giblets

05 Sep 17 Days to go: 223 Days to the Marathon: 12 Not going to spend as much time on the site today as I did not hit my studies yesterday morning at all prior to work, which didn't put me on good footing for the day like it usually does. Mondays always suck anyway. I was also so tired for the most of the day which made things really challenging, I had to have a nap at lunch time to try and get myself pepped up for the afternoon. Hopefully I won't have that problem today so I can knuckle down and get more done, but some effects of the flu are lingering which is annoying. Someone mentioned to me yesterday about an Ultra Trail, which is a 100km hike through the Blue Mountains, a really scenic part of the world just north/west of where I live. It is scheduled to take place in May next year, and it has perked my interest. I would like to see how I go in the marathon before I register to see if I have a chance of conditioning myself to doing anywhere up to 28 hours hiking (that's the time limit), but apparently the registrations sell out in the same day they open and they open in 8 days. I have a bit more time to think about it before I commit but the idea sounds interesting. Imagine being able to tell people not only have I completed a marathon but I have also completed an ultra trail... Have decided that this year is the final season that I will do fantasy football, and have told my league that. I doubt they will be upset, but I have been doing it for 7 years, ever since I injured my shoulder the first time playing football and I saw it as a way to still be involved. I think it has achieved its aim, done its course, but it is time for me to jettison it and continue to move onward and upwards. I don't have the time to dedicate to it anymore, I have only made the playoffs once in that time span, and I will be moving next year for the job that I got so it's all pointing towards something that I need to move on from while I still have the chance to remember it as a great phase of my life. The next target on my horizon is a PhD anyway, so maybe it is my sub conscious telling me I need to cut more fat from my calendar so I can make room for it. Speaking of which, I need to sit down and map out the hours of my week and what I want to use them for, as I feel like my productivity has slipped a little from watching a bit too much youtube lately. Battleplan for Today 1. Make 2 contributions to the online debate. Slipped yesterday by not doing this in the morning so need to rectify ASAP. 2. Identify a window in my calendar to take a mini vacation with the family. I am overdue for one and I think it would help at work if I could reset a little. 3. Find a training program to see if it is feasible to condition my body in time for the ultra trail. Grateful corner Mates at work that have patience for me and my personal vendettas I seem to still keep harboring. I like to think that they have patience for me as I have changed my temperament over the last two years (and increased the change in the last 100 days), but I don't know how long it will last if I keep making these vendettas with the system personal. I need to rather than getting angry at roadblocks and throwing my arms in the air, use my passion and initiative to come up with a new plan around it. While reflecting on this last night I came up with a proposal for my boss to allow me more autonomy and avoid a barrier that I keep having, I am enthusiastic that he will agree and I will get some momentum on other aspects of the job that I could work out ways around.

Sep 11 is only going to gain even more significance for you mate! I am super pumped for you that you've made this monumental shift when you're only 29. So much potential still ahead of you. They say you're in your running prime in your 30s, so maybe you'll start meeting me out on the track for some virtual races? I am glad at least you are not taking the 'moderation' (until you decide on a better word) so lightly and are thinking about it so much. Like Cam and the Minimalists say, life should be about intent, and if you go back into gaming with the right intent, then you're at least approaching from a new angle after the detox. I think the majority of the reason why people will tell you not to go down that path is because it is littered with failures, like I have said on your journal previously. I know for example I can't see myself going back to playing in moderation at all, because I don't think I can, which is a mindset shared by many others. I haven't ruled out the possibility of multiplayer and have 'allowed' my mind to be ready for multiplayer offers from my colleagues, but it still has large amounts of preoccupation that follows which I really hate.

04 Sep 17 Days to go: 224 I feel like a million dollars today. Well, what I assume a million dollars feels like as I would have no idea, since I have never seen, felt, or had a million dollars. But anyway I feel great. Yesterday was Father's Day down here in Australia, so it was an action packed weekend. On Saturday my family went to this cool petting farm where you feed all the animals and pet lots of goats and sheep etc. My son went absolutely bananas and was chasing baby goats and hugging them to the ground. Funny little guy. Then yesterday, on Sunday, I participated in the Warrior's Father's Day Fun Run. This was a 10km run around the park here. I entered because I need to build evidence about my speed ready for being eligible for the faster groups in these races. It seems that the speed needed for the next group up is consistently 5:30min/km, so I set the goal of finishing the run in 55minutes. I managed to complete it in 51 minutes, so I was really happy with that, but boy it was hard. I assume because I am still battling the flu, but the first 5km was so painful, and the only way I managed to keep my speed (apart from reminding myself of the speed target) was I was overtaken by two attractive women.... who I followed until the end. Hey whatever works, right? My last online debate is over for my studies, and I think it went well. I had 30 debate points versus my opponent's 10. I don't think that is a gauge of quality, as my opponent was very intelligent, but at least I was more involved, which should do well for my marks. Now just to refine all my points and address the counter arguments, and submit. Front loading my assessments was definitely a good idea, even though I felt stressed uncomfortable from time to time. And finally, I feel a lot better from the flu. It's not longer clogging my head or in my throat. I still have a wet cough, which kept me up for a few hours last night, but I am definitely on the mend. So, here I am. As I mentioned in my last couple of posts, I have been searching/reflecting on what direction I want to take this journal lately, to get a new target. I think, thanks to @Mettermrck's journal, I need to shift my posts from what I have been achieving or doing in the last day, to what I want to achieve in the next day. I am not saying I wont talk about what I have been doing lately, it still has a place if I have some mind pretzels (although I solve the majority of these now by running), but I will use it to shape my plans for the next day. Essentially a format in between my first 20-odd days posts and what I have now. I think that will help me to stay journalling, and form a battle plan for each day that will make me more productive. Identify what needs to be prioritised and what is not as important to feel more accomplished every day, which is what I have learnt from my fandangled to do list/notebook. Battleplan for Today 1. Switch phone companies so my account does not auto renew. 2. Read 1 academic article and contribute to the next group's online debate. 3. Cook something new for dinner. Grateful corner The parklands that are not far from my house. I don't really spend any time in them, but I really should, as the run yesterday showed me. Such a great spot and so much room for activities. Parking is free and it is a real family friendly atmosphere. As the endless push to be more and more urbanised builds momentum, these kind of spaces are going to be at a premium, unless I move out of the city! They have these cool bikes you can hire where the kids sit on the front and the parents sit on the back and pedal, I think I am going to head back there next weekend and give one a try to see if my son likes it.

How much fun was collecting cards. Maybe we should do that instead @CG EYE! I used to have a massive football card collection when I finally got a job and had money, no idea where it is now though, lost to the ether.

Just because you didn't go to the actual church, Little Pete, doesn't mean you can't go through the process of worship. Be creative at home. It's all about intent brother!

The latest podcast of the Inquiry talks about when you're playing games, you're in this limbo. While you are consuming content, you're not advancing at all, you're not learning, you're not training, you're not developing, you're just in stasis. This is exactly what you are talking about. Now that you're not gaming, focus on living in the moment. You'll find your patience will develop quickly with this, as you are enjoying the moment rather than looking at everything as a distractor or people as slowing you down from getting back to your games. I thoroughly enjoy just spending time in the moment now, whether that is standing in a queue taking in my surroundings or just spending time with my family with no hidden agenda.

Do some research on the Miracle Morning. I think that will help. Brianna is also on the latest Gamequitters podcast. I find if you wake up in the morning and start being productive or constructive straight away instead of watching TV or looking at facebook then you will have a far better day. For example, for you it might be get out of bed as soon as your alarm goes off, and go straight to the gym without any distractions. Do not pass go, do not collect 200, just wake up and all you do is get yourself ready for the gym and go.

365 days is the next target Bob. We can do this together! I am hesitant about dropping the journal, as so many productivity 'gurus' have said it is such a good idea. I think, just like me, you need to reshape the focus of it. Maybe rather than talking about your battle with overcoming gaming, we start writing about our goals and start looking ahead to the next day instead? Or, you keep it the way you have it and expand upon your battle with fast food. Either way man, tomorrow is going to be huge. I'll chill some wine to celebrate with you

Welcome mate! You've taken the first step which is important!

02 Sep 17 Days to go: 226 Been an action packed 4 days. Definitely not wasting any time right now, so I feel pretty happy with where I am right now. I wonder how much of that is hitting study first thing in the morning as soon as I wake up and put up a minimum of 400 words into the online debate, so then when I start getting ready for the day and for work I already feel accomplished. Part of it also could be I think I have really incorporated my to do list into my routine and no longer let my inbox rule my work schedule. Seriously, I think one of the main contributing factors to why people feel like the work day ends and they didn't achieve anything or what they wanted to do, is allowing themselves to be a slave to their inbox. It is a to do list that anyone can write on. Prioritisation is the key, not everyone needs to be responded to immediately or actioned immediately. This can be extended to people being addicted to their phones, not every message or call needs to be responded to immediately. It can wait. I have finally started to come out the other side of this flu. It really slowed my training down for the marathon so I am a bit concerned about my fitness, especially noting that it is only 15 days away and I have only done one 30km run. But, it's too late to back out now. I ran yesterday for only 30 minutes to try and rebuild the habit of running every day, and ended up having a really good time (5:55min/km). Someone at work mentioned there is a father's day run tomorrow not far from my house so I registered for that (10km) and I intend running as fast as I can in it. From that there will only be about 4 more runs before I just rest for the marathon. I think, all things considering, my sickness, studies, work, family, that I have prepared as best as I could. Gosh I have such a love for running now! I am now actively scouring events all around Australia that I can get involved in, which will encourage me to travel more. And get me more shiny medals for my wall I think I need a new direction for this journal. As I have lowered its priority in the short term, I have started pondering what I want to achieve out of this journal, and if it can't be achieved in other, quicker ways. The end result has been my motivation to post has lowered a bit, I still have been reading everyone else's journals when I can, but I am struggling to work out what I want to use the journal for going forward. Maybe it is just a more solid reshaping of my goals is needed after now going past ~140 days of no gaming, which is to be expected. What motivated me to go down this personal development path might not be the same now, and a lot of water has gone under the bridge between now and then. I do have some reflection tasks given to me by @Cam and some other members of the Squad, so maybe that will be my start point. Grateful corner This community. Reading people's journals and comments and taking aspects of each of them to improve myself has resulted in some serious gains in personal development. I had to stop myself smiling so much yesterday afternoon when a few people at work were getting emotional about some issues and I simply remained calm and defused the situation. I doubt I would have been able to do that 141 days ago. Now if only I can defeat anxiety....

I yam what I yam! I think everyone has their vices @Mettermrck, we have just become aware of ours through the detox process rather than a struggle. I am aware I naturally love to do activities for instant gratification rather than productive ones that will pay dividends in the future. I'm addicted on the rush of personal development now and that's the new feedback loop for me - very similar to you and the gains you are seeing in the gym. The happiness that you get from seeing those improvements makes you realise, why would I want to do anything that does not contribute to this process? Gaming does not contribute. In any way, shape or form.

@Moegli, these forums are peppered with people who tried moderation and it hasn't worked. We all go through those thoughts, trying to rationalize it to ourselves on why we could go back to gaming, especially at the 90 day mark. The reality is it isn't going to work out for us. The fact we have ended up on a website called GameQuitters, in a community full of fellow digital addicts, means that no matter how addicted we think we are (or aren't), moderation is not a skill we have. If you are a binge addict, what is stopping you from "only" gaming for 15 minutes, then 30 minutes, then 60 minutes, then suddenly you are back to square one? Why not use the binging quality to your advantage in other areas, maybe a hobby that you can do with your family, is more social, or generates income. Rather than meeting up with mates to play a game, why not meet up with them early in the morning to discuss news, politics, spots, or just simply have a coffee and complain about how the world is doing it the wrong way? I think you're a real success story on here mate, one that students over the globe can look to on how to turn their life around from being on the verge of being expelled/removed from course to being on the President's list by changing your environment and refocusing your life. We would love to see it continue!

29 Aug 17 Days to go: 230 So I figured it was time to come back and write an entry when a mate sent me a quick message and I responded with about 3 pages of words. I have been bottling it up lately and just channelling everything to the tasks at hand. My focus has been razor sharp and I am feeling fantastic as a result, but I have prioritised it over spending time reflecting and unravelling mind pretzels. I think I have broken the back of the latest stint of thinking about games and preoccupation. Thankfully I didn't take anything up again so the counter still stands, it was a low week of productivity. I think the catalyst really was this assignment due and basically pouring my heart out to this friend that sent me a message. I hadn't told them I had given up gaming so it was really good to get their perspective on changes and developments from a new set of eyes. Though I am not going to mention it here again in case it triggers me some more, I feel a bit bad talking on a few people's journals about games in case I have triggered them, so I will take @iamthemithras approach and not mention their names anymore! Gaming is no way part of the equation @Cam and no way will I allow it to be again. I have been invited to play some games with mates and I mentally said "go for it mate, it's just some multiplayer, no big deal, just don't get preoccupied". But ultimately I could not be bothered. They don't have the same grip over me anymore. The detox obviously worked! Mine must have taken a little longer, maybe around 100 days for it to really dig in hard and kick the habit. I wonder if it is different lengths for different people? Dependant on how long they have played or how dependant they are? So I am still battling this flu which is hard work, but I forced myself to get out and run today anyway. I didn't go for my usual 8km, I just wanted to get out there and get running, even if it was for short time or distance and it wasn't very hard. It felt good to be back out there, the first two kilometres were really hard as my throat and nose was burning, but that subsided soon enough and I soldiered on. I ended up getting my average speed in the end which I was really happy with, 6:15 minute/km. My concern now is though I need to decide to try and go for 35km this weekend and then rest for two weeks prior to the marathon, or rest my sore ankle and go 4 weeks between long runs (> 90 minutes). Part of me feels relatively confident that I can do this at my current endurance without stepping it above 30km and with a 4 week break, and part of me thinks that no matter how fit I am I won't be able to push through a bung ankle. Something to think about for the next few days. The wedding was awesome! A lot of fun. It was the first time my wife and I had baby-free so it was quite a novelty, but we burnt out pretty fast and went home before dessert was even served such party animals. Grateful corner The online debate. It is really forcing me to study and build my cognitive skills, as well as I noticed today that I am not taking criticism as personally as I usually would. Hopefully I can learn from this and implement it at work or in my personal life. Have been contemplating sending an email to my lecturer saying this but I thought it might sound too cheesy and that I was fishing for marks.

Let me know when you're settled here in Sydney and we will organise a meetup!

don't know anyone who can turn back time, so I think it's best that you just own your present and enjoy it fully.

You will be torturing yourself if you try to leave that door open to reconcile after divorce Bob. The probability or statistics of it happening are crazily low, and you will stop yourself from moving on and growing emotionally if you wait around trying to keep the door open. New opportunities await.

26 Aug 17 Days to go: 233 I have been quiet for a few days for a multitude of reasons. The first being I am trying to progress my studies, going from one week behind to submitting an assignment on Monday so I can lead the online debate and then submit my findings a week later. While it is bad I was a week behind because I wasn't allocating enough time to study (and at the wrong time of the day), its still far better than when I was gaming. I averaged about 4 weeks behind when I was gaming, which made it a bit awkward when I had to do online discussions like these. I have been using the time in the morning to read and write notes rather than do my journal as according to the Asian Efficiency Podcast that is the day where your mind is the most active and ready to go. I am back today as for some reason the notes I wrote in my office didn't sync with my home computer so I need to go into work to get them, and it's too cold out right now Another reason is technical difficulties with my computer. I upgraded to the latest and greatest software the week it was released, and boy is it buggy. My browser keeps crashing and there is delays in my network connecting. As a result I am a bit limited on what pages I can visit, and limited on my patience for it, so I have just been going to my university website and thats pretty much it. Sadly I have woken up unwell which I assume I have caught from my son who will not stop coughing. I have a sore throat and a headache. I am annoyed as it will effect my running and I am on the home stretch to the marathon now. I only have an hour run to do today so I am still going to get out there and do it but I won't get the results I need. Tomorrow is a rest day. Have wasted some time back looking at Doom mods, probably about 3 hours yesterday in total if you include the preoccupation and the lack of productivity that brings. I need to reflect on whether I am ready or want to play multiplayer with some peers. At this stage I am thinking no, I hate the preoccupation that always follows for hours. I could of used that time for studying and had my first online post ready now instead of needing to work on it this morning before going to a wedding. Alright I think I am ready to go get my notes and get on with it again. Grateful corner My parents. They have flown over to help out this weekend with my son so I can go to a mate's wedding. Didn't have to beg or plead, they organised it as soon as they found out I really wanted to go.

I haven't listened to this podcast yet, but the title looks interesting - The Inquiry - Are Video Games A Waste Of Time? Video games are a huge industry, bigger than Hollywood, and billions of people around the world play them for fun. But new economic research in the US suggests that young men are dropping out of work to play games more. This is both because some jobs are becoming harder to find and less rewarding, and because video games are becoming more and more attractive. The gamers say they are happy, but the research has sharpened long-standing concerns about video games. Will there be a 'lost generation' of young men sitting in their parents' basements, frittering their lives away on mindless games, with disastrous long-term effects for them and the economy? Are video games a waste of time?

By avoiding dealing with anxiety, it will only get worse or stagnate. I found my symptoms weren't going away and I wasn't getting better in social environments because I was escaping the problem through gaming rather than working out strategies to overcome it, which by the sounds of things is exactly what you are going through. Don't try to fight the feelings, you need to identify them for what they are, accept them, and then push forward. This is what @HappyCat is talking about. I also went to a therapist, and I think the biggest thing I took away from my sessions was identifying what the feelings were rather than me thinking I was 'broken'. The fact you are writing about it already means you have overcome that hurdle and maybe you could focus on ways that work for you on how to deal with them. Not sure if I helped much with what I wrote but it is a long journey you need to be patient with. I noticed just yesterday I was having some symptoms again after about three to four months of being anxiety-free, which I felt a little disappointing at first, but then saw as an opportunity to grind forward and work on my skills to deal with it rather than escape.

This has happened to me before with my wife @Hitaru, where she put our credit card details into a "US Visa" website which turned out to be a sham. I only picked up on it when she told me how much she had paid which was a conspicuous difference to how much it actually costs. If you used a credit card, the good news is you can get it back really quickly by cancelling the transaction. Takes anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to get it returned to you, but the companies definitely err in your favour. Then learn what you can from the experience and move forward! Emotions always get the better of us, especially in the heat of the moment, but they can teach us a lot about things as well, such as if there is an underlying issue that you need to confront.

22 Aug 17 Days to go: 237 Busy busy day yesterday. I have hit my threshold of when I need a break or mini-vacation, I think I determined before it is about every six weeks. I am relatively happy with my progress, but for me to stay sharp and focused at work I think I need a few days off every six weeks. I think I generate about 3 days of time off in that time so it seems like its a perfect fit. I've talked about it before in my journal so I have hit the point where I need some, now I need to put a plan into action. No gaming urges for the first day in quite some time! Maybe due to the day whizzed by and I did not have time to to think about it. Definitely need to spend more time with my office closed so I can power through the work, I achieved a good amount yesterday by dragging myself back into focus and removing all distractions, no matter how small I think they were. So I may have upgraded Raspbian too early and it's a bit buggy which is impacting what I can achieve on my computer. Until it gets rectified I think I might have to study at work after hours or somewhere else quiet like the library. Got the results back for my last assignment, 70%, which I am super happy with. Conveniently to keep me focused a new assignment is due in two weeks, so time to knuckle down and focus on that. I am up an extra hour early today to try and get a head start on it, making it the earliest I have been up in a very long time (0430). Grateful corner 1. Being able to run every day 2. Being able to study without it being a financial burden 3. Child care, which I think is really accelerating my son's growth