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Bird By Bird

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Everything posted by Bird By Bird

  1. Its like whenever I watch MMA fighting or an old kung-fu movie I would feel like doing exercise but now watching fighting shows makes me feel like playing fighting games. Its so weird how games rewire us to put more energy into games-of-the-activity instead of the activity itself.
  2. Life is meant to be enjoyed and to be spent working on what you want to do/make (personal human desires) and to fulfill your destiny that was given to you by God (which you can find out through prayer and meditation).
  3. That is interesting. It could also be that people who seek quick fixes get burned out dopamine receptors that result in low dopamine levels and then get diagnosed with ADHD and that if they decided it was okay to live normally without addictions and went on a detox their dopamine levels would return to normal. It really is a chicken and egg question.
  4. Dec 27, Today: Moved storage table with dad to create small workout space in what used to be the dining room. Dec, Mon 21: Decided Christmas Bread would be my Christmas gift to family. Experimented with squatting while writing exercise. Tue 22: Gave Toastmasters speech. Realized yesterday's Great Conjuction of Jupiter and Saturn had an effect that changed my life. I can see how this change will affect the next 20 years until the next Conjunction. Wed 23: Western philosophy says affirmations good. Eastern philosophy and the Buddhist religion says intentions bad - to have no intentions and what you once sought will come to you effortlessly. The bible says to pray and worry not for the morrow. Experiment: Morning affirmations then forget about them for the rest of the day (as opposed to constantly holding them in mind). Realization that I have spent most of my life in a quasi-dissociative state. Experiment be present and meditate while doing everything that I do. Constant awareness + taking it easy and relaxing because when I tried this experiment before I became so stress and high strung from constantly being aware. Thu 24: Stomach ache made me keep using laptop pass 12am. Fri 25: Baked bread w. raisins, chocolate, and cheese. Baking triggered game cravings because I used to play while waiting for the bread to bake. Spoke to relatives over Facetime. Sat 26: Forgot to eat fish for Christmas. Opened it today. I eagerly impatiently await the new year. I remind myself to live in the present moment.
  5. I noticed that you find it uncomfortable that other people have the power to make you feel different things. I can understand. This is why we meditate alone in order to re-center ourselves from outside influences. Denying the affect that other people have on you is an interesting coping strategy. It is also possible to acknowledge their power and your own power and be okay with it.
  6. Hey Richard. Welcome to the community. Being aware of your gaming problem is a big step on the road to recovery. Now that you no longer have an activity to "power-through" negative emotion states, you might feel a bunch of repressed thoughts and feelings rise back to the surface where they belong. That's okay. Take it slow and easy and Merry Christmas.
  7. Welcom Zidane. Congrats on selling your laptop. That will make it way easier to stick to recovery. Take it slow and easy while in recovery and Merry Christmas.
  8. We're all in recovery and while every person has the right to share or to keep secret what they want in their public journals - 'pulling rank' is harmful because it closes you off from new information and erects a second barrier when we already have the first barrier of a screen and the semi-anonimity of a forum. Saying stupid things in your journal might make you sound more human and relateable but I also understand keeping the super personal things to yourself. I'm still debating between @codepants and your advice for what to share or keep secret because I see merit in both arguments.
  9. I can't help but feel worried for you @BooksandTreesbecause I see you've visited the forums 12 hours ago which is either today or yesterday but you haven't posted anything for a week. Not since last Tuesday. Just a quick 'what's up' or 'hi' would be fine.
  10. Life sometimes does that: after a number of days building a habit has passed, it sends an 'event' your way to challenge you. Simulation theory.
  11. Part of growing up means learning what to share and what to keep secret. What is public and what is private. It's all about assertive boundaries that makes life easy and fun. The urge to share - and who deserves to have that information - is about self control because sharing bad information with certain people will hurt you.
  12. Your writing made it sound like you hated yourself for using what you perceive to be an inferior instrument. I was trying to make you feel better.
  13. It sure does. Discord is literally the Greek Goddess of Drama. That app is set up to make it impossible not to argue. Hopefully this plan works. I notice it relies on your mother. If you feel like she's not going to tell you to quit early enough, you can set your own quit day too.
  14. I hope you'll be able to find healthy, non-gaming activities you can do with your younger brother that both of you enjoy. What did the two of you do before video games, or on days the power went out or when you went on camping trips? Sometimes, even just hanging out and doing nothing is fine.
  15. I've noticed you're very optimistic about living with an ex after a breakup. I'm not sure who is the primary owner/renter of the house/apartment or if you're both renters or what but I'm sure that no matter what happens, you'll be able to get through it. Now if you don't want to kick her out or move yourself, that's fine - I mean, we're in a pandemic after all - but you might want to be out of the house when she brings other guys over. Maybe that will never happen and the two of you will remain platonic friends until the pandemic is over next year and everything will be civil like Seinfeld and Elaine. Maybe she doesn't want to take revenge on you for breaking up with her. Well I don't know your situation but everything is probably going to be fine but it is 2020 and '2020' itself sounds like a soap opera name already.
  16. It doesn't matter if some people are more productive in the morning while others want to sleep or some people are more productive after lunch when others want an after-lunch nap. Night creativity itches is happening to you and you have to deal with it. We addicts and recovering addicts already have a wounded psyche. It makes sense that our creative flow has difficulty operating during the day along with all the other energy that the addictions and cravings steal from the addict. Crazies and addicts have less resistance to the addictive technology of computers, smartphones and games. The HEV Light emiting from screens fucks with your circadian rythm causing you to stay awake instead of going to sleep. Healthy people who barely even use any tech have no trouble hitting the hay when the sun goes down. Even before tech addiction there was candlelight addiction and reading books until the candles burned out.
  17. The hardest part of maintaining an online accountability journal is deciding what to post and what is private. What should be shared? What should be kept secret? My leg still bothers me so I've booked an appointment with a chiropractor. This has caused me to slow down and streamline my activities. I've fallen into a schedule where I've done the same things every morning and the same things before going to bed every night. This leaves the rest of the day to be explored. The bulk of my day is still spent on the computer but I hope to faze that out with more exercise, playing around, lazing about, outdoor activities, and social activities. My schedule has not yet solidified but it feels like a more viscous liquid like honey or gel. I live in the fog of possibilities swimming through a foamy sea. Massive waves tower in the distance and shrink into nothing before they can reach me. Sea Salamander and mini-whales bob beneath me beckoning to take me across. They are right beneath me and also far away. The sky runs sepia like worn pages from an old book of maps destroyed and sogged-crumpled away. I move and remain still. The Sea Salamanders and I await the whale that is coming. Today, I meant to wait until 2 pm to use any electronic devices but instead I used my phone at 1:45. I look back on this lapse and think to myself how much good health and time I saved by setting this time limit in the first place.
  18. It sucks that you failed your exam. I agree that going through the grieving process is both necessary and healthy to live an overall good lifestyle. I'll add that grieving also means to treat yourself like a precious and fragile object, to coddle yourself for a short time, and to give yourself a break. Extra-work commitments and secondary projects should be reduced because the sooner you process the grief, the sooner you can go back to dominating at 100%. But in order to get there, you'll have to go easy on yourself this holiday season. Stay away from addictions and bad habits, but reduce your workload too and don't try to do anything more. You have one priority right now and that is to honor the sacred grieving.
  19. Thanks @Lampshade. I forgot to mention how I did try to quit games before in the past with 'no console games but only the small amount of games that can run and play on an old Mac' or 'no console or pc games but only phone games' and how those failed and spiraled off into different directions. There were also a few times last year where I overloaded my good habits-building schedule and the strain made me relapse into bad habits and it took a while for me to accept the patience required to do work on trying out 1 (or max 2) new habits per week and how habits need to be solidified before new habits or newer versions of habits can be implemented into lifestyle. There are even old habits, like a lot of productivity apps like Habit RPG that I don't use any more, that needed to be removed from the 'habit house' and thrown away because they did more harm than good or distracted me too much. Even now I am still solidifying a writing habit and working through psychic blocks that prevent me from accepting a creative flow. That usually means more private introspection exercises plus playtime with old physical toys that seem silly at times but let loose a creative energy.
  20. Sometimes the body deliberately gets injured because it wants you to take a break and it sends you these dreams like a union protest before the general strike. It's also possible that there's an elephant in the room you've been ignoring IRL that really is blocking you from moving forward.
  21. I think this happens because our idea flow is suppressed during the day by either working, studying, or consuming entertainment. Things are quieter at night, less action happens, and the mind is given permission to explore and think.
  22. My parents are tech addicts too. Mom is iPhone and TV addict and Dad is iPad addict. Neither play any games but watch shows instead. This tech didn't even exist 20 years ago and now they can't imagine life without it.
  23. Gamification is a scam that companies use to trick employees into accepting unfair wages, degrading or abusive working conditions and less personal and vacation time because of the lie of pseudo-fun. Gamification is disrespectful because its base assumption is that 'we cannot be motivated unless we are treated like children.' When used on children themselves, it solidifies external motivations and weaken internal motivations that are necessary to fuel a successful career.
  24. That MIDI controller is an instrument. Snobs who live 2 centuries in the past may scoff but we ignore them.
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