.). I do however bring my phone and laptop, both of which are devices on which I can easily play. But not having my large PC definately helps. I've also gotten a girlfriend which have greatly boosted my confidence and made me want to try harder to achieve things in my life. Lastly I am starting my studies at a university next wednesday, so I wont have as much sparetime as I do now. It will be easier to abstain from gaming, if I simply don't have any time. At least that's what I hope. It's good to be back, and hopefully I'll do better this time.
  14. @86_PT It really is great here. The people are lovely and there are a lot of things to keep my busy. And thank you for the advice, I will do my best to read it with caution. I have accumulated quite the que of books I want to read, but I will be sure to remember your warning once I start reading it. It is a bit odd to me that the same author would write so quite different books.
  15. It's now been a week since my last journal. I haven't written anything in a while, but I have been reading in the forum. There has been several reasons behind me postponing writing, mostly because I haven't really had the time, but also since I didn't know what to write. I want to apologize for the following wall of text, but I have a lot on my mind right now, and I don't expect anyone to read it all. Just writing it out and clearing my mind helps me a lot. @WorkInProgress: Thank you very much for your input. Like you, I too think that there is no plan, no given purpose. I really envy those, who has found their calling in gods or who are in other ways certain of their purpose and so on. But I don't know what purpose I want to give myself. I've learned that I don't really need much to live, and so everytime I set a goal I have a habit of rationalising it away; Get a promotion? Well, I already have everything I need, so I don't really need it. Get a girlfriend? Well, I will loose most of my independence, and we'll probably end up growing apart anyway. Furthermore I feel like I am constantly changing. Most of the goals I set today, will be invalid to me in a month. What I look for in a girlfriend changes like the wind, the music I'm into, what I want to work with, even my morals I feel like are changing constantly. I read a book recently, "The Stranger" by Albert Camus, and I felt so oddly related to this nihilistic psychopath, who didn't feel remorse or joy or pain. But you are right. I find more and more things that I care about, even if it is just a little. I have had no urges to go back to gaming, and though I ultimately think it doesn't matter whether I game or not, I do not see myself going back to gaming, since I have more moments of sincere happiness now, than I did 2 weeks ago. I am hopeful, and I force myself to try new things, and ultimately I hope to find a "passion" or something I will make a career out of or something. I am a lot more optimistic than I was when I wrote my last entry. I really do appreciate your input. @Alan Thank you for your reply. The motto of my new school is "freedom to be different" and everyone here are very nice and nonjudgemental, but though I try not to care what others think of me, I deep down want to make a good impression and make friends. There are a few others here, who don't drink, and they seem to be having fun. But I just feel like it is nearly impossible to have fun at a party where other people drink their mind out, while being one of the few sober ones. Since my last entry I drank a couple of beers every day until the weekend, where I drank a lot of beers, but I haven't touched anything since, and I've decided that I'm not going to drink except for friday and saturday evenings. I know that there are substantial benefits to absatining from alchohol, especially regarding physical health, but being drunk with my new friends (and my old friends for that matter) is just something I enjoy too much to let completely go of. Unlike gaming or porn, I actually think partying has some rather substantial benefits too, both in the short and long term, and though it comes at a price, I've decided that it is worth it. I might reconsider later. Though in my case I do not think it applies to a limited alchohol consumption, I really like your metaphore that abstaining from things comes at a price, but that the benefits far outweighs these costs and I thank you very much for your perspectives. @Cam Adair So far I've been focusing a lot on being grateful for what I have; that I am attending this new school, that I have everything I need to cover my basic needs, that I've met some new friends. But reading your comment made me realise, that I forget to be grateful for MYSELF and that I spend way to much time thinking about in which ways I could become a better version of myself. Of course this is important to do sometimes, if I want to improve, but you're right, that I should also remember to thank myself for what I have done and become so far. I will really try to focus on this, and I think this will help me greatly. Thank you for the insight. Day 11: First of all, I want to thank myself that I've abstained from gaming and streaming games for 11 days. I've already reached a point where I don't really have any urges to play anymore. I've also gone 15 days without masturbating. This has been quite a lot harder, and I am glad that I have been able to fight the rather strong urges. This has mostly been accomplished by taking really cold showers and immediatly distracting my mind with something else like push-ups or reciting arabic words. I'm also grateful that I have pushed my own limits since arriving at my new school. I've spend a lot of hours practicisng my guitar, and I've even written a song. I've forced myself to socialize and I've gotten some really great friends by playing sports, playing board games, partying and just hanging out. I've started learning arabic and icelandic from some other students (students teaching others is a really big part of going to a danish folk high school), and i'm also learning to give a good massage and how to do skipping tricks from other students. I'm very grateful that I had the courage to choose the teacher-taught subjects, dance and theatersport. I especially dreaded theatersport, and I was sure it would be really uncomfortable. And it was. But only in the first 5 minutes. Then I forgot how shy and unsure I was and just rolled with it. I ended up having so much fun with my fellow students and my excellent teacher. Dancing was also really fun (and hard) and I look forward to the next lesson. All in all, it's been a great week. I am satisfied with myself, and it is on purpose, that I haven't written anything negative in this entry. I might do that tomorrow, or whenever I write next time, but not today. And I can clearly feel, that I am feeling happier and more at rest than I did when I started writing this awful long wall of text. TL;DR: Everything is going well, and I am trying to go easier on myself and give myself some credit.
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