Amphibian220

You know, I was really tested awhile back with my theory. After I did what scared me, I started reacting differently to situations. I was parking and there was this good parking spot, but some men were standing next to it. My usual reaction would be to look for another space, but here I said “Hey, let them complain or what, it will be interesting how this plays out” The guys were friendly and polite when I got out of the car. I was okay, but it would even be cooler if they said something and I defended my ground. Truth is you have to be brave and have trust in yourself to make changes, but you mustn’t be crazy too. I am now on this island of calmness, but I cannot sit this out. I am going to attack again tomorrow. We all know what this means- doing things that are tough but right to do. When you win, you get a lot of willpower (i dont forget that my balance of activities must be right) Many folks are afraid of stepping up. I just hope we keep giving each other conviction.

Get into a sport and keep “upgrading” yourself. -Improve diet, develop physical fitness; -Refine technique, agility and speed; -find a strong team, develop tactics and strategy. -Win a local tournament and have your whole town congratulate you, After that, do you think you will spend your precious time on a manipulative game ?

I really value some of the insights here. There are two types of relapses and you keep highlighting this. The first type is still very attached to his former self and feels overly proud about not gaming. This is why when he relapses, there is the unhealthy reaction. He thinks he “lost” the streak and exaggerates the failure, but he cannot see the big picture. Because he feels defeatist, he goes on a gaming binge and feels much worse. “I might as well just game the entire weekend since I played one game” The second type knows the complexity of it. He starts attaching to new activities. He is estranging himself from the old habit. He is learning much faster. Just maybe there can be that negligible relapse after which he is happily disillusioned- he doesn’t want games anymore. He is still cautious and on the lookout. But no relapse will have this self-fulfilling acceptance of defeat.

@Phoenixking Hold on there. Do you know the root cause? Can you remember the first time you opened a gameplay video? What happened prior to that? Take time to figure this out.

@reza Mrb What strengthens mentality. From my experience: 1) No music, No cinema, No video games, No internet (except gamequitters). 2) Confronting people or difficult issues, expressing your feelings and thoughts (hard to do but pays off the most) 3) studying moments that cause you to go back to bad habits and pre-empting them (Jay, BooksandTrees, Cam Adair all shared perspectives on that). For example, if you have friends that pressure you to game or drink alcohol, find better friends. 4) Going to the doctor to solve health issues even if you are afraid. 5) Make a plan to change your routines if you fall ill or feel tired etc. Back up plans save you from going back to bad habits. 6) Reading good books!

Reza Change is constant whether you like it or not. What Alexanderle is talking about is making little choices each day that move you in the right direction. Or you can make the little choices that will move you in the wrong direction. You are always changing slowly, but some major events in your life can make accelerated drastic changes of your character. That percentage of people that never look to improve their health, skills, knowledge end up nowhere. Interestingly, I agree that the mistakes that you’ve made are actually helping you. They are part of you in that you can see what is wrong and not repeat them (video games) and do the right thing.

Dont stop moving Erik. Keep scoring little victories each day. Read Jay’s post on one year without gaming. It has a lot of practical information. The moment I stop doing the right things, my mind goes back to simulating game battles. So I have to teach myself to be open minded and disciplined.

Habits gain a life of their own when they are ancillary to a breakthrough idea. Basically they become so essential to realize your life goal, that there is no doubt in you as to “what for?” When I had my first PC, it was in the age of 56 kilobyte internet. I once came to my friend’s house and was greeted by his Dad that had a childlike smile on his face. “I hacked the connection and got a free telephone line with Moscow’” He exclaimed. He handed me the handset to listen to the person on the other end in Russia. If you guys knew how much international calls cost in those years, this was a big deal. But If at that time somebody would have told me that international calls (including video calls) would become free in 10 years’ time I’d have difficulty believing that. Video calls were a privilege of journalists and government officials in those days. All I know is that in the 90s there happened this dotcom bubble. Investments into internet technology were pouring in from all sorts of entrepreneurs who held hopes they would pay off. Commercial Satellites were being launched into space, computer and telecommunications architecture being advanced, novel website features tested and implemented. Many businesses went bust, but the winners that stayed afloat were able to buy up the assets of bankrupt entreprises at knockdown prices. This is the thing, there had to be all these overenthusiastic risk takers for you to have this internet technology that beats wildest imaginations. When I was completing my dissertation thesis in 2011 I spotted a profitable business line in the legal profession. I took it to one law firm that was impressed with my idea. They did not want to take it though. I lacked in communication and presentation skills, but my idea still holds today. Reading Dirac’s posts I came onto something else too. You have to be in the know (at least in the legal profession) and have good connections for the business to work. Without the life energy, ability to convince others, can do attitude, discipline, crucial allies your great business plan wilk be hampered and fail. Networking or socializing is so important and underrated! You are meeting all those people with a chance that you will taste true life.

I will give my insight on this. One area journaling really helps in is if you have a specific result-oriented goal to achieve. America's swimming champion Michael Phelps tracked his time in a journal and made it a principle to make improvements every consecutive training session no matter how small.

Erik, Have you purchased the respawn pack? Cam Adair (the manager of this network) advises to use this workbook if your desire to game is still strong. Writing out your feelings in this journal will help you to detect your hidden emotions and targets. When you know the targets, you can fill the time with achieving them. You say you are underdeveloped socially, could you break that down? For me, social skills came gradually and developed faster when I was not shy/afraid of my identity. So who are you by your calling? What do you study?

Welcome Vetsen I hope this program will make a difference for you as it has done for me. Cam Adair and his colleagues are doing great work and you will come to value these resources as you change for better. Since you have gamed for so long its important to approach this issue comprehensively. I just keep reading how people relapse because they are fooled by a momentary upswing in their mood. Never be afraid of your feelings or your identity. You will always find help and strength.

Sometimes I get a day when I cannot really stick to any of my common tasks. This is when I try a completely new exercise (standing on my hands yesterday and leaning against the wall with my feet). I also start conversations with the local store manager and at times they are very uplifting.

Reality is not all suffering. Reality is challenging and brings you wisdom. overcoming challenges makes you a man, someone people depend on. Escaping from life and sabotaging your education, family connections, physical fitness gives you a short moment of respite followed by serious complications you cannot turn away from. You are backed into a corner. The only thing you can do now is be honest and fight as best as you can.

Alexanderle, I will not approach your post in an autobiographical way (mirroring my experiences) because we can be very different people. Agree with you that during the downs you see the real self. You have stated this to other members. “I felt so bad, It almost broke me entirely” Did that experience of not being able to connect with other guys- influence you to miss the gym and then watch these bad things on the internet? How many real friends (not counting family members) have you got with whom you can be this open. Like: tell them of your worst mess ups, tease them and laugh at them, feel ok if they are laughing at you, get into a fight with them where you openly say what you don’t like without any shame or fear.

Your father is religious you have mentioned. How do you reconcile your views with Christian laws on relationships with the opposite gender? Will you feel more confident if you decide you want to follow a more traditional approach of your ancestors? You can throw the girl issue out of your head and become a real man. there is an unbendable truth about women in all cultures : they want security, security and security (financial, physical, mental). They will choose a more rugged reliable guy with whom they feel secure rather than a smooth womanizer who is at risk of becoming a delinquent.

BgK, Are you afraid of someone or certain issues, but you are in denial about this? Gaming can be an escape from an underlying problem which you are refusing to solve. Why am I saying this? Yesterday my sister called me to tell she had been ripped off by a beauty salon and since I am a solicitor, she asked if I could speak to them. I started doing what I had done before- sabotaging myself. I was afraid to call them and told her just to write them a letter. Then sensing my feelings, I u-turned, dialed the manager and described the grievances of my sister. I felt a lot better. Although I have this late energy of regrets. I didnt speak out at school, didn’t speak out at university and didn’t even speak out at work when I had important things to say.

DaBest, Do you track the time you spend on devices? TV, PC and smart phone. i want to hit the target of 30 mins a day plus no daydreaming at all.

Stop, that’s when you gave yourself away to the enemy. Internet is the most perverse form of advertising and programming to date. When you want to recover from sadness, dont go to it.

I second Alexanderle’s post. Something else i picked up on you are overconcentrating on getting a girl. Ideally, you want to develop your values, skills, profession and personal power (showing yourself that you can take responsibility and achieve great results) in order to get some bearings of where you want to go in life. Right at this moment you may not even know who you want to be your SO! Good looking is good, but what happens if after some time you realize that your values mismatch? Imagine how costly a break-up will be if you enter a relationship prematurely. It will stifle your efforts just as it has done before.

You mean Mr Glover? That is like 1 to 1 summary of his book I have given you. He actually uses terms like that. He is strange though. He encourages the reader not to be dishonest and then says this in his book: “ I dont disagree with erotic imagery on moral grounds but am against it for the following reasons...” Its like he is afraid to say it straight that the thing is bad? Then he gives examples of guys who are gay and treats their condition as okay when the whole purpose of the book is for men to reclaim their masculinity. The book feels politicized in certain parts.

In what you desire there can be great harm And from what you turn away there can be great benefit

“No more mr nice guy” by Glover Exactly that: the change in social dynamics started creating too many feminine men. The boy lacked contact with his Dad, or kept hearing from his mother how bad he is. As a result this boy’s world view becomes very fallacious. He is embarassed of his masculinity, wants to please women (first mother, then wife etc). But working to gain approval of women will kill yor male personality and self worth, strip you of personal power and make you one of the most disgusting unattractive beings.

BgK, Loneliness is an oasis where you can truly discover your life purpose because there is no background noise and interference. If you are missing belonging to a group, what kind of feeling is it? Do you want to bond with other men over a great purpose? I am currently reading a book that talks about these issues in great detail. It focuses on men that form around women and lack enough contact with males to develop personal power and masculinity.

Natalie, What is the sugar detox you are talking about? Nothing sweet except fruit? Kobe Bryant sounds very familiar to me, can you remind who he was?

I will give a tip that I have given countless times on this forum. After jogging 3 miles, the craving for the fap will go away completely. Tell me if its true or not afterwards. Just any good cardio where you a break a sweat and temper your eating habits. You dont need to battle a craving after this.