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Average_Guy

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Everything posted by Average_Guy

  1. I need to keep remembering this verse. It's soo true.
  2. @BooksandTrees I feel like I say this every time to someone who relapses, and I need to work on it myself too. But, don't beat yourself up. Failing is part of the learning process and for me it has taken hundreds if not thousands of failures for me to make progress with pmo and other things in my life (and I still keep failing). I've been there many times, and it sucks, but stand back up and keep moving forward again. Also, try and exercise, that usually rejuvenates my mind, body, and soul in a way. What has helped me a decent amount is that every time I relapse, I try and go through my thought process and all the actions that were taken that lead me to ultimately relapse, then I try to rule out or fix those weaknesses in a way that I won't come across them as much or anymore.
  3. 3/4/2019 - Day 23 Tired as hell today. Fell asleep 2 hours after waking up and again around 4:30. I've been either laying on the couch, reading, or taking a bath all day. I just watched a Netflix show 'Abstract' on interior design with my parents. It was pretty interesting, but this whole day has been pretty shit. I don't know if I'll go to sleep anytime soon considering I napped twice today, but you never know. I just have to make it through one more full day until I finally consult this new doctor. Going to continue to hold off on gaming. I'm really hoping this doctor can help me, not exactly sure what I can do if it doesn't work out.
  4. @BooksandTrees I don't know what to say other than I really appreciate this! I might have pretty valid excuses at the moment, but this also makes me want to continue to grow and improve, even during this period of healing. Still not exactly sure what that looks like yet, but I'll be trying to figure it out.
  5. @JustTom Yeah, it's a decision I'm gonna make on Wednesday. And it's extremely complicated, but I appreciate your willingness to help me think this through. My biggest concern is to try and not come at this with a victim-like mentality. Even though I'm having health issues, I still want to try and do, at least, something productive each day. But, the chronic fatigue issue stems from problems w/ my liver and spleen and they also contribute to what I can only explain as mental exhaustion, very little motivation and other things that make it extremely hard to do any work, which is the main reason I couldn't continue school. It's like an extreme version of Epstein-Barr or Mono. But in the end, I'm really hoping I won't have to go back to relying on video games, I hope this new doctor can tell me that there's a plan to fix my issues. I'm praying about it and hoping I can continue to make progress somehow or other.
  6. @JustTom Thanks for this advice. I completely understand where you're coming from. At the same time, the point of consuming gaming content would be to 'waste' time, intentionally. With chronic fatigue and the symptoms I'm having right now, I really don't have many outlets. I'm just trying to wait until I make more progress with my health, where I can start pushing myself a little. It all depends on my doctors appointment in 3 days and nothing is set in stone yet, there's just a lot of other variables for at the moment.
  7. Ahh, I'm sorry man. It's not easy to overcome these things, so don't be too hard on yourself!
  8. That's a very cool and important insight you've come across while doing hospice volunteering! I recently read that "a good doctor treats the disease, but a great doctor treats the patient." It's inspiring to see you continue to work your butt off and keep learning new things, keep it up Deku! Also, what day are you on for the no-gaming streak?
  9. 3/2/2019 - Day 21 My parents will be home in a few hours, which will be nice so I won't have the house to myself. I'm having another micro-urge to watch OSRS videos again and I'm not sure why. I don't know if I'm having a mini-detox from watching gaming content in the past during my video game playing detox. Instead, I'm just going to hop on my cheap, exercise bike and get close to finishing my book Killing Commendatore. It's easily been one of the top 5 fiction books I've ever read if anyones interested. Hopefully after 30 minutes of peddling, I will be able to build up enough motivation to do something productive later. If not, at least I can blame it on being a lazy-restful Saturday. Edit: It's later in the day, and as I do a small pros and cons list, I feel like I have a very good excuse to game.. Since quitting I've become marginally more productive. I'm probably exercising better, but other than that, when I was gaming I would be on my exercise bike for upwards of an hour to an hour and a half a day. I'm stretching more and definitely reading a lot more, but I'm also consuming more Netflix now that I'm not gaming. I've picked up some new software, and I haven't painted yet, but other than that. I haven't seen much difference in productivity. I'm a little more confident and my heads clearer, but on the other side of things I'm still tired as hell for 50-70% of the day. And I feel that with this chronic fatigue, among other symptoms, isn't allowing me to be as productive as I could be, and I'm not even close to preforming how I have when I was healthy. The last semester I was at school, I killed it with my grades, and a few summers before that I played 100 rounds of golf in 1 summer. I have so much potential, but while I'm still sick it feels like for the majority of the time, I'm just waiting. Waiting til I can get back to my normal self. I'll have a job in a few weeks, and that'll give me some more stability with whatever decision I make. That being said, I still can't get myself to game. I have no idea why, but I just can't yet. On Wednesday I'm meeting with a new doctor that might be able to help me with a big problem that my current doctor refused to help me with. In all honesty, if this doctor can't help me with my issue that would greatly help my chronic fatigue, then I really can't see much of a reason why I shouldn't just play OSRS while I'm in this phase of life where I have to wait. Gamings addicting to me, but I've quit multiple times successfully. I quit after high school when I wanted to be social and I quit over a year ago when I went back to school. I didn't think about it once until I got so sick I had to drop out and move home with my parents again. Then I was so sick I needed something to entertain me because I could hardly do anything. Maybe my brains trying to justify playing right now. It's not that the urges are overwhelming, if anything their underwhelming. I'm just sick of being sick and stuck, not able to put forth my best effort, and not having control over these things. Going to talk it over with my parents and see what they think. Sorry for such a lengthy post..
  10. It's great to see another people rise to the challenge and have success! Congratz on the goal and good luck on the future!
  11. 3/1/2019 - Day 21 Having mild urges to play video games today unlike yesterday where I just wanted to watch OSRS videos. Despite that, I'm managing to stay productive in between bouts of fatigue. Someone said in a different topic on the forum that once you take away gaming, your problems don't go away, you still have to address those problems, like what to do with your time. And boy do I have a lot of free time on my hands.. but I am slowly but surely building up my willpower and getting more productive. Today I've already studied Japanese, read my book, biked for 30 minutes, did a morning devo and some stretching. As for the rest of the day, I'll finish editing a small project for my sister and just kinda repeat what I did this morning. I don't necessarily enjoy the studying or some of the other things, but at least it's not making me feel depressed and empty and hopefully I'll get some payoff someday. Edit: It's 8:05 and I'm freaking lonely. My parents are out of town again, and besides that I only have 1 or 2 friends in town, and that's pushing it. I pretty much cut ties with all my former friends because I had different priorities than them. I think I just grew up a bit faster. I used to suppress my loneliness with video games and chatting on discord, but I don't have that outlet anymore. This is weird, but I almost want to game for the social aspect, which is something I never would have thought I'd do. In the end, I definitely won't game tonight. I'm too determined to see this thing through, it just sucks that I don't have friends and my health is hardly in a spot where I can go out and make friends easily. Guess I'll read or something.
  12. Hey Taichi, I'm sorry to hear about your mother. It can be hard to stay on top of addictions when it seems like life it getting harder and harder everyday. When I read this, I definitely resonated with it. I experienced some of the worst days and months of my life when I was gaming, so there has to be a connection. Either way, I wish you the best on your continued journey to success.
  13. It's always encouraging to see people quitting the same games as me. That was exactly what I did, played League for a while, followed by lots of OSRS. You have a very short, honest, to the point way of writing your journal updates. I could learn something from you!
  14. Looking forward to the updates. Good luck on the rebuild!
  15. Day 20 - 2/28/19 Kinda having some urges today. I used to watch OSRS videos a bit about a week ago. I felt like it never made me want to go back to Oldschool Runescape, but it could eat up a lot of time if I let it. After I relapsed to pmo a few days ago, I decided to make a few more rules for myself in hopes to have more success in the future with abstaining. One of those rules was no gaming videos (less consuming in general). I made a deal with myself to test this hypothesis. If I'm more successful with pmo this time around, maybe not watching video game related content is part of the formula that has given me more success. Idk. It probably has more to do with the other rules like avoiding any Movies/Tv shows with any promiscuous content at all. Overall, I just want to watch a video that's come out in an OSRS series I was enjoying. Instead, I'm just gonna make some food and hop on my stationary bike. Maybe I'll get some more insight into whether or not I can consume gaming content (videos not streaming) at all later.. If anyone reads this, I'd love to know your thoughts.
  16. It doesn't have to by a gaming laptop, it can just be a high performance laptop. I would avoid an Apple laptop if you're into technology at all. I used a brand new Macbook at work, and if you don't mind having to buy adapter after adapter to use the machine for everything then you could probably use it. I just use my PC for a lot of design work, 3D modeling, editing and stuff and a mac would only inconvenience me in a lot of ways. The only upside is that it's probably more compatible with your iPhone. But with new MFI regulations on 3rd party accessories and other stupid features like no audio jack, there are inconveniences there too. I still use an iPhone though.
  17. I mess around with Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator, and some of the Adobe video making software. With a good processor and enough ram you can render videos pretty fast, or edit them in higher quality, which always helps. Also I use some 3D sculpting and modeling software that would take a toll on a cheaper PC. I personally enjoy Maya and Maya Mudbox. I got them for free through school, but you might be able to do a free trial and check them out! I also tried fruity loop studio, I think this can run on most computers, but it wasn't too much up my alley. I prefer to just consume good music.
  18. Hey, good job at least gettin to the gym. That's the hardest part in my opinion. I think my fountain pen must have been cheap because it wasn't very smooth and I always splattered ink everywhere on my art work. I'll have to try out a higher end one eventually.
  19. I tried to schedule with the new doctor today, and unfortunately she was out of town. So this forced me to go to my current doctor, which turned out to be a good thing. We've had different priorities and I usually just let him decide whether I like it or not. I can be passive at times, I'm a peacemaker on the Enneagram if you've ever heard of it. Anyways, I asked him to sit down at his desk and have a chat. He was a little stubborn, and I can understand why, but in the end, we met in the middle and he helped me out with a special request for a certain Chinese herbal medicine I'm taking, starting today. I have high hopes, but I won't know until tomorrow if it's 100% what I asked for.
  20. What do you like about fountain pens? I used one for a project back when I was at art school, but I remember it being interesting. But my favorite pen I own is definitely a ball point I got from the Toyota manufacturing plant in japan. Everything there is manufactured excellence, even down to the pens!
  21. Best of luck katsudo. I hope you manage to keep overcoming the obstacles life puts in front of you. I'm sure people will always be here should you ever return!
  22. Day 19 - 2/27/19 It's the morning, and I've figured out that I really enjoy journaling. I've journaled off and on on my own for a few years, but on this website the the support everyone has for each other is really cool and very helpful I think. I'm going to be meeting with my potentially new doctor this afternoon. I'm not to anxious, I just want her to be the right one and be able to heal me. In other news, I was just contacted by a person in the company I want to work at part time. I scheduled lunch for late next week and hopefully can start working soon after that. I think a part time job will be a great, productive way to use my time while I'm living at home. It's one step closer to independence and will help me be more social, which is probably going to be great for my mental.
  23. Day 18 - 2/26/19 I slept for a long, long time last night. Thanks goodness, because I needed it and I wanted today to go by fast. I'm meeting with a new doctor tomorrow that will hopefully help me recover better and have some better communication. But, I managed to stay productive. I worked on my Japanese for a bit, sketched some ideas for a future project in photoshop and got an email back for a job interview. Also, 18 days down with no gaming, that's decent, almost 20 then the next step is 30. I can definitely be happy about that. Edit: I just remembered I had some good thoughts I wanted to share before I fell asleep last night. I thought my end goal would be to reboot my brain, then possible work in gaming in moderation. I realized, there's so much more out there in the world that's far more fulfilling and fun, and I don't think I'll ever need to go back to video games if I don't want. In fact, I'm pretty content right now without them.
  24. It's complicated but I can try to explain . Basically I've been going to an O.M.D (Oriental Medicine Doctor) certified doctor, arguably the best eastern medicine doctor in the city where I live. I've been going for so many years and researching the treatments so I know a bit about he's doing, at least on how he's treating me. In the last 6 months I've developed problems with my kidneys do to my body being so weak in certain areas that it can't recover from mundane deficiencies. So in Chinese medicine the kidneys are associated with yang or life force. Basically, my body has a difficult time replenishing itself of yang, and on top of that, pmo only makes things worse and further depletes the kidneys. Sorry if this is kinda gross. But, as an addict, I'm still struggling with pmo. Albeit, I'm having much better success and streaks in general, but I still fail from time to time. My doctor has a generally quick fix for this kidney issue which only takes a week to get back to normal, but every now and then if I pmo, it'll become out of wack - I know, all the more reason not to. So he's fixed it twice before (a couple months ago) and so I generally don't ask him about it because he's workin on the main issues which are with my spleen, digestive system, and liver. But in the last two months I've only asked once for him to help me with that problem and he didn't fix the issue. And this last time, a few days ago, I really asked him if he could help me out with the kidney issue - which I was expecting to get treated then and there, and he ended up kind of ignoring my request and kept working on the main issues. But good on you for getting to the gym! I need to go myself, but I have a stationary bike at home, so I might just stay in and do that today.