Hitaru

Depends on the consequences I guess. Is that compassion leading you to mistakes and results you don't want in your life? If yes, then it's complacency.

Intense reflections man. Be careful with those altered states of consciousness

Congrats on your detox Damian! If you want to summarize your experience and share what you learned, you can write a case study or post in the 'Celebrate' section. Welcome to the club good sir.

Still shenanigans, yet I feel ambivalent. It's nice to have a goal and pursue it, even if I'm getting doors shut. Tomorrow more updates and probably the big reveal. Cross fingers. That said the Rescue Time app is putting me to big shame. My productivity index is currently 18. I stumbled upon a huge stash of lewd games and I've been binging. Shame indeed. I'll get rid of them as I get rid of everything else eventually, but as I've said a thousand times already, there's something below the surface regarding this that I need to address, and while I don't feel I'm repressing or denying it (I've been mentioning this way or that since the beginning actually), I'm really lost in how to proceed. I'd like to be specific on it but even the bigmouthed Hitaru can't spill it. Bedroom issues. Uhm... nice day for quitting games today it is, right...? Funny how the normal me is quite bored and starved of purpose yet here I somehow seem to appear more cheerful. Life is what happens when you do things, not just when you think about them. Sorry philosophers. Those without a published book at least. To every aspiring writer/artist/rambler in the community: get on with it already.

El tú del pasado no es un enemigo, solo es un recuerdo. Está muerto, no existe en la realidad, en el mundo físico. Tú estás aquí, el que toma las decisiones a cada momento. No le des poder como si te estuvieras enfrentando a él, como si fuera un igual. Tú eres un hombre, él solo es una sombra. Otra de las cosas sobre las que Cam suele hablar (y que... uh, aún no he traducido) es sobre el "mindset", la actitud, la 'persona' que quieres adoptar. Sobrevivimos a nuestras adicciones, y eso es un logro increíble que hace que hoy estemos aquí hablando de hacer algo más y crecer. Pudimos salir porque transicionamos del rol de "Víctima" al de "Superviviente". Eso fue lo que nos hizo superarnos. Somos supervivientes. Ahora que aquello ha pasado (porque ha pasado, estamos aquí, en el presente, no importa cuánto tiempo hace, si alguien nos conociera hoy no sabría decir si fue ayer o hace veinte años), es hora de que volvamos a evolucionar. Sobrevivir nos sirve para pasar cada día, para no caer, pero nosotros queremos correr. Así que hay que entrar en el mindset de correr, el de "Héroe" (o como prefieras llamarlo). La actitud de alguien que no solo resiste el día, que no solo sobrevive, sino que actúa, mejora, logra. No podemos dejar de mirar atrás completamente porque es lo que nos recuerda de dónde venimos y adónde queremos llegar. Pero lo verdaderamente importante está delante. Si saltaste un metro de p*ta madre, enhorabuena; ahora si quieres saltar metro y medio tienes que entrar en la actitud del metro y medio. Es el camino lo que nos llena amigo.

Welcome to the forum @John Cuba! I know what you're talking about man. During my elementary and middle school, in terms of my own classmates, I couldn't "neither be myself (weird) nor pretend to blend in (fake)", so there was no option for me but to be an outcast. I also had my fair share of bullying and girl drama no matter how hard I tried to be "normal", "myself" or whatever in between. I even considered myself as mildly autist at several points of my life. To the point that I gamed alone most of the time (except when I did with friends in my teens) and I wasn't even good at them. I think you can give up on gaming if you find a valid reason to do so, and that's up to you, it's your own decision and no one should interfere with it. Right now gaming is what you know, the safe option, the comfort zone. We (the vast majority of this community) used to believe gaming defined us as people, and that's far from the truth. Gaming is just something we do: to escape, to experience challenge and improvement, to connect with people that will only judge us for our skills in the game and nothing else. These are normal human needs, and gaming fulfilled those needs for us. They worked, so well that we ended doing nothing else, games could take the space of any other activity. Then we developed a chemical tolerance towards the dopamine surges that video games provided, which is one of the major reasons why you feel that pull. It's abstinence, both physical and psychological. You miss the games and your brain misses the games too, and this chemical imbalance is what makes everything else boring, no matter if you used to find other things fun, they now tend to feel like they're not anymore. If you can't stop doing something without feeling abstinence, if something controls you and not the other way around, you should quit it. You could still play if you want, but there's an issue here and it's that you believe you're not good at anything else; that you are unable to be good at anything else, and you should adress that asap, because it's a big damn lie. You may want to use your detox as a chance to try a lot of new activities, the more the better. Expand your limits man, you're more than a fake ranking in a fake game. Is there something you could do outside of games, some personal challenge that you could take?

@Xerious £ Still 2017, get on with the change!

Awesome Eli, it'll be a pleasure to read you!

Both my work and my pleasure

Short answer: They do! Slightly longer answer: Check Cam or Bob, or @WorkInProgress comments for instance. Most of them are a few words of encouragement, or a recommendation, check this or that and so on. And they are meaningful: when they're not around, you can clearly see it (@Mettermrck, where are you my man?). The vast majority of my posts until a bit before becoming CM were dreadfully dull walls of text in this journal, which were and are useful to me and are part of my journey, but self-centered af. I began to train recently. Amazing how reassuring a simple pat in the back can be. These short comments are like pats in the back. They have their purpose and their impact, and are really cost effective. Don't underestimate them, neither here or in your daily life. (I'm a person who struggles a lot IRL with delivering reassurance even to my loved ones so I know how real the struggle is )

No man, screw that, you decide. You. Decide. It's not something casual or left to chance, if you game it's your responsibility. If you don't, it's your victory. Go grab that victory, those inches are good enough. Get some distance from games.. You're in Sweden and it's November and I might be asking too much but I trust you'll manage. Go to a library, call a friend, do stuff, don't just sit there wishing to play and sabotaging yourself rationalizing that just because something provides instant gratification it must be good for you. Visualize yourself finishing to play today and recall the sensation of being a piece of **** with no word, not towards us but towards yourself. Love yourself man, respect yourself. If you decided not to game, no matter the reason or how silly it may look to you in the low times, if you go against a decision you made in full consciousness and that in reality you want to keep, that is definitely not the right thing to do.

Keep going man, you got this!

Good luck, and congrats on your 90 days!

You trip but you don't fall. Keep up

@Simon E Thanks for noticing me It's ok man. You're not mindlessly gaming or binging, which means the "addicted" component is playing a much lesser part. You're still gaming occasionally for a reason, in this case nostalgia. You want to feel secure and comforted when you're under stress, so you go back to what you know. Gaming has been your staple for a long time, so you have to get rid of the habit and stop thinking of gaming as the easiest, safest choice to fulfill your needs. Cravings are needs, games are just a tool to satisfy those needs. What could you do instead? Don't think you're failing, or in the path of failing, or you'll find easier and easier to "keep failing" or "fail all the way", and then wham, you'll really do it. Think smartly, picture clearly this circle you are treading and get out of it. Games were a part of your life in the past and that's fine, they were a learning experience and there's no shame in saying they were also a ton of fun. What place do you want to give games in this new stage you are, and why? It's ok to "mourn" if you feel you need it. Find your reason, your motives, stick to them and support them with actions, facts and achievements, every day. Build your new life, step by step.

EDIT: Now that I have time I'll explain, because if things go the wrong way I'll be too pissed to write. During the medical check I wrote and signed (therefore declared) that I had more astigmatism than permitted in one of my eyes, and despite not providing evidence and the law not being specific on the subject I was pulled aside. I asked for an appeal and the guy of the desk gave me the verbal agreement to call me, which clearly hasn't happened. I was expecting this, so in the meantime I went to my ophthalmologist and in a second revision I got just below the limit of defect. I went this morning to appeal personally but was closed due to a sudden official event. Tomorrow is the last day, I'll have to go again and literally beg my way to the examination room. It may work, but most probably won't. I feel literally retarded. Some people in the room were literally squinting their eyes from not wearing their usual glasses, and I with my only slightly bad vision had to go and spill unnecesary (and now proven wrong) things. In the end I'm still a fucking child with no big picture whatsoever of actions and consequences. But no self-loathing, I had plenty of that already. I'll try everything in my power to fix this mess.

Welcome @drflox! As Robert said, no shame here, we all have our stories and avoidance of the issue or defensive attitude is the norm, myself included, so you're not alone in that. The important thing here is that you value your own judgement. If you know it's a problem for you, it is. If you want to quit, whatever the reason, it's fine, valid. Do your own thing and give it the relevance you believe it deserves. Happy to have you on board!

No problem man, you took the first step that was joining. Negative thoughts are really fought by actions, if you counter them with positive thoughts at you'll only reach an awkward stalemate. Just write when you feel like it at first, in the topics you find personally interesting, start keeping a journal, build the habit little by little. It doesn't need to come natural at first but you can do it.

Congrats!! If you want, you can post in the 'Celebrate' section and tell us a bit more about your experience. Not mandatory or anything of course. How are you feeling?

I made a super silly mistake during my examination that I'm currently fixing (trying at least). Details soon.

Why specifically female? Turning your family against you is generally a bad idea as it is. But I see what you mean, and I agree. Violence only expresses vulnerability of the thought or the argument. Am I counting the days? Boy, I'm counting the hours. Almost there! Next Tuesday. Then, the future. Whatever that means. ----------------------------------- A nice weekend. Hanged with SO. Our relationship is currently very platonic, for the same reasons he's been stuck at his parents' place until today. TMI reasons, but nothing dramatic or permanent. We met with a lot of his friends at his home and had this kind of evening with dinner and tabletop games. Epicurean moments like this trigger my death anxiety like you wouldn't believe: it's in happiness when I notice most the implications of non-existence. But despite the initial moments of despair and ragged breathing I managed to cope without making a scene or people noticing a thing, which is always my topmost goal. I'm starting to seriously worry that it will become worse as I grow older and I'm seriously displeased about it, to say something. I'll try to keep burying it under more layers of philosophy and self-improvement, wish me luck. Had a great time anyway. Everyone has this or that recurrent illness or struggle they have to face daily. For some people it's disabilities, or chronic pain, or lack of girlfriend. Probably this is mine. I'd rather be angsty than ill, to be fair. Been reading and replying to journals lately and I feel more connected with the community. Previously in my journal I mentioned how I was feeling frustrated for focusing only on me and not supporting others. I'm glad to have the opportunity to do it now. I've been meeting my goals. Not in the next week or month like I wrote back in the day, but no matter, better late than never. In my daily life, I'm troubled and unfocused. But when I stop and reflect about it, it only takes me a few seconds to realize how happy I truly am.

I agree with @Regular Robert, I don't think you should give them the cold shoulder directly (specially since they are opening up to other activities as well), but you should use this time to explore many different new things to implement in your game-free life. Perhaps you could even convince them to participate in this new life with you, suggesting alternatives to gaming and such. Lead by example.

I mean, one thing is to think "What should I do?" and other to observe how you behave in a "natural" way (without doing a conscious effort) and then think "Ok, my normal reaction to X is to do A (let's say play games/get depressed/procrastinate/PMO), what should I do if I want to do B (let's say doing something that is not doing all the mentioned stuff)?". First you see how you are, and then you think about what you should do to become who you want to be (but considering your starting point).

It needs to turn blue while editing. Like @giblets this. Damn your not the first one at all to mention it. I'll see it fixed if it's the last thing I do.

Heh, check 'Big-nose Cam' (@Cam Adair) first videos for reference. I can now tell from experience that his nose is actually quite normal, it really was the camera. There are many vlogs out there talking about personal experiences, people know the format/what to expect and won't take it as patronizing (normal people at least, not trolls). Don't worry about the relapse. You'll need a 'go-to' activity for when you're just bored. It may be one of the most difficult things to do in the detox, since you'll need to stablish it as a mindless habit, rather than the other, more conscious things you schedule to fill your day without games. But it's doable. You've come a long way bro.