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Building me


Kad
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I have an interesting question for you kad,

If you are missing three people at work and assuming the workload is getting done, does that mean you get paid extra? extra being equilvalent to what the 3 workers extra would cost, divied over the entire team of people working. Seems to me like either your employer is not motivated enough to get the extra workers or he should be seriously considering decreasing the workload. I guess it's kind of how you would treat a system, if it is designed to carry 60 kilograms, and you continuously let it carry the weight of 70-80-90 or even 120 kilograms, it is a matter of time, before the bolts start to crack and shrivel under the pressure, and not only will repairing cost more then simply being safe in the first place, the circumstances as you portray them, even make replacement the very first problem to begin with.

To summarize, the employer is putting the problem with the employee's by overloading them, instead of putting the problem with himself, by decreasing the workload till he/she finds the right/proper amount of workers.

Not sure if this helps you any or how the situation is, just trying to envision your current scenario.

Good luck on the decision, having a plan B ready is crucial to good survival, but maybe there's room for improvements which have not yet been revealed as options.

Keep going bro, but remember, gaming was never a true problem to begin with, it was why you did, and what you were trying to escape from with it. As John Bradshaw puts it in the shame that binds us, addiction is only an addiction, when it has life-damaging consequences. Maybe this post is too big I can size it down if you need me to, just say the word.

Pce man, keep truckin'

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Welcome back JBR!  Have to retype this as we lost power as i was hitting the submit button. Today was a better day although my mood is still down.  Oh well life goes on. I have no valid reason for how I feel.  My family and I are fine and we have much to be grateful for and I am.  One of these days I will figure out how to let stuff go.  Letting go is a big goal of mine - letting go of stress, past issues, fears, negative attitude etc.  I have learned to do what I need/want in spite of feelings. Better day at meditation and my hell app.  Been reading journals so much good stuff and yet still so far to go.  What is with the cold showers - you people are crazy.  I live for my warm showers! Its my reward for getting out of bed, now complicated by 7 min hell and meditation. Got my hubby doing it with me in the morning now too and son just downloaded the app.  oh day 5 of the second 90 days.  we should call this second 90 day something.  The first 90 day detox is to just get free.  This second one is getting habits and goals in place and working out the bugs to make it happen and figuring out how to live.  That's it - The 90 day life building.

Grateful:

  1.  Warm showers
  2.  Meditation back to I hope practice helps status
  3. Life goes on
  4. The sound of thunder
  5. Persistance
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Day 6 Life building phase

Today I discovered while moving ahead with habits and work with my general sadness, I realized I need to give myself permission to trust in the process of growth and it is safe. As said by @kortheo it is a cycle of breaking down to become that which is unknown.  Rather a scary process to be honest.  There are parts we like of ourselves and we don't want to lose them.  there is safety in the known even if unhealthy.   It is a leap of faith to the new me.  Thankfully, I have the experience that generally when I change, I become more me.  The true me and like it better.  

Grateful:

  1. Bird sounds and pictures
  2. Easy days at work to counter the crazy ones
  3. Sleep
  4. Finding answers in your self
  5. Smiles
Edited by Kad
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Life builder day 9

Hard to believe i posted last thursday, time moves fast.  Been busy with studying, work and trying to put in some fun.  Some good things happening at work and we have hired someone!  Relief on the horizon and two more to go.  Lots of positive things going on and it feels great.

Grateful:  Everything!

 

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Life builder day 13 - Good day

Long hours of work but its been going smooth.  Our candidate references did not quite work out ..so the search continues.  Not been 100% on my habits but I think that is more realistic ie do strength app 5 of 7 days etc.  I have set several of goals like that and track them via my productivity app that I am rather enjoying.  When I don't meet my goals I look at why.  Do I want to change anything, what did I learn and how am I going to be better.  These are my goals and choices after all.  For example, did not meet my MFP calorie goal 5 days of 7.  Why not - aha..lets tweak this.  I have also been doing a better job of feeling good and being satisfied when I do make my goals, whereas before I more thought -  well of course you should do them.  This change of being pleased when I do my strength app or make my calorie goal, journal whatever has gone a long way to my overall life satisfaction.  I think it is related to letting go of perfection in many ways.  Perfect me would do such and such everyday without fail..life happens...habit missed...fail.  Vicious loop that feels so amazing to turn off.  Doing my habits perfectly is not required and when I do them it is good and progress to how I want my life to work.:)

Gaming is not much in my thoughts these days.  My plan of occasionally (max 2 days a week and limited to 3 hours) is pretty much working fine.  I have not downloaded WOW or the other MMOs I played before nor do I wish too atm.  They sound tiring and boring.   Too much I would rather do and should do.  It is getting easier to get the massive amount of real life stuff done too.  Wunderlist is a god send and keeps me on track without cluttering my brain of my to do lists.  As I clean up those tasks that were ignored for so long, there is massive peace and contentment.  Still much to do though.  I would like to be reading more - still working my way through the power of habit which is fabulous but my priority is studying and I will do more leisure reading after my big exam in the fall.

Meditation is still not working satisfactory but I am not giving up on it.  Those racing thoughts need it!  Thanks Cam for the recommendation for Tara Brach - Radical Acceptance.  I will add to my reading list towards the top.  I did find the statement of Lean into the physical symptoms and racing thoughts instead of avoiding them or resisting them valuable.  This has worked quite well for rampant emotions so honestly it should work there too.

Grateful:

  1. Still grateful for everything!
  2. Loved the sound and beauty of the rain on me as I left a store
  3. Being home and pleasantly tired from a long day
  4. Full and warm when so many are not
  5. Tea lights
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I honestly don't play much.  I play steam type games that are more like puzzles or funny.  Braid or Sherlock Holmes with my Hubby.  I think I have played like 3 times in 2-3 weeks.  I did try dark souls as it is a game I loved the past.  About 30 minutes in, I was asking myself why was I there and have not played since.  I have put gaming into the category of things to do for mindless fun and relaxation.  This is small bit of time commitment in my weekly budget.  That time is shared by mindless books, TV etc.  So if I wish a mindless sort of activity because I'm tired then I chose something to do for a short bit.  Lately, I have been in the mood for TV for that limited time. I don't have cable because it is not worth the expense for such limited use.  So I just order something from itunes or utube documentary.  Watch an hour or so then Im done or read leisure for an hour or so then I'm done.  I try to treat games that way.  Honestly, I don't think about them all that much. 

My analogy is desserts..an occasional treat but not how you want your total nutrition.  Occasionally I want a donut but not normally.  I indulge my craving then I'm good for a year or so.  So if I'm craving some game playing..I play for bit then Im good.  This pattern feels healthier and games priority is at the bottom of everything else.  Only the test of time will tell if the right approach.  I love all the changes in my life since I left gaming 4-8 hrs per day and even longer on my days off.  I get sick just trying to imagine living like that again and never want that again.  I have strong support on this journey with my family and we discussed and created this gaming plan.  We have an exit strategy and identified danger signals for emergent evaluation to prevent relapse.  I spend a larger amount of time on this forum than my leisure activities because I enjoy it and its helpful.  I also want to support others making the changes they are trying to make although i don't think I do much there except in spirit.   We each see things abit differently but so many things have cross over into each other's lives.  It is rather exciting.   @kortheo and his thoughts on being flexible where you work instead of being stuck there strikes a cord as I struggle with a difficult work environment.  Reading Joe's journal as he balances the ebb and flow of a busy schedule and has to shift priorities then brings them back when the time is right.  The dogged persistence of @hycniejsy  trying to achieve his goals and the strength of that.  It is a very positive community and the personal growth is infectious!

TL:DR - I'm trying a moderation experiment, it seems to work ok, I play nothing too serious and its low priority as that is where I classify games in my life now.

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I spend a larger amount of time on this forum than my leisure activities because I enjoy it and its helpful.  I also want to support others making the changes they are trying to make although i don't think I do much there except in spirit.   We each see things abit differently but so many things have cross over into each other's lives.  It is rather exciting.   @kortheo and his thoughts on being flexible where you work instead of being stuck there strikes a cord as I struggle with a difficult work environment.  Reading Joe's journal as he balances the ebb and flow of a busy schedule and has to shift priorities then brings them back when the time is right.  The dogged persistence of @hycniejsy  trying to achieve his goals and the strength of that.  It is a very positive community and the personal growth is infectious!

And @Kad's well-thought-out updates. :)

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not sure of the day of life buidling atm and barely know the day - I flew most of the weekend across country and back for my new puppy!  Not a great weekend for goals and habits but I tried to make healthy choices, stay hydrated and I decided carrying 40 lbs from place to place counted as my strength app! I did study on the long flights and remembered my meditation!  Shared the power of habit with a seat mate on the flight and they are going to read it too.  I am almost done and it is such a great book.  As I type this I am rather proud of trying to maintain my goals in topsy turvy circumstances.

The puppy is howling, chewed on me and everything.  She is so happy and follows us everywhere.   Considering she just had 10 hours of travel, left her family and joined ours she is doing fabulous.  Its so funny how we are shaping our lives for her until she is trained to keep her and the house safe.  The task looks daunting but I am tying to stay in the moment and find gratitude on the puppy instead of she peed there and chewed that cable and how do we teach to not bite.

Travel makes you appreciate your home and routines. Sleeping in your own bed and your favorite foods.

Gratefulness:

  1. Home with family
  2. Nice travel companions
  3. Backpacks that hold everything!
  4. Pajamas
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Life building day 17

Work was good and I am getting some of my sleep back on track.  New puppies are full of so much energy and she is winning!  We are moving along with some gates to keep her on washable surfaces and other things for eventual success.  It reminds me of our journey - little steps on the road of life towards a goal we can only dream about.  The food choices to get a healthier weight, the exercise to be stronger, the meditation to a more disciplined mind etc etc  The road itself is interesting even the downs.  I do like those wins way better though and the satisfaction of knowing these things are my choices and the daily application of them will eventually get me were I want to go.

Grateful:

  1. Happy puppy wiggles
  2. Cats finally coming out from under bed
  3. Puppy naps - thank God
  4. Good day at work
  5. The amazing things people are doing on this forum
  6. Sounds of my children being happy

Our new puppy Athena - an 8 week old Leonberger

Athena2.thumb.jpg.ec5a1f26a37898ed2318ca

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Day 19 of phase two -

Learning to get my am habits in when I can with new puppy.  Rather proud I managed my 7 min strength app and meditation today! Go me! I set a small goal of an hour walk twice a week and was able to get the first one in also.  I am always moving these days.  Having to come up with creative ways to train puppy in a positive yet successful way.  Thankfully the cats are now eating, out from under bed and no cat accidents.  Phew big sigh of relief on that success and they were here first.

I have been doing meditation before bed as well as in the morning last couple of days to improve my sleep with a different app, Calm.  My sleep is better now than most of my life and yet somehow I need more than ever.  Not sure you can make up that kind of deficit.  Been working on getting my 8 glasses of water in for the last 2 weeks and pretty successful at that plan and feel better. 

I realized that even though I have a gaming plan, I don't game or even really think about it.  Too busy to be honest or too tired at day's end.  Things are different somehow and I don't have a good way to explain it.  Perhaps someone more eloquent has the words.  I have more joy in my life and I laugh more.  The puppy is a new commitment I could not have done while gaming. No energy and no allotted time.  That is true more for so many things - cleaning, shopping and just tidying this up or that.  I do chores and work and yet somehow they are not bad tasks or dreaded like before.  There is good days and bad days, yet now more good days then bad days and it used to be the other way around.  I am focused down on accomplishing my goals and tasks each day with flexibility cause life is not smooth and yet somehow less worried about me and what others think.  The day is what it is, accept it or change it and keep going.

Edited by Kad
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Nice puppy! :)

Sometimes I think that gaming is just the really wack simulator of life, which try to simulate it as best as possible, but just can't. When I realize is, it's easier to wear off my possible urges and cravings.

Maybe you think similar way, so you're not so motivated to play video games, even if you scheduled it?

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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  • 2 weeks later...

Busy week and lots of craziness.  Not sure what to say ..it was fine.  The puppy is winning on the training department.  Puppy brains - what can you do but love them and be patient!  Had a medical procedure that was rough going and went well and fixed some problems.  Messed all my routines up that the puppy had not messed up lol.  So life is about getting back in the saddle and doing your routines when you can and mainly you go day to day living.  I have been studying in free time and my moderation experiment is working with some kingdom heart.  I did ask my hubby if he felt like I was checked out with the kingdom heart and he said the most amazing thing.  Nope you are a successful gamequitter and fully engaged in life now.  Even with kingdom heart..your doing it with your son and not as an escape after you did everything else you wanted/needed to do.  I like that things are working and wish I was less tired so I can get in all the things each day I want.  Time runs out before my list does! 

The transition of wanting a life to making a life to ok now enjoy said life is interesting.  You see your choices in action.  I thought this and chose this and it worked or did not work.  I see were so often I do not value my choices or what i have.  I chose it so therefore it is flawed and something else/someone else is better.  As I am more engaged in life and with every new task I take on - I battle more and more negative messaging.  I went for a walk! yea it is up to 3 miles now from hardly a mile- ....thats nothing says the inner voice.  I can now hold a plank and the modified side plank is less modified- well u should do it better etc.  I keep reworking the messaging and trying to enjoy the moment of what is happening now and LETTING myself have those little victories.  The victories give so much satisfaction and joy in life (not sure why but they do for me anyway) and energize me so much.  Found the weekly vid interesting and there was this about you have to believe it before it will happen and do think that is so true.  You have to give permission to win or overcome to believe in yourself.  I am watching Naked and Afraid and it is interesting how increased their self confidence seems to be for suffering like that..because they learned they had more than they thought.  We are all more than we think.

Grateful:

  1. Sleeping puppies
  2. water
  3. pizza delivery
  4. scented candles and beautiful holders
  5. Books for pleasure...just because you can and to learn nada
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Life building journey day 33 (post 90 day detox-because detox is really only the beginning).

Today is good.  First day puppy accident free day yesterday!  There was rejoicing!  Puppies are pretty intense time commitment and its such a long time since I had a puppy.  The training techniques are all different with supposedly more behavioral science.  Training not working - research and find a new strategy, apply, fine tune and win, lol!  Training techniques are certainly more positive than in the past which I like.  Just shows - positive training works and we should not be too harsh on our training either to the new lives we want. 

Today's daily quote "When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too."  I do find that so true at the moment.  Each positive change seems to ripple outward.  Each step makes the next one easier and builds on what went on before.  Now I see some of my hard work and life engagement coming back to me with compliments.  I don't need external reinforcement as I chose this journey but it is nice to see external validation that the plan is working. 

I see how much this site is growing and almost don't recognize it but the energy is exciting.  I hope more people discover the freedom and richness of a non-game stuck life.  My moderation plan continues to work and I play something from time to time but pretty quickly get tired of it just like I would with a book or TV.  I don't live there anymore or hide there.  Its about balance these days and my personal commitments to the life I chose.  I never realized just how satisfying setting goals and making them, overcoming barriers and issues and seeing the positive effects would be.  Not all my goals work out..some end up being discarded but not without a serious trial, research and patience.  For example, mediation is finally after almost 2 months getting to the point I am getting what my goal for the activity was.  I had set an internal 3 month reassess plan to give an honest trial because not everything will work for you.

Keep the faith and know it is worth the rough stuff at the beginning!

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I see how much this site is growing and almost don't recognize it but the energy is exciting.

Keep the faith and know it is worth the rough stuff at the beginning!

It will only continue to grow, but we will always focus on maintaining the same type of close-knit community culture. :)

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