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alvayuso

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  1. Hey dude! Welcome back! I entered GameQuitters the 1st day I stopped gaming (25 days ago, wow), and I really like what you said about having a supportive community and great teachers, it is a great reflection that I felt myself a bunch of times. I think that without any community I would not have been able to complete many things in my life, not gonna lie. I also watch gameplays everyday (some days more, some days less), but I think I should start asking you what do you enjoy doing, your hobbies. Usually, spending too much in social media (including youtube) indicates that there is not much going on in your life, not many challenges to face, not many good habits that keep you away from the silly box 2.0 (that is how a friend called youtube, and it certainly can be if you mindlessly browse and consume without the intention of putting in practice the knowledge you consumed). Apart from that, I can understand why youtube is an issue nowadays, it is much more interesting than regular TV, you just have to differentiate the time you wanna spend just mindlessly watching something on youtube (something pretty sane if you do not overdo it) and the time you wanna really invest in yourself and in the future of that brilliant life you talk about. Hope to hear from you soon buddy! Álvaro.
  2. I hope the new med works well on you man, it is a process of trying and realizing which one works the best with you right? As far as I know, there is no rule for schizo meds, they just work better or worse in different people. Yeah, weed is linked to triggering schizophrenia, on the bright side, you always had it there, so it could be worse if you triggered it when older, I don't know to be honest. In my case it has been like a feeling of not being able to control my mind, I usually speak to myself even during basic actions, such as cleaning my hands or something, I start saying like: there we go so now checking this, and maybe pee... hahah it sounds stupid, but I think it could be due to be alone way too much. I live with my parents, but the relationship is shit (it has always been shit, that is one of the reasons I just played videogames everyday, but in the past, when I felt worse and I was not living with my parents, I could be dragged inside worries and thoughts, and due to weed effects, I sometimes realized that I was thinking out loud in front of a wall in my room (I lived with other 2 guys, so I usually felt like my room was the safe place, and did not leave it, even if I did not have a bad relationship with them), that thing, plus the constant chatter in my mind, and being unable to relax without my vices, leaded me to think I was schizophrenic, and suffering schizophrenic symptoms due to weed consumption maintained over a long period of time apparently is something common too, it is called 'paranoia', but I was so scared of having it that I also developed that kind of hypochondria... It was such a hard time for me in life, for real... Anyway, I would like to know how you developed the schizophrenia and how you realized it, a bit of your story, if you don't mind of course. Well, if you are a therapist there is nothing I can tell you, I am sure you have a therapist too that can help you, telling you advices on how to overcome that feeling when you are next to people in a slow and steady way right? When they said you were not nice enough in your emails, you mean emails between to your clients or to them? I know how you feel... Try to give it some perspective, you could be facing worse problems with your boss or co-workers, but instead you are suffering from stupidities from then don't you think? P.S.: I started skateboarding 2 weeks ago, why should it give you acne dude? Hahaha, give it a try, start slow, maybe you enjoy it! It is definitely very relaxing (to me), and a much better way to spend your time than watching the silly box ;) I send you my best wishes this new year friend. 'If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it' -Mary Engelbreit.
  3. Hey Dennis, I have read your story, a lot of us passed through similar situations. For me were shooters, from there to LoL, then Rocket League, I have always been highly competitive, but luckily enough, I always saw WoW as a 'life eater' (even more than regular videogames), so I managed to stay away from it (even if later I was playing LoL as much as I could). You know? Regretting about past bad choices is like regretting life lessons you needed to learn by heart. Who knows? Maybe your relationship with that girlfriend would have ended even worse due to something else, so do not think about the past, watch the hopeful future you have in front of you! The opportunity to develop your true self and new healthier habits, with new and closer friends that will bring you true happiness in life, not that plastic-like happiness that videogames, drugs or vices in general provide! And most important, be present, enjoy the moment. You know time never comes back. Lastly, I would suggest you a couple of books that helped me a lot during the journey, the first is '12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos' by Jordan B. Peterson, and the other is 'Atomic Habits' by James Clear (I highly recommend you to listen this last one as an audiobook, but if you really enjoy audiobooks, you could listen to both). Stay strong bro, you are not alone.
  4. Damn, it must be hard to deal with the schizophrenia man, I hope you doing well with that. I used to smoke weed everyday (I stopped like 7 or 8 months ago) and I was having a hard time (most time alone, just smoking weed, playing videogames and masturbating), so after a while of that lifestyle I thought I developed schizophrenia. That was like 3 years ago, and I am much better now, but dude I remember being so afraid, I could not even control my mind due to that lifestyle. I read that you are a therapist right? I can't tell without that many data but, I would say you may take your patients' problems too personal, so you also feel the anxiety too? Bosses are sometimes a pain in the ass, would you like to explain what happened exactly? You are not alone with the suicidal thoughts, I also have problems at home now (primarily because of the fucking covid-19) and yesterday was the moment I most felt suicidal in a while (I also woke up way too early, after sleeping like 6 h, and had a hard time trying to sleep again, when I cannot sleep I felt like shit). Those come a and go anyway dude, try not to stick to the thoughts and focus on the good things. In the end, the worst that can happen in life is dying, game over, at least try to be as happy as possible while we are on this event which is living. Stay strong dude, you are not alone.
  5. I am a bit sad that the GC community isn't bigger to be honest. I miss some more movement around here. What is the meds issue? Are you having troubles to sleep? I have some degree of anxiety and I am also struggling to sleep as much as I wanted to (and without waking up in the middle of the sleep), but through meditation and relaxing activities I am usually able to control it, not always tho. You do not need luck dude, you accomplished something huge already just by yourself, you can do this
  6. Absolute beast, that is the way bro keep it going!
  7. Dude, I have the same feeling, and I think it is my mind trying to trick me to go back playing, even a lil bit, because I match with most of those things (I usually played more than I should, I couldn't stop easily, I have given up activities just to game more...) and after 23 days of no gaming, I have this thoughts that, I could play certain games, but in reality I think I am trying to trick myself into gaming again... In my opinion, I think I should not game for a long long time..
  8. I find this kinda weird... If your husband was into crystal meth and he spent a lot of time getting high by himself, would you start taking it to try to communicate with him? No right? I know it is not the same, but that would solve nothing. In my opinion @GamingWidower, you should try to show her how this 'hobby' is in reality eating her entire life. I am not gonna enter on how you are doing with the relationship (romanticism, etc), I am gonna assume you are trying to have an interesting and sane relationship. Maybe having a deep conversation she can realize how much time she is dedicating to something that does not actually exist. If the situations goes even further you may have to go with your wife to couple therapy, those things help a lot to make your partner know what you really feeling, because sometimes when you live with someone for too much time you end up not taking too serious what they say. Planning activities to do together would be something helpful too, better if they are done outside. Good luck pal.
  9. I think you have hit the target on that, I usually tend to try to help people way too much with their problems, as is that is what they really want, and that makes people uncomfortable, because I recently realized people not always want to solve their problems, sometimes that people just want to feel victims and feel sorry for themselves, but not actually improve their situation... So that is a really good advice, I am gonna take notes on that dude, thanks! That article you sent me, I read it and I can tell you that, I have read similar ones, but this one was pretty good, certainly things we sometimes instinctively fall into and that are pretty toxic. I will read it a couple of times definitely. Hope you good @WorkInProgress, merry Christmas and happy new year if we do not talk until then ;)
  10. @WorkInProgress Hey dude! Excuse me but, how I told you previously, I just don't find much time to come here and just write, I really wanted to answer you earlier but I just couldn't. I feel like I do not wanna be on the computer, recently the computer has turned from the source of escapism to the source of the boring tasks (such as continue with my thesis, or my online classes), so my brain want to avoid it at all cost, it is just trying to avoid anxiety I guess. I have been primarily skateboarding, working out and sometimes playing chess with my father. I don't know how to turn this boring tasks into rewarding tasks, I just feel anxiety and boredom when I am working on them and even if I know it is essential to complete them, it feels like if my brain would be kicking me inside when I am approaching them.. It is certainly annoying... Anyway, I want to thank you so much for your advices, the other day my friend and I hanged out in person, and we did not talk about it but I felt him like always, and I realized I am improving at social skills, just by being out of videogames really, because I have not hanged out with anyone in a long time, so I did not feel like I should bring up the thing, I am just gonna try to avoid certain topics for now. I am glad he is not mad or anything with me and as long as we can maintain our friendship, idc what he socially or politically thinks, it does not affect me and it should not be the thing to talk about if I want to avoid that kind of conflict. About the simp thing, I have had a different story, I mean, I have been with a bunch of girls in the past, but I have never realized how to be, since I have never had a proper role model on that, so I would fuck up on several things (like trying to lie to the girl like I want something when I just want to have sexual relationships), and recently I have been figuring out how to do this kind of things, and how to accept that I am who I am, and that you do not need to be TestosteroneMan to be a high quality man and a man proud of himself, some men are just more emotional than others, I just have to embrace a part of myself that I have been trying to deny for a long time (without any result by the way), and improve on things I know I can improve, things that require practice and confidence (like approaching women) and that would help me with my self-esteem a lot. I have never developed a 'player' dude, not much to say about it, I think I would still have fun if I do while I am young, I may have a good time, but it is not my priority at all. Apart from that, the idea that women in general are just less insterested in things than men, and that men are less interested in people than women (IN GENERAL) is real, and I could be writing a whole bunch of paragraphs about it but I think it would be better just to discuss about it, I am always open to discussions, and if you feel like I would be pleased to hang out on discord to chat with you about this, I think it is really interesting! Talking about my father... Man he is just weak. I tried to be again compassionate with him after I read you on Tuesday, and I approached him to teach him how to do some stretches, and he has been doing them but he was like: well I am not gonna do more apart from this cause this ones are just fine. I was like... alright... Then the next day I showed him how he should lose weight, he just told me it was too complex and I think he is not even trying. Whatever man, I am just way too tired. Things at home are fucked up all on the same way: people denying things so they become problems. My grandma has had several problems recently because of some things that would take me a long time to explain, but in general, all because she is also obese. She cries and says that she does not want to drag us with her problems, but even after HUGE efforts to help her to stay in a good health condition, I catch her hidden eating, things she shouldn't, but when she can eat as much salad as she wants, or other things, she does not... My dad also denying all of that. My mother literally 100% of the time complaining but doing nothing to stop complaining. It is all fucked up in the same way, and I am sad to admit that I cannot help them. I am gonna focus on my thing and try to avoid thinking on the stupid things that happen here with my family, because it really drives me mad.
  11. @Bird By Bird Excuse me if I sounded rude but the only comments from you in my posts have been the one on my presentation which I found a bit negative, and this one, and it pissed me a lil bit. I know it is not an instrument but it does not make it inferior, and I understood that, it is a different way of creating music and it is fun, that is what is truly important. Do not take it personal bro I just felt like it was not a very accurate comment.
  12. Yo dude! @WorkInProgressNice to know from you! Yea, speaking with someone else definitely clears ideas, and if this person is good at motivating, it will certainly motivate you! That is what I usually try :P, I am also glad we can continue our dialogs around here (dude I am getting better on typing just by writing this hella long messages, dang hahah Ok I will start with the issue with my friend. This feelings are not simply towards this last thing, let me elaborate a little bit. I know this guy since I was like 7 or 8. He is 3 years older than I, but we did not became friend until several years passed (when I was 14). I will skip this part so I do not bore you with useless info. We maintained a good friendship since then and he was the only one that had a brighter way to think than the others guys in the group, which split in several pieces. When I was pretty fucked up, in the darkest hole of weed, videogame and porn consumption, plus being super lonely, I talked with him one day again (after idk, 2 years without speaking with him) and we met through discord to play games together. After playing some with him I explained him the situation, and that I was trying to fight back but it was pretty hard (not the entire problem, I skipped the porn usage because for some reason it is the most embarrassing thing back then). Since then he played quite a lot with me almost everyday, I could guess he was not having many connections lately too, so I think he was also pretty glad of playing with me. After that we have discussed many things, and he had to help me to understand pretty simple things (like social situations, since I was pretty far behind due to the lack of socializing lately), things that make me feel embarrassed of myself, and that hurt your ego, that someone has to explain you, and I guess he could see it in the way I would speak about it with him. Despite the fact that I was not having much socialization, I would think about what he says me, since I don't want to have messed ideas in my mind, a good student do not just memorize, but rationalize ideas, and sometime I'd argue him, and we usually found common ground, even sometimes I corrected his ideas (which I could feel wasn't the most pleasant feeling for him). After like 5 years now from that, we have had maaaaaaaaaaaaany of those, but I have felt like he does not understand I am not in the same position anymore, so I feel like he keeps trying to 'teach' me things, and when I disagreed and showed him my thoughts about the topic I think he sometimes (not always) ended like a bit pissed or a bit upset about it. I just let it go like, I hope he understands, and even if we had tension I let him feel like I could still find valuable some of their ideas and take it as mine (which in my opinion shows respect), but when I do the opposite, disagree and show him my point of view, lately he has been upset in a higher rate (I feel), just like if he would be thinking 'what is this dude gonna try to teach me, you have not left your house almost in years and you come here to teach me what'. Again, I could be making it all in my mind, but I truly think it is what it's happening and I am tired of speaking with him about it and trying to find common ground to leave the tensions behind (something I usually did if I felt like I had to, if I felt it was my fault, swallowing the ego because I fucking value his friendship a shit ton, and he also did a couple of times), so I am at the point of 'fuck it dude, whatever you say', and I do not want to send bad vibes or anything, I feel so much gratitude since he was helping so much having someone to talk with that I do not want to just explode with him or anything, so I decided I am gonna let it go and let him write me or call me when he feels like. Apart from that, it pisses me off a lot when I get called misogynist, because I have been almost a SIMP for many years, and I am waking up since some months ago, and this kind of shit awakens this inner 'they maybe right, women deserve blablabla...' in my mind, this shit thoughts that put me where I was in the first place for many years, and it pisses me off sooo much. Women deserve equal opportunities and equal respect just like anyone, but men and women are different biologically and it makes changes in the brain that make them be interested in different things. Nothing more to say about the subject. Excuse me for maybe writing way too much but I felt you should need to know. So, and my father well, to be honest I try to treat him like a grown kid, I have been where he was (eating super bad, anxious all time, trying to escape with whatever it is, idc if it is weed, food, porn or videogames, but eventually you have to face your problems and he is not a little boy, he is a grown man that has worked for many years bringing income to run a family, not easy task to do at all, so I try to motivate him showing him he can do it, I show him the small steps and everything, he does not have to think, he just have to commit, believe in me and be disciplined with himself (which sounds kinda stupid trying to teach this things to my father). He just lets himslef sliiiide so easy, spending hours on the phone talking with whoever about political issues that he repeats over and over again, like he is going to change how it is if he says them so many times. It is his responsibility, his hips hurt as fuck and he makes faces and says like 'uuuuuuuuhhhh....ssssssshhh aaaaaahhh....' but he still doesn't commit even if you tell him the consequences he is going to have to face, that is my father, and honestly I am quite pissed of the pussy way he faces problems, and the way he denies them to himself just laughing about them like if he laughs about how fat he is, it is not going to be a problem, and he even insults me when I asked him if he noticed he is obese, he is like 'ahhahaha fuck you' and flips me the middle finger... And it makes me feel like if I was dealing with an 11 year old boy dude. That kind of feeling over many different things have been happening during my entire life, and I understand you have not lived with him your entire life and you are empathic towards him, but I am not that empathic anymore. I have my own problems and I have to put so much mental endurance and strength in order to overcome then that, after I have spent so much time trying to make him think without almost no result in this aspect, it makes me feel pissed and tired...
  13. DAY 13 (12/20/2020) Almost 2 weeks off... Damn, I can't believe this to be honest. This days I have been continuing my thesis and working out primarily, although I have lost way too much time in Youtube, I feel like I can control better that than playing videogames, which was uncontrollable for me. Today I helped my father to face his denials. He tried to make me give him a massage on the leg, because he has psoriatic arthritis and he has pains because he does not move at all, never, he even complains when my mother tells him to go for a little walk, so I showed him reality, which is that he cannot be taking care of his mobility problems only when he cannot walk or even move, he had to start taking care of them long time ago, and if he wants it to not get worse, he will have to work on getting fitter and doing some exercise. I have talked with him about this many times and he has never done it. He ends up eating bad and not moving at all and I told him long time ago that he will face further problems and I am not taking responsibility of his actions (he is 59, weights 79.3 kg and has a 30.58% body fat), so I hope this time, he could see that he is not doing enough, therefore he has to do something about it, and start now. Apart from that, I faced a little argument (well it was not an argument, but he said something that really pissed me off), I was trying to buy a second hand music keyboard, and the woman (I say woman because in the picture you could see a medium age woman, like 45-50 years old), when I asked if it came with a power supply, she told me it works with batteries, which are a comfortable power supply and that they last quite long, so it made me laugh and I sent it to my friend to show him, he told me that she has no idea, and I should not buy from her, I told him literally: bah, it is a woman (trying to refer it as a quite old woman), I am pretty sure she doesn't even know how electricity works. And don't take me wrong, I know well that there are some women into technology, and that know more than I do, I am not referring that women know nothing cause they are women, but because they are not usually interested in knowing what it is about. Well, my friend referred my thought as machismo, and started telling me that there are also men than don't know what a power supply is (which I am pretty sure it does), so I got really confused, surprised and pissed off, and I did not want to start an argument, so I just let him day those things and I answered sincerely and he finally said: but whatever, you should not buy from her because she has no idea. I am pretty sure I am not misogynist person, I just think women and men (IN GENERAL) have different interests, and that do not transform me into a misogynist person just for calling it out, so after this last incident I am gonna give him his space, because it is not the first time we argue about something and lately we ended having too much tension between us and I do not want to do something wrong, so I am gonna get the fuck out and do my things. I have also been trying to ride the skate, since I always wanted to learn, and I never could (videogames were safer, faster and less embarrassing), but now, at 25, I really want to learn how to skate, and I am pretty happy with that, I think I am developing a pretty big pool of hobbies and that is quite nice, since I do not have many urges, I have had some, but not many, and I am pretty proud of myself on that. Let's see how thigs come the next days.
  14. Hey @WorkInProgress I have been a bit off GameQuitters, I started feeling like it is a task, and I lost the... drive or motivation to keep doing it consistently, but I am back! Yea, tbh I have several things in my life right now and I should also prioritize, but shit quitting games have opened so much time, and between the workout, my thesis, now I started skateboarding, which I discovered it releases a lot of anxiety, dude I forgot to keep going with 'Respawn', and also to keep going with the audiobook, although I have kept this couple of concepts I could learn from it in my head, I found them really interesting. Stoic seems much appropriated, it is something so hard to me tho. I consider myself an extrovert even if I sometimes have a hard time trying to socialize with new people because of my lack of experience, when I am comfortable with people I tend to share a lot of ideas, and I literally have to tell myself to shut up a bit. That is something that I felt weed helped with, when I was high I did not feel the drive to keep going on thinking or talking, so I do not put myself in embarrassing situations when I find that I kept talking way too much, or that I am asking too many questions. I would like to know your opinion on this aspect.
  15. Yo @rivers ! Nah don't worry, I also took some time off GameQuitters. I mean, no doubts that it is helpful but it is also like... a task to do, and if I am doing this (replying people or writing on my journal), I want it to be as fun as it could be for me. Well, my parents are this kind of ignorant people that say that they do not do drugs, but they drink some wine (not much not gonna lie), my father drinks literally 4-5 coffees a day, and I am pretty sure he uses some kind of anxiolytic to sleep better, so yea hahah, definitely they do not do drugs. And also they tended to think that smoking weed equals almost to injecting heroine, so... quite rough on that. I have never had proper drug education at home. Neither education to be a man proud of himself or his relationships, I had to discover all by myself, which is rewarding, but tough, so many years lost in denial of my own problems, and thinking not accurately which the problems are. Yea same to you dude, I hope you embrace life and the best of the luck. There is always a bright side on anything ;).