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Damian's journal

73 posts in this topic

Posted

Day 40

Cant believe its already been so long. 

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Posted

Keep it up! :)

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Posted

Day 40

Cant believe its already been so long. 

40 days! Great work. It's inspiring to read your journey as someone who's just beginning.

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Posted (edited)

@dahankus

If you ever need to have some voice conversation just let me know and we can arrange it. Keep going.

 

Edited by Daniel

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Posted

Day 42.

Today was a hard day in therapy. It was really difficult to open up to someone face to face about my problem of porn, and how it affects my mind and my life. I dont find games interesting today.

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Posted

Good job opening up. It’s hard and takes a lot of courage but it’s also very healing. :)

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Posted

For a long time I knew porn was unhealthy for me, but what finally convinced me was this video: The Great Porn Experiment
Have you considered doing a porn detox
 

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Posted (edited)

Have you considered doing a porn detox

I tried, but failed :), failed like 100 times already. I have failed to find another topic that would captivate me long enough, for the porn addiction to diminish.

Edited by dahankus

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Posted

Day 43. 

Im starting to feel sick, maybe a cold is comming or something like that. Its been raining for 10 days straight here, not a single sun chine or blue skies. I hope it clears at leas once before winter. last year we had 2 days of sun in 3 months of clouds.

Today, as the custom dictates, was cleaning day. Kept myself busy. No games.... oh right, last night i couldnt sleep and downloaded a game for my phone, i seldom play anything there, so i start playin and its so damn boring, i could touch that screen for more than 3 min lol. uninstalled and went to sleep. Stupid time wasters.

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Posted

Believe it or not I was addicted to a phone game. Be careful.

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Posted

Day 44.

Well, i have a cold. damn. Hope it wont end up in a fever.

I have been thinking about grand srtrategy games, and why they attract me so much. I thought it was because of the complexity, but thats not true, there are more complex games that dont give me satisfaction. It has something to do with Role playing a leader. When i ask myself what i would like to play, the portrait of a king comes to mind, a king with a country to rule. Also the feeling of oportunity, and possibility, like a fresh start. Also the thought of the people, and soldiers, and farmers and all that is present in my mind, and i want to help them make the best out of their time, so they can help the kingdom advance and be stronger, wealthier, smarter, etc.. Dont know if this makes sense to anyone. 

This is a smimilar feeling when i think about playing Democracy, which is much more simple, but still, the basic setting is the same. I am in charge of making other lives better, and that is what drives me to this games. .... maybe... maybe not.

 

 

 

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Posted

I can relate to the feeling of playing a leader and playing for fresh start. After all you end up in a game where you can be important, powerful and having influence.
Consider you could do in real life what you pretend to do in videogames, by working for the common good. This is what Cam has been doing. working for the common good and learning to be a leader.

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Posted (edited)

Consider you could do in real life what you pretend to do in videogames

Real world is a mess, we all carry shit from out past, and it keeps us (me atleast) from everything. I know its just an excuse, i know i am feeling helpless and alone, just so my mind can stay in the comfort zone. I know all of this, and i can feel aout of it, but when the time comes to speak, to take action, my behaviour changes so drastically that some times i cant talk at all, frozen by panic.

I believe thats what drives me to games, all that pressure, all that burden of my mind is inexistant, and i can be whoever i want to be, and persue those needs to help others. I wish i could be free, im working on it, but still havent found a reason for my fear of judgement. 

Edited by dahankus

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