Amphibian220

You were brave to do that. What was the reaction like?

Man, from what I see, you are a master of your time. You dont want to waste time. But you have kept repeating that you want your social interactions to be on a new level. You want insecurity to be gone away forever. You want people to come near you and take interest, including most beautiful women at your university. How do you interest someone like this? I always wondered during my academic stage- is this just a thing from movies or can you really be like that? I still have no clue. But women notice you when you win. I scored the best time at an obstacle course set up by the British territorial army and my workmates were all talking to mr that day. Perhaps you are overthinking it just as I was? I dont like that romance faded away after marriage. Before marriage I enjoyed the few conversations I had with girls (there is so much novelty and pleasant feelings involved) Once I bought a box of chocolates for a girl’s birthday in my group and she hugged me out of happiness- man it was empowering for a guy with a gaming addiction. She may just let me feel and hear myself a little more that day. With a wife, she gets happy to receive gifts, but you don’t feel as excited anymore.

@ Ikar , yes the contexts that you have mentioned provide an agenda for a discussion with well defined limits. Since it doesn’tinvolve you too personally, you are cool with it. You know how clueless small boys can tell teachers at school about everything that is going on in their family? That’s the kind of slip-up that a gamer can accidentally make. Since you have chosen to be a man, you have to be authoritarian, check yourself because this prevents anyone from being cute with you. You are correct that most conversations will be safe in that regard, but there is an off chance you will meet a bully who ups his self worth by putting you down. “Survival mode?” He may be in survival mode. @creationlist , your time can be wasted, but how can your values be stolen? Please explain.

What for? I like risk taking. I want to matter and to depend on people. I want people to benefit from my work. Life rewards you surprisingly well when you take risks.

@Ikar My counterpart notices that I am slightly nervous and finds it funny. Previously I had some instances where people sensing my timidity would ask me: “how much do you earn?” ”What’s your rent like?” The questions were completely out of place and this is what I understood: They were just gaming on the fact I am too insecure. I think social insecurity developed from gaming and not communicating with people for a long time. I am not shy of people now, just very strict and uninterested because of previous negative experiences, but I certainly lack meaningful conversations and I need to apply myself more in this direction. Thank you man.

@Ikar I used to have an issue of ethics and security. I would become too vulnerable for some reason- give private detail that the other person does not need to know. My family warned me about this- that you can look strange if you go off on a tangent like that. Which is why I try to have an agenda in mind given what kind of a person I am dealing with. This helps in assuming the right attitude- if the person starts to say things which are inappropriate I have to get out of my comfort zone and stop them.

Netzwerker, Have you asked the tutor or other students for help ok the learning material. Are you stressing less or about the same as before? Finally did you play any sport that raised your spirit?

Great, are you reducing daily hours too? Put a plan to drive down daily hours. I’d suggest watching Cam Adair’r vlog on nostalgia and workkng with the respawn pack.

The “rejection” thing. I agree with Ikar a lot of the people we chat with don’t define or change our life. So we cannot get rejected per se. I’m sure you met people in your life that it was hard to connect with. Are they then entitled to feel rejected? Unless there are some legal or work obligations, I dont think so. We want to connect with our peers, but over what? We can explore mutual interests, opportunities, sport, advice. The strongest one I think is a common great goal. So none of us can get “rejected” by our peers. This threat just doesn’t exist. Women that we admire may dislike us, but as discussed by Ikar this will be okay with you as a mature guy.

Never learned how to work out in the gym. I need a competitive game element to physical exercise. This is how my football life started when I was 14. My neighbour brought out a ball and bounced it against his wall. I joined in and we kicked it in turns. The rule was not to let the ball get away. The thing got crazy addictive. We would play for hours while talking on different subjects. It was great fun. All the learning bits were fun and sometimes the competition element got me nervous.

Good luck with this upcoming plan Alexanderle. What helps me to stay away from browsing the web is Mr Glover’s reasoning. If you made it a rule to be a man of dignity and honour, you will not accept mediocrity in yourself. Looking at erotic imagery or one night stand is settling for scraps - having it cheap and easy. If a guy pushes his anxiety away and speaks to a girl without trying to be someone else, he gets good treatment overall. They may not like your ideas- but they like you. women like guys who are vulnerable to an extent- who say what they want and think. I hope you make some leaps and your spare time becomes healthy and valuable to you. Its very important to be a healthy and disciplined guy when you’re by yourself. That’s when you start living it and people treat you with due respect.

I read from this book “1984” and dislike how the media pushes it as predicting the future. This and the other books of its genre aren’t really predicting the future that much. If you read Jules Verne’s fantasy novels - he was writing about powerful submarines powered by electricity, spacecraft taking humans into outer space. This wasn’t achieved in his time, but many scientists hypothesized that in time technology would get to a milestone where these missions would be achievable. An informed guess about 50 years into the future is much easier than 300 years into the future.

Alexanderle, I get embarassed of people I have to deal with sometimes. Tracing your feelings can help identify problem areas. This is me: If I am totally disappointed by something, like to the point I dont care about anything at all anymore- I can walk into one of those places and connect with a woman seller. Even make a compliment that touches her! My rapport is excellent and my mind isn’t wondering any more. I am on her wave length now. I think this has to do with being attached to myself a lot. I cannot really let go and keep thinking I have to guard my inner personality. Then there are all these inner insecurities which don’t bother other people at all. I am worried that I am a foreigner not to be liked, dont fit their income class, my ideas are vastly different to theirs. So what if I am different, aren’t we all different?

Alexander, Have you had improvements? How is your exercise routine, diet, social interactions? Are you getting out of the house more often? Have you tried communicating more with your peers?

Yes I went off topic because you have said something very important. We can have fears over the result causing worry in us (your friend’s statement). By accepting possibility of rejection or failure- the real you start to become visible. People start seeing you for what you are and may be attracted to you. You dont want result at all costs. Worrying about any sort of results overextends us emotionally. Reading that girl’s signal in that way got you to worry because if she likes you, its causing the question in your head: shall you get closer?

@Ikar, coveting or caring for something too much kills my nerves. I can achieve the result, but at a great mental cost and then cannot enjoy it. In fact, this thread seems to run through many things in life: attracting a woman, getting your desired job, moving to a new home, reacting to a conflict. When you start thinking: “I will get this, it’s okay, it’s not such a big deal” the people around you seem to notice the change in your composure and start taking a different route with you. My friend left his carpet in the common area for the cleaners to pick up a couple of days ago. The concierge who looks after the place, naively thought it was put “away” and took it for herself. My friend’s reaction was surprise, maybe some disagreement, but she didn’t really let herself get worked up over it. I then contrast this with an employer in an English law firm who used to swear at his employees and pressured them to bill their clients aggressively. Then, on friday nights he would encourage the employees to go down to a local pub and accept him paying for everybody’s drinks. First anger triggered by coveting, then atonement through gifts?

Sometimes coursework involves “work” that is of minor importance. The lecturer will indicate that . Don't waste your energy on it. The more serious work involves some important elements- if you get them, the rest falls in place like a jigsaw puzzle. I have never studied coding, but your concentration should start improving given your exercise, eating, sleeping are in good order.

Netzwerker, How do you find work difficult? Is it memorization of material? Is it monotonous checking and correcting errors in the code? One point that is good to look at is how much easier other people complete the work that you are doing. Other people who can see you are like mirrors. The Italians have this word “Sprezzatura”- I think it means doing work with a lot of ease and fun and not sweating it. Another thing is spotting bullshit “contrived” work and treating it like that. Do you know what certain applicants do with bullshit psychological and logical tests to get into consulting business? I am telling you from first hand experience - they game them. They don’t cheat, they pick up that the recruiter just added more unnecessary hurdles, so they jump over them. When I have work, I know only have so much fuel before my mind gets tired, so always do the important stuff in as short a time as practical. research example: i need to find an answer to a question. Ask peers what cases they have looked at. This saves research time. I have only about an hour’s worth of time. Quickly read those two-three cases, write down ratios, read 1 or 2 journal publications on the case. Start drafting answer. relax for two hours.

Having your things in order gives a clear mind and a better ability to focus. If the house is messy, it can cause nerves. Although I was compulsive about it some time ago. Over the years I got to a good point where I dont spend too much time on cleaning, but do it frequently enough. It raises my spirit actually Dropping dead weights is important. By choosing not to watch non-essential information, I started becoming more proactive and confident.

I asked you about how you chose the subject because you could have an idea how to apply the skills to make a great change. I have a friend who wants to study computer science in order to computerize businesses back in his home country, which are still relying on old software or just plain mobile phones. When I had a time wasting problem, I went to a library that blocked access to most websites and only allowed me one hour of free work. Due to the time constraint, I worked super fast and didn’t fall for any distractions.

Welcome Jordan! Its good that you are bouncing back. I had this discussion with Alexanderle on healthy versus unhealthy relapses (you can see it in the thread “how to really change your habits”) - last couple of posts. From what I read in a number of journals, it is not possible to game in moderation. It will put you on your back sooner or later.

Welcome Baylen. Can you say whereabouts are you from? I can attest that working with this website correctly produces positive changes in your life. Leaving games does not produce a giant void, the void was always there. Gaming is suppressing your awareness- if you consciously withdraw from the game and start paying attention to the buttons you are pressing, background noises outside, the quiteness of the room- you will understand the void is always there. You gotta be brave man. if you want to change faster, instill a blackout on all non-essential media and just get involved with people and do the things that are right, give you a sense of achievement and keep you in a positive mood.

I am celebrating that I stopped ignoring health issues, suppressing feelings and thoughts. I started treating people on this forum seriously, and it produced tangible positive changes in my life. When I first saw this website, I thought it was not worth registering here. I put a plan in place to find a meaningful empowering job. I am committed to never settle for mediocrity, although it scares me somewhat. But that’s just human.

So what subject are you studying at University? Why have you chosen it?

May you recover Joe. At times when you do want to play, understanding that games are manipulative by design helps a lot. Major gaming companies worked out a good formula after trial and error to keep you hooked in perpetuity. As they say, to defeat the enemy you have to know the enemy. Even if you encounter strong cravings, come back here and write about your emotions. Apply the learning materials that you have purchased. Start attaching to new activities and have faith if it feels embarassing or unnatural at first. Wish you all the best.