Amphibian220

@RB1 can you talk more about working towards your goals. First of all, what kind of process helped you to gain clarity and understand what those goals are? What were the goals? What helped you to determine them? Have you revised your goals to suit the changing circumstances? Do you feel your motivation suffered because the goals weren’t measurable or action plans not detailed enough? Have you discovered more about your opportunities, threats, strengths and weaknesses as you embarked upon achieving these goals? please explain these points

I think that men instinctively find SOs based on values that they acquire in their teens. Right now you have a fear of a new relationship with a potentially abusive SO. I think that the fear is reinforced and programmed by watching indecent stuff. What can be the activity that will reinforce the belief that your SO will be a nice caring person?

Can you play out a scenario if there is an internet blackout in your country. How would you adapt to continue coping. What healthy coping activity would come to your mind. Please work on this in a practical way. What would you actually do if there was no internet at all.

Welcome to game quitters! You are showing good initiative by trying out so many interesting activities. I took horse riding lessons and can say it was one of the most therapeutic activities for my mind. I’d ride for two hours in the morning and feel charged for the rest of the day. Are you a football player? If you are such a keen fan then how about joining a team and playing in an amateur football league?

@Ikar, you mean the connection needed to get pressured on this forum from the emotions of embarrassment and disappointment is unlikely to happen? Because we will not shame each other? If you mean that, I agree. now, one more thing. You said that acting independently to improve yourself when nobody is judging or monitoring you is a sign of maturity. I can recollect how I did that in my teens even when nobody was there to see my efforts or results. Why was I doing it? I had a very strong sense that I was on the way to become a professional athlete. But something else struck me Ikar. If you were on an uninhabited island with nobody else to witness your work, why would you be looking after your health, fitness, maintenance and refining of your skills? It looks that you would only be doing it with the hope that you would be saved by a ship one day and then matter to other people. There is nothing there to do in complete isolation. Athletes, teachers and other pros are only waiting for postponed success. And that success is benefiting other people. The maturity you spoke about is the ability to wait for it.

Yesterday’s epiphany and closing in on habit formation: Ikar once stated that he turned down an invitation to an event because he had work to do. That night he worked more diligently than usual because there was an immediate perceived opportunity cost in choosing to do that. What increased his motivation greatly was the interaction with another person where he made a decision based on his personal power. We pushed ourselves more at school and university because there were fixed deadlines for coursework and exams that we could not move. There were these gut instincts that you have at least to do well here to get some chance of producing something good in the world. The canteen, classrooms, people employed to teach us were all subconsciously reminding us that this stuff is important and not in vain. There were so many factors that pressured us- the embarrassment, expectations of our tutors, so many confirmatory conditions. Provided that our motivatory impulses remained untampered we would put the work in and force our brains to perform more than just routine work. Our brains did all sorts of extraordinary things. Memorisation happened faster, we would switch frames and look at algebraic problems differently because only through that solutions could be understood. We were doing all these things. All these motivatory factors relate to other people. The anonymous forum on game quitters takes one strong motivatory factor out of the equation- shame of failure because we have anonymity. But it helps us to write on here honestly and self-affirm where the culprit is. However and this is another culprit for failure, the moment we do something good, we get a round of applause; the moment we mess up we get support from our anonymous friends. For some of us (but definitely not you Books, you are a die hard learner) this may be a risk for our brain never getting pressured enough like at school. You seem to have over pressure from your posts- you are putting in a lot of work and getting your brain to learn new things but need to cope with switching to something else. At school you were engaging your brain differently- you had english, maths, history, biology, geography etc. Notice how the subjects were all different, some classes were analytical, others more about memorization. Maybe you had one teacher who got you to laugh more and engaged you differently? This thing in itself got your brain to switch and rest from one type of activity to the other. Imagine one week in which you would have only math lessons and nothing else? That would tire you immensely! I think that getting more out of your other types of activities is a way out of overpressure. Because 3d modeling and engineering work are very similar?

I have this belief that there has to be a state before triggering is even possible- lack of movement during the day (sitting down at the desk for many hours) combined with food intake that is above optimal. Quick question: did you try this combination of cutting down on sugar (basically eating only fruit from sweets) and bread and pushing yourself to jog a few kilometres each evening? If you cannot jog, walk. high intensity cardio (boxing warm up) in the evening absolutely kills this thing. Tested on myself. As I came home my mind only focused on having some water and going straight to sleep.

This is a natural stage of recovery. The hollowness appears because bad habits are going away and gets gradually replaced with new activities. Continue pursuing healthy activities.

Dirac, how about trying the inverse? You impose a moratorium and stay away from video games completely, write down each day what you have completed and how it is bringing you closer to your great goals. Come clean man! This will also power your mental state down a little and this will be very good. When your mind is not intense, the rate at which your energy is expended goes down, your mind gains clarity, you are suddenly able to keep the tempo up. Books mentioned something crucial- video games over-stimulate your mind and make it difficult for you to focus over longer periods of time.

“No more mr nice guy”

Please dont start multille threads. Write all your entries in where you posted your first entry.

If this is so, you have to explore how you can change this situation. Is there a safe person that you could talk to? I thought I am an embarassing person until I read a book that discussed this in great depth and gave instructions on how to break the circle. There mustn’t be any hint that any of your natural wants and needs are “bad”. the problems that you encounter don’t mean anything bad about you but require tackling. ever heard the saying “ the nicer the guy, the more stuff goes on behind the curtains?” Don’t ignore issues, solve them and you will develop masculinity and personal power.

This may sound obvious to you. I think you should plan out realistically how much you will cover each day with enough breaks to keep yourself healthy. look at the more important modules and allocate more time to them. Prioritizing will also help you to save energy. When you plan it out, your worrying will immediately go down. When I was short on time during my academic career, this approach to visualise progress over time and see that it is doable calmed me down and got me to pass the exams.

Ikar, I initially wrote a post on strategic entertainment (cinema) which wouldn’t really matter to you. Keep doing what you are doing mate. Keep the tempo high, but dont break yourself. High tempo saves careers. From the book power of habit (very fitting comparison): There was this african american coach in the national football league who couldn’t find a job. Nobody liked what he suggested at interviews: to drive the player’s behaviour to the level of automatism. Eventually he got a job with the worst team in the league and he spent some months driving them to memorise a few game plans. “The player mustn’t be thinking, everything must be happening automatically, all his movements and decisions”. His team lost several games before his effort paid off. They were losing by a big margin. They memorized and practiced a smaller number of game plans which couldn’t always be effected. But the smaller number of plans were driven to such outstanding level of execution that few teams could match. Towards the end of the match, the opponents created a situation which was the perfect opportunity. They tackled them with such vigour and speed that the opposing team passed the ball to a player that typically didn’t get it. He started thinking and that’s when the tables turned. As he started thinking he saw out of a corner of his eye an attacking player charging him and he passed the ball to ... the player least prepared to take it. The ball was intercepted and they eventually won the match.

@BooksandTrees I moved three times in the last 5 years and can understand how difficult it was for you to switch homes so frequently. . If you can be more relaxed about an opportunity going by or something going wrong at work this will save you a lot of nerves. Imagine you’d just do your work and calmly get back to discussing the rent- you’d be a smooth operator. what sort of habits can help get there? One technique I applied is that even if the opportunity goes by and I did everything in my power to get it, it was “supposed” to go by. This doesn’t really help if everyone points to your failure though.

Fagus, Something to share from Cam Adair’s vlogs: gaming companies have invested in research that helped develop games that create strong habits to play. Your choice quickly fades away once the game has created a habitual loop. The focus is on breaking the loop and substituting good habits. Why your post matters here is because there are thousands of gamers in denial whereas you chose to fight. Your choice to fight is important. You have interestingly decided now, this is not a coincidence. This will be a holy war only many people don’t grasp this. Games warp your mind and make you emotionally volatile. Let me share with you, your exams are going to go okay, other issues are going to improve. Look after yourself and get affirmations from your close friends, be honest with yourself in executing daily plans and developing a steady tempo of recovery. Push yourself to become physically fit can you give an idea how many modules you’ve got and how much time left to revise?

By reading your journal I am starting to understand that habits are hard to forget. You can return to them if you enter an absent minded state. There is this trap also: try it to see if gaming can become a minor habit of yours. Ofcourse that’s when it can get out of control. there are certain controls that give you a heathy flow rate with daily tasks. Increase that too much and you stress out, get too much free time and you will enter the absent minded state. Problem 2: if your days become routine, the brain starts to switch off and the mind may wonder. But i suppose of there is a great enough variety and creativity on your part you will be secure , constantly learning something. You have to push yourself each week because that keeps morale high

Why dont you start doing the boxing right now? Take a simple 3 minute instructional vid and start developing your foundation. Shadow boxing and cardio workout. I think a punching bag can be bought for two hundred bucks

Brian, I read some chapters from this book. It relates how business people arrived at the conclusion that habits are composed of the signal to act, the reward and the strong desire. The author says that you have to keep the signal and reward exactly as they are, but to replace the harmful activity and develop a strong desire for it. say I really like strategy games. I started with Chess and this game allowed me to enjoy the following rewards : tricking, bluffing the opponent, catching him offguard, getting his recognition of my skill level. I then tried strategy video games and they added one more reward: stunning and captivating visual effects. now, over the previous months I powered down. As i had less tasks, I started automatically constructing strategy games with beautiful visuals in my mind. I figure I need a job / sport with some planning elements and competitive side to it.

The fear, is it of failing exams ? Is that why you have no interest in watching a film on youtube? What healthy activity is there for you when you get tired of revising?

Shame and guilt is inappropriate. You don’t have complete control over your soul at the moment, but you have always got ability to plan your day, set up your environment to be healthy, practice gratitude and counter sabotage. Counter Sabotage From experience, having activities that don’t serve a greater purpose will precipitate a relapse at a point in he future. Relapse is sabotage of your recovery. I can name moments that bring you closer to relapse: (1) finishing daily plans “too soon”. Now you’ve got a good part of the day to “waste”. Notice the terminology in inverted commas. For a healthy man doesn’t rush his tasks but does them in a measured way, looks after his hygiene, clothes, there never is an underlying need to depart into absent mindedness. There never is time to waste. (2) Task is “hard” to complete or “boring”. Gamer gives up prematurely and has no interest in working out a solution. This also shows that he is terrified of making a mistake (mistakes are cool, they turn you into a man). Once he puts off the task, his plan is in disarray. I can counter sabotage the two moments above. I will treat the tasks as seriously as possible. I will never have excess time because I have worked out goals that are achievable, great in scale, meaningful and valuable for the basic needs of my community, have intermediate measurable milestones. Intermediate milestones take into account my psychological needs and constant replenishment of strength.

Welcome to the forum! Don’t turn away from the light, If you cannot step towards it, you can crawl, If it makes you squint, your heart will see the light and guide you, if even so it is hard, your brothers will be by your side

Hello Jay, Your celebratory post had points that I memorized by heart- especially on relapsing and the non-linear effect of good actions and habits. I want to believe that a quantum leap is achievable, that we can get to a place where we don’t have to hold desires at bay, where they completely lose their value. Holding a desire for gaming content and junk food at bay says that it still means a lot and maybe- the new healthy values are underdeveloped. If new values are sufficiently developed, then cravings can still come back from worrying (uncertainty causes worrying in us). As I am writing this to you, I was “constructing” a video game in my mind a couple of hours ago and I wondered: “Why do I need this imaginary thing? How would I look playing toy soldiers for that comes quite close to imagining games” Your worries, I hope you confront them with awe inspiring bravery.

I don’t read articles like that Alexander, but I was and am averse to volatility or uncertainty in my life and am learning to love and accept it. Example: my friend wanted to come to my house, but as I live in a rural area, my sewerage system is not designed to support many people. I was worried about this and just didn’t want him to come. I didn’t consider how to fix the problem snd make it manageable: my reactions are often defensive to any sort of bad possibility. “Cancel the meeting and leave everything as it is” The list goes on and on. Fortunately I deferred the decision to him and he came. We had a plumber come and fix some issues. At work I choose the path of least resistance and I think most gamers do. Life is a stage, express your emotions, make yourself felt and get into a fight with your employer. I still need to leave the nice guy character.

Books, but then doing all of the important things is necessary to stay healthy. Idleness causes many drawbacks and mental health issues, so it is good that you are going at a more measured pace, not rushing with things. Rushing everything wears you down long term. The basic things in your life require more attentio. You have employed some changes here and there to get morale boosts. Would you get disheartened if each day was exactly the same? Yes, which is why changing routines around is so beneficial and is something we constantly do.