DanielG

Wednesday journal on Thursday morning. I was feeling irritable after work. Nothing in particular happened to cause it, I believe I was just tired. The day itself was fairly uneventful. We postponed the barbecue we had planned for another day since a couple of our friends couldn't make it. Since I was tired and grumpy, I did not go for my workout and opted to go to bed early instead. It's the first time I've missed a workout since starting up again at the gym. I'm not overly concerned, and accept what happened. If it becomes a habitual thing I'll address it. One Thing That Went Well Today: I did not lash out when I was feeling irritable. Gratitude: I am grateful for the sound of rain. I am grateful for the fall. I am grateful for comfy clothes. Reading: Yes.

Monday + Tuesday journal on Wednesday morning. It was my two days off. I wanted to and ended up taking it fairly easy to relax. Though, I still attended to the household chores that needed to be done, and I went for my workout on Monday. I also finished reading the Obstacle is the Way, and now have a few different books to choose from to read. I treated myself on both days to some good food. I also spent a decent amount of time watching YouTube shorts and some comedy shows. On Tuesday, I called up one of my longstanding friends to spend some one on one time, so I spent the latter half of the day talking and hanging out with him. We went for coffee and dinner, and spent some time at both of our houses. I have had a longstanding intention of going to my old workplace, vivo Ristorante, to reconnect and talk with them, make amends for essentially disappearing on them over seven years ago. I had worked there for five and a half years before going to BC for treatment for my alcoholism. So, when my friend jokingly suggested it as the place to go for dinner, I told him about my intention and we decided on going there. He was the one who worked there before I did and was my reference to get the job. As I suspected, most of the staff that I knew/worked with had left, however the owners/partners and a couple of the career servers still worked there. Though he didn't serve us, one of those servers who originally started with the restaurant was there and recognized me. We were glad to see each other and caught up a bit. The manager on duty also came to talk to my friend and I, and chatted about a bunch of the people I used to work with and caught me up on who was still around. He was a younger guy, and really nice to talk to. I had hoped to catch one of the owner/partners to make the amend, however they had already gone home for the day. I'll have to catch them another time. The manager gave us the friends and family discount, which was very decent of him. And the food was, of course, delicious. I enjoyed the conversations with my friend. We reached that depth that helps build that connection with each other. We've known each other since kindergarten, over 25 years, and we have been really close at various periods in our lives. We spent a lot of time playing video games together. He does not try to pressure me to come game with him, however. He still wants to spend time together, and suggested movie watching via Discord as an alternative for the low-commitment hangout activity, which sounds like a fun idea. 110 days no gaming today. Things are going well. I feel like I can hold myself accountable without beating myself up. I'm feeling more settled in at work. Emotionally I'm pretty stable. My awareness is growing. I've been consistent with daily practices. There are some things I'd still like to put more attention and energy to, such as studying for the driver's knowledge test, exploring more school options, and incorporating more dedicated mindfulness time into my routine. I think Cam's suggestion of planning a day/chunk of time to focus on some of the "administration" tasks will be helpful. Overall, I'd say I am happy with where I'm at and hopeful for the future. That isn't to say that I want to stagnate since things are going well, I firmly believe that growth is a valuable thing to strive for. It's enjoyable to be in this state at the moment, is all. Even though I can slip into some negative thought patterns, feel self-doubt and insecurity creep up, and it feels shitty when it's happening, there isn't that sense of a mad scramble, of being overwhelmed. I can ride it out and be curious about where it's coming from, accept it for what it is. Out of time! Signing off. One Thing That Went Well Today: I feel rested after my days off. Gratitude: I am grateful for self-compassion. I am grateful for quality conversations with people I care about. I am grateful for the warm love I feel when I cuddle with my dog. Reading: Yes.

Sunday journal on Monday morning, posted on Tuesday because apparently it didn't post 🙃 It was a good, short day at work. I went over to my cousin's place after for Chinese food and a movie (Event Horizon). My morning was pretty relaxed too, watered the plants, took the dog for a walk, and read some of my book. One Thing That Went Well Today: Chinese food was good! Gratitude: I am grateful for music. I am grateful for the people in my life. I am grateful for coffee. Reading: Yes.

Saturday journal on Sunday. I went to Iconoclast, my favourite coffee shop, in the morning to enjoy an Americano, a sandwich, and read, since I noticed I hadn't made time for that lately. Work was steady. My mom and her boyfriend left on a trip to the south of the province, so it's just me and the dog for a few days. I'll have to water the plants and take the dog for a walk now. I ended up being super hungry when I got home, despite having ate occasionally during my shift, so I ate a bunch of random stuff that we had in the house. It was pretty well all healthy, just a higher volume than normal. After eating I just went to bed. One Thing That Went Well Today: Service went smoothly at work. Gratitude: I am grateful for my ability to persevere through hardship. I am grateful for cool sunrises. I am grateful for the refreshing coolness of the air this morning. Reading: Yes.

Friday journal on Saturday. Work went alright. The soups weren't quite ready for the right time for lunch service, but with some help we managed to get them all ready. I went for a workout despite feeling tired from work. There was also a night market on near the gym, so I walked through to check it out. Mostly stuff I wasn't interested in, except for a filipino BBQ food truck. However, there was a long line and I wasn't terribly hungry, so I opted to just walk back home. When I got home I went to sleep. I also got a raise at work today. They had originally said that it would be after a 3 month probationary period that we would discuss that, but they just went ahead and gave it to me since they are happy with how I'm progressing. Pretty cool. One Thing That Went Well Today: I went for a workout even though I didn't feel like it. Gratitude: I am grateful for refreshing water. I am grateful for self-compassion. I am grateful for room for growth. Reading: No.

Thursday journal on Friday. Work went alright. I mostly rested afterwards, including an hour and a half nap. I also went on a walk in the evening. I made some tea for my mom, her boyfriend and I. I can't think of much else to write this morning, and that's okay. One Thing That Went Well Today: I had a nice evening walk. Gratitude: I am grateful for my mind. I am grateful for my body. I am grateful for my spirit. Reading: No.

Wednesday journal on Thursday morning. I went to the gym in the morning. My mom and I had a chat in the morning on the way to work. Work itself was pretty hectic, and the beginning of my 10 day workweek. I am already a little tired 😆. I believe it will be a good opportunity to hone myself into a better cook, and learn to how to apply my energy effectively. One Thing That Went Well Today: Lunch with my friend was great! Gratitude: I am grateful for my awareness around expectations. I am grateful for the spiritual path I am on. I am grateful for hot showers. Reading: No.

Tuesday journal on Wednesday morning. A busy day! I went on an e-bike ride, got lunch with a friend, had an appointment with a counselor, and went to see the Barbie movie with my mom and my brother. They all went well. I had a moment during the day where I had feelings of insecurity and guilt when I read too much into a message from a group chat I was in. It definitely stemmed from that primal part of me that wants to be liked by everyone. I noticed the feelings and didn't try to shove away or suppress them, and later on I did get more clarity about the meaning behind the message. It ended up not being what my insecurities thought it meant, which I'm glad for. It was good practice in feeling those negative emotions and not letting them control my behaviour. One Thing That Went Well Today: Lunch with my friend was great! Gratitude: I am grateful for healthy boundaries. I am grateful for my ability to make good decisions today. I am grateful for the spirit of love and tolerance. Reading: No.

Monday journal on Tuesday morning. I had a closing shift, so I had the start of the day to myself 😄. I got up early and went to the morning AA meeting, which was uplifting and validating. It helped set the tone for the day for sure. We read from a story as well as read the daily reflection, both of which resonated with me. I got the opportunity to share as well, which was appreciated. Today was also workout day! I had a good session at the gym. I'm steadily making progress, perhaps even rapidly? It's only been two months since I started going to the gym and I can notice I'm stronger in most respects. I had a loose goal of being able to do a pull-up again which I've already hit. I'm going to set aside some time to set clearer fitness goals to work towards (perhaps with the personal trainer?). I also went to the coffee shop to read today. It was fairly busy, so I put my earbuds in to drown out the ambient noise so I could focus. That worked and I read a few chapters of the book I've been reading. And, of course, Iconoclast continues to make excellent Americanos. Work itself was pretty slow. I took the opportunity to chill for the most part, though I still got some prep work done. I have one day off and then 10 days scheduled to work, so I figured I'd rest up a bit on the job to be ready for that. A bunch of people who fled the wildfires up in the Northwest Territories are staying at the hotel, all of whom we are assigned to feed breakfast, lunch, and dinner 😅. Lots of work! I'm not anxious, scared, or stressed though. I believe we'll be able to handle it. Just might get tired is all. One Thing That Went Well Today: I had a good workout 🙂 Gratitude: I am grateful for risk-taking. I am grateful for hope. I am grateful for my ability to give of myself to others. Reading: Yes.

Sunday journal on Monday morning. Sunday was good. I had a chill morning and went on a nice walk before going to work. Work itself was busy in the morning and then dead in the afternoon/early evening. We had all three cooks for the wedding brunch, which was the main cause for the business. I was the one who closed the kitchen. My mom made chicken nuggets, rice, and peas for dinner. I think my body isn't used to carbs as much anymore because afterwards on my bike ride, which turned into a long walk after my tire went flat, I had a lot of gas. I went to bed pretty soon after coming back from my journey, so no reading this day. One Thing That Went Well Today: I did not get upset when my bike's tire went flat. Gratitude: I am grateful for the quality of my thoughts. I am grateful for soulful music. I am grateful for the changing seasons. Reading: No.

ADORABLE

Saturday journal on Sunday morning. Yesterday was a good day. I started work a little later in the day, so I went on an hour long bike ride in the morning. And had my regular routine, of course. Work itself was hectic because of the big wedding, though I was assigned to watch the line for the most part. I didn't really feel the stress as much. I believe it was a successful event, the food that I got to taste was delicious. Chickpea dahl on rice for the vegetarians that actually had some spice to it. Though, it's not surprise the Indian chefs who've cooked for longer than I've been alive can make some good curry 😆. Emotionally, I've been feeling stable. Bouts of happiness, I feel like I'm connecting with the gratitude in my journaling. Despite the stress, general wear and tear of work, I have the energy to do stuff. It's not like before when I felt tired, I think my body and my mind are adjusting to the work. One Thing That Went Well Today: We survived the wedding dinner. Gratitude: I am grateful for my warm, comfy bed. I am grateful for my journal practices. I am grateful for the quality of my breath. Reading: No.

Friday journal on Friday night, since I seem to have a decent amount of energy today. The day went well. Work was steady, slow in the morning so I cleaned some parts of the kitchen that were getting grimy. It felt satisfying to clean it. The lunch rush was busier, decent amount of orders to do. I wasn't assigned any of the prep work for tomorrow, which is the big wedding reception dinner. It seems odd, but that's fine. The workday went by quickly, before I knew it I was back on my way home. I took off to the coffee shop right away, gym bag in tow. Although it was busy, I still managed to snag my favourite seat in the corner. I had an Americano, as always, and read a book while listening to some chill music. It was cool to see the parallels about what the author was writing about and what I have learned in 12 Step. Trusting the process, taking things one day at a time, and being persistent are all things in both the book and the program. Pretty neat. The coffee was excellent as always, and I had a pleasant interaction with the barista. I like that we are building a cordial relationship 😄. I headed to the gym and got a decent workout in. I put some plates on the bench press instead of using just the bar and increased the weight for some of the dumbbell exercises. It was more strenuous, somewhat, though I think I could've added more. We'll see how I feel tomorrow 😆. When I got back home, we had a simple dinner consisting of chicken souvlaki skewers, rice, peas, and carrots. Since I felt like I still had energy, I tidied up in the basement and finished a load of laundry. I still have another load or two to do tomorrow. I went for a nice evening walk, and now I'm here. One Thing That Went Well Today: I had a gratifying workout. Gratitude: I am grateful for soulful music. I am grateful for the hope I have today. I am grateful for the discipline that I have been cultivating. Reading: Yes.

I don't have anything new or original that I would suggest. I think the main thing for me is to interact with people a lot, and to recognize and stop beating myself up when things didn't go perfectly.

Thursday journal on Friday morning. I got up early on Thursday so I had time to ground myself for the day, hence the long journal entry. Work went by quickly; we were steadily busy throughout my shift. I received compliments from a couple people at work about how I'm doing, which felt nice. When I got home, I felt tired and slightly stressed, so I relaxed. After a while, I went out on a bike ride through the river valley. It was right around rush hour, so there were a lot of people out. Still, I had a nice ride and enjoyed myself. My mom asked me to make a salad to contribute to dinner when I got back, so I made one using a vinaigrette consisting of olive oil, red wine vinegar, honey, dijon mustard, and some seasoning. It turned out tasty. We also had some homemade burritos that we had stored in the freezer. I went down to relax on my bed and ended up falling asleep, which I think I needed. One Thing That Went Well Today: I did well at work. Gratitude: I am grateful for contrast in life. I think it helps make the different things we experience more vivid when there's variety. I am grateful for the spirit of helpfulness at work. People genuinely want to help you, which is awesome to see. I am grateful for the progress I've made in respecting myself. I think it set the tone for how you go forward into the world. Reading: No.