Mettermrck

I track porn and fapping separately. It seems like I break down and fap once a week if I avoid the porn. Of course with the porn its 2-3 times a day. I loved yourbrainonporn. It's where I learned about the withdrawal symptoms I was having, the sudden fear, anxiety, crying, and need for social contact. Made me feel so much less alone.

It gets easier, dirk, if you stick with it. Letting go of gaming is so hard I'm only on day 2. If anything, the worse the withdrawal symptoms, the more I realize what an unhealthy hold gaming had on me.

Thanks, End. Soda is quite possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to give up. It wasn't the soda itself. It was the fact that I drank 2 liters a day and wanted a burger to go with it. The way I gamed was wrapped up in a culture and lifestyle that included overeating...and I just need to excise that whole way of being out of my life. Ha535, yeah porn started in my life after I dropped out of college and my weight started piling on, from a place of self-loathing and worthlessness. I think the more I overcome my problems and clean up my life, including gaming, the better my sense of self worth will be and therefore less temptation to look at that stuff.

Day 2/90. I made it through the night yay. I had a good talk with a spirital counselor yesterday after work and that helped. I followed through with my plan before bed: spiritual reading, meditation, melatonin. I slept very well. I imagine I'll need the melatonin for the first week or so to get used to not having the games I did uninstall the games this morning. I am ready to let them go, at least for 90 days, probably forever. I felt a twinge of anxiety and loss, like deleting an old friend, but it was muted. Whatever happens I will be a different person in 90 days that's for sure. I'm reaching my one week mark for soda and porn today and I'm happy about that. Quitting the trifecta is hard but I tend to overcompensate in one area if I quit the other(s). Quitting these three is a true change for me.

Welcome back!

Thanks, Hitaru. I'm so glad to get a response especially as I keep diving in and out of the community. I get embarassed hehe. I think I agree with your saying that I'm just ready for this. I listened to episode 3 of the podcast today and Cam said he was just ready for quitting. I am too. Even if I lose my marriage, I will have given it my all and be positioned for a better life even so afterwards. And it bothers me that any activity gives me night terrors in its absence. Almost like it's taunting me: "You'll never be rid of me, muhahaha." I'm actually ok now in the day time. Just being light outside relaxes me. I installed the game but didn't play it. I have no urge to play it. I just left it there on the computer. But something about the night, when it's dark and quiet, gets me nervous. Maybe I'm 41 and going through a mid life crisis I don't know. Maybe the night reminds me of my eventual death. I can be morbid like that. I need a better strategy. I'm going to try a shower, some meditation and spiritual time, and then a couple melatonin before I go to bed. From what I've read, this sudden anxiety is a common gaming withdrawal symptom and can last a week or so. I want to push through it and see what is on the other side.

Day 1/90. I almost failed out of the gate. I made the mental decision to quit yesterday afternoon. For most of the day I was fine and made my plans. I worked on a time management list for the weekends to fill in those massive 8 hour blocks of free time. I returned to this forum. I watched back episodes of 'Genius' about Einstein on Nat Geo. I uninstalled my games. But once I tried to go to bed, that anxiety returned. That night I got out of bed and had a talk with my Mom. She thinks I'm doing too much and that I should gaming be while I focus on the soda and porn quitting. I've reinstalled my games though I haven't played them yet. Did anyone ever have this night anxiety? It's like a deep frightening existential terror of being alone, scared of the future. As if gaming is remaining bandage I have on, the last distraction, the last mask, the last smokescreen between me and terrifying reality. I cry sometimes, I sit up a lot in bed, I wake up and talk to my Mom for comfort. Part of me wants to run back to gaming. I'm already quitting soda and porn. Isn't that enough? Use gaming as a crutch to get those two big ones under control and then let gaming die or assume a natural place as my weight falls off and I get more self confident. But part of me doesn't like gaming solely to keep out boogie man feelings. Part of me wants to fight. I don't mind the boredom, the slow passing days. But I am scared of the deep fears, the chest heaves, the crying, the lack of sleep. I think I'm terrified of losing my marriage and being alone forever. I made this bed however. I believe gaming had a role in it. Not as strong as porn and soda, true. But I'm not sure. Am I biting off more than I can chew? Or is this the final piece of the puzzle that I need to fight through?

Day 0. This is embarassing but I'm not giving up right now. What is this, my 4th or 5th try haha? I actually feel most confident about this try than all the others. Why? Because this is day 6 of my being off soda (and therefore fast food) as well as porn, two addictions I consider to be harder for me to give up than gaming. I'm 9 months separated from my wife. In three months she can divorce me. I don't know if my getting away from my addictions will save my marriage but I am not going down fighting. I already went through severe withdrawal symptoms with the soda/porn. It was intense anxiety, crying, chest heaves, panic attacks, and a desperate loneliness and need for human contact. After day 3 or 4 it really subsided and now I'm just light headed and feeling deprived hehe. So I don't think gaming's dopamine hit is as comparable. But it's still important enough to quit. I've been walking and losing some weight, sometimes 3-5 miles/day. I have a possible ambition I'd like to explore...starting a history podcast. But I'll discuss this more later, maybe when my headaches go away. Btw, kudos to Cam's new podcast. I listen to tons of history podcasts when I walk but I listened to episode 2 of the Game Quitters podcast today and it was great. Jason's story about finding love and life in Mexico was beautiful and Cam tying porn and gaming together really clicked for me. I almost decided to use gaming a crutch addiction until I got over soda/porn but when Cam said the brain chemistry was similar with gaming and porn, I decided to go for it. I'll be working on time management and finding things to do on the weekend when I'm not at work. So here goes! Seriously...for real this time. I mean it....yes...?

Hah your post title matches my resolve too. I'm starting my 4th try so don't feel bad. Sometimes the relapse strengthens your commitment. Good fortune to both of us!

So I've decided to do this. Not just try but do this. This is my 4th run at the detox.but I know this will be it. Why? Because I'm tired. Tired of the mental debates raging in my head. Tired of thinking of moderation and what that will look like. Tired of staring at a computer screen while my life, my wife, my marriage, my job slip away. Tired of fits and starts. Tired of half measures. Tired of being 41 and feeling like my potential is slipping away. Tired of isolating myself from those who want to help. Truth be told, I'm embarrassed to come back. My old delusions of being this great success story that everyone can point to are gone now. I just want to prove that I'm more than a computer gamer. I'm just tired. Tomorrow I will begin the detox again.

Day 5. Relaxing morning. I read a little in a history book and listened to a couple of history podcast episodes. I didn't feel too overwhelmed but I have to be careful. I tend to veer from overdoing it and having giant reading lists, etc., and then feeling overwhelmed, recoiling, and quitting it all. I've done that with gaming many times, overdoing it vs recoiling and quitting. Plus I run to the internet to see what others think. Hence, the detox to help sort out my thoughts. I want to start exercising again. I used to walk a bit last time I quit gaming a couple years ago. I almost wrote "I'll start tomorrow..." just now. But I got up and went outside for a 5 minute walk and did 1 push up/sit up. Haha. Each week I'll add 5 min and +1 pu/su. I used this method before with some success. I'll start tracking this in my journal. Still iffy on the podcasts, Hitaru. History is my passion and as I go through this process, I want to learn how to express my passion somehow...maybe writing or even a podcast of my own. But let's not get ahead of myself. Podcasts can inspire me...but I have to take it in moderation. Worst case, another detox. ???? Soda I was leaning towards abstinence or even a detox. My therapist counsels avoiding too many "hard plans". I'm hoping quitting gaming or exercising will be a keystone habit that will spill over into these areas naturally. Btw, my new job is in a call center. A good place to practice social skills, even if it's over the phone. Gratitude: 1. I walked a whole 5 min haha! 2. This journal...I'm really starting to buy into it more. 3. My job. Not a dream career. But an opportunity to get on my feet again.

It's good to get organized to get back on track. Arguing with your wife is a good sign actually. It means she cares. I hid my world from my wife out of guilt and shame. Just keep talking.

I'm a cat person myself. I'd hate to be ignored by mine. I do hope you feel a little euphoria at some point. It's a real accomplishment.

You're still here so the relapse didn't stop you. Keep journaling!

I dream of games too! I can still hear the tropical music from Tropico 5, luring me back in to "happy" times in front of a screen ????

Hi Nancy! Welcome...

Day 4. The moderation voice is back, the voice of "reason". "This isn't that big of a deal. You've done 4 days. Declare victory and just game a little." Nope. Can't do it. Even if this feels easy so far, it's a little success I can cling to. I overdo internet self-help. I read too many forums and blogs about how people handle my problem issues...gaming, soda, and religion. All it does is overwhelm me with conflicting opinions and make me frantic. That's why I like the 90 day gaming detox. Not moderation, not abstinence, just a pause and then see how I feel. Maybe I need a soda and religion detox too? Took a break from history podcasts. Not because I don't enjoy them. But I subscribe to 49 of them in varying levels of activity....too much raw data coming at me, 2-3 hours a day and I feel obligated to cram them in each day. And I get jealous of the history students and historians who make them. Like I could've been them. Not fair, I know. Saw my church therapist today. We don't talk religion much anymore as he knows it sets me off. But he's like a friend to me and doesn't charge. He's happy about the gaming detox. Thinks I should handle soda choice by choice rather than grand deadlines or plans. We'll see. Still moving ahead... Gratitude: 1. I have a decent job again and will have health benefits again in a couple months. 2. More optimism about my health. 3. Good to be making friends again...here and at work.

Yep, I am a bookworm who has to make time to read. It's hard for the two to coexist . welcome!

You are an inspiration to people like me just starting out. Worth celebrating!

I love pancakes. Too lazy to make them myself haha..

Thanks, Mad Pharmacist...or do I call you hycniejsy? ???? Day 3. Working a full shift again makes it easy to forget about games sometimes. But if I give in on the weekends, that desire will seep into the week, making me cram in that frantic hour before I leave for work or even worse, calling in sick or being late to play more. I lost my last job in part because of that. Can't let it happen! Had some "I can handle it, just moderate" thoughts yesterday. When you haven't played in 2-3 days, you suddenly feel strong enough to handle it. Wrong! I tell myself we can discuss this on day 91. "Just one hour a day, just the real indepth grand strategy games..the ones you learn from " Stop it! The food/soda is still the grand daddy issue. I gave it up two years ago and went about 2 months...started exercising, etc. I think deep down I know I need to do that again but its like pulling on an unwilling cat. Lots of howling and pleading. There's a beast inside that I just want to pull out and chuck. It's so tiring just to think about it during the day. Moderation, abstinence, detox, moderation, abstinence, detox....over and over and over, plans within plans within plans. It's exhausting... Gaming used to be like that and still can be if I let it. Detoxing from gaming will be the foundation for other life changes, of that I am certain. I used to spend maybe $50/mo at most on games...but easily spend $100+/week on eating out. Hopefully the small change (is it truly small?) will cascade into something larger. Another detox of sorts was religion. I was catholic for a while...my wife's faith but I also dived in headfirst due to its history and beautiful rituals. But I spent my days overthinking it, agonizing over its dogmas. I told my therapist it was an "incense filled cave". Beautiful, mysterious, but also dark and claustrophobic. Just my own personal experience. I had to break free from that. I'm still deeply spiritual but I feel hurt and wounded and am afraid to try again. Just let it be for a while. See, I feel like I've knocked down trees in my life, my attachments. Gaming is one of the last ones. Then probably the soda/fast food bit. Then I'd like to take some time without plans and projects and float down the river, see where it takes me. I don't want a life of deprivation, for sure. Need some healthy alternatives. Ok, enough of a book for today. I just wanted to set the stage on some things about where I'm at. Gratitude 1. I have a good job again. 2. I'm able-bodied. 3. I'm not that old, haha.

I'm with hycniejsy. I am in a war with a lot of lost battles but a strong hope for victory. I like reading that others struggle like I do.

I'm taking a break from Facebook. It's great for connecting with family and old friends. But I find myself getting jealous of others' happiness and success and I get jaded during election season. I'm not strong enough right now

Great pictures...travelling and see beautiful places is on my bucket list.

Loved the documentary. I'm amazed with what you've done with your life in such a short time!