d.manuk's journal

[d.manuk]

Today is the start of another long weekend alone -- boyfriend is on a trip somewhere.

I played 1 game of League of Legends when I got home from work today because I was scared of being home alone this weekend with not a whole lot to do

But I stopped playing afterwards because:

1. I was ashamed of caving in so quickly.

2. I did not enjoy it.

3. I want to do something better.

4. I lost the game. (being honest with myself)

 

For #1 I am ashamed because I feel like I don't have much to do with my life, and I rely on my boyfriend to socialize because I don't really have other friends I hang out with regularly. Not playing video games can be uncomfortably eye-opening to the reality of your life. I think I might be subconsciously depressed, and I feel like I have moodswings where I either have a great day or a medium-sad/frustrated day.

 

I am going to plan my Japan trip more and go to Whole Foods this weekend and go to the concert tomorrow and I need to figure out more things to do. I will try to work hard at writing these next few days.

I should start building a social life but it is a lot of work to find a new close friend since I am very turned off from making acquaintances.

 

Start date: 9/6

Day 90 is on December 5th

http://www.timeanddate.com/date/duration.html

Edited September 7, 2016 by Shine Magical

[d.manuk]

I'm going to go to the park now to try to write even though it's 7pm just because being in my apartment seems stifling right now.

[d.manuk]

So at the park I got assaulted by a random person for no reason.

Cops came and I got checked out by an ambulance person.

[Cam Adair]

 glad you're ok.

[d.manuk]

Over the past week I have been decluttering and re-organizing my apartment (something I like to do). Although I am quite good at keeping the apartment clutter-free and as minimalist as possible, I became aware that I still felt a bit claustrophobic with how much stuff was in it. My computer “station” was in the middle of our living room so that it would be in the middle of our Sonos speakers so that it would have the best sound while gaming and listening to music. Of course, this also made the room look uglier and made it less useable.

                I started the process of decluttering once again and decided to pull the plug and put away my computer (put it in a box on a top shelf of my closet). This is a little drastic, but without the computer in the living room, I was able to re-organize the living room and it looks much more serene. The writing desk the computer used to be on has been pushed to be near a window (although it is in front of a speaker, but since I don’t have a computer I will be able to just go to a different location if my boyfriend wants to listen to music through the speakers while I’m sitting there). There is now much more room to exercise and do yoga in without the need to move stuff around. Since I am moving at the end of the year, I will try to not plug in my computer until I move to the new apartment. This will be difficult in the sense that I will not be able to put new songs on my iPhone or put more manga on my iPad that I read on the train, but I think I have enough content to be able to last 3 months.

                This morning, it was nice not to be on the computer first thing in the morning while eating breakfast, which is what I would normally do. I think it saved me a little time because I was able to eat my breakfast while reading a Japan tour guide book and I was able to get to work closer to the time I’m supposed to be there, but still a little late  I am hoping to establish some good routines in the meantime before the move. The time I move also kind-of coincides with the date my detox should end. My hope is that in the new apartment the computer will be in an inconvenient corner somewhere to be used for specific purposes only and so that I am not so willing to get sucked into it.

[Cam Adair]

Reminds me of The Life‑Changing Magic of Tidying Up.  

[AlexTheGrape]

Hi Shine Magical, I just had a read through your journal and I think you're doing yourself a great service by going without gaming.

Relapses can happen, but they can be valuable learning experiences to learn more about why you game and how you can adapt what you're doing to meet your needs. In your case it might be good to find some outside activities that you can fall back on if cravings arise, as staying in the same place for long periods can easily cause nostalgia for gaming due to their engaging nature.

In my experience, coming to terms with who I really am and taking action to move forward with life was much more empowering and worthwhile than trying the opposite: distracting myself with video games so that I didn't have to deal with negative emotions and other unhelpful views of my life. Perhaps this might apply to you in some way? 

If any of the other advice doesn't help, then at least try this; If you were nearing the end of your life span, would you be happy with how you've spent your life? What would you like people to remember you for? Those can be powerful reflection tools to align your actions with your innermost values, and help to see what you'd like in the long term.

I hope your trip to Japan goes well, and best of luck with making a better life for yourself

[d.manuk]

Reminds me of The Life‑Changing Magic of Tidying Up.  

Before I went on my trip to Japan I read this book you recommended and cleaned up half of my closet, folding my socks and stuff Marie Kondo style. It didn't really save me much space, but I am considering now to try it out on my shirts and pants too, which would be the thing that would save me space. I am a little hesitant to do it though since I have my clothes separated into casual outdoors, home clothes, and fancy outdoor clothes and I don't want to mix them up. I will try to think of a solution. I also did an even deeper clean of my apartment (my stuff only, not my boyfriends'). I read in the book that wanting to get rid of some of your roommates' stuff means that you still have some of your own things you should tidy up and that was true (although I do wish my boyfriend would get rid of some stuff). 

Japan was nice, lots of good food and it was very clean. It makes me look forward to moving into a nicer neighborhood that is a little more elegant than the not-so-nice-but-cheap neighborhood I currently live in. 

I have started using the Todoist app on my phone to keep track of personal things I want to do or research into. It's like a project management app but for personal tasks and you can set due dates. Today was my first full day back and I already did a few things that were on the list. I need to keep the list full in order to not relapse. 

My cat missed me while I was gone and he is happy I am back. I have been wanting to get a house rabbit since I was in Japan in a rabbit cafe. I need to work on convincing my boyfriend because he doesn't want one because he thinks there will be a lot of poop everywhere but from my initial research it seems that if we get a naturally clean one it should not have that problem.

[d.manuk]

Step 1 of the Detox should be take a 2 week vacation to somewhere remote. It's a great way to 'reset'

Since I got back from Japan I have had no issues with video game cravings, aside from on the plane ride back (I used to always binge play video games first thing when I got home from vacations). I have thought about video games sometimes, but in an endearing way like "Maplestory was such a good way to get into gaming. All of my friends played and we would play it after school to stay in contact." Unfortunately since then, my gaming experience was not like that and it transformed into something solitary and less healthy. But it is nice to have good memories of such a cute game.

It is also very easy to not have cravings for video games when my $5000 gaming laptop is not plugged in. It is still sitting on the shelf in my closet and I am not having any issues. I still will want to use it when I finish my detox but hopefully I will be able to use it only for specific tasks like updating my iPhone music. It would be too hard to sell it for what I would consider a fair value because not many people have that kind of money ($3000). 

I just finished organizing my entire closet Marie Kondo style and even found 1 thing to get rid of still. 

Starting Wednesday, I will begin studying for the CFP exam that I am taking in March which is the last thing I need in order to be eligible for promotion. It is a hard test and I am not looking forward to studying but I had a good break for 3 months where I didn't study at all. I have made a lot of progress in my life in those 3 months, even though I played video games for the first month and a half or so!

Having the Todoist app on my phone is very helpful as it always gives me something to do. I currently have 31 outstanding tasks, but they are spread out over the next few weeks and I can always push back these tasks without feeling guilty since they are meant for fun!

My best friend at work is leaving the company which makes me sad because she was the only person I clicked with very well. I don't click with people like that often so I am a little bummed. PS: all of my tasks in the Todoist app are solitary/at-home tasks. I think trying to socialize more will be the biggest hurdle in my no-gaming journey, but it might not even be one that I need to overcome because I never relied on video games to socialize very much. We will see. 

Edited October 11, 2016 by Shine Magical

[d.manuk]

Today is day 36 of my detox (start date is after my last relapse)!

This means that I haven't gamed in 36 days, nice! The time has really flown by but I haven't really had any gaming urges since I put away my gaming computer. I may decide to try to sell it early next year... I will make the decision once I move into the new apartment.

The Todoist app helps keep me accountable and gives me something to do. The app is simple but it works so much better for me than just keeping a list for some reason. I think its because I can schedule when to do the tasks which I find helpful.

Speaking of staying accountable, I will do some yoga later today since I haven't worked out in a long time due to jet lag and illness. Thank you, todoist app for reminding me.

I started off studying for the CFP today and did a "light" study with easy topics such as ethics. But I know I will have to dive into the real meat soon.

I think I have finally gotten rid of every extraneous thing and now all of my things are Marie Kondo-approved. I started reading her second book today, Spark Joy, just for some encouragement. By now I have done about 2 full sweeps of my apartment searching for things to get rid of. I think I have done a good job and it makes me feel better about the apartment because it seems much more spacious.

Yesterday I brought home a bunch of custom clothing for work and now I have a really nice wardrobe for work.

 

Basically, I feel very refreshed and reborn at the moment and excited for the future.

[Reno F]

I hope you enjoyed Japan!

[d.manuk]

Today I feel behind in my career because my best friend at work is moving onto another company and I want to do the same and it's a lot of work to find a new job and if I had quit gaming earlier who knows how much better my life would be.

Edited October 14, 2016 by Shine Magical

[d.manuk]

I hope you enjoyed Japan!

yes it was fancy ☺️

[d.manuk]

Today is Day 42.

I am feeling good and I am making progress in my life.

[d.manuk]

This weekend I studied a lot and accomplished my goal of completing the entire section of the textbook for calculator problems for the CFP test. This was the first and likely biggest hurdle in my studying because the rest of the test is a lot of memorization work. I feel good about that because I didn’t want to study this part at all.

While I was studying, I drank 3 new types of tea which were really good. I have been drinking tea seriously as a hobby for about 7 months now and I am finally honing in on which types of tea I really like and it is exciting because that just opens up even more possibilities.

Last weekend, I went to a figure drawing class through meetup.com. I thought it would be fun since I haven’t drawn in a while, and I was surprised to see that some of my drawings came out pretty well given that I haven’t drawn in a while. I went to the meetup in part to try to socialize but I was too intimidated to talk to anyone because I was the youngest there. But it was a good first step just to go to something like this. I am going to try to go to a tea drinking meetup because I feel like there I would have no choice but to socialize with strangers.

Things I want to work on in the next 1 – 3 months:

1.       Physical exercise, specifically, exploring Muay Thai or Krav Maga. After being attacked by a stranger in the park I would like to feel a bit more prepared if it were to happen again.  

2.       Growing indoor moss.

3.       Finishing the socially responsible investing project I am doing for work even though it will involve a lot of overtime that I won’t be paid or rewarded for (will look good on my resume and will boost my status a bit in the company if I finish it).

4.       Studying for the CFP.

5.       Having a wardrobe I feel is complete and brings me joy.

[Reno F]

If you're thinking about self defense, don't forget Jiu jitsu

[d.manuk]

Today is my birthday and it's better than last year's

[d.manuk]

Lately I have been thinking about video games more, but I have been able to continue with my detox since my gaming computer is in storage.

I think it is because I have been a little tired of being productive all the time, my life has become too monotonous lately and I need to change things up even more!

[Reno F]

Happy birthday! Hope you had a good one!

[Mad Pharmacist]

Day 10

Instead of talking about the negatives today, I will talk about the positives.

 

So far in these 10 days I have:

Written 1 page in my journal, working on a fiction story

Made some slight home improvements

Started waking up 10 minutes earlier so that I can come into work closer to the time I'm supposed to be there in the morning ;P

Went swimming

Did some slight Japan trip planning

Cooked more dinners than I normally would (and more than I would have liked to )

Exercised a little more than I normally would

Everythig a little more. Just like in Slight Edge

For me, home improvements is the winner of your day

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

Edited October 29, 2016 by hycniejsy
Forgot to quote

[Cam Adair]

Today is my birthday and it's better than last year's

Happy birthday!

[d.manuk]

Day 10

Instead of talking about the negatives today, I will talk about the positives.

 

So far in these 10 days I have:

Written 1 page in my journal, working on a fiction story

Made some slight home improvements

Started waking up 10 minutes earlier so that I can come into work closer to the time I'm supposed to be there in the morning ;P

Went swimming

Did some slight Japan trip planning

Cooked more dinners than I normally would (and more than I would have liked to )

Exercised a little more than I normally would

Everythig a little more. Just like in Slight Edge

For me, home improvements is the winner of your day

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

I have been making a lot of slight improvements in my life over the past few months and they are starting to come together lately.

The home improvements I have made have really "lightened" up my apartment. I thought I was good about keeping a minimalist apartment but I have really done a good job now! My boyfriend is also reading Marie Kondo now, because he realizes that it is important to me to not have a cluttered space.

I have made about $2,000 by selling things I no longer use on eBay since I started my detox.

I have overall held myself more accountable to doing things I want to do through a to do list on my phone, and accomplish more things now.

I am even more focused on things that bring me joy now.

Progress is slower than I would like but life is not a video game. Even just transfers to bank accounts take 3 days and that drives me a little crazy, and refunds can take 30 days to show up on your credit card. I hate that!!

[Mad Pharmacist]

 it is important to me to not have a cluttered space.

Exactly. In most cases the level of entropy in your room determines the level of entropy in your mind

[Cam Adair]

Way to go! 

[d.manuk]

I experienced some nostalgia today for Maplestory, my favorite MMO that was the first one I played in my childhood. I looked up news for Maplestory 2, but saw that it would not be released anytime soon in the USA and that the game wasn't doing that well internationally so far.

I did a bunch of stuff today like rollerblading, yoga, some studying, drawing, picked up dry cleaning, went grocery shopping, wrote my work performance review in advance so it can be really well thought out by the end of the year, but for some reason I am still not satisfied with how I spent the day. 

Once again I think what was missing was some social interaction -- my boyfriend is on vacation at the moment so I am home alone. I rely on him too much for my social interaction... though I did attempt to make plans with my other best friend. Unfortunately, she was not ready to hang out.