Matt's Journal

[wheatbiscuit]

DAY # - 22

Time I woke up: 7:00 am

Time I went to sleep yesterday: 9:00 pm

Physical task: 2 gym visits today with my dad, moderate but they went down alright!

Mental task: Opened my notebook from the second half of last year's classes - I actually wrote down unpleasant chatter in the classroom for reflection, or why-ever.. it was hard to believe how uncomfortable I was to actually want to do that.. Will go back for what I wanted to find, which are my two presentations on the health + skill related components of fitness

Projects: Only of a mind to review a whole bunch of things for my last tutorial next Tuesday. Then we'll see

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ Walked a lap of the city park in total peace, with music though

~ Cleaned my bathroom

~ Stepped in dog-doo, washed it off with basically no fuss

~ Breezy cold water finish in shower (my trick is shaking my head really fast after I turn the hot handle off)

~ Did okay not getting played too badly by ads and song lyrics out in public

Summary of Day #:

Woke up and right away had the dinner I skipped last night out of tiredness, - eggs, lentils and mixed frozen veg - then walked in proper shoes (my toes are still recovering). Went to gym twice, and no leg pain! Internet came back up at 1pm, so I tried to make up for 2 days' lost entertainment. Minutes turned to hours in good time. 

What I am grateful for today:

~ Rain when I was inside, sun when I was out 😛 

~ Stored mantras, of sorts

~ Patience

~ Cacao powder

Over and out! 

Edited June 8, 2023 by wheatbiscuit

[wheatbiscuit]

Day #23

Today I am grateful for:

~ Good weather again

~ Stamina for a workout right after an hour's walk

~ Eventually feeling okay about everything after thinking about them

~ Ready and available food

Summary:

Long sleep, though could have been and stayed up 'at the crack of dawn', if I'd already known what was going on outside. lol Stayed in for 90 minutes from waking up so as not to rush around before being home for my Friday morning call with my nan. Suddenly it was 1pm and I was out walking out of habit and known pleasure, before doing pushups/dips (with rows and pull-ups) for the fundraiser challenge (my nan contributed greatly to the cause!). Cleaned and chilled out until dinner with my dad and his mate. Remembered upon browsing later to update my challenge's pushup count and reply here before bed. - Missing some of your journal updates here too, guys! 😮 

Good weekendly wishes,

~ Matt

Edited June 9, 2023 by wheatbiscuit

[wheatbiscuit]

Day #24

Today I am grateful for:

~ Excellent weather

~ Time spent with my dad, and planning to see my brother with him tomorrow instead of tonight (potential to overdo) 

~ Sleep

~ The supermarket across the road

Summary:

I thought I didn't want to type much because today wasn't filled with as much 'action', but starting with gratitude helped turn that around in 2 minutes. I did alternate count-to-160-repetition exercises, which was almost as rewarding; was tired last night and this morning. Opened my old notebooks from last year's study and will continue reading. Cooked tofu again (in frying pan). I just finished watching a documentary on tourist-to-dolphin-feeding - how it's not so good for their learning to survive and parent. The things we've done for entertainment (heh.)! What exercise I got today was enough fun, but then I had company there too. Saturday night, and all I want to do is sit and listen to things/read. Still not bad to just exist.

Peace,

~ Matt

[wheatbiscuit]

Day #25

Today, I am grateful for:

~ going past my old suburb and school; they're renovating big-time - I hope it's for the best!

~ healing by time

~ a week almost without trouble

~ choices

Summary:

Started and finished the day with an hour walk, gym in between - some slow leg and some shoulder work, probably adding up to 160 in repetitions. In fact, I know just the split squats did. Family lunch at my brother's - I would say his emotional journey has been more massive than my own, thus ought(?) to take longer - I'm attempting to make peace in my head with the way he's handled some of his described affairs and whether my presence made any difference to the storytelling. lol 

Shuffled some downloaded music on the second walk for a few blasts from the past, trying not to think too much about gaming, but had few ideas about it anyway. I still don't know what to do about my left leg except to try and make sure what exercise I can do doesn't favour one or the other. I love walking, and have put sandals to rest until it's beach time again.

Got a long weekend here; should be interesting seeing what the neighbourhood gets up to. Reading last year's study notebooks has made me reflect for too long - so I'll be trying to recap on the handouts only from all the Tuesdays from May before the next (and last) afternoon. A template, next post.

Peace,

~ Matt

[wheatbiscuit]

DAY # - 26

Time I woke up: 8:00 am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  10:00 pm

Physical task: Hack squatted until my right knee hurt this time. lol

Mental task: I sat and gave full attention to a 30-minute Alan Watts talk on YT, best bit was when he said the sound vibrations made by striking a rock highlights its relationship to our 'now', or something. hahaha.

Projects: I didn't get strong urges to actually play games, but found myself really missing them today. In 2008, I devoted at least half of the year to a 'fully-levelled' profile, and waking up knowing I was going to put my senses through their paces with music, clicking and typing speed (in game chat) got me 'up and running'. That's the closest thing I've had to a long-term project. I've already spent my first 4 years in the gym with music, and now I don't do that anymore in order to be more mindful. I did have the thought to get into some well-enough-written non-fiction books, focused primarily on imparting knowledge effectively to my reading style, and to a lesser extent, entertaining. Will check the library tomorrow, I guess. 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: Time of writing is only around 4 in the afternoon, but needed to do something online

~ Recreated the way I started lifting on an old hack-squat machine back in my first gym; with momentum - would have been great if my right knee didn't start hurting (3/5 'working (the heaviest weight I felt was going to be effective) sets' completed)

~ Remembered that I had green tea in the cupboard, and made it for the sake of warmth and pleasure <.<

~ Not a conscious decision or accomplishment, but dreamt in story-mode last night and woke up feeling 'new'

~ No real diet deviations

~ Noticing my desk needs cleaning too (on it soon)

Summary of Day #:

Just a series of realisations. Gym. Not too much worth mentioning, but will edit if I've decided there really is.

What I am grateful for today:

~ The first 5-10 minutes of walking warm-up before deciding 'it's too cold outside (for angels to fly)' and put my music on. If I could will anything to last longer and feel natural, it'd be those.

~ Someone noticing me pulling faces during lifting effort and mentioning it to his lifting partner, but choosing to drop it when he saw I'd probably overheard

~ My base self-reassurances, not just that I was in the gym but that I belonged there, no matter how tired/in pain I was

~ Socks, warm socks. And finding out that closing windows and all the outside noise out can be just as valuable as opening them up for want of it.

Peace,

~ Matt 

Edited June 12, 2023 by wheatbiscuit

[wheatbiscuit]

Day #27

Today I am grateful for:

~ the last of 2 months' Tuesdays PT tutorials

~ having enough time to exercise thoroughly

~ appropriate TV news 

~ recorded music

Summary:

Mostly all-go; listening, cleaning, exercising - with time for meals. Kind of glad the weekend's parties have gone by. Slapped the 10kg weight vest on for slightly less rows and push-ups at a time and tested out pull-ups again with it (3.5-4 repetitions lol). Planning to do some unilateral lifts to test my legs out more before jogging again. Also borrowed a self-help book from the library, looks engaging enough.

Over and out,

~ Matt

Edited June 13, 2023 by wheatbiscuit

[DanielG]

3 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:

Also borrowed a self-help book from the library, looks engaging enough.

Which book, out of curiosity?

[wheatbiscuit]

9 hours ago, DanielG said:

Which book, out of curiosity?

Overcoming Depression 3e, Paul Gilbert

[wheatbiscuit]

Day #28

A template was not going to work today.

I was grateful for:

~ enjoying a pain-free and interesting gym session

~ low stress levels/high tolerance

~ feeling functional

~ a couple of quiet breaks throughout the day

Summary: 

Everything seemed to be getting done, and I wasn't just counting the days until my next tutorial and feeling bad about not making many extra notes/thinking done on my own. However, I had no real plans after the day's workout.

I wanted to be available at the same time my dad was to text and maybe call from overseas, but he was already awake and texting by the time I got out of the gym, having had jet-lag. I managed some okay conversation, but my mood started to dip and there could only have been so many reasons why. 

I've not only stopped taking gaming seriously; I worked the same food retail job for 10 years (5 part-time and 5 full-time) until last September, when I finally decided that my 2022 year's studies were more important for my personal growth and mental health. I should have known it was going to take too much when the family home was sold and I would be moving from 0.125 of a mile's walk to an hour+ on public transport away. I need local community, the kind that just seemed to exist in pre-teenage years. 

I had strong gaming urges today, but I knew it wouldn't help much; from experience, it seems the first 'caving-in' session is satisfying, but that diminishes with each session. I'd like a new journey, but despite what a gaming friend kept saying, the world seems small to me. My brother once said that he likes to find out something along the lines of what people are proud of (what one might also say 'makes them tick'). I just like to be with people who do not try to hide it while they are finding these things out (something countless people have chatted with me about whilst online gaming; it is safe - one need not usually fear physical attack while pouring their heart out). 

I found myself eventually short of patience and temper on my usual walk 2 hours ago - social/behavioural triggers, I guess could describe it. I did have a good laugh at my own attire; probably a fashion 'faux pas', - my hoodie is finally in the wash - but I doubt that should explain it all away - it could, but seriously..

Anyway, I've been wondering lately if, in the absence of constant, hurried effort, it has to be losses of temper that move me to greater things. I could get by on the former, but without a game to throw myself into, that could prove very challenging. I've watched one guy my age at work's hand fly across paper, writing a note and his signature before casually smacking the pen back down. I don't want to be so careless in what I do; company helps - especially that of the opposite sex (usually). So I guess I'll be reaching out again. 

Peace,

~ Matt

P.S. - I checked our GQ Discord; not very active at this hour, is it? Will check again.

 

Edited June 14, 2023 by wheatbiscuit

[wheatbiscuit]

DAY # - #29

Time I woke up: 8:30 am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  10:00 pm

Physical task: 30 minutes of sit-ups, leg raises and windmills on the grass + 2 hours walking

Mental task: checked out the SBS channel for the first time on my own after my nan mentioned it

Projects: reading 'Overcoming Depression' by Paul Gilbert; it's nice, even only some pages in to get to know one source of concentrated information and sort of trust it already

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ food portion control

~ time management

Summary of Day #:

Some strange dreaming, but not a lot. Rushed outside when I woke up to walk before getting on the phone with my nan for almost 3 hours! I was telling myself that we shouldn't touch on the same deep topics so frequently but we came out of the other end of the conversation better off having done so yet again. Basically just fuelled up and waited an hour before heading to the park and then continued walking. My left leg found a new way to hurt for 5-10 minutes, but I sort of fixed my pace so it stopped bothering me for the time being. Bought groceries, and a new box of chamomile teabags half-price. Every channel seems to have some sort of quiz show on before or at dinnertime, and I tried thinking about the impacts of this on people getting ready to eat. I switched off the TV at a certain point. Dunno why, but really tired now - ready to read.

What I am grateful for today:

~ the warm sun

~ nerves not too intense

~ no gaming urges

~ clean desk and table

Peace,

~ Matt

[wheatbiscuit]

Day #30!

Summary:

Sort of rushed through breakfast and cleaning to get out to the mental health community space for 9:30 am (hour travel) so a little rattled - when I got there I did colouring in and came back to it twice throughout to finish one mandala in pink, green, light-blue, brown, purple, orange and yellow. lol 

The place ordered pizza for lunch, and I just sat and savoured 3 small slices before bringing out a low-carb sandwich later. It was a Friday so not many bad feelings around, though at the end of the day one girl did appear in some distress and the staff looked after her. I could tell that I wasn't alone in feeling after gelling so well with other members, that we all had it in us to comfort the lady. The staff had more concrete solutions from what I heard. 

Got back home by 4:30 pm and ate a little more before doing what's probably now a standard bodyweight workout (and until next Friday counting towards the repetitions for the pushup challenge). That was tough; I don't dig much serious exercise at night. Read everyone's journal entries - good vocals in The Longest Johns @DanielG 😛 + something about structure in a day towards meaningful goals; this would entice me greatly but people in my life have often torn me down when I make my achievements look too easy or whatever it's been. 

I felt grateful today for:

~ perfect weather really, though I spent most of the day indoors

~ the extra hour I got to rest and eat before exercising

~ the people at the community space

~ being in time for the buses and getting good seats

Have a good Friday guys,

~ Matt

[wheatbiscuit]

DAY # - 31

Time I woke up: 8:30 am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  9:30 pm (heh, I wanted to keep sleeping until I got a text which brought me to my senses)

Physical task: The gym I went to today had suuuper-thick blue 20kg (44lbs) plates, had fun putting them on the bar from my fingers

Mental task: A worrying notion, but a lot felt like a mental effort today. Not everything though.

Projects: If I could perfect one thing right now, it would be showering first-thing without strong incentives.

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ only cooking half the pack of spaghetti so the carb and protein meal content were closer together

~ not fainting lifting the bar from the bottom rack to the top zercher-style 

~ you know, not becoming manic

~ reading a list of 50 reasons why someone might want to talk behind your back (some of them applied to my own habits)

~ jumping into a video call to do some word puzzles with my dad

Summary of Day #:

I feel like saying 'Today I woke up, and went to hang out in front of the drug store', but replace 'drug store' with the gym/pull-up bars. I bought peanut butter and spaghetti bolognaise supplies - the time has rolled around for both (3.5 weeks?). Anyway it was a big adventure this morning just committing to going and working out in a new gym which I might want to work in in the coming months. I didn't know what was best to do but took up a cosy space where the one ground-floor squat rack was for an hour or so. It was comforting that no one really watched me except for one happy/social older guy who asked me what feels different between a front and a back squat. Then I went home and read a bunch of stuff, online and offline. One usual walk and finally a cup of chamomile.

What I am grateful for today:

~ Having the gaming-afflicted part of me just survive the day while letting the rest of me do my thing was enough

~ No enduring leg/foot pain

~ People deciding I was worth talking to

~ A bed

Over and out.

[wheatbiscuit]

Day #32

Summary:

Two walks, one gym visit. Everything went to plan, and yet.. I still felt a little lost. I've historically been a pretty high-speed sort of person, and since moving to the city a little over a year ago, there's seemed less room for that sort of thing. I did enjoy watching a pair of guys train/lift together amidst the majority of other gym members who had their earphones in. My dad sent me a short, almost memey video about 'Hemsy' putting on 40 lbs of muscle in 5 months for Thor. I said I wasn't sure what to say for that. Do you guys? 😛 Talked a little more in text while I cleaned and walked. I'm tired now, and hoping to flush out my brain overnight in order to restore some soundness, in a word. 

Gratitude:

~ Clear skies, no rain. More of that forecast, I think. Kind of missing it.

~ Found some of my old strength in the gym today, basically by 'respecting' the weight.

~ Read some of your recent journal entries - you've covered several bases 😗 

~ There was almost too much silence in my day, though a lot of it was golden nonetheless.

Weekend finito here, peace

~ Matt

[wheatbiscuit]

DAY # - 33

Time I woke up: 8:30am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  9:30pm

Physical task: gym being overheated yet prepared to prevail lol

Mental task: engaging fairly well with people I was with

Projects: going to try and resume training for the 9-10 mile fun run in early August

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ super-setting rows with squats

~ tackling laundry, dishes and bedsheet changing in like 5 minutes (though I'd rather do them slower and mindfully)

~ cold water finish in the shower deserves a mention today

~ scheduling a meet-up for reasons other my own enjoyment

~ reading some more last night

Summary of Day #:

I discord chatted for 2 hours catching up with a friend I met while gaming. I think they understand how beneficial not being on them has been for me. This morning was gym after a walk and a check-in with my caseworker - the lifting was funny; I started in the corner of the room where the sun was heating it up to the point of discomfort and I jumped over to the neighbouring spot in the shade as soon as it became free. Not as anti-social there today. Walked to the next suburb in the afternoon for the psychologist for the first time in 3 weeks and covered how difficult life stages have stressed me out, even ones with many positive effects such as not gaming. Going to make more tofu. 

What I am grateful for today:

~ finally arriving at conclusions after much talking

~ warm Winter clothes

~ forgiveness

~ gym staff remembering to be friendly 😄

Over and out! 

[wheatbiscuit]

Day #34

Summary:

I told my friend I'd probably jog today, and had idk, restorative(?) dreams/sleep and knew I could tackle it so I went out in the then late morning. Fourteen kilometres in just under 100 minutes (including 2 quick water and bathroom breaks and some pedestrian crossings). I was just happy my leg didn't give out, but it was a close thing. Came back and collapsed on my bed watching the news/documentaries for 1-2 hours and eating planned meals. lol - Once rested, went out for another mostly painless walk in different shoes from my joggers. Journalling a teensy bit early cause I want to do some roaming online, TV and reading.

Today I am grateful for:

~ getting a good night's sleep, and an interesting dream

~ my left leg holding out for just about 9 miles' (14 km) jogging

~ a solid breakfast

~ appreciation of already-downloaded music while walking just before (I did my last few walks in silence)

Peace,

~ Matt

Edited June 20, 2023 by wheatbiscuit

[wheatbiscuit]

Day #35

Summary:

I woke up pretty late, springing up at the first conscious thought I had after being out for so long. I walked, had lunch, then went to the city for a new WWCC (working with children check, just in case I get one of the jobs where that is a possibility). It went through an hour later. I went home for a little again, made oats and met my dad's roomy at the gym. That was pretty fun today, even at peak-time (6:30pm). I made plans for Friday, so me and my nan got on the phone afterwards this evening instead. Also good.

Things I was grateful for today included:

~ being asked by my nan how I'd rate the last 6 days out of ten; it's been an 8-8.5 for positivity/peacefulness, with some discomfort

~ recognising and accepting when my senses would feel overwhelmed in the main city areas

~ quora-browsing; I once googled 'how to make friends' in my pre-teens, but never really searched around for plentiful answers to questions I usually tried to think out on my own. Never too late to start, right?

~ being close to 2 supermarkets for variety and saving $

Peace,

~ Matt

[wheatbiscuit]

DAY # - 36

Time I woke up: 8:30am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  11:00pm

Physical task: Not much today, was tired - did a bunch of dishes that had built up

Mental task: Grappling with the idea of gyming in the evening again - it finally rained so it was indoors or nothing(?). I walked again instead in my raincoat.

Projects: Compensated a little for the above ^ by reading for 20 minutes at 5:30pm

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ 'The moment you realise you 'can't', you can.'

~ All my chores, save for a good vacuuming coming this weekend/next week

~ Packing my bag for gym just in case my dad's roomy was going again - it could have been almost a purely social visit. lol

~ Not that it's out of character, but reflection upon past feelings

~ I didn't really feel like I wasted time today

Summary of Day #:

My brother sent me a text which woke me up today, and I wasn't sure whether to answer it. 'Safe' envisaged communication suggested I not. I checked later whether he was okay, and he was. He could have said anyway that he wasn't, and I would have answered the next time I saw his name on my phone. That's the sort of thing that gets thought about. :S Handled some important matters at the health centre, pottered around at home before walk #2. I guess I just wanted to 'win the day' this Thursday. Resting up for tomorrow. 

What I am grateful for today:

~ Some rain; I could hear it on the ground and on my raincoat even with music playing :3

~ Having a raincoat that almost rendered me impervious to the wet

~ Discounted nut bars

~ Public health

Peace,

~ Matt

[wheatbiscuit]

Day #37

Summary:

Alarm at 7:30am, out the door at 9 and hanging around the community health club 10-3pm, then home for the last day of the push-up challenge! I was wrong to think it wouldn't take as much effort as all the other days. Sat and drank protein for a little in the dark. 😅 Came home to make spaghetti bolognaise again and then did newspaper puzzles over the phone with my dad. Aside from almost 'going under' mentally during the workout, it was a good Friday. Me and a new pal were the designated barbecuers for lunch at the club. 

I am grateful today for:

~ that feeling in the sun socialising at any time of year when things are just alright

~ the protein powder I bought Sunday which makes a really smooth drink (choc flavour)

~ everyone else out at lunch today seeming okay too

~ receiving mail - there might be a freebie in there from earning donations through push-ups; will check

I would do like, once every 3 days journal entries if I could remember the finer details of the day before after sleep. There always seems like so much going on in the world every day. We'll see.

Peace, 

~ Matt

 

Edited June 23, 2023 by wheatbiscuit

[wheatbiscuit]

Day #38 

Summary:

Saturday - I woke up late, but went straight to the gym to use what I'm always going to call 'the stairmaster' for almost an hour. Sweat heaps. Went home and did a bunch of things; like opening the mail, playing a couple of Alan Watts speeches on youtube and reading. Then my dad's roomy texted about going to the gym again (he hadn't been since Wednesday), so I joined him. I didn't actually do my regular walking route lap today, maybe why I almost forgot and felt bad about not typing this. Anyway, I've signed on while half-awake.

I am grateful for:

~ regular people, like my dad's roomy

~ some of the interesting candy I bought instead of a whole sports drink to try at the gym lol

~ 'upstanding' feelings

~ no prevailing injuries

Over and out.

~ Matt

 

 

[wheatbiscuit]

DAY # - 39

Time I woke up: 4:30-7:30am (awake), then 10:30am

Time I went to sleep yesterday: 10:00pm

Physical task: I think a new PB for sled work (70kg added weight for about 20x15 metres)

Mental task: being honest and upfront typing to my friend - being online without active visuals is funny, but I still wanted to see what he typed and how quickly in response 😮 so I was really invested in the conversation

Projects: Just thinking about worklife.. 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ survived the day (without gaming, of course - but earned more than a few odd looks, which puzzled me)

~ cutting these short now; plenty tired

Summary of Day #:

So I slept 10pm to 4:30am last night, then came online for a bit (and typed Saturday's journal entry), and went for a walk after. Then I slept 3 more hours - so 9 in total. I haven't felt that messed around sleepwise since I was gaming; I'm blaming night-time workouts. 

However, today was alright; I was a few notches above 'going through the motions', which was good enough. While at home, I typed and texted to my brother and a gaming friend. While out, I got another walk done and a gym visit in - pushing and pulling a weighted sled for an hour. I noticed in the gym today that I felt really sociable, but I couldn't focus on both getting through the workout and devoting full enough attention to meeting and talking to new people. My medication might have something to do with that; because I could have just stopped momentarily and 'gone for broke'. Instead, I ploughed on. Anyway.

What I am grateful for today:

~ not getting too dizzy while still having the energy to work out

~ finally catching my friend online at the same time in the afternoon

~ it sounds corny as hell but today, well, just about everything

~ my brother

Over and out

~ Matt

[wheatbiscuit]

Day #40

Today I was grateful for:

~ a good sleep; plenty of energy

~ friend's conversation starters

~ no gaming urges

~ peace

Summary:

It was just a normal day - though my old schoolmate's 30th birthday. Made it well wishes from two of us in group chat. 🙂 Learnt and expressed some things in chat, and had usual diet. The sort of day I would do over again many times, with a teensy bit more success in the gym. Still tired enough from it though. Happy Monday y'all.

~ Matt

[wheatbiscuit]

DAY # - 41

Time I woke up: 8:30am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  10:00pm

Physical task: Spent about 2.5 hours on my feet, including 1 hour hill-climbing

Mental task: Choosing the right music to play during the hill climbing (otherwise I would go too slow and not even sweat)

Projects: I printed off 10 of my new resumes, guess I'll do a round or two and hand them out all-the-while applying online as usual

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ going to the local library and using the printer there for the first time since moving to the area

~ stayed peaceful

~ very little rumination, though one or two strong uncomfortable feelings for a minute

~ realised I may need a new walking route; got the thought 'I did the same walk this morning as I'm doing just 6-7 hours later, but it feels like an eternity!' I dunno.

~ left the 'summary of day' for last. lol

Summary of Day #:

Walked as soon as I could be ready to, then cleaned myself up. Headed to the health centre to discuss supports and while it was pretty non-epiphany, I felt like an average person (which I usually enjoy). Ate wheat biscuits, 😄 did the printing at the library, then headed straight out for almost 2 hours. Homely stuff, dinner and came to visit here consciously!

What I am grateful for today:

~ wheat biscuit fuel at 3 in the afternoon 😅

~ a different breakfast due to ^ the above

~ tea again, which I needed today

~ the people at the health centre

Peace,

~ Matt

Edited June 27, 2023 by wheatbiscuit

[wheatbiscuit]

Day #42

Summary:

I actually woke up from dreams I didn't want to have to finish, but the morning went fine. I went ahead with a 5.5/10 difficulty workout for an hour, but found the gym a bit depressing. I thought later that I could have taken time and done something drastic like spoken to everyone in the room not wearing earphones (which is really only 1/4 at best), but just wanted to build up enough momentum for my own session. Then I was tough on myself for changing plans from walking an hour (to and from) to a leisure centre I'm interested in working at to just applying online. But I've fixed a couple of hot drinks since and made some regular meals and am calming down. Day? Won enough - avoided a potential gaming refrain.

Gratitude:

~ rainy and cold weather - so initially getting back indoors was a pleasure

~ extra company at coffee meet-up in the morning

~ an interesting online job application process

~ many available activity choices

Merry mid-week!

~ Matt

 

Edited June 28, 2023 by wheatbiscuit

[wheatbiscuit]

Day #43

Today I was grateful for:

~ feeling a sense of purpose

~ getting 3 bouts (or hours) of exercise in

~ online resources

~ avocados (I buy the 'ugly' ones cheaper 😁)

Summary:

I answered a summons of sorts this morning, and then spent most of the day contemplating possible future outcomes. I wouldn't mind achieving all I did today in the future, but maybe with different motivations. Two walks, one of them just me walking around 2 blocks 3 or 4 times, then gym in the evening. I think I deliberately hold back a bit in the evening so there's less chance of being up really late because of it. One of my refrains sometimes is reading about those things the 'dark triad' comprises of - food for thought. Did that before and after gym, and sent an emotional update to family. 

Please don't be alarmed; it wasn't nearly as bad as the tone of my summary might suggest. A dull headache, at the worst. 

Peace,

~ Matt

[wheatbiscuit]

DAY # - 44

Time I woke up: 8:30am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  10:00pm

Physical task: 2x1hour walks

Mental task: very organised grocery shopping

Projects: maybe relationships summarises this past week

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ 2 online applications to nearby health facilities

~ little harm to conscience

~ efficient cooking/food prepping 

~ mostly healthy self-talk

~ enjoyed showering (cold water finish)

Summary of Day #:

Woke up in time to get breakfast (oats) and a walk in before getting on the phone with my nan for a couple of hours. We didn't delve too deep, but it wasn't necessary today. Got weekly groceries (which most of the time includes a supply of vegetables and canned fish), then walked again. Been hanging around at home since.

What I am grateful for today:

~ the sunshine

~ no gaming urges but more fantasising while playing energetic music - I wish I could swim/group sport hearing the same stuff

~ my nan's shared experiences

~ the news/TV for background noise

Peace,

~ Matt