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Question of the week: What are you grateful for?

cancergame1990

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  1. cancergame1990

    DOTA 2 pro journal

    Hello guys, desire to beat my DOTA 2 addiction got me here and as a sick person I am gonna be sharing here my feelings and emotions I have. Day 1 : Uninstalled Steam, thinking sometimes of how many items I have in the game and what they are worth. Do no really have an urge to play, but now this free time is eating me out. Reading books for now and thinking of all the life problems I have been putting aside and avoiding while escaping to the DOTA world. Thinking of all this makes me feel a bit overwhelmed aka "JESUS I HAVE TO DO SO MUCH STUFF TO FIX MY LIFE", but I am mentally ready. Weightlifting helps..gives some sense of the confidence that you can. To everyone who is trying to quit stuff, I really advice to start hitting the gym because I have battled smoking, alcohol, weed/meth, porn addictions and I can assure you SPORT kicks all the shit out of you with sweat. EDIT : I was reading a Respawn book, stumbled upon a link on how to remove your steam forever with the temporary email address. I can't emphasize what I felt within the moment I thought of doing it. My mind was trying to bring up any reason for not doing so : how much $ u have on steam, how many items u have, what's gonna happen to your immortal account, you could sell it. I just said to myself : you know what fuck this shit I gotta burn all the bridges to win this.
  2. Hello everyone, my name is Dmitriy. I just registered on this forum. Beforehand I want to mention that English is not my first language but i feel comfortable enough to express myself in it, so for any grammar mistakes which may pop up I wanna bring my apologies. I did know about the existence of the this website and the forum, however I hardly took it all seriously before and even though I had read the free version of the Respawn on the website I was still stuck in the gaming. My story takes the beginning far away in Ukraine, where as a 10 years old kid I started playing Counter-strike 1.6. I truly loved the game and I was social enough to spend time with other folks at the computer clubs gaming and competing against each other. I did great at school and my parents were never against me gaming. When I hit 16 I was already in the top CS team of my city. Later I joined university and moved to the capital where I quickly found a new group of people (thanks to my skill, I had just to show up to the computer club to play pub and people would ask me at the end who I am and If i have a team). Fast enough I found a new team and started taking the game even more serious now. During the nights I was playing with my team scrims and then during the day I was working on my aim and would watch replays of top CS players. Surprisingly, I was still doing alright at the university. After we won a bunch of tournaments my parents offered me an option to move to Canada on my own to start a new life. At that point CS 1.6 was already fading and everyone was moving to the new CS:GO version which I didn't really even want to switch to. My thinking process was that I already achieved enough I am well known in CS circles in my country and If i want to start a new life in a new country I have to move on from gaming. That was the way I naturally stopped playing CS and I was very happy about it, after I dedicated almost 11 years to that game. You will wonder what my problem is then, I will tell you : D O T A. When I moved to Canada, I settled in Toronto and started my education at the local college. My English was not even close to be called "decent" and due to this I couldn't make lots of friends. After days of schools I was coming back to my dorm being super bored I looked for the ways to kill my time. That was a moment when I discovered DOTA. Every evening I would come home and I would play it a bit. First I was doing quite poorly, however this "competitive" instinct which I still had from CS made me invest more and more time into getting to know how to play this game well. Maybe my ego just couldn't admit I could be bad at the videogames. So knowing the approach to learning the game mechanics I have started watching replays, reading guides, practicing on my own. I graduated and now it was a time for me to start looking for a job in my field. I am a molecular biologist, with MSc from backhome and college degree in my field I was more than confident that job will pop up pretty soon. Frankly, putting almost no effort into job hunt stretched it to almost a year of me sitting home playing dota, having shitty side job on the side to pay bills. FInally, I managed to get a job in the good hospital in the very prestigious lab. My life became something like : until the evening I am at work, after the work I am playing dota sometimes till the 4:00 am and then gotta head to work by 9 am with the mental state of the potato. In a result, after a year of such "sloppy" work my contract was not extended. I fell in a depression. Dota ofc was helping to escape from the reality and I felt alright playing it day by day. Being a conscious person I could realize I am escaping from the reality, I knew I had to quit gaming and start taking my life seriously. I tried to quit games : I uninstalled my steam, read the Respawn article and decided to get some real life hobbies. I singed up to the gym (which I am still going to, god bless) and decided to start playing chess which I loved as a kid. At the chess club I came I met a GrandMaster who asked me If i play..guess what...DOTA ?! I said that I quit it and I no longer play but we shared some good memories about the game. He kindly invited me to visit some of the computer clubs in Toronto where he plays with his friends time to time. On top of it there was supposed to be some social event where all dota players would come and I would make a chance to make some friends. I assured him I was not gonna play, but agreed to visit. So I came...I got super emotional seeing two teams competing. Something withing started begging me to play with the crowd....I tried to resist but after crowd themselves begged me to give it a try...I bowed...I play simply a single game and it was enough for me to get back into a game because now I had lots of new dota friends and for sure my EGO wanted me to be the best amongst them. Three years passed by....I reached some really good level of playing the game..I became top1000 player in NA which seems to be bad but considering how many people play it I believe it is alright. However...it is only one thing I managed to achieve. I had no contact with a single chick (simply was not interested), I time to time stopped giving a shit about the gym (thanks dota) and finally at the age of 29 I realized I am going into nowhere. I am here to share my story and I am trying to start living a real life with no games in it. I know I am addicted to this game and it is a first day without it. I hope everything will be alright and thank you everyone for reading it. If you guys have any questions, have anything to say or any advice to give you are more than welcome I will appreciate any feedback. God bless
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