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Building me


Kad
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  • 1 year later...
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Been a long time and I was thinking of this place.  Detox was the beginning!  My moderation plan pretty much worked.  I had/have phases of play and not play.  Currently in not play phase cause does not sound fun/interesting at the moment.  I get bored on game pretty easy and never went back hard core.  I don't ever put life, chores or people after game play anymore & its a quiet time activity for me when I need mindless rote to let stress go free.  Games started feeling 2D/flat to me in my detox and that has never changed. So I guess I went from pathological gamer to casual.  What I got was a life. I planted flowers and now I see them grow over the seasons. I go to movies/coffee/dinners with people.  I am learning Iaito - Japanese sword martial arts.

I eventually learned that escape..any kind is not the answer.  Many types of numbing out there...alcohol, drugs, food, games..you name it.  I learned to feel and accept.  It was hard, scary and took me to the ground. I would want to hide but no matter how much I wanted to escape in games...it was not an escape anymore.  The tools Cam and others use work.   Those 6 weeks of doing the Head space meditation app every day for 10 minutes and thinking it was a complete waste....were the best thing to beginning the changes I needed.  Meditation is still the best help for me to stay in the moment and feel and to find centering. The books people recommended made huge changes...The power of Habit and The Slight Edge.  Brene Brown's books.  Exercise is great too.  In this time, I have learned peace and to just take life moment by moment.  Learning that mistakes are the past - let them go and the future worries are not here yet.  All we have is right now. 

I put the arena quote on my wall.  http://www.theodore-roosevelt.com/trsorbonnespeech.html  I don't have to be perfect cause I won't be..I just have to show up each day.  There will be bad times..we all get them and there will be awesomeness.  Sometimes the bad times end up being the awesomeness.  Gratitude is key to loving your life and seeing the good you already have.  Do it every day...do it when things are bad/rough.  Developing a relationship with God/higher power and others helped give me perspective.  Most of all developing a relationship and valuing yourself (work in progress).  Then letting go and trusting...look MOM no hands!  Peace and keep to the journey...the view on the mountain is worth the climb!

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